IF YOU FALL in the yard or bump your head on a table, you need to go and tell someone. If you are feeling unwell emotionally, you need to tell someone. It’s the same thing.
That’s what 27-year-old Ellen, a primary school teacher, tells her seven- and eight-year-old students. It’s a nugget of simple advice she learned the hard way, after ten years of keeping her internal sadness to herself.
It is only in the last year that she has really begun to realise that connecting with family and friends and telling them about what is going on inside her head had been the missing link in her struggle.
“I wish I’d done it ten years ago,” she told TheJournal.ie this week.
We spoke to you last bank holiday about how a good sleep can improve mental wellness – now we want to talk about one of the other little things that can make a big difference: connection.
Take it from Ellen who is now a SeeChange ambassador, working with a whole community of others to change minds about mental health issues in Ireland.
Ellen is best placed to do this because she’s struggled with depressive periods since she was in her teens – but felt that she couldn’t really talk about it to those close to her.
The reason I never spoke out in my teenage years was that on paper I had a good life, a great family and friends, I loved school and was very much into education.
Yet I was suffering at the same time, having sleepless nights, panic attacks, severe paranoia, crying continuously. I was really ashamed because so much was going well in my life and I thought people would think I was attention-seeking.
Even after a suicide attempt and being hospitalised during her college years, Ellen didn’t reveal to her parents how long her trauma had been going on – or that she continued to suffer. “I convinced my parents that I was getting back to normal, and let on to everyone that I was fine but every night, when I went to my room, it would be a different story,” she told us.
Ellen went on to qualify as a teacher but said that the summertimes – when she had more time to think and worry – were always difficult for her.
Last summer, I had had enough. I couldn’t face into another summer of crying. I got it into my head that I needed to do something about it or it would consume the rest of my life.
Bear in mind that Ellen had been speaking to counsellors and psychologists and taking medication at times for the best part of a decade. But what she has found revolutionary is the turning point she reached last summer – for the first time, she told her family what her life was like. And then she reached out to her friends.
It was difficult at first so Ellen used these initial steps which you might find useful to read:
We are social animals (yes, even those of us who prefer a quiet afternoon with a book above all else). It’s a matter of psychological research that human beings need social support both as a preventative measure and coping mechanism in life.
Ellen has been leading her students in a project to think – and talk about – the little things that cheer them up on a day-to-day basis.
I gave them little cards to write on, and they think of things like going outside and cycling their bike, giving their mam or dad a hug, the kind of things children that age would. I was gobsmacked by them and how open they were. They were amazing.
Now the whole school is involved and there is an ever-changing suggestions poster in the school hall where students’ ‘little things’ are posted.
As adults, it can feel harder to break a pattern of isolation. Ellen took ten years to bring her family and friends into her confidence (and now wishes she had sooner). But the main thing to note, she says, is that once you do “it does get better. Absolutely.”
Ellen says that she also first found support by chatting with people of her own age – to all intent and purpose, strangers – but with similar experiences to hers on the SeeChange Facebook page. Why not look around for groups who might form a natural social outlet for you, if you feel you don’t really have someone close to you to whom you can chat.
We spoke previously to the CEO of the Irish Men’s Sheds Association John McEvoy who told us that ‘Shedders’ are not just for men struggling in life, although it has helped people who are feeling isolated or in crisis. They come, rather, “to share knowledge, experience, ideas, creativity and skills”. He says:
The fact is that when a group comes together and creates something positive for the community, then the outcomes are positive for everyone.
There are now 7,000 members attending 220 Men’s Sheds across the country each week.
Targeting another demographic entirely is the Jigsaw programme which is already up and running in 10 communities across Ireland, from Dublin to Donegal, Kerry to Galway, Offaly to Roscommon.
The Jigsaw network allows young adults to come together and talk about their problems – the involvement of the young people themselves in structuring the programme means there is support without judgement or stigma.
You should also check out the likes of:
You’re not looking for someone to ‘fix’ you – you’re looking to increase your social contact on a daily and weekly basis. It’s proven that frequent social interaction is linked to good mental health – and can even lengthen average life expectancy.
But how do you do that? Some top tips here from the NHS and from our own YourMentalHealth.ie, including:
You don’t always have time to catch up face-to-face. But open the conversation with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while by dropping them an email, a text, an online message or phone call. Once you have made contact, it’s easier to make plans to meet up (and make it a regular appointment!)
Speak to someone new today – go on, even a hello to someone you pass in the street or a quick word about the weather to the person behind the shop counter. We’re Irish – there is always something to say about the weather…
Arrange a day out with a group of old school/work/sportsteam friends you haven’t seen in a while. It doesn’t have to be a big reunion – something casual will do
Switch off the TV tonight and play a game with the children
On that note, can you make a fixed ‘family time’ each day – even five minutes before the earliest bedtime, if you can’t make room for a communal round-the-table family meal?
The #LittleThings campaign from yourmentalhealth.ie is a national effort by the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention and scores of partner organisations and support groups to bring information, awareness, advice and support around mental health for you and your loved ones.
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