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Theresa May to make appearance on Eastenders in bid to win over Brexit doubters

Leo Varadkar leaked the news last evening, surprising the British press ahead of tonight’s show.

Theres May Eastenders Rehearsal shot of hostile locals witnessing May's arrival.

UK PRIME MINISTER Theresa May is set to make a stunning appearance on Eastenders tonight, as she makes a last-ditch attempt to save her Brexit deal.

The beleaguered Prime Minister has faced a string of crushing blows, and will hope that she receives a better reception from the patrons of the Queen Vic – and the general public – on tonight’s special live edition of the soap opera.

Number 10 sources have indicated that May will win over the pub goers in the Vic – as well as the entire nation – with a passionate speech in unfamiliar surroundings. 

However, and in a move that’s likely to enrage the British government further, this news has emerged because the Irish government has opted to give notice of May’s appearance in advance.

But – unlike previous instances where the Irish side has given the game away for May’s government when it comes to Brexit announcements – Varadkar was actually required to do so.

As part of the most recent Anglo-Irish Agreement in 2003, the head of government in each country must give advance notice to their counterpart across the Irish Sea if they are to make an appearance on a primetime soap opera.

Script

A BBC source has revealed a draft script of tonight’s episode to the TheJournal.ie last night.

The source was bleary-eyed through a chronic lack of sleep, and explained that the script had undergone a number of rewrites.

“This is the 416th draft,” the source said. “And her appearance was only confirmed at the start of March. Brexit won’t stop f*****g, c*****g changing every two seconds. It’s driving the actors mad.”

In a video supplied by the source, it shows actor Adam Woodyatt – who plays stalwart Ian Beale – reacting to the latest news the script was being rewritten, and expressing concerns about how other actors would take it.

via GIPHY

Here are some excerpts from tonight’s script – although we do remind you it’s contingent on what the hell happens in Brexit over the course of today:

SCRIPT 1

After the initial bad reception May gets at the pub, she sits plotting her next move when she gets some advice from an unlikely source.

SCRIPT 2

It is understood that it is this next bit that required the most rewriting, as Number 10 demanded meticulous control over what May says here and the reaction in the pub. 

TheJournal.ie extends its apologies for the incomplete nature of this extract.

SCRIPT 3

SCRIPT 4

There is then to be spontaneous cheering, with the famous “dun dun dun” music swiftly following.

Reaction

At this critical juncture in the future of Britain, critics of the Prime Minister are baffled as to why she is going on a soap opera at this stage.

While being very critical of the Prime Minister for example, Jeremy Corbyn tried to set up a last minute rebuttal on tonight’s Coronation Street but locals there are still in mourning over the knicker factory tragedy last month.

One supporter of May however, is Secretary of State for Social Affairs and Citizenship Peter Mannion.

While profusely sweating, the man who absolutely doesn’t want to replace her as Prime Minister told TheJournal.ie: “In criticising all of us the other week, the Prime Minister was sending a clear message that parliamentarians aren’t to be trusted. And she was… eh… completely right. I think she’ll really connect with the people this evening.”

It’s understood that high-level talks will take place throughout the day between Fine Gael and RTÉ to try get Leo Varadkar on the next edition of Fair City.

“Leo sees this happening across the water, and sees it as such a good PR opportunity,” a government source said. “He’s absolutely raging he didn’t think of it first.”

So, with May sipping a gin in the Queen Vic tonight, don’t be surprised to see Leo slurping down a pint of blackstuff in McCoy’s pub within the next week. 

Tonight, we’ll be liveblogging Theresa May’s appearance on Eastenders. Join us here on the site or get involved with the hashtags #Brextenders #TJMay and #Whatthefuckisgoingon.

Additional reporting from Nicky Ryan in east London.

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Sean Murray

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