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REMEMBER THE DAYS when, after a long summer, you got ready to go back to school. The new pencil case. The scented eraser, shiny scuff-proof shoes and pristine ankle socks. Feeling full of hope for the year ahead. But then there was the feeling deep down in your tummy. The end of the summer. The year stretching ahead. Who would you be sitting next to? What if no-one wanted to speak to you? Going back to school was a bittersweet time – a bit like going back to work after maternity leave.
For some the end of maternity leave is a sad time. The official letter confirming your return to work can be enough to prompt a flood of tears. How will you leave your baby? How will you manage everything? For others it’s something to look forward to. And for many of us it’s a bit of both. Getting ready to go back to work may not be quite as simple as buying a new pencil case, but there are some practical things that we can do to help manage that transition.
I thought I was a pro
I learned the hard way. I thought I was a pro. I’d done this all before. I’m a self-employed training consultant and this was my second maternity leave within two years. Having taken time out, I needed to build my business back up. This is why I found myself agreeing to go to overseas – for eight weeks in a row.
I was delivering a series of three-day leadership programmes in places like Moscow and Istanbul. I’d leave on a Sunday afternoon and be back around midnight on a Wednesday. On Thursdays and Fridays I’d be on full-on-mammy-mode whilst catching up with everything in the house and come Sunday I’d be doing it all over again. Before children whilst I wouldn’t work at this rate all of the time, it would have been do-able. But I wasn’t the same person. I had a two-year-old and a five-month-old baby. I completely underestimated what it would do to me physically, mentally and emotionally.
By the end of it, I was miserable. I was exhausted, run down and feeling guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t spending enough time with my two little boys, and when I was at home I was often tired and grumpy. During that time I remember I was struck by how difficult and challenging the groups were and how much harder everything felt.
I’d expected too much of myself
It wasn’t until I stopped and took a break over Christmas that I looked back and realised what a fool I’d been. We’ve probably all heard the line ‘it’s not you – it’s me’ through our dating years. But with hindsight I realised that this time it really was me. I’d taken on far too much, too soon. I’d expected too much of myself. The groups weren’t being particularly difficult, I just wasn’t fully equipped to deal with them as I usually would have.
My case may have been a little bit extreme – most mums returning to work will be going back to the same office and same colleagues. However that doesn’t make it any less daunting. Many of the mums I meet describe how they’re worried about the smallest of things like how they’ll log-on to their computer; and the bigger things like how they’re going to juggle everything, and cope with being away from their babies.
So here’s what I’ve learnt along the way:
Finally be kind to yourself. On average it takes four months to fully settle back in from maternity leave. Things will get easier – just do as I suggest, not as I did!
Tracy Gunn is a working mum of two. She is one of the co-founders of Mumager www.Mumager.ie. The aim of Mumager is to support mums returning to work after maternity leave. You can find out more about upcoming workshops and coaching by emailing info@mumager.ie
Are you a father that stays at home with the kids? Would you like to write about it? Get in touch! Email voices@thejournal.ie
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