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Dublin: 12 °C Tuesday 21 May, 2013

Column: Tantrums, taunts & bills – the struggle of sending kids back to school

Lesley Anderson, a single mother of two children, tells her story about the difficulties she faces meeting the ‘back to school’ costs.

Lesley Anderson

Lesley Anderson, a single mother with two children says the ‘back to school’ costs all add up.

EACH YEAR THE costs involved in getting kids back to school reach even dizzier heights and as a lone parent (now relying partially on some benefits and some income from a part time job), whose children are now both in secondary school, I have first hand experience of how difficult it can be to make sure they have everything they need come that first day back at school.

I am a 43-year-old mother of two children, a boy age 15 just over his Junior Certificate and beginning his transition year and a girl going into second year in a Donegal school.

Gone are the days when I could just pop in to Dunnes and buy the cheapest grey trousers, white polo shirts and navy blue jumpers which were just the ticket for the rough and tumble of the primary school playground. But not any more, now things are serious.

School jumper costs an unbelievable €46

My sons uniform consists of royal blue jumper with school crest costing an unbelievable €46 each! Of course he needs two, one clean one and one in the wash. The white shirts and trousers thankfully can be purchased wherever I can buy them cheapest but he still needs three pairs of trousers and three to four white shirts a week and of course two school ties, black socks and black leather shoes as his school does not allow them to wear sports shoes of any kind except during PE class.

Unfortunately  my son is now 5’9″ and into men’s sizes when it comes to clothes and shoes! My daughter also has to wear the school jumper, but the blouses the girls wear are a specific blue and white gingham check that I have found impossible to buy anywhere else except the school uniform shop, even searching online brought no joy. At least she is able to wear black trousers which are reasonable enough to buy in Tesco or Dunnes but she must also have the school royal blue pinafore which costs €45. Thank god I had the sense to buy last year’s a little bit big for her so she will get another year out of it. (Sorry darling I know it looks like a tent but you can always wear a belt and fold the pinafore up, you just won’t be able to take off your jumper.) That’s if she doesn’t put in a growth spurt like her brother when he grew two inches this summer.

She also must have black leather shoes which cost me €60, and they were on sale. I defy anyone to find a good pair of girls’ shoes that actually have laces, that will keep the feet dry as they slosh through the puddles and don’t resemble a pair of bedroom slippers for anything less than what I paid – believe me I searched long and hard.

Tantrums and taunts

After the uniform there comes the school PE kit which for boys is a special school shirt (€40) and white football shorts and a hooded sweatshirt (another €40) plus a man’s size 11 trainers and we all know how expensive they can be!

As for parents saying ‘You can always buy cheap ones, they don’t have to be brand ones’? That’s just a load of tosh – we all know the tantrums and taunts that can arise when a teenager doesn’t have the ‘in’ brands.

Girls have to have the school PE shirt, blue shorts and as their school plays hockey they must also have a ‘skort’ for PE. What is a ‘skort’ I hear you ask? It’s a pair of shorts with a skirt attached over the top that hockey players apparently wear for modesty as the skirts are so short! Usually costing about €20 – yes €20 euro for a mere wisp of cloth that is more like a napkin than a skirt – all that plus the hooded school sweatshirt and trainers, in the brand that she deems suitable and I deem to be practical, certainly mounts up. To top it all, my two beautiful children have shown their talents on the hockey field and are now playing for their school teams, so each of them must have the school hockey team uniform priced at a delightful €80.

Where does it all end?

Then there are the school bags to carry all those lovely new books they will receive within the first week, that we have yet to pay for. These bags of course have to be branded otherwise life at school will just not be worth living. I have stomped out of sports shops twice already this summer red in the face and seething with rage as I search in vain for a compromise between a bag large enough and sturdy enough to hold all those books without the possibility of giving the kids curved spines at some point in the future and a bag that they agree is cool enough to be seen with. I refuse to spend €40-€50 on a schoolbag for each of them but with days left till term starts I may have to concede.

As an added bonus I need to consider their hockey sticks which as the kids grow, must get bigger too! And they need the special bags to carry these sticks in plus the shin pads and gum guards. My God, where does it all end?

