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I ALWAYS RECALL my mother being a remarkably light sleeper. If you ever crept into her room with a question, request or complaint [to the management], she would respond to your whisper by opening her eyes and springing from the bed. “I’m up!”
My mum has five children — all fully grown — but I am now experiencing that troposphere of uneasy sleep that comes with being a parent. Our one and only daughter, Caitlin, has just come through her first bout of the sniffles but the circus noises coming from her Moses basket had us on edge for a few fitful nights.
Myself and Cat, my wife, have surged past the three-month mark and Caitlin is doing amazingly well. Friends, relatives and strangers remark on how good [hassle-free] a child she is but Caitlin must take most of the credit for that. We’re still learning as we go.
Our daughter was born on a Wednesday evening and each and every that Wednesday that passed found us going for a stroll with the pram, reassuring each other ‘two weeks’, ‘four weeks’, etc. We’ve stopped counting time now, aware that we’re in for the long, crazy haul.
I read the superb column from Andrea Mara — ‘Five things I swore I’d never do if I had kids…’ — this week and can identify with the stories on cloistering the first-born. With each passing day, however, we are becoming ourselves again, chilling out and taking time out to enjoy our rapidly growing child. Night-time feeds often consisted of the two of us springing up and going through a three-act production to get Caitlin fed. Sorbet, silver service and napkins. She is starting to sleep through the night now, probably wondering where the 4am costume changes and strolls around the kitchen have gone.
The first six weeks were a blur as we set up Baby HQ in the sitting room. Once every few days we would get caught without a kettle-ful of boiled, sterilised water. Boiling water just to cool it down, all amid a tumult of yelps and tears. Insanity. Jiggling Caitlin on my knees for hours when all she wanted to do was sleep. The nappy changes that saw us go through three vests and four baby-grows after pukes, pee and poo. The sound of Cat laughing upstairs as I slumped on my knees, yelling ‘Noooooo. Not again! Why? Why?’
Caitlin gets stuck into her new soother. Pic: Patrick McCarry
It is amazing how quickly you get used to have a child in your midst. We have evolved from high-fiving each other in the middle of the night because she pooed to raising a lazy eyebrow as she rolls from her back to her belly. It takes a lot to impress us now!
The soother made an appearance after about seven weeks but, we assured each other, it was just to help her sleep at bed-time. Caitlin now owns four soothers and each one gets a fair crack.
We both crashed, within 48 hours of each other, around the six-week mark. The change in lifestyle, sleeping habits, constant state of hyper-awareness and general fatigue caught up with us. We recovered in time for Christmas and Caitlin had her first visit from Santa, who must have assumed she liked toy bunnies.
The best days for father-daughter bonding have been when Cat gets a few hours out of the house. She headed off to London on an overnight last week and I got to fully experience the sun-rise to sun-set job of caring for the little Miss. I’m taking responsibility, too, for her 1980s general knowledge and have her watching episodes of Magnum P.I and North and South [the Patrick Swayze tour-de-force] during feeds.
YouTube credit: cmtecarvalho
Caitlin was christened a couple of weeks ago and we had a fantastic day and evening with friends and family. The church, in Sallins, was within walking distance and husband and wife headed over, arm-in-arm. We reflected that this was, by far, the most grown-up event of our lives. Neither of us spoke for several moments before Cat asked, “Where’s Caitlin?” “I dunno,” I replied. “With your grandparents, I think.”
We are 107 days into parenthood and I already have a moment that will be hard to beat. A few days before Christmas, myself and Cat, with Caitlin lying in between us, lay back in the spare bedroom to watch A River Runs Through It on the projector screen. Cat would have readily swapped me for the fly-fishing Brad Pitt but I wouldn’t change the evening for anything in the world.
@patmccarry is sports reporter and rugby correspondent for TheScore.ie. Playwright of shows that have appeared at Vicar Street, Electric Picnic, Bulmers Comedy Festival and New Zealand Comedy Festival. He is a Dubliner, living in Kildare. Happily married for 18 months and counting.
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Just had number two 16 days ago. You don’t know sleep deprivation until you’ve had more than one.
