IN PSYCHOLOGY THERE are five main personality traits, known as the ‘Big Five’. It is important to understand your personality type so you can work on any traits that are holding you back and harness certain traits to improve your life satisfaction.
Understanding your personality type gives you insights into the type of person you are and what you need in order to thrive. For example, an extravert with few friends will suffer massively because they get their energy from being around people and need those connections to feel whole.
A person with high levels of neuroticism would be well advised to avoid the uncertain life of an entrepreneur for example because the unpredictable ups and downs of that life would be too much to manage. Those bursting with ideas are generally extraverted and open but often lack follow-through. They move quickly from one idea to the next and can become disillusioned as they realise their ideas are always just that, ideas.
The key thing to understand, though, is that our personality traits are not set in concrete. You can work on them, to decrease or increase them as best fits your needs and your life.
It is very rare to have high levels of more than two or three personality traits. Interestingly, we often marry people who make us the whole person. I have heard many people say over the years about colleagues, ‘Why did she marry him? He is incredibly outgoing and she is painfully shy.’
We say that opposites attract, but really opposites complement and complete.
We must constantly navigate personality – our own and everyone else’s. But we don’t always think about that fact. We might find a particular person difficult, we might even really dislike a sibling, but we dismiss it – ‘Oh, they’re just a difficult person.’
But more than likely, someone is in a happy relationship with them – someone might even love them. So, the question we should be asking is, ‘What do they see in him/her that I don’t see?’, ‘What is it about my type of personality that jars with their personality?’
Again, we must actually think about what their personality is like and then compare it to our own to reach a sound conclusion. This could be one of the most profound insights you gain into a difficult relationship in your life – be it personal or professional. You might be more like the person you dislike than you would care to believe. And what you dislike about them might be something you dislike about yourself. That can be a frightening insight, but ultimately a very helpful one.
As I describe the ‘Big Five’ here, make a note of the type of personality traits you think you display, then cross-check that with reliable sources. It’s often the case that fellow family members are not the most reliable source, because their opinion can be affected
by their feelings towards you. You can ask a trusted friend or work colleague, for example, to see if your perception of yourself aligns with the general perception of you.
These traits are:
1. openness
2. conscientiousness
3. extraversion
4. agreeableness
5. neuroticism.
Naturally, we are more complicated than five personality traits, and there are many nuances within each category, but research shows that these five key traits are remarkably universal.
Psychologists argue that there is an evolutionary explanation – that these traits represent the most important qualities that shape our social landscape.
We might not think of our personality type shaping our world, but it has more influence than we might realise. An outgoing, open person will experience more in life than someone who believes things never work out. That person will be closed off and not see good or potential around them, while the extravert will expect good things and bounty to come into their life. These two personalities are primed to view the world differently: one will see abundance and one will see only disappointment.
Richard Hogan is a psychotherapist who specialises in working with families. He is from Cork and has been in practice for a decade and is the clinical director of the Therapy Institute in Dublin. Richard is the recipient of a Fulbright Award and is completing a PhD exploring the intersection between psychological models of the family and educational theory, with a particular focus on inclusion.’Home Is Where The Start Is’ by Richard Hogan is published by Penguin Sandycove.
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