To top it all off they must have a good coat to keep out the lovely Irish winter weather and it has to be the coat designated by the school. Yes I know it is a sensible waterproof fleece lined jacket with hood and little reflective panels so they can be seen on those dark evenings – but seriously, that’s another €50 each.

My daughter has informed me of her sheer disgust this year in having to use her brother’s hand me down school coat as it was worn by a boy. I attempted to explain in vain to her that the coat is unisex and that there is no difference but 14 year old girls don’t buy that logic no matter how nicely you dress it up.

Back to school allowance

As a lone parent I am entitled to the back to school clothing and footwear allowance which this year amounted to €500 in total for two children, but if you add up everything that the typical school requires, the total outgoings for the start of the new school year is… well I’m afraid to add all those receipts together and acknowledge the cost of what I have already spent. I might give myself a stroke.

Last year I was entitled to the school book grant yet I had to spend over €200 on books and equipment that was not included in the grant but that was essential and according to the school – necessary.

Sweating from the economic strain

The previous year I was in a financial position where I was not entitled to help and the bill for books came in at just under €300. Not much of a grant when you compare the two years worth of books. According to a recent reports we have costly iPads and e-books to look forward to paying for in the near future.

Sometimes I consider the pros of home schooling, at least you can get books from the local library for free.

Other parents I know are in much the same position as myself and sweating from the economic strain. We are making sacrifices to ensure our children have everything they need and that they are well equipped to make the most of their education, which nowadays, considering the state of our economy and their prospects for the future, is even more important.

Are our the recently voted in members of the Dáil aware at all when they slap yet another ridiculous charge on an already squashed economy? As long as things are rosy on planet Dáil I’m sure they aren’t too bothered about us.

Making sacrifices to save money

I myself  rarely socialise anymore unless for a very, and I mean very special occasion, and I would tend to buy second hand or the cheapest clothes from Penneys or even the St Vincents, preferring to put money aside every week for the kids as I know the new school year comes around very quickly and it will, without a doubt, cost me hundreds.

Its the small things I miss these days, like being able to go to the hairdresser whenever I need to (my last trip was just before Christmas last year, I’m not lying) or treating myself to a magazine or a cup of coffee out somewhere with a couple of my friends. These are the small insignificant purchases that so many take for granted as a normal part of life – yet I know that to meet my obligations in August I cannot have these things anymore and that I must save a little money. It’s a sad state of affairs and after a lifetime of employment and paying taxes I never thought I would be here, but such is the reality I live in.

But I know I am not alone. There is some comfort in that thought.

Graphic of the Day: Barnardos’ School Costs Survey>

Parents anticipating back-to-school costs of up to €620 a child>

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Comments (45 Comments)

  • As a parent of 5 kid I know all about the cost of sending kids to school however I also had to learn to say no to the kids until my tongue bled.
    Some parents need to grow a pair when it comes to dealing with teenagers and introduce them to the realities of life. The good times are over & they ain’t coming back anytime soon

    Reply
  • When I was 14 and 15 I worked the summer long to contribute to my school books bill… Im 32 now, so it’s not THAT long ago… teenagers now-a-days are so removed from the meaning of physical labour… it’s no wonder so many of them are going around with spare tyres hanging on.

    Reply
  • Sounds like your kids are spoiled brats, if they are fifteen and fourteen respectively and till throwing tantrums over what other people think of the clothes they are wearing.

    Reply
  • The majority of us parents are in the same boat when it comes to this time of year, we just have to try and spread the cost out over the summer months, buying a bit each week. Be grateful that you receive the back to school allowance as many of us working parents don’t and quite often we have less disposable income the families on benefits. However this said it really annoys me when people comment about ” don’t have kids if you can’t afford them ” must of us could afford them when we had them, but none of us predicted the economic mess we now live in !
    Children and teenagers need to realise that as much as we love them and want to give the the best start in live, we can only give what we can afford. And frankly this might be the very best lesson we teach them

    Reply
  • tantrums at 14 and 15 I dont think so, 2 and 3 year olds have tantrums, 15 and 16 year olds have attitudes. Raised 4 of them and when they wanted brand names I told them when they can afford to buy them they can have them. They turned out all right and still speak to me.