I’m close to Sallins – could you pop over tonight and do the 3am feed while trying not to wake the 2 year old in the next room????!!!
No doubt no 2 is the killer..we had the first..boy..slept from 7 till
morning
We couldnt believe how easy it was
Had no 2, a girl 5 yrs later..colic..cried/screamed from 5every evening till 1or 2 in the morning..this went on for 11 long months..still..wouldnt give her back ..love her to bits but for moments during those 11 months I really could understand parents hurting infants..hard times and there but for the grace of god and all that..
Worst thing about it is youre helpless..tried every potion and lotion..bottles etc on the market..to no avail
If youre going through it..hang in there ..it does get better eventually
Try having twins ! ;)
Excatly. 4 kids later. 2 boys 6 and 4 and 9 month old twins . At least theu all sleep all nite
With you there; second was classic at disturbing the happy balance! Currently up with a flu sick child! Great fun in between the cries, the cheeky grin, salivated fist in mouth and will probably have the flu on Friday, just as I was planning a night out!
Try it with triplets. Three times the full with three time less sleep.
Yep, snap.. 5yr old 3 ur old and 16 month twins…. And that’s tiredness for u.
I tink some of ye didn’t get da sex talk from yere parents
Biggest shock of my entire life was having my first baby and he’s 26 tomorrow, another 22 months later another one, the sleep deprivation for me was the worst as I like about 10 hours a night, one still here and keeps me awake when ‘out on the town’! Jaysus will it ever end lol.
No Joan, it doesn’t… I can really sympathize with you – no matter how old our kids get they still seem to keep us awake… Mine is 25 this year and I really would love for her to find a place of her own. It’s time for her to fly the nest.
What’s a sleep in?.i can’t remember what it’s like to wake naturally or without a foot in face/back/chest.
We got a lie in this morning. 8:30am. We didn’t know ourselves!!
I remember the days with a permanent smell of talcum powder of call my clothes. A white puke stain on the right shoulder of every shirt and a full nights sleep was something we could only dream of but 3 kids later It was worth it.
I still can’t learn to go to bed early to make up for waking early . Breaking bad back to back episodes here we come ha
Niall Boylan I used listen to you a lot when I lived in Dublin,
That kid in the 1st pic has very long legs or else is buried under the covers!
Hard work but the joys of parenthood are unbeatable
Some people assume “oh you’re home with the kids, that’s nice and easy.” They never take into account a baby deciding that 4am is a great time to get up and go back to sleep at 6:30 and 45 minutes later you are running around doing breakfasts, packing lunches and trying to find the other school shoe that you are convinced the 5yo has flushed down the toilet, because you know you lay them out the night before on the floor next to the dresser.
I do well on less sleep, but I rather not. I find if it is a noise not relating to the kids, eg a car alarm or an animal outside, I have no idea (I am told about it the next day by himself) but one cough from the kids, and I am up like a shot.
I have gotten ready for bed at near midnight, exhausted, then had the older child get out of bed with a fever and feeling unwell and stayed up til 4 minding him, then still have to get up an hour later to feed the baby who then decided to stay awake for the day. Parenting really needs to come with a health warning! People make comments that they rather stay home with kids all day, funny how they seem to be dying to get back to work! I would see going to work as a break at this stage!
Some people sadly don’t have a choice to stay at home with their kids and see them grow up. They have to go to work and I suspect that they are the ones who wish they were at home! Of course being at home is difficult and certainly extremely hard work, but at least you get to see the rewards of your work. Happy kids who get to see their Mam (or Dad in many cases) throughout their childhood days. Today’s high mortgages and cost of living means many children are being raised by their grandparents, aunts (if they’re lucky) or sent to a crèche while both parents work. At least when I was a kid I was lucky to have my mam at home until my teens when she just had to go back to work to help make ends meet.
Oh I am well aware of all those factors :)
I am talking specifically about the people who dismiss parents forced to stay home by finances or lack of jobs, and those who make comments about wishing they could stay home, then two sentences later give out how they cannot wait to go to work to not have to deal with the kids.
Oh working in the home is no easy task!!!! But I know the type you’re talking about!
