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Dublin: 12 °C Saturday 26 May, 2018

6 things you'll always* hear in a taxi in Ireland

*Well, almost always.

LET’S GET ONE thing straight.

We love taxi drivers in Ireland.

They’re a unique breed – you wouldn’t get the chat anywhere else in the world. Getting picked up from the airport by a taxi driver on your way home from holidays brings you right back to the auld sod with a bang.

So let’s take a look at their greatest hits…

(Pssst – we mean all this in the most affectionate way possible. It’s like how hairdressers will ask about your holidays. It’s just the wonderful way of the world.)

1. A vicious cycle

Animals in the wild operate under a strict hierarchy – and an awareness of who your enemies are is paramount. Cyclists and taxi drivers work under a similar understanding on the roads. Neither likes the other, and both have valid points to make in the age-old argument. One thing they have in common is a strong desire to talk about this with anyone who’ll listen.

Most likely to hear: “Ah will ya ever INDICATE! Did you see that?”

taxi1a Source: Flickr/Robin Jakobsson

2. State of the nation

Speaking of clowns… Our beloved (ahem) elected representatives are quite possibly your average taxi driver’s favourite topic of conversation. Well, if you mean “favourite” the same way some people feel about contracting infectious diseases that is.

Most likely to hear: “And did you hear the latest on the water charges?  Gobshites.”

LEUIN Source: Flickr/Sean MacEntee

3. If it wasn’t for those pesky kids

While you’re bound to get a yarn or two about Leinster House from your next driver, it’s possibly hipsters that divide opinion the most. Skinny jeans? Craft beer? And don’t get them started on the beards. Jesus wept, the beards.

Most likely to hear: ”See that lad there? Are those trousers meant to FIT?”

taxi3a Source: Flickr/Ian Murphy

4. And tonight, Matthew…

Ireland is a small enough place that our taxi drivers wind up picking up plenty of stars – big and small. Be it a presenter heading out to Montrose or a blockbuster Hollywood actor roughing it slightly, they’re bound to have a story or two under their (seat)belts.

Most likely to hear: “Now wait until I tell you who I had in the car last week…”

taxi2a Source: Flickr/Aapo Haapenen

5. Bumper to bumper

The thing about taxis is that we all want one at the same time, don’t we? Come kicking out time in towns and cities around Ireland, taxi drivers are more sought-after than the last piece of hot chicken at a deli counter. Cut to areas like Camden Street in Dublin transforming into temporary car parks – and some very grumpy taxi drivers.

Most like to hear: *increasingly indecipherable mutterings of rage*

trok Source: Giphy

6. Don’t forget your…

Phone/wallet/scarf/precious heirloom/toothbrush/incredibly personal item you’ll be too scarlet to ring up and collect/shovel if you want to go to work. Next time you’re up for a laugh, ask a taxi driver what the weirdest object that ever got left behind in their taxi was. Guaranteed deadly stories.

Most likely to hear: “Got everything now?”

POSS Source: Flickr/SeanMacEntee

One thing you won’t hear your next cabbie talking about is mortgage interest rates. With Bank of Ireland’s competitive fixed rate mortgages you’ll have more control and no surprises, so even if the rates change, your monthly repayments stay the same. Plus you’ll get 2% cashback on your mortgage until 30 September 2016. Call 1890 365 345 or log on to bankofireland.com/cashback to find out more.

Source: Bank of Ireland/YouTube

Warning: If you do not keep up your repayments you may lose your home.

Warning: You may have to pay charges if you pay off a fixed–rate loan early.

Warning: If you do not meet the repayments on your loan, your account will go into arrears. This may affect your credit rating, which may limit your ability to access credit in the future.

Cashback offer available with mortgages drawn down between 3 June 2015 and 30 September 2016. Not applicable with any other offer. The lender is Bank of Ireland Mortgages. Lending criteria and terms and conditions apply. A typical mortgage to buy your home of €100,000 over 20 years with 240 monthly instalments costs €615.79 per month at 4.2% variable (Annual Percentage Rate of Charge (APRC) 4.3%). APRC includes €150 valuation fee and mortgage charge of €175 paid to the Property Registration Authority.  The total amount you pay is €148,114.60. We require property and life insurance. You mortgage your home to secure the loan. Maximum loan is generally 3.5 times gross annual income and 80% of the property value (90% of the property value up to €220,000 for first time buyers). A 1% interest rate rise would increase monthly repayments by €54.02 per month. The cost of your monthly repayments may increase – if you do not keep up your repayments you may lose your home.  Cashback is not available through Mortgagestore.ie

Bank of Ireland Mortgage Bank trading as Bank of Ireland Mortgages and The Mortgage Store is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.

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