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RECENTLY, BRIAN KYRZANICH, CEO of Intel resigned because of a previous fully consensual relationship with a coworker. The affair contravened Intel’s non-fraternisation policy that applied to all managers.
The questions arise swiftly in the media. Is this fair? Is this right? Is it a ridiculous attempt to ban romance at the workplace when it is common knowledge that romance can thrive there, shown by recent surveys stating that 45% of workers had at some time dated a work colleague?
Fraternisation policies
Fraternisation policies are an acknowledgement of the complexities of romance at the workplace.
Coworkers get together and when it all works out and marriage bells chime. What is there to worry about? Nothing is the answer, but in reality there are many romances that do not travel that happy route.
Romances that start clumsily amidst a cloud of alcohol haze at the office party or on an overnight, can then be swiftly regretted, causing all sorts of atmosphere and relationship tensions on the work floor. When that romance is between a manager and one who reports to him/her, the complexities from all sides amplify.
Feedback on work performance, allocating work or annual leave, become fraught with the imperative of fairness and showing no favouritism real or perceived. Then there is the spurned lover or broken hearted one. This too has to be processed in the glare of colleagues and with the challenge of getting the work done.
An obvious next step
Setting guidelines around relationships at work is a wise and obvious next step for employers.
Some companies like Google do not have an explicit rule but do discourage relationships with an imbalance of power. Facebook on the other hand allow staff to ask each other out, but have a once only request policy, guarding against awkwardness in the ongoing relationship.
Other companies insist on disclosure of the relationship especially if there is any conflict of interest.
Those who, in the past, suffered silently have now told their stories, shared their pain and indignity. The #MeToo movement has let it all be said. It has been cathartic and it has opened a cauldron of abusive experience within many work settings, where the balance of power was very much abused.
Cost to lives
Given the now known cost to lives and careers of harassment and the abuse of power at the workplace as exposed in the movement, we ought to welcome and encourage these policies or stop complaining.
It is worth remembering that rules and policies reflect the ethos of a company but they are also in place to reduce risk of the behaviours that can lead to legal actions.
So if we can welcome the many human resources policies around bullying and harassment, respect and dignity then fraternisation policies are a welcome addition and should not be trivialised.
Stephanie Regan is a Clinical Psychotherapist, EAPA Ireland President and a regular contributor on Newstalk.
I’ve a better idea. Let’s stay at home pull the curtains and never utter a word to anyone ever again.
@liam mc laughlin: haha … have you heard the latest one….” Unconscious bias” training????
@Frank Dubogovik: Lol, yeah we had to do some unconscious bias training some months ago at work. What a load of tosh. It was basically a computer based training about not judging a book by it’s cover.
@Frank Dubogovik: oh dear I’m sure I’ll be sent to it soon.
@liam mc laughlin: Are you saying you don’t suffer from any conscious or unconscious biases?
I met my partner at work. We informed our boss only once things were becoming serious – an awkward conversation that I personally felt wasn’t needed as it was no one else’s business what we did when we left the building – we work in totally different sections so lunch is really the only time we see each other so our work wasn’t effected – my boss began treating me differently. It came to a head when I was asked to leave a meeting I had called and was chairing, in front of several times colleagues who were unaware of the relationship because we would be discussing a team that my partner was involved in. I felt like my entire professionalism was called into question and my personal life was aired for all to hear . I was totally embarrassed
@Clare Bear: are you for real
@Clare Bear: I hope we dont go down the road of US style “morals clauses” that allow bosses to sack people for their private lives.
@Clare Bear: It’s called a conflict of interest.
Employers don’t want workers to be close to eachother because they are more likely to stand up for eachother and unionise. There is nothing wrong with falling in love with someone in work. It happens all the time and is completely natural.
@SC: If that was true then why are employers only talking about bringing in these policies now and not 20 years ago when unions were more powerful. The real reason employers don’t want relationships at work is because of the legal actions taken against employers for sexual harassment. If the employer has a policy forbidding relationships then the employee can be sacked more easily and thus avoiding the company being sued.
@SC: that’s just nonesense!
Does anyone else think that this #metoo rubbish has started to go too far? Yes there are instances of people abusing their power over others and this totally wrong, there are those who allow themselves to be abused through their own weakness in the hope of gaining an advantage and when it fails call foul and play at being a victim, when in actual fact they should not have allowed themselves get into the situation in the first place. There is a word, it is NO and after that any person who has any form of violence perpetrated against them should notify law enforcement
@Kevin50: power !!!!!
What a lot of drivel and more of the micro managing of peoples lives so characteristic of the modern nanny state. The obvious next step is we should prevent people talking in case they might get to like each and want a relationship. The fact that “Google do not have an explicit rule but do discourage relationships with an imbalance of power” should be as far as any policy should go. The fact that people should “tell their stories and share their pain on social media” as the ridiculous Metoo movement encouraged them tells us all we need to know about Stephanie Regan.
There are many reasons for tension in the workplace: competition between ambitious young people, promotion on grounds of “gender balance” rather than on merit; are there to be rules around these too or is the last exempt because it is sacred? There isnt rhyme or reason to this tripe.
I’m one of three sisters and we all met our now husbands at work, years ago and all still together…what a crock of s€€t!
Or we could just act like adults and professionals at the workplace
Are there no depths to which the politically correct twitterati will stoop in order to wield their power and interference in human relationships. These puritanical zealots will stoop to extraordinary depths to interfere in relationships between staff. These relationships copy real life outside work . some work out, some don’t. But the Upstairs-downstairs approach (as proposed by Google (no surprise) is disgraceful. I’m outraged, so there.
Ridiculous. Work can be a great place to meet someone special.
@Slim Shady: even for undertakers?
@Frank Dubogovik: Yes if they are down with that….
We should be wary about accepting new fangled ideas from Hollywood. Much of the MeToo movement over there is a reaction to the scandals in Hollywood. I dont think there is anything on the same scale in Irish workplaces. The Magdalene launderies and Industrial schools are in the past. Also around one third of couples meet in the workplace. If we go down the road of trying to micro-manage relationships we are overturning legitimate bodily autonomy.
That said its important to protect workers from employer sexual harrassment. But that is not the same as workplace peers who are at equal levels of power. Leave them alone.
@Pragmatist2018: I agree. I’ve never really dated anyone in work but saw many others get together and even break up with no harm done.
At least in Catholic Ireland if you were naughty you could go to confession and lie to the priest and clear the slate. In this new liberal dystopia there’s no room to manoeuvre, one slip of the tongue and the chasm of ignominy awaits, there’s no chance of redemption, that’s it, you’re an outcast until the day you die.
The noose tightens slowly day by day.
I’ve been living these rules all my working life. Keep business and social separate. Don’t bring it home!
Lots of people meet their partners at work, fraternisation shouldn’t be compared to workplace harass
@Lisa Saputo: *workplace harassment. Stupid thing posted the comment before I was finished.
A handy and funny guide to today’s workplace can be found here:
https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-44630735
@Ruairi Gagarin: Thanks, that was straightforward and funny.
Bull shit
Ye really what’s needed , people skills not needed
Children need to be told how to play together once they start to misbehave.
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