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Dublin: 10 °C Thursday 23 May, 2013

Column: ‘Forcing us to leave Ireland was an insult to our love for our baby’

Fatal foetal abnormalities must be a part of any abortion legislation, writes Amanda Mellet. Forcing women in this situation to travel deprives them of the respect they deserve.

Image: kozumel via Flickr

THIS WEEK HAS seen the Oireachtas Health Committee holding three days of meetings in which it heard from medical experts, professionals, religious organisations, and campaign groups on the issue of abortion in Ireland.

The Committee follows on from the Expert Group’s Report to the Government, belatedly published in at the end of November 2012, which outlined the legal options for the Irish Government in light of the European Court of Human Rights rulings in the ABC cases, of which C pertained to a woman’s life being at risk in pregnancy. It has shamefully taken twenty years, but it seems we are finally seeing a real commitment by the government to act; sadly hastened on by the tragic death of Savita Halappanavar.

I am greatly saddened and shocked that it seemed to take the death of a young, vibrant woman to wake up the nation to the deadly cost of inaction. Legislation which will allow medical professionals to act when a woman’s life is in danger without fear of impunity is finally forthcoming, However, that does not mean that their work should end there. Other medical issues, such as termination in cases of fatal foetal abnormalities should be considered now as well.

Under the carpet

In fact, I would say that these must be considered now; otherwise they are likely to be swept under the carpet for another 20 years. This week has seen legal framework outlined to the Oireachtas Committee which would include making possible treatment options in Ireland for cases of fatal foetal abnormality. TFMR Ireland would urge the government to include such provisions in the legislation they will be drafting. Why force us to revisit this in the future, while each week that passes sees more couples making the lonely trek to England? Having lived through this experience I know that myself, and many others who have gone through the same trauma, are not willing to let that happen.

TFMR Ireland made numerous requests to be invited to speak to the Committee. We were extremely disappointed that we were not asked to speak. We are the only campaign group comprised entirely of persons who have first-hand experience of having to travel for a termination. To my mind, termination for a medical reason – like the risk to a woman’s life or health – must be seen for what it is, a medical issue. This should not be open for debate or restriction by persons who may never face such painful realities themselves.

At the very least, those persons whose decisions have so compounded the trauma of my experience should hear how their lawmaking impacts on people. No one can tell me that my decision to end my pregnancy early was the ‘wrong’ decision. For myself and my husband, it was an act of love and compassion for our cherished baby. Another person may make a different choice, but to deny us that option in Ireland was cruel and degrading. It was an insult to our love for our baby that our choice was treated as legally ‘wrong’. This must end.

Diagnosis

Since experiencing my loss just over a year ago, I have seen how there is a clear overlap where a fatal foetal diagnosis spills into potential health and life risks to the mother. TFMR Ireland have been contacted by women who , having been given a fatal diagnosis, also faced significant, even potentially life threatening risks to their health due to complications in pregnancy. However, their only option in Ireland is to continue the pregnancy despite the risks.

Imagine if the situation were reversed, and Ireland insisted on forcing every woman pregnant with a fatal foetal abnormality to terminate their pregnancy. There would be uproar at the choice being taken away from them. Anyone facing this heartbreaking diagnosis must be given enough respect to choose which option may slightly ease the trauma. For some, it will be continuing, for others it will be interrupting the pregnancy.

All we are asking is that couples be given those options of treatment in their own country, that we are granted respect and treated with dignity. We should be enabled to decide for ourselves. But the reality is that those who feel they cannot emotionally, mentally and physically continue with a pregnancy that will not survive outside the womb, in Ireland are forced to do so.

And what option do we have right now? If you don’t want to continue the pregnancy, you are forced to get on a plane with all your grief, pack your bags with all your sadness and off you go like a criminal to the UK, away from your home, your family, your support, your everything. One day, and I hope it is soon, Ireland will look back in shame at how long this situation was left to continue.

Amanda Mellet is a founding member of TFMR Ireland, a group formed in April 2012 to campaign for provision for the option of termination for medical reasons to be available in cases of a fatal foetal diagnosis.

As it happened: Pro-life and pro-choice groups address Oireachtas abortion hearings>

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Comments (72 Comments)

  • I wish that the British Government would do us a favour and refuse all Irish women from having an abortion in the UK ASAP. This would greatly magnify the seriousness of this situation and force our Government to legislate immediately. The vast majority of people in this country believe as Heidi Good stated yesterday that termination of pregnancy should be acceptable when the mother’s life is at risk, there is a grave risk of serious injury to physical or mental health, where there is a gross abnormality of the foetus or where there is a pregnancy resulting from rape or incest. These instances must be legislated for straight away and the ongoing pro life/choice debate is for another day . I speak from Personal experience on this as myself and my wife have a story very similar to that of Amanda’s.

