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How to get that elusive second date

Are you putting yourself out there on the dating scene but getting nothing back? These are the top ten things people do wrong on first dates…

Rena Maycock

SO YOU’RE OUT and about on the dating scene, “putting yourself out there” if you will, with an open mind and ready to meet that special someone. You don’t want to miss a beat, so you not only make sure you accept every invite to the opening of every envelope (keeping your weekends packed with golden opportunities to fall into the path of your perfect match), you also cram in dates scheduled by a matchmaking agency midweek.

You dabble in the latest dating apps (swiping right mostly because it’s a numbers game, after all), all the while keeping an eye on your daily matches as presented by your choice of premium online dating site. You have ALL bases covered. Invariably your eagerness in all things dating results in quite the volume of first dates. Sadly, that’s where your budding romances end abruptly. While first dates seem to come easy, they go just as fast and none seem to progress any further. That difficult second date seems to constantly elude you.

Here are 10 reasons why you may not be getting that elusive second date:

1. The ‘grass is greener’ mentality 

More is most definitely less when it comes to dating. The theory that one should “throw as much muck at the wall and SOME will stick” doesn’t work in pursuit of “the one”. The “grass is greener” mentality subconsciously stops you from being actually present when you’re on a date.

You could be sitting in front of the very person that fate wants you to be with and not even notice them because you’re too busy thinking that your next date could be better. How can you focus on Mary while you’re peering around the corner at Siobhan tomorrow night? Instead of arranging dates in super-sized quantities, limit yourself to one per week so that you are investing more in each one and the quality of the person will be far better.

2. Penny pinching

Are you tight-fisted? The number one quality women don’t want in men is meanness of the fiscal kind. In a recent study we conducted, almost 70% of women would expect the man to at least offer, if not insist, on paying for her half of the meal whereas almost 75% of men would expect the woman to at least offer to go Dutch! If you’re the guy that gets out the calculator or refuses to leave a tip, this is most likely why the ladies are running a mile.

3. Bad table manners 

Do you eat with your mouth open or slurp your soup? Your first date is like an interview and it’s expected that you put your best foot forward in order to make a good impression. Generally the longer the relationship continues, the more relaxed you will become, so first date behaviour is as good as it gets. In our survey 47% of respondents quoted bad table manners as the worst possible traits a date could have.

4. Hygiene

If you ever wonder “what’s that smell?” and it seems to be around a lot, it’s most likely that odour is coming from you. A whopping 74.5% of people in our survey said bad hygiene is the worst characteristic in a date. Obvious as it may be, if you’re not showering and wearing clean clothes every day, then you have a problem!

5. Being rude to waiting staff 

If you have ever clicked your fingers to get a server’s attention then cut those fingers off to ensure you never do that again. Rudeness to waiting staff is a huge no-no to over half of daters so while trying to impress your potential match be polite and courteous, for the love of God.

6. The old flame

Are you not over your ex? If you find yourself even mentioning your ex during a date, you’ve wasted your evening because your date will be simply counting down the clock to escape. Nobody wants to be a shoulder to cry on or counsellor on a first date and if you mention your ex then you’re not over them.

Invariably you’ll be negative about said ex which will make you look bitter and a small bit crazy. Nobody likes a bunny boiler, so get over it first and go dating when you’re fully ready to start fresh.

7. Dial down the volume

When you talk do people at the other end of the bar turn and stare? One of the qualities men tell us they least want in a woman is loudness. Loudness can be described as ‘brashness’ by men whereas women will playfully consider themselves to be ‘gregarious’. Either way you look at it, if your volume is too high, just turn it down and you stand a better chance of him calling you again.

8. Me, me, me.

Are your favourite topics of conversation you, yourself and you? It’s generally considered to be narcissistic to focus on yourself on a date, and it’s not a good sign for the future if you express no interest in your partner. A general rule of thumb is ask your date questions about themselves and actually listen to what they say.

9. Style

You don’t have to be David Gandy or Amal Clooney but if you’re looking like an extra from Glenroe then chances are your look is a bit… stale. Over a quarter of daters quote bad dress sense as a big turn off so if you’re in doubt then go shopping and update that look.

10. Blue language 

Do you habitually use bad language? If so, this could be why you’re failing at the dating game. Cursing is generally considered crass so if you have a tongue like a docker, reign in the profanities and you’re bound to break the run of bad dating luck.

While we always recommend that you are yourself on a date, be the very best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Quite often it’s something small that you’re doing wrong so a minor tweak can be the solution that makes all the difference in the often fickle dating game!

Rena Maycock is the Director of Intro Matchmaking.

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Rena Maycock

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