Has anyone ever told you you’re a dead ringer for Rosanna Davison? or that guy off TwoTube? Well, now’s your chance to put it to the test.
Simply line up for the guest list and use that tried and tested line – “don’t you know who I am?” I presume that’s what Rosanna would say if she were there. Pray, of course, that they don’t actually know the celeb look-a-like you’re trying to be – that could be a tad embarrassing.
There are alternatives: you can always impersonate a security guard – it worked for Jim Carrey in I Love You Phillip Morris. Grab a high vis vest and a walkie-talkie and walk on in with authority.
2. Request a Press Pass
You know that blog you’ve got? Ya, that one you only posted on once.
Well, it’s time you started blogging a little more. It’s not just the broadsheet and music mags who get press passes at festivals, bloggers get passes too, so quickly add the world and its mother to your Twitter and show that you’re uber popular online. You never know, maybe you just might be able to wangle a pass.
Otherwise you could lie and say you’re working for The Daily Planet or your college magazine. Press passes have the added extra of giving you access to a working toilet, complete with bog roll – luxury.
Failing the press pass just get yourself a camera with a huge lens, or better still a video camera and a mic. It worked for former wacky weatherman Alan Hughes who blagged his way into the MTV Awards a few years ago.
3. Just rock up
Last year my mates just rocked on up to Oxegen in their car. “We’re with MTV, we’re looking for the VIP car park” said one. “Do you not have a pass?” answered the security guard, “No, we’re going to collect it, could you please tell us where the VIP car park is?”
Unwittingly they arrived behind the main stage next to Blur and Snow Patrol’s dressing room. “Well, our car will be safe here” they thought, and walked right in… After all, if you’re backstage no one’s going to ask to see your pass just so you can get out to the plebs in the main arena. Now, they were actually going to collect passes but it makes you wonder can anyone just rock up in a car and blag their way in?
4. Become a Band Aid
It seemed to work in the film Almost Famous, but if you’re thinking Band Aid is about getting your musical mates together for a rendition of Do They Know Its Christmas then you’re sadly mistaken. It’s more about batting your eyelids and fraternising with the drummer or a roady. One mate of mine managed to hop on a tour bus and crash her way into a music festival simply because she was a good talker – or so she says.
5. Hop the fence
It’s quite traditional this one, but there have been reports of people hopping fences at Electric Picnic and Oxegen and managing to make it into the main arena with nothing more than a bit of sheep doo on their wellies. Others haven’t been so lucky – at best their attempts to scale festival hoardings have been blocked by security and at worst you could end up like Robert Uhlenake who fell to his death attempting to gain entry to a Metallica concert – perhaps you could avoid this one, or just bring your own ladder.
6. Get a job?
No I don’t mean staking shelves to pay for your ticket, although a bar job at the festival wouldn’t be the worst thing – money, drink and a free pass – what more could one want?
Alternatively you can volunteer at Electric Picnic either over the course of the weekend or in the week leading up to it. If you do 24 hours of work you’ll get a free pass. But don’t think you can just make a dash for it once you get your pass. The guys at Electric Picnic have thought of everything and you’ll have to pay a €240 bond to ensure you’ll fulfill you’re part of the bargain.
7. Tour de Cycle
You could just cycle down. This year the festival, in conjunction with Temple Street Children’s Hospital, is offering those who wish make the 90kn route by bike the opportunity to get in for free. If you can raise €500 and bike down they’ll transport your tent and camping gear to the festival site and even give your bike a lift back to Dublin.
8. Sob story
“My friend’s inside and she has my ticket and my phone’s not working and I don’t know her number, and she’s about to score my boyfriend, and my dog died yesterday and all I want to do is hear LCD Soundsystem ’cause I was meant to see them play in April but they were canceled due to the volcano. Cue tears. It could work, but it’s probably best to stay clear unless you’re a 16-year-old-girl.
9. Bribe the bouncer
How much are these guys getting paid? Not enough, I’m sure, not for all the great work they do. it’s important that they be rewarded for helping out festival patrons – right? A ticket is €240, but perhaps these guys would like an extra €50 on top of their wages? Or even €100? Still cheaper than a ticket. Pray you don’t get a box for being cheeky.
10 Build your own furniture
The European Recycling Platform is giving budding furniture designers the opportunity to win VIP tickets to the festival by designing a piece of furniture out of recyclable materials. So get your pen out, you have till August 20th to submit your design ideas.
If these ideas feel a little too daunting or impractical then perhaps you should just buy a ticket. Three-day camping tickets are €240, but there are no one- day tickets.
Electric Picnic takes place in Stradbally, Co Laois from September 3-5.