    Reply
    • Wynnner 11/01/13 #

      But in fairness that would be very bad for the women going through it where as the government really had it not been for an incident last October don’t give a hoot, esp the FGers

      Reply
    • Wynner,
      I take your point. I realise that my suggestion is never going to happen. I am just highlighting the fact that we are exporting our problem and if we did not have the option of the uk I believe we would have long since resolved this issue especially regarding the areas I have previously listed.

      Reply
  • My heart breaks for any couple or person in that positions, I read a similar piece on here a while ago and I was then at the same stage of pregnancy as that girl was when she was forced to pack her bags and travel to terminate her baby. At 32 weeks now and feeling my daughter kicking and moving away I could not begin to imagine the pain of carrying a child I knew I could only have for a few moments.

    Reply
  • Asking these couples to leave Ireland is nothing short of disgraceful. I just cannot understand a group of people that are arrogant enough to think their beliefs should dictate what happens to a woman / couple in this instance. Abortion already happens in Ireland, right under our noses, we just conveniently export the problem like everything else we are too immature to deal with. Vincent Browne asked a brilliant question of two priests last night that would apply across the board to all pro life advocates. The waffle by the two priests and the deathly silence of pro ife individuals and groups all of a sudden online was telling. He asked, if a young woman got pregnant and was advised by her clinicians that while the pregnancy would not kill her, it was going to have devastating effects on her health for the rest of her life, should she proceed with it, who should have the final say as to whether she goes ahead with the pregnancy? Clearly any logical sane person would concede that the woman has the choice, but oh no, not the Catholic Church or pro life. Imagine a church and a group like pro life arrogant enough to think they should tell the woman what to do in that instance yet clever enough to waffle on and stay quiet in order that they wouldn’t have to answer the question because of how ludicrous their opinion would sound. They honestly believe their beliefs have more rights in our land than the rights of a woman to health and safety in our nation. It drives me mad thinking about it! These women, who’s wanted pregnancies have fatal foetal abnormalities, should be offered every solution possible including abortion, anyone who thinks it is ok that these women be sent to another country in order that the humane thing be offered for all parties, quite frankly, would want their heads checked!

    Reply
    • Well said! now be prepared for the onslaught from YD

      Reply
    • Youth Defence – the crowd founded by a woman who wants contraception outlawed, who believes “career women” should not be representative of women in general, the crowd who get funding in questionable circumstances from the US, the crowd that used a childs innocence at Christmas to peddle their rubbish, by putting a Santa hat on a foetus with a Christmas present wish on a poster outside primary schools 4 days before Santa arrived. Ya, they love children alright, really respect their right to innocence and of course womens rights on the whole. Lovely group of people!

      Reply
    • Great post Dairmuid. The fact that you’re still getting a fair amount of red thumbs though, says everything about what’s wrong with this country today. Why we even feel the need to consult religious groups on this issue goes beyond me.

      Reply
    • If that’s the case do the Catholic Church also think that cancer patients should not be treated, after all surely it’s all in gods plan! By the way that fairy in the sky god, has he been seen yet? Has anyone seen the real Santa clause either or are both just made up? Religion me arse.

      Reply
    • No Karolyn, these rules do not apply to existing human beings. As soon as they are out of the womb, all bets are off

      :-/

      Reply
    • You are all delusional.

      Here’s why.

      Firstly, we have made this into a black/white issue, where it is not.

      Firstly, why is the girl getting pregnant?

      Where do we draw the line on personal responsibility?

      Do we have to nanny state the issue?

      Let’s take the US as an example. There were over 330,000 abortions completed through planned pregnancy. That’s over 330,000 potential lives ended. The developing babies never stood a chance. And with so many couples looking to adopt, this is such a shame.

      You can’t dispute that fact.

      The legislation is already in place to look after the mother, and should health complications arise, it is a patient-doctor solution, within the current laws. There are already sufficient laws.

      The “pro-choice” lobby groups (which seems like most Journal.ie users) need to understand that there are people who are “pro-life” that don’t need your hate and abuse rhetoric that is being thrown around.

