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Dublin: 8 °C Wednesday 22 May, 2013

Column: The Debs is a bittersweet occasion – everything changes after it

The real importance of the end-of-school ritual is often overlooked, writes Kim Cadogan.

Kim Cadogan

CINDERELLA MUST GO to the ball, right? Well, that’s the topic on most girls’ minds almost as soon as the Junior Cert is completed and they begin moving into the senior ranks of secondary school.

I remember impatiently waiting for the photo of all the older girls at their debs to be hung up in the hallway as soon as school commenced in September. Hours were spent scrutinising this picture, the local papers and of course, social networking sites to judge the dresses, hair, make up, tans and dates of everyone that cared to don a formal gown and attend the debs. I’m from small town Wexford and there’s precious little else to do, so saying the majority of girls take a huge interest in their debs is a gross understatement.

The dress

Unfortunately I wasn’t picked for my school’s grad committee (probably something to do with the fact that the word “budget” means nothing to me) but I still plagued everyone that was with my ideas. The run up to it was chaos, especially to snare both The Dress and The Boy for the big day – and not much else was discussed. The Leaving Cert almost took a back seat, much to the dismay of our teachers who were sick and tired of us interrupting their classes to enquire what time the bar would close.

“Have you got your dress yet?” became the typical morning greeting and the debate over if it was tacky to hire a limo was a prominent topic of conversation. I think we were so caught up in trying to out do each other style-wise, that we never realised that this really would be our last time in the same room together.

Tradition

Although the debs is an age-old tradition I think it has changed drastically from its humble roots of introducing a teenage girl into society in a demure white dress and gloves. Some of the horror stories you hear about (and perhaps unfortunately witness) these days are shocking: people puking getting so drunk before the meal that they puke, brawls that result in a visit from the police and bloodstained dresses and the charming ‘telling your principal exactly what you think of them’. No vulgarities spared.

I went to a debs of a friend this summer and when everyone was seated, a teacher stood up to give the traditional speech of wishing the students luck in the future etc – or so we thought, until he launched into his tirade on the code of conduct expected from the students on the night like a Puritan giving the hell and brimstone sermon!

Adulthood

The college choices of the girls in my year were widely dispersed and thinking back, it still hadn’t hit me that I would never sit down at lunch with anyone I’d known for six years at lunch to drink soup and bitch about our French teacher. My thoughts were occupied with my plan to throw my dinner at any girl that had the same dress as me.

I don’t think most teenagers feel it at the time but the debs really is a bittersweet occasion; everything changes from that point onwards. I had completed the most important exam I’d ever have to do, I was moving to The Big Smoke to live with my friends and I wouldn’t have Mother Dearest to make me dinners and my Dad to drive me around, I was officially an adult. Something I had thought myself to be for years. But after the first tough month of college I realised how much I had previously misjudged the situation.

Kim Cadogan is a journlism student in Rathmines College. Her fashion blog is Honey, This Mirror Isn’t Big Enough For The Two Of Us.

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Comments (22 Comments)

  • You’ll put a lot more thought into what you’re wearing, the man and all the rest for your school reunion in 20 years time!

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  • It wasn’t such a big deal for my class two years ago. Ours was in August so we only got really excited about it in May. For me anyway it was great fun: I was sorted for a date with my boyfriend and I thank I spent €40 IN TOTAL on my dress (vintage), shoes and belt. only downside: somebody robbed a load of our purses :(

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  • Z? 17/10/12 #

    Meh. I find it very hard to believe that anyone outside of a tiny minority really buy into this idea that a “Debs” is anyway I portent or significant…

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    • “I portent”? I was writing this article from my own experiences with the debs and that of friends and family who have recently attended the debs in various schools all over the country, the overall feeling seems to be mutual.

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    • Z? 17/10/12 #

      Selection bias. People who like dogs tend to talk to other dog-lovers more than dog-haters. It skews the statistics.

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    • Well it IS important for almost every girl in her last year of secondary school – that’s hardly a tiny minority!

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    • again I disagree, my year in secondary school was a mixed bag of personalities and tastes and we were all very much united by the lead up and planning for the debs, I don’t think I’m biased.

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    • Z? 18/10/12 #

      @ Aoife – you came across as a tad twee, but there’s promise there. So better next Time, you’re Radix Capone of it.

      @ Wendy Darling – the potential Debs attendees break down into three groups; a relative minority who don’t attend, either because they can’t be bothered to go or who are misguidedly making a stand against who they perceive to be the snobbish élite; the majority who attend because why not, life is boring and is a reasonable gamble as its only one night from their lives and their more revelation relationships and social drinking and drug-taking can easily surviving one evening tolerating their classmates; and the minority of cliquish “top” boys and girls who live up to the first minority’s expectations of the existence of a bitchy, inward-looking and elitist clique.
      Bottom line; the Debs process is an obsession to an entitled few. That entitlement is ultimately both false and fleeting. And by the time you hit 30, I personally guarantee that your Debs will have been a complete irrelevance.

      You’re as passable writer. Unfortunately, your topic was ill-advised and a bad platform from which to launch yourself. Try again. Write a more interesting and relative article.

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    • DFTT – Don’t Feed The Trolls

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    • I’ll never get why some people here feel the need to attack any article of a social or personal nature as lacking the sufficient standard of gravitas they demand from an opinion piece. I’d be fairly certain they’re the same general clique that bedevil all the space/astronomy articles with epoch-defining tidbits worthy of Voltaire along the lines of “new planet found, we should send Enda Kenny there hurr durr”.

      It’s as relevant and as interesting as another round of HSE-bashing or the antics of Mick Wallace. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

      Reply
  • Thank God someone is concentrating on serious issues that concentrate all of our minds. Rather than ephemeral tripe that means nothing. You go girl or boy. Not sexist, just appalled that this is interesting to anyone.

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  • It’s a horrible Americanised tradition that should be scrapped. Parents use it too show how much money they have.

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  • Niall F 21/10/12 #

    Never went to my debs. All joking aside it still annoys me that I didn’t go! I’m 32 what’s wrong with me? And I have to agree with one of the earlier posters there, I enjoyed the article. Sure criticism is healthy but saying ‘I’m too intelligent to read this’ after reading it is funny.

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  • Good Article, fair play Kim. Your class rep is proud.

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  • Great writing on your personal experience of your Debs, best of luck for the future Kim.

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  • Aine 17/10/12 #

    8 yrs on and this brought a tear to my eye. Had no idea of the happiness and heart ahead. Wish I had taken a moment to take it all in. I was to busy thinkin about the future.

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  • Well well, Z?. I am sorry that you were not one of those “elite people” but carrying a chip this far into your 30′s is a bit much. Good read and brings back memories. But it’s all down to perspective.

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  • Aaahhhh! culchies!!

    Reply

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