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FINE GAEL HAS produced a series of smart-looking YouTube videos showcasing its European election candidates ahead of the vote on 23 May.
There is pleasant and uplifting music and lots of iconic-looking shots of the four men and two women who want to represent the party in the European Parliament.
The videos are short, sharp and say nice things about all the candidates, but there are a few bizarre moments in each which led us to come up with this list of essential tips you should take note of if you’re running for office.
1. Master the ability to gaze longingly into the distance:
Exhibit A: Brian Hayes at the Convention Centre in Dublin. It helps if you can do it from a considerable height:
If you’ve got a companion to do it with you then all the better. Seán Kelly enlisted this cow:
But doing it alone has a certain charm as well. Here’s the back of Simon Harris’s head. He’s on a beach, staring at the sea:
In fact staring out over water is a good look particularly if you’ve just come from somewhere… on your bicycle. Check out Jim Higgins:
Finally, why limit yourself to earth when you can look to the sky like Mairead McGuinness:
But, wait! What’s that she’s looking at? Why it’s the great EPP logo in the sky.
Like the bat signal. Sort of:
2. Get the celebrity endorsement
Hayes benefits from a glowing eulogy from none other than Finance Minister Michael Noonan who, using his excited voice (which is coincidently the same as his happy, angry, and sad voice) says the Dublin candidate has been “absolutely terrific”.
We don’t hear anything from GAA boss Davy Fitz, but he’s happy to pose for a snap with Seán Kelly:
3. Get the hand gestures right
“How much work are you gonna do in Brussels, Brian?”
“This much”:
Look at Noonan. He’s delighted. Absolutely terrific, as he’d say himself.
4. Appeal to as many voters as possible
Seán Kelly, a former GAA president, is pictured here standing on a soccer pitch, in front of a rugby stadium, throwing a Gaelic football.
All he’s missing is a hurley to hit the Gaelic football. Masterful.
5. Your mode of transport says a lot about what kind of politician you are
Like Jim ‘I want to ride my bicycle/I want to ride my bike…’ Higgins:
Or Seán Kelly. He has a tractor and he’s not afraid to drive it.
Look at that steely determination on his face, that field is getting ploughed.
6. Speaking of which, facial expressions are crucial
If there is a candidate in Ireland South or anywhere in the country who can cock an eyebrow as well as Simon Harris we’d like to meet them:
7. It’s all about the props
But while Harris may have a nice white, fluffy dog…
… it’s no match for Mairead McGuinness’s feeding skills:
8. Repeating the message is communicating the message
Deirdre Clune says ‘Cork’ not once, not twice, but 10 times in the space of less than 90 seconds in her video:
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