    Reply
  • Look at it this way…
    People complain they can’t afford to raise kids.
    You give them a children’s allowance
    They complain they can’t afford to send them to school
    You make school fees free
    They complain they can’t send them to collage
    You abolish college fees
    They can’t afford living expenses for their kids at college.
    You award them education grants
    They complain they cant afford books and uniforms
    You give them €500 back to school allowance
    They complain that can’t possibly buy all the books and clothes with just that…

    What next?

    Reply
  • Most of the comments here are at least – unsympathetic – and totally lack any understanding or compassion for someone who is obviously struggling to do her best for her children. Having been there, done that and worn the T shirt I totally empathise with the Author and hopefully there are better times ahead for her.

    Reply
    • Me too Maura! Those negative comment posters are either jealous or maybe Gay!!!

      Reply
    • Rodrigo, its 2012, gay no longer means childless, there are gay parents out there who like everyone else are struggling to do what’s best for their children, something made harder by Ireland’s lack of marriage equality. Generally we LGBTs are a caring bunch and wouldn’t begrudge parents who are struggling a few extra hundred euro a year to kit out their kids for school.

      Reply
  • These kids don’t need two jumpers, don’t need branded sportswear, and uniforms can be gotten second hand. 500 euro back to school allowance is more than I will ever get. Wasting it like that and then complaining about it is bloody cheeky.

    Back in our parents day, second level education was a luxury, plenty of kids left school and worked from age 12 to support themselves and their family. The modern sense of entitlement turns my stomach.

    Also, where is the daddy?

    Reply
  • sara 25/08/12 #

    You got €500 towards the costs you could have cut your bill down by cutting out brand names but you gave in to tantrums you have noone to blame but yourself then?! I have 2kids I’m with my partner he works full time I look after the children as it would cost more for childcare, I knew when I had kids they would eventually go to school so started putting money away then, I couldn’t tell you last time I went for coffee or had my hair done we just get buy on what we have but you don’t hear me whinging about it! You get on with it and lucky you getting your back to school cheque that ought to take the dent out of it!!!

    Reply
  • and the father of the children is where?

    Reply
  • A lot of talk about what the state isn’t doing, and not a word about what the absentee parent should be doing.

    While fathers that more closely resemble sperm donors by their actions (as distinct from the many who do their part and more) should be forced by the state to do a hell of a lot more, not just financially, than what they are doing-it is also very unhelpful when the mother looks to the state first, as opposed to the other “responsible” party.

    Having said all that-as a parent who has to put the hand in the pocket every year, without any help from Momma Exchequer, the annual bill for “free” education is nothing short of exorbitant. Many good schools are doing what they can-with rental schemes and a flexible approach to the sourcing of uniforms. Speaking of the latter-generic items with the school crest put on after purchase are absolutely fine. They’re fine for mine, for most of their fellow students-and they’re fine for this lady’s cossetted crew as well.

    Had she gone down this road, instead of pandering to her children without educating them sympathetically in the realities of their situation, she may well be able to enjoy that hairdo she would like.

    Reply
  • Overall, people spend the least amount of their money on school costs. This is proven in lots of surveys. So in other words people spend much more on entertainment etc. I’m not saying it’s easy for all the parents who have the back to school costs(moi included) but you do have a responsibility to provide for your offspring and the annual moaning for back to school costs needs to be kept in perspective. If I can’t go out for a ew weekends because I’m paying for my sins books/uniforms fine by me.

    Reply
  • Ok as much as i sympathise with dis lady sumtimes u have 2 put tantrums aside , i have 4 school going kids and i prepare well in advance 4 dem goin bk 2 school, this year i bought coats in d january sales, paid in weekly in2 d school book supply shop since march, saved all tesco clubcard points 4 school copies n stationary n bought a good few 2nd book and uniforms from things for sale pages on facebook, as they say its always good 2 plan ahead its saves so much hassle.

    Reply
  • it’s time to bring in book rental schemes to all schools and to do away with school uniforms altogether.

    Reply
    • What about those who are working and not entitled to benefits and finding it hard to get the money together to send children back to school

      Reply
    • exactly, littleSparrowc, no big book bills and no uniform costs, will reduce the costs of going back to school, for everyone, regardless of whether you are working or not.

      Reply
    • You’re opening up a whole new can of worms if you think that doing away with school uniforms is a good idea. No uniforms means a never ending fashion show, kids looking down on others because they’re not wearing the latest names. What I’d prefer to see is affordable uniforms, where parents aren’t directed to one specific shop for it.

