Shut up Jason you eejit.

HEY!!! Figo, quit bullying Jason Okaaaay…. And Fartbox, I get the feeling you may be somewhat to blame for this bullying?!?! Just call it a hunch..

;)

Your a bell end lad

The misdirection here is the social network. Its the bully and the bullying that should be the focus, not the means.

Suggest you read the Leo Traynor blog.

Leo is a middle aged man. I’d be interested in hearing about what you would do (Tom) if you received a box of ashes in the post?

@ Diarmuid – you’re right, it is bullying, but, to be fair you can and do give as energetically as you receive.

I do give, but I will never ever insult anyone or question anyones credibility. After all I do not know anyone on here personally so calling names and mocking someone is something I will never do. I debate, granted sometimes very vividly, but never in a way that could be construed as bullying.

The question is; if someone responds to a comment in a way that the original commenter finds offensive, abusive or insulting, should the original poster not respond, and feel like they a somehow agreeing with the insulting comment by their silence, or should the reply in kind, which could be seen to be condoning and perpetuating this kind of behaviour? There is a comments policy, oft mentioned here, but theimplementation of this policy sometimes seems vague and inconsistent. I don’t think peoplre really have a good sense of what is “acceptable” or “unacceptable”, and so a lot of commenters push it to the limits, as there are no established standards. As it is, one persons “bit of a laugh” is another person’s idea of bigotry or bullying.

@nk I know what you’re trying to get at, and I agree with certain parts of what you’re saying, that being said, in no alternate reality, cyber space or physical interaction is it ok or should it be deemed so to call someone names with the sole intention of denigrating them.

Diarmaid if you feel someone has attacked you with an Off Topic Ad Hom, you can click on the report button and report it as an “Off Topic Ad Hom”.

I have done and in one instance nothing happened, the comment was left there!

@ Diarmuid – then don’t do it. That’s your choice. But others will do it and, as yet, there’s no clear statement saying that personal insults are not allowed.

I *really * hope that you meant SMS or MMS.

:O

Well done for addressing it.

Or is it Private Messages? ‘PMS’ … is a new one to me – I should obviously spend more time online.

ha ha Paul its private messages.

well done for informing the girls parents and handling the issue head on.

First of 2 questions 1.What is your 12 or 13 year old daughter doing on Facebook in the first place ???

2.(And this is the kicker) “She came to me and I contacted the girls parents” So basically you allow your 12 or 13 year old daughter go online unsupervised???
So if she hadn’t come to you(which is a common aspect of bullying)you would never have known,nor the parents of the bullies.

So Karla,did you learn your lesson???

OK, since i gave the short version, here is a longer one.

My husband is a software developer, im computer savy myself.

We agreed that out 12 year old daughter could go on facebook only if we had access to her user name and password which we set up. She was also both our friends of facebook.

I would look at her facebook now and then, keep an eye on things, i saw a few comments that were mean and i mentioned them to her, she said it was just stuff (which happens). she came in one day after school and logged on (computer in kitchen) she came into me about 10 mins later and said that some stuff was being said to her, i read through her private mail and it got very very nasty, fat ugly bitch and lesbian were said a number of times in that 10 mins. They made it quite clear that they were trying to make her friendless by spreading rumours to others about her and they too had joined in with nasty pms. That evening she also got some nasty texts.

I told her not to delete anything and not to reply ( she had done a few times in the 10 mins asking why they were being mean and what she had done), I contacted facebook and reported the abuse, i copied everything, took screen shots but she wanted me not to make a fuss, i told her i couldnt do that, but i would think about what i would do. She started crying and said not to say anthing because it will make things worse, I told her i had all the evidence and that she was in the right, the girls are wrong, that i would sort it.

The next day while she was at school i contacted the parents (most were not on facebook) i gave them my daughter log in details too, so they could read her page and not thier daughters edited versions. Thankfully the girls did not go to her school. The all knew eachother through a weekend hobby. The parents acted swiftly when i contacted them, one of the girls left the weekend hobby and the other is still there but their frendship is not as it was. the other girls who were dragged into it via the rumours also appologised to my daughter and they remained friends.

So i had no lesson to learn i nipped it in the bud, while i do allow my daughter a bit of freedom and privacy, i dont watch over her while she is typing, but i do keep an eye on things. You see not once did she say anything nasty to her tormentors, she asked why they were doing it and that she was sorry for doing whatever it is they thought she had done, but they wouldnt tell her what she had done (because she had done nothing). The reason behind the bullying was because of a boy, one of her tormentors like him and so did my daughter, (yet they called her a lessbian).