      Red thumb me all you like, but a child is a child, and when eventually abortion is legalised (because you people are going to push it through) you’ve gone and done the wrong thing for your own special interest.

      Yes, it’s a grey area, but at least stop abusing one another.

      Reply
    • Michael

      Firstly, why is the girl getting pregnant?”
      http://lmgtfy.com/?q=why+do+girls+get+pregnant#

      “Do we have to nanny state the issue?”
      Oh, so you are in favour of people choosing for themselves, then? Yes?

      “i>but a child is a child”
      Yes and a foetus is a foetus.

      You are all delusional.“… “at least stop abusing one another”
      Erm… okay…

      Reply
    • Michael 11/01/13 #

      Rhetorical mustn’t be a word in your dictionary, Amy chance of a substantial response?

      Reply
    • Michael – that’s a red herring.
      In this story we are talking about women who very much wanted their baby, so they most likely got pregnant on purpose.
      They were then told at some stage in the pregnancy that the baby was doomed to fatality – as much as these women wanted very much to give birth to a healthy baby – that is no longer an option.

      So should these women then be told that they must continue with the pregnancy, even if that may pose a risk to her mental or physical well being? Or should we respect their decision on whatever it is that they need to do to deal with their grief?

      Reply
    • Michael, why would you expect anybody to engage in a meaningful debate with a person who’s initial point is to accuse them of being delusional, before moving on to write a comment that is so chock-full of logical fallacies that it’s difficult to know where to begin?

      You asked some questions, I answered them. What else do you want?

      Reply
    • Michael, ok so, I will try and engage constructively with pro life groups and individuals – oh wait I did that already. A prominent Twitter user who headed up a “charity” called me a moron, Precious Life group members called me a pagan and pro abort. Pro Life Campaign embers called me a murderer and the rest of their social outlets blocked me when I asked them a simple question: Why use children to peddle their propaganda? as outlined here: http://diarmaidtwomey.blogspot.ie/2012/12/a-new-low-for-pro-life-campaign.html.

      I have news for you Michael, women are not incubation pods – just because someone wants a child does not mean a woman should be forced to jepordise her life, health or well being out of pity for others. Let each person choose their own destiny! And if you think that we are delusional because we disagree with you when you insist that each woman must conform to your agenda, I think they call that an own goal pal!

      Reply
    • Oh and just as recently as last night I was accused on Twitter of having special needs when I was debating with someone pro life on Twitter! But yes, of course we’re delusional Michael, all those pro life people are fantastically nice folk, I mean enforcing a pregnancy on a rape victim is so Christian of them!

      Reply
    • I laughed when he said ‘Do we have to nanny state the issue?’ whilst also asking for the government to ensure in law that a woman can’t make basic choices over their own bodies

      Reply
    • Michael 11/01/13 #

      “Twitter”

      Not constructive.

      Reply
    • Ok so trying to have an online discussion with official pro life groups is not constructive is it? What will I do so? Invite them out for afternoon tea?

      Reply
    • I think abortions unrelated to pregnancies with medial complications really aren’t right. People make bad decisions. That’s unfortunately a fact of life and society takes steps in the form of legislation to protect people from that. Why do people seem to think it’s ok any person for any reason to have an abortion? If that had always been the case many people who are leading happy and fulfilling lives now might not be here today. People should take responsibility for their actions and if it doesn’t suit to have a baby, make sure you don’t get pregnant. There are plenty of ways to ensure that. Please note I’m speaking only in relation to “on demand” abortions.

      Reply
    • Michael 11/01/13 #

      Hey Niall, who sticks up for the kid?

      Reply
    • @ Alan,
      Then why do you insist on bringing it up? This story is about fatal foetal abnormalities and fatal foetal abnormalities only. If you agree that abortion should be an option in this case then why present your argument as the opposite?

      @ Michael – who sticks up for the kid – good question! What exactly can you do about fatal foetal abnormalities? Why are we not looking to fix these problems so that these women are not given this devastating news in the first place?
      Doesn’t change the fact that these children have no chance at life one way or the other at present, so why not permit these women to start their grieving process in the way they deem appropriate?

      Reply
    • People keep trotting out this “foetus is not a child” argument and it is fallacious.
      The “legal” definition of a child does not start until the child’s head exits the birth canal, however the etymology of the word “child” derives from the word for “womb”.
      http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=child
      The two are inextricably linked.
      Argue definitions all you want, it will not change the fact that this is a “baby” and every abortion procedure ends a human life.

