Sign in. It’s quick, free and it’s up to you.
An account is an optional way to support the work we do. Find out more.
After seeing a piece on the legalities of abortion in Ireland on TheJournal.ie last month, a reader got in touch with us as she wanted to share her experience of having to travel to the UK for a termination. With the media and political focus back on the issue, the ordeal had started to play on her mind again. She hoped by writing down her thoughts, she could help herself – and other women. This is her story, in her words.
ALMOST FOUR YEARS ago I became pregnant, and after an extreme amount of soul searching and personal turmoil, I decided to have a termination.
The person who was the father was a chronic alcoholic; he was also emotionally manipulative, juvenile and had serious mental health issues.
In short, I did not wish to have a child with such a person; I did not feel it was right to bring a child into an already very unhealthy situation. When I had made the decision, I was referred to a family planning clinic, where a nurse tried to convince me how wonderful it would be when I held my baby in my arms. Difficult as it was, I was not deterred from my decision, and subsequently went to the Marie Stopes clinic, who made all the arrangements. They warned me that there may be protesters outside the abortion clinic, and to be prepared for some abuse.
I travelled to England on the appointed date, accompanied by the father, who had made a huge fuss about coming with me. The clinic was spotless and there were no protesters, and the procedure was not a long one. But it was extremely traumatic. I opted for no anaesthetic, as to have one meant a couple of hours stay as opposed to 30 minutes without. Consequently, I was in a lot of pain and then had to wait eight hours before the flight home.
These were passed mostly in a café bar, where I saw several other Irish women and girls who had been in the clinic. The father proceeded to get extremely drunk and abusive and when we left (after several hours of tolerance from the barman), he tried to start fights in the street. I was becoming quite ill and was very relieved to get to the airport, where I made him have some coffee, as I was afraid we would not be allowed on the plane.
We got the flight, all the while him telling me what a bad person I was, that it was against God, and so on. I am not religious, and so didn’t care about that angle of insult, but I was very upset that he was backtracking on what we had agreed on.
At home about a week later, I got up one morning and fell in the bathroom. I had been in constant pain but this was now agony. I was bleeding heavily and knew something was wrong. I went to my GP and was told I had a severe infection. I was put on four very strong antibiotics and told to rest.
My GP told me that this happens a lot after terminations, as there could be no follow up care, with the procedure being in a different country.
The weeks that followed were awful: I was in agony, very weak and sick, and also had to deal with a lot of abuse from the father, who would call and drunkenly rant that the abortion was “the worst thing ever to happen to him”, and that I had “killed our baby”.
I dealt with that as best I could. I did not tell very many people about the termination as I did not want to be judged – people have very strong opinions on this topic and I wanted to get through it myself, without gossip.
In closing, I would like to say this: termination is a very difficult and traumatic experience.
I did not take the decision lightly but I know in the end that I did the right thing for myself.
The fact that I became so ill after it was a shock. It made it much harder to cope and it is a disgrace that women have to leave their own country to have this procedure – and possibly become ill with no aftercare.
Regardless of how anyone feels about abortion, women should have a choice, and that choice should be echoed in government policy. This is not a religious issue. It is a human issue. And no religious organisation comprised of celibate men should be allowed to tell us what to do with our bodies.
Mine was a personal choice. I did not want to be bound to an abusive drunk, nor have a child in that situation. I am not forcing my opinion on anyone, but that was my experience and I wanted to share it as abortion is not a black and white issue. I will, no doubt, be judged for this piece but it has helped me to write it and I hope that it helps other women.
TheJournal.ie knows the identity of the author but she wishes to remain anonymous for personal reasons.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
Let’s just vaccinate people and get on with it. The UK have done one in three people, we’ve just done a few thousand and we’re slapping each other on the back like we’re brilliant. Let’s forget about lists and open the centres and GP surgery’s and let’s start jabbing peoples arms and get the country back open. I can’t do another six months of this.
@Keith Ellis: jabbing them with what exactly?
@David Clements: The Covid vaccine David. It’s given by a massively long needle into the arm. Jab and it’s over, although I’ll probably faint looking at the length of it.