I also contacted the place of the weekend hobby and informed them, they were great and brought all the girls together and had it out, they were in there for 2 hours. The lad was also brought in (poor kid) and he was innocent as anything. Girls and boys all get crushes, its part of growing up. Bullying should never be a part of growing up, but for a lot it is, thats why i kept a look in on her facebook account, i would rather that then for her set up one that i know nothing about, if there is a will there is a way, so better to let her go on facebook and monitor it than to forbid her and her to create her own account at someone elses house where facebook is not blocked by norton or any other security that the system might have. Just bacause one parent forbids a facebook account and has norton to block the site doesnt mean another parent will block the site, they will have access to facebook one way or another and tbh all the girls in my daughters class has a facebook account.

That’s all well and good but the point is,you allow your child on a social networking.Why does a child even need a social networking account ??? With everything that has gone on with Facebook and their less than honest privacy issues,your child has a Facebook account and you claim to be computer savy ???

She has Skype, whatsapp, viber but none of her friends do, facebook is cheaper than credit.

You attack me from one area, by not supervising which I do so attack me.in another area why does she have one.

Why does anyone have one? better to allow her one and keep an eye on it, so nothing untoward goes on then for her to set up her own one, unmonitored, open to bullying, and unwanted attention.

She knows what she can and cant put up on facebook, what photos, personal information. School details, phone numbers, addresses, what friends she can and can’t accept.

“You attack me from one area, by not supervising which I do so attack me.in another area why does she have one.”

If you actually go back and read my original reply,the first thing I asked was “What is your 12 or 13 year old daughter doing on Facebook in the first place ???”

I “attacked” you ???

“Why does anyone have one? better to allow her one and keep an eye on it, so nothing untoward goes on then for her to set up her own one, unmonitored, open to bullying, and unwanted attention.”

As opposed to the account set up,that you were “keeping an eye on” as you put it,and your daughter was still bullied ???

Which in fact proves my point,social networking sites are unsuitable for children,regardless if you are”keeping an eye” or not.As you mentioned Skype, WhatsApp, Viber are all free,with the added bonus of real time audio chat,which Facebook doesn’t have.So if it was a matter of been “cheaper than credit” either one of the three would be a far better option than Facebook. None of her friends of have any of those,why not ??? they are all free,wouldn’t it make more sense to have real time audio chat,to save paying for credit??? The fact is,some kids think it’s cool to have a Facebook account.Then again some kids think smoking is cool too,doesn’t make it right though.

If she hadn’t of been bullied on Facebook she would have been bullied at her hobby, would she have told me? Would she have proof? Would I have doubted her with the stories going around saying she said this, she said that and the bully deny everything.?

Fb gave me evidence, hard evidence and backed up her story 100% no doubt whatsoever. also showed her bullies to be lying and making up.stories to make her friendless.

She is of age to be on facebook now abiding by t&c. She didn’t join facebook to be cool.

No idea what the kids don’t have the apps, they are very handy. But one can still be bullied via phone, txt messaging Skype, viber and whatsapp.

Tbh she doesn’t go on fb that much now, to busy at secondary and with her hobbies.

That reply was meant for the comment above this.

I have to say I found that seriously disturbing!

Diarmuid,

So did I. I’ve not been so shocked by something I’ve read in quite a while. I must say I admire Leo’s restraint in dealing with the perpetrator once he found him. Not sure I’d have been so kind.

I’m skeptical about that whole thing tbh. I sincerely doubt that the Gardai would turn around and say something like ‘we can’t do anything about that’ after death threats and ashes were left on the guys doorstep. If they did suggest that nothing could be done then I hope the guy has taken the appropriate steps and lodged a formal complaint with the ombudsman.

The Gardai were powerless to do anything and yet some unknown person was easily able to track the troll down to a specific house? I’d love to know how that could legally be done without the involvement of the relevant authorities and additional info from the ISP.

Bigger man than I for sure Petr!

@Mart_n as blog stated he left Twitter and went to Facebook where the troll followed him. So here is one example how to get the IP address without much techno experience

http://www.techampere.com/how_to_track_a_fake_facebook_account/

Must admit mart_n, the same thoughts floated through my mind on reading the blog post

Wayne, getting an IP address is one thing. Correlating that to a specific address is quite another. The latter would require a cross reference from the ISP and if he obtained that without a court order then big questions need to be asked.

i agree parents should go to far as holding the passwords to teenage accounts. i know i will when in a few years my daughters are old enough to have an account. i know i can’t wrap them up in cotton wool but i can teach them the dangers of social networking and that having 800 friends on Facebook is nothing to be boasting about. i can check what activity they have been doing plus who knows maybe they could be the bully! we can’t all assume our kids wouldn’t do such a thing. cyber bullying can happen at any age but i would say kids from 12 to 18 and adults from 45plus would be most likely? i could be wrong that’s just my thinking on the subject.

(ps i also think a link to an anti bullying campaign or the likes would have been appropriate)

Hi Sarah,

What will you do if your teenager, seeking their independence, makes their own facebook account in tandem with their ‘official’ account, which you will monitor?