      The media aren’t talking about the “Royal Foetus” over the water where it’s legal to have them minced up..

      Reply
    • Leigh you’re talking in fantasy language now. The medical fact is that what is contained in the womb until 12 weeks is an embryo and thereafter until birth a foetus. If you are willing to remain factual we can talk but if you want to descend into hysterics, I’ve zero interest in conversing with you. The fact that the royal family and people with pregnancies call a foetus or embryo is not based on a fact but more a hope and an aspiration that one day it will be!

      Reply
    • Diarmaid you are skirting the issue again.
      Does or does not an abortion end a unique human life?

      Reply
    • In relation to “using children” to stand with them at a vigil or pro-life march; the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child says the following:
      Article 14
      1. States Parties shall respect the right of the child to freedom of thought, conscience and religion.

      These parents are allowing their children to exercise their right to be there.
      As are you unrestricted to keep yourself and any offspring you may have from attending such an event.

      Reply
    • How many of those kids know what the subject means?
      I remember in primary school being brought to a pro life rally.. I’m pro choice and have been since I first came to understand the situation – but I was forced to attend a pro life rally by the nuns..

      Children shouldn’t be at protests, on EITHER side.

      Reply
    • Tommy C 12/01/13 #

      Leigh, youre right. Late abortion ends a human life but its not an independent life which means the person sustaining this life has the say as to whether or not she consents to providing that life with what it needs to survive.
      Rights of the living trumps the rights of the unborn.

      Reply
  • It is a great pity that TRMR were not asked to present to the committee on their experiences. They are a group of people who are being ignored by the politicians who through no fault of their own are caught in a terrible situation.

    Reply
  • My sincere sympathy to you and your partner, it is a disgrace that you had to undertake that awful journey. Your voice must be heard. How can one help ?

    Reply
    • TRMR on Facebook, I’m not sure if they have a donate button but Abortion Support Network provide grants for women to allow them to travel when they can’t fund it themselves. I believe these abortions are very costly as they require a more complicated procedure and a longer stay in the UK. If people who support the plight of these women they should consider donating :-)

      Reply
  • The current “debate” is very narrow and as stated by Minister Shatter, Ireland will continue to have the most restrictive abortion regime after legislating for X. Foetal abnormalities, non-suicidal rape/incest victims or those who’s lives may be shortened (or health adversely affected) by not having an abortion will still have to travel unless there is a referendum to expand on X (or even better remove the reference to abortion from the Constitution)

    Reply
  • Excellent article Amanda & agree completely that it is a further disgrace that tfmr were not included.

    Reply
  • What must the rest of the civilised world think of us when they read about how our women are still treated in this dump of a country. I have had enough of this pathetic excuse of a government. A bunch of cowards, the lot of them. They may fear the wrath of the electorate but I think we can all agree that they have very little chance of re-election anyway. Fianna Fail will be forever associated with the collapse of our country, FG will be remembered for being just as bad and inflicting the most savage austerity cuts on its people contrary to pre election promises. They should be taking this opportunity to do one good memorable thing.

    Reply
  • Ioana 11/01/13 #

    I believe in having the choice, choice is in our design. I agree with arguments on both sides of the camp, and one can not form an opinion based on no experience. It is so very dependant on individual circumstances! In saying that, this must be the hardest choice that any mother would ever have to make.

    Reply
  • An excellent well written article I agree with completely. These issues must be addressed in the upcoming legislation..
    the closed minds of those in Youth Defence and the pro life movement.. I don’t like using that term to describe them. they’re attitude to the women in these circumstances prove that are not pro life but anti choice and anti women..
    Ideally there should be a referendum to remove the article from the constitution that is causing so much difficulty ..

    Reply
  • Does anyone actually know how many women are forced to go to the uk for abortions for medical reasons?

    Reply
    • There are no statistics that break that number down, even though pro life claim to have intimate knowledge of the “facts” of womans reasons for doing so, among them being that Irish women will somehow lie about being suicidal, ya know like “that evidence” shows, but in total the number is circa 5000 women per annum!

      Reply
    • Its very hard to predict Alan but so far we have had about a hundred families contact us in the last 9 months. Alot of couple find it hard to let people know about their situation due to stigma etc We get contacted every week by couples every week. We have a support group to help us all.

      Reply
  • What is required for there to be a referendum? Can we call for one as a people? Who decides the wording (crucially)? …I’m off to google.

    Reply
  • As sad as it is however it always takes an incident as tragic as this in order for people at the top to rethink their current legislation in the same way planes need to crash before new legislation for safety is brought in despite warnings.