Love this! Our daughter was born a week after yours & I look forward to your updates – everything you mention is all too familiar. Our lives revolving around 4hr cycles, planning ahead & organisation is king. Everyday brings something new & now at 3mths old, her personality is getting more defined. Sleeping through the night since 7weeks, but every move she makes has us awake – functioning on minimal sleep is now a skill we’ve acquired. Life will be even more hectic if & when more arrive! Enjoy every minute with your princess.
Yes I still member the first night my two year old slept true, I Couldn’t believe it was so bright out ! Once u relax ur thinking all of a sudden they relax too and u sleep better !
Great read. For me as a first time granny its wonderful to watch my own son with his son of 6 months. Had to laugh when young Mr got into the rage when being put in his car seat. All the times I’ve said ” all I wish for you dear is several kids just like you” has come to pass. ..hilarious
Forgot to say I’d literally kill for them, I adore them.
Great article paddy. Cant say i know too much about it though!! :)
Cheers Aidan. I’d hope so… unless you’re not telling me something?!
Certain people shouldn’t be allowed to bread
Restrictions should be put in place for certain elements of society
To do what with bread?
Yeah…some bakers are wa#%ers!!
All types of bread or just sliced pan?
Well I’m glad someone said it iv had it in for them bakers along time good to know I’m not alone
Pardon my typo
I meant reproduce
Do you mean give them cake instead?
Ya, children can be very kneady sometimes.
Boom!
Good one Vinny!
Kevin, if red-thumbs were calories you would be Ireland’s fattest man.
I’d start with the shite spellers….
Lovely article Patrick, I used say il go answer the crying at the next ad break on the endless tv I used watch when she was sleeping so much as an infant . It seemed just stop then , the key is not to run to the crying straight away I think anyways and give them their own room early on too,Learn sleep on their own ! U need a break sometimes !
Modern day parents are idiots. I bet none of your mothers did the same sh*t you fools are doing now. A dose of cop on and reality check is needed.
Parenting is as difficult as you want it to be. Get a fecking routine going and stop been drama queens and get off the cross.
Great article. Thank you. We’re having twins in 12 weeks, our first kids. Thanks for the heads ups!!
Ash…Hoooooooole….
Sounds like u need a good ride dec
My kid is the same age as yours. Can’t believe your wife got to go on an overnight visit to London! The joys of breastfeeding!
Watching films on a projector screen. ….here you don’t have any problems mate.
Can relate to almost everything in that article. Wait till no. 2 comes along and they start peeing and pooing in unison and nappy changes start to resemble a production line. They act as a tag team when crying too and you have to decide which one is more urgent and which one can be left for a few minutes. It’s busy, but the best job in the world! I can say that now that our no. 2 has started sleeping through the night. You can move mountains when you’ve had a full nights sleep!
Load of nonsense
Boring!!! Me me me.. My life is sooooo hard.. You don’t understand!!… Sorry but don’t give a sh*t!! If you didn’t want all this responsibility, sleepless nights, I don’t know what day it is bull you shouldn’t of had a child. You’re not the first parent and you won’t be the last. Build a bridge and get over it!!! Jeeeez!!
It is difficult but there are far more positives than negatives, even with little to no sleep (we have chidren born less than 14 months apart who are 2 and 3 now). Every day I walk around with e a smile on my face when I am with them as I love then so much.
See a psychologist you obviously got mental issues.
That photo – is the baby sleeping under the duvet at the bottom of the bed??
It’ll smother.
@ Dec what’s wrong with you? Why are parents idiots today? We all just do our best whatever it may be,some people new to the job and it takes time, no need to be condescending!
Enjoy it while you have it….believe you me, I have a 20 and 19 YEAR old and my working week only starts at around 4pm on a Friday when they come home to do washing, and lying awake until they come home from a night out!!! at least for the next 16 years, you will know where she is (give or take a year or two) – exactly where you put her or dropped her off. haha.
Getting a routine done Declan is easier said than done. You can’t really parent every child by the book as they are all unique and respond differently.
Go with it and try to adapt to each child’s needs as you go along. Try not to pretend that you are something you’re not and get rid of the illusion that all parents are perfect as they are not.
As a parent you never stop learning, this goes on for the rest of your life.
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