Kevin, if i found out my teenager had made another account she would be punished of course. but my aim is to make sure my children are made well aware of the dangers of the internet and that until i feel they are responsible enough to handle a private account that i will be monitoring their accounts. of course i will not be able to watch what they do 24hours a day and i am not stupid enough to think that they would never do such a thing. sorry Kevin but i don’t understand exactly what your point is?

My point is that it’s hard to keep ahead of your children when it comes to technology. I’d doubt the efficacy of regulating your child’s Facebook or internet usage if the child is determined to shake you free of them.

You don’t need to be a member of a social network to vote. They are fully entitled to read and vote on this site without being a member of an online social network.

James, let them speak for themselves.

…How? They don’t have a social network account.

Damaclus you comment is very aggressive and in a work situation may thought of bullying

joining a social website doesnt mean you join in your own name

If I was coming on here to troll then maybe you would have a point, maybe.
But to go to all that effort to create a fake account only to be put to use by commenting non-offensively seems to be a tad counter productive, no?

In any case, I’ve read your comment 4 time and I still can’t work out what you point is other than not agreeing with me.

Not that any of it matters but I am who I say I am and I do stand over what I said. It is my opinion after all.

Call me old fashioned but I generally don’t discuss identity issues with people who hide behind their own avatar, ’tis a wee bit contradictory, eh Damocles?

Susan, Anonymity was the norm and did not “breed darkness”, what “breeds darkness” is lack of personal responsibility.

Damocles, to elaborate on my 1st point, you know, the one you didn’t agree with, if there was a legal requisite to provide personal information (name, address, credit card, photo I.d. ) before being even allowed to log into and comment , then I’m sure we would see a frantic decline in trolls, who hide behind their avatar and generally antagonise everyone else.

So, to argue that it’s a lack of responsibility and not a case of being anonymous is sort of missing my point, as both are, let’s face it , linked.

Which leaves me to believe that you like to argue for the sake of it, in which case Damocles, this shall be our final correspondence. * sniffle*

Fair thee well

Love
Susan x

I don’t agree that the anonymity and personal responsibility are necessarily linked, and I think this is important. I’m not arguing for the sake of it. I think these are important issues that affect the future of the Internet.

I’m sorry you don’t want to discuss these things. But as you will.

@ David – as an unrepentant troll, I think you’re not seeing the elephant in the room; do the chief bottle-washers at Journal Media Ltd actually want a reduction in the amount of trolling and personal insults on this site? There’s nothing like overblown outrage to keep fingers busy and site activity frisky.

LOUD NOISES!!!!

Wholesale destruction of online anonymity will lead to the creation of lots of little echo chambers: http://damoclesbda.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/hey-lets-make-lots-of-little-echo-chambers/

I once knew a pensioner who was being bullied by a kid. Would these fit into the age range?

@ JP – On a Social Network?????

Yes does that amaze you, can’t see how. Am I being asked to explain myself because I pointed out that the article does nothing to help promote any agencies or organisations that can help people of ALL ages who may have been bullied themselves OR who might know someone else who has been. Cyber or not, an article about bullying could be seen as a good opportunity to highlight the help and support available to anyone, of any age affected by any type of bullying.

@ Deirdre – I can’t agree with you. Unjustified nastiness and personal insults do pop here from time to time. The problem with bullying on social networks and “newer” Internet channels is to do with the short amount of time these channels have existed. We’ve had hundreds of years to establish guidelines for “acceptable” behaviour in Face-to-Face meetings, and decades for telephone conversations, but social networks are still floating with regards to what’s acceptable and what’s not. What I’m sure about is that I don’t believe that many of the commenters here would say what they comment to someone’s face, so it’s clear that there are different standards, but what those standards are have not yet settled.

It must be great to see things so clearly in black and white?

To block some one out of the blue could also be a form of bullying. You know like when you are in a group and all of a sudden your friends block and ignore. But blocking is also a good way to prevent a bully contacting you. I confused my head there.

Stephen — You should read Leo Traynor’s post about the targeting of him and his wife and continued for a number of years. It is truly shocking and I think it would make you think about dismissing this issue.

“Toughen up”?? Could you be any more out of touch with what the youth of today deal with! I agree of course with the blocking and un-friending someone, but unfortunately, it is not so simple to ignore a persistent bully.

In the case of leo traynor – up until the ashes and flowers showed up and the death threats the online tools were sufficient to stop this . Its only words no need to get super offended because somebody on the internet doesnt like you.

Eileen – I had the internet when I was in school, when people said bad things you deleted them off bebo/ myspace. If the worst thing that happens in your childhood is somebody on the internet calling you names then damn you had a lucky childhood.

I agree with you completely in terms of deleting a comment etc, but I genuinely think that a bully can do as much damage through other people than simply through their target. children will always hear through others that they have been slated or picked on on social media sites. Im not one generally to raise arguments about age limits, but i think things have become a bit relaxed on who has access to what online!