      Reply
  • I was also thinking that… Where’s daddy and why is he not paying child support?

    Reply
  • The mere mention of a 15 year old needing 2 jumpers stop me reading much further. Why parents feel the need to over spend on more then what is necessary and then moan about the cost is infuriating. As for the ‘free education’ mantra. Secondary school uniform last longer then one year, and if kids bare responsibility books and uniforms can be past on. As for shoes, you can get leather tie ups for less then 60 euro. Maybe instead of being victims parents should just suck it up. We do get childcare….one of the highest in Europe.

    Reply
    • In school I never had more than one pair of trousers. I had 2 shirts in rotation, 3 if I was lucky. And as for 2 jumpers?

      I don’t argue that the cost of uniform is high, but a reality check is in order here about requirements vs precious child syndrome

      Reply
    • As an actual secondary school student, I can tell you that I have: two pairs of trousers €6 from Penneys, four polo shirts, €5 for two from tesco, and one school jumper, €35. My shoes are my runners that do me all year round, €40, my jacket is €60 but it’s a fashionable item. If my mam heard of two jumpers, she’d tell me to get real. It’s possible that more school required items are needed in other schools, but it is possible to do without two jumpers, at least.

      Reply
  • @rory very happy that mammy and daddy paid for your education! Unfortunately there are people out there who ain’t so lucky! Grow up yourself!

    Reply
  • Ireland and free education? Pfffft

    Reply
  • It’s clearly a money racket, No Uniforms and a book rental scheme would be a solution. Just issue a guidline for what a school would like to see a kid wear i.e. A pants/skirt, Jumper/tshirt and jacket, all respectable of course. Then demand a security deposit for books, rent them out to kidsand at end of year deduct for any damage!

    Reply
  • Everybody knows kids are expensive, do if you cant afford them then dont have them.

    Reply
    • do = so

      Reply
    • Totally agree. I won’t have kids until my life is stable enough for them.

      Reply
    • Dead right John, it all comes down to personal responsibility. People are always whining and complaining about stuff thats their own fault.

      Reply
    • If you’re waiting for the right time to have kids you could be waiting a very long time. Kids are expensive yes but so are mortgages and cars and I’m sure you find plenty to whine about there but you choose to have them. I find a big problem within this article is answering to the childrens every demand, I’m sorry but nothing wrong with a hand me down coat. Tough!! Also maybe approaching the parents council to voice concerns over crested jumpers and sweatshirts and changing the girls shirt could be an idea. Our parents council approached the headmistress which lead to a vote with parents, which made the uniform more basic and affordable this year. It’s easy to blame the dail for everything but the schools need to take responsibility too. The tracksuits are a ridiculous price especially if not on a school team!

      Reply
    • I just spent a fortune kitting out my kids for school, and I might have a little moan about the price of books and uniforms etc, but it’s never going to change! What galls me is the school demanding maintenance payments and so called voluntary contributions!

      Reply
    • You narrow minded ignorant little man my father died when I was young leaving my mother a single mum with 2 kids she struggled to bring us up and she always went without to make sure we had what we needed life doesn’t always go the way you plan it and I hope karma doesn’t bite you in the ass

      Reply
    • That comment is for you Mark McHugh

      Reply
    • People’s circumstances change for any number of reasons so comments like that are petty and counterproductive.

      Reply
  • For the love of God would you all listen to yourselves. This is exactly whats wrong with Ireland at the moment. Nobody knows this women’s life situation so how can people judge? Ireland has become the land of snobby, pass remarkable, unlikeable eejits!

    Reply
  • It bugs me the way some people say if you can’t afford to have kids don’t have them did you not read the passage properly her kids are teenagers the lady obviously was able to afford school before and other luxurys like hair been done and magazines etc but with the state of Ireland these days the costs do need to go down to make it easier on the not so lucky in Ireland it bugs me so much with people negativity grrrrrrrr…I’m glad I left Ireland just in time but it’s so sad to read and hear about how people are struggling back home

    Reply
  • I believe that every child has a “right” to a basic education as reading and writing are not innate skills but must be taught. If the State is prepared to prosecute parent(s) who neglect to educate their children then they must provide the means for them to do so.

    Reply

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