    Reply
  • It’s disgusting. It’s a total cop out to ignore this situation and punish suffering families under a cloak of ‘morality’.

    Reply
  • Lenard 11/01/13 #

    People its very simple….Referendum on abortion “On Demand” as the politcal commentators love to say.

    Vote yes or no…end of discussion!

    Reply
  • I totally agree but not sure if its legal under the constitution may need a referendum.

    Reply
  • Religion is the problem. Religion kills.

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  • The only option you have got in Ireland, Is just one option and it is very simple ,but a hard decision ! Go ! leave Celtic Tiger behind!!!

    Reply
  • Intentionally ending the life of a un born child is only morally permitted when its the lesser of two evils -this statement has nothing to do religion – just the present legislative vacumn to deal with the moral dilemma of Mothers life against the childs – stop ranting – we need a referendum

    Reply
  • forcing any woman to leave Ireland for an abortion is insulting. Any woman has any right to control her own body and her own destiny. It should not be predicated upon foetal abnormality.

    I am sick and tired of women being treated like children in this debate.

    Reply
  • Michelle 21 hours ago #

    TFMR is not about not wanting your baby. Many TFMRs are of pregnancies that were planned and carried with love. TFMR is also a decision made out of love and compassion for a baby that has received a life threatening diagnosis. I would know, my first pregnancy ended that way. Some women TFMR after trying to conceive their baby for over a year, finally falling pregnant and receiving a heartbreaking diagnosis a few months down the line.

    I was brought up Roman Catholic but I could not cling onto a baby that, if I had not made my decision, would either have died in the womb or been born and suffered from her condition before slowly dying, with nothing but the small relief of medication. We quite happily “play God” with our own lives, interfering with God’s supposed chosen path for us through life threatening cancers, diseases etc by allowing medicine to cure us. Where is the line between that sort of intervention and ending a life; baby, child or adult through the means of termination , withdrawal of treatment, euthanasia? A Catholic priest would not even bless my baby, if a person in their eyes then surely a person who did not choose to die, a person who was supposedly murdered. Would I not be blessed if a fellow Catholic murdered me? Hypocrisy is at play in this debate. This isn’t about a lifestyle choice, this is just about compassion, something which the decision makers seem to lack in Ireland.

    I love my baby. It isn’t past tense. It didn’t stop when we received the diagnosis. It didn’t stop when I went through 5 days of induced labour to have her or when I said goodbye. Her pictures are framed all around my house, she has a place of memorial like any other loved and valued person. She will always be perfect to me. I will never feel any regret. The fact that someone once asked me “why do you not want your baby?” sums up how little people understand about this issue. Every single TFMR is a wanted baby. It is a grieved for baby. It is the loss of innocence and the loss of a part of those who had that decision to make. To suggest otherwise is insulting, ignorant and naive. I always say that people who think like that are lucky to be in such a state of ignorance, as ignorance is indeed bliss.

    TFMR shouldn’t have to be a hidden, dirty secret. I am proud of my baby and of myself for putting her before my own wants. Having her will always be one of the proudest moments of my life.

    Reply
  • Firstly let me say I am terribly sorry to read the life-stories in the article of the experiences of families in Ireland.

    I wouldn’t class myself under the pro-choice nor would I say I am stanchly pro-life. I do believe change is needed in giving the choice for parents to be in the situations above where it is 100% clear that the child will not live outside the womb. I do use my words carefully as I do believe it is a child and I think if you ask any of the parents who have had to travel to the UK under these circumstances that they too would say they were going to have a child and not a foetus!
    I will openly say to anyone that I do not wish for abortion on demand to come to Ireland under the guise of helping these said parents. I would hate for that to come. I would go further to say I would not like suicide to be a case where abortion is easily accessible for a whole load of reasons such as what happens when the mother (hopefully) comes through this and wants to know why she was allowed or worse still someone else was allowed make this irreversible decision for her?
    I read in an article yesterday that Marie Stopes carried out 66,000 abortions in the UK last year. That is a horrific number to me and actually made me cry and I’m not an easy crier.

    That being said if an referendum was tomorrow and it was decided that this was the choice of the people then so be it. Like I have had to put up with the Governments others have put in place I will stay in my country and deal with this change in society because regardless of what i may think of our Government of today I know that they aren’t the whole of Ireland and I certainly am not from or live in a KIP as some have called it.

    Reply

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