@Keith Ellis: that’s exactly what I think and don’t be giving away any to other countries, just keep rolling on to the next group. What is wrong with these people. It’s a perfectly simple task. Make a flippin list and GET ON WITH IT.
@Keith Ellis: thats what she said
@Keith Ellis: do you have any?
@Keith Ellis: the UK are doing millions of the one jab thing, jiggling the science. Let’s hope it doesn’t bite Boris in the whatzit
@Keith Ellis: It’s a rare commodity for us, they might as well be fussy about administering it. It’s not slowing anything down in the long term.
@Keith Ellis: if you don’t have enough vaccine you can’t just start jabbing
@Tony Lyons: Exactly that. Demand and supply! Also, if we want it done right, it take organisation for each and every centre, Hospital, GP practice etc that administers it. Nothing in life is as easy as “just jab people with it”.
@Keith Ellis: That is what they are doing at a good rate, they use the vaccines as they get it. As they get more they will vaccinate more. The UK has stretched the time to the second injection.
We have not to the extent they have. A gamble that may have paid off.
@Keith Ellis: so go move to the UK then if you love it so much. You’re cherry picking. The UK has had over 130,000 deaths. They have screwed this up big time and a vaccine is the only way out.
@Mary N. Cooke: you’ve ruined wotsits for me now:(
@Mary N. Cooke: Or are they showing leadership and doing what they feel is best to protect their citizens and country as soon as possible and not waiting for others to tell them what to do.
@Dobby Dooo Dooo: In America you stick your arm out your car window and they administer the vaccine. Simple.
Probably 2028 they should expect a call with the speed they are going at.
@neil gallagher: MAths not your subject obviously. Keep up with the news. End of summer worst case.
@Gary Kearney: sarcasm obviously isn’t your strong suit is it?
I am an Irish man and proud!
However I am a family man 1st!
A European living in NI possibly thought of as a west Brit, that’s where I pay my taxes and receive the benefits etc.
With the UK having one of the highest Covid world death rates, for those who hopefully report properly I have to say the UK vaccine roll out is very impressive and I am a happy recipient.
The EU on the other hand and by default Ireland are behind the curve with what would seem design by committee, rarely a good thing!
As an anti Brexit exponent the EU has played into the hands of those who said we did the right thing leaving look at the evidence.
Ireland I sincerely hope you catch up with the north and we can get back to some sort of non sectional north/south thought.
@Michael Shannon: Completely wrong, the UK are gambling that the holding back of the second shot will not bit them in the back side like waiting for herd immunity and other such great plans have.
The EU and Ireland are being more conservative and not making promises they cant keep.
@Gary Kearney: they’re not being more cautious – they can’t get the vaccines. They’ve admitted that on several occasions recently as you probably know.
That makes total sense. I hope they have made provisions for carers at home too today.
@Maria Monaghan: Just wait and see the queue jumping now, first on will be the politicians families who will now have underlying conditions.
@Joe Johnson: So you’d prefer people with underlying conditions weren’t a priority, is it? FYI.. even politicians families can have illnesses. They are human just like you and I.
@Maria Monaghan: I agree. We need to mind our carers. Where would the country be without these unsung heroes?
At the rate people are joining the waiting lists in Ireland then everyone will be in the queue for underlying conditions, our health service is broken and yes ” it is quite a long list” with no end just a horizon.
@Keith Ellis. Do you think there’s shed loads of unused vaccine down the docks or somewhere? They’re giving it out as quick as they’re getting their hands on it.
U.K. 33.65% – and before that guy who always pops up saying they’re not actually vaccinated until the second jab arrives… It’s 80-90% going to keep you out of hospital. Tony Blair was right and thankfully for the U.K., they listened to him! https://twitter.com/ukvacprogress/status/1364198360568201218?s=21
@Theportobello: So what happens to the ones that it fails with. That is a large amount of people lives who they are playing with for a cheap press pop.
They had to do something big as the only thing they have done big so far is the mistakes they have made
@Gary Kearney: are you ignorant of the facts? Yes they sped through the testing and took a risk but the alternative would be another 100k deaths. They got lucky with that and they’re flying ahead with WHO praising their approach to getting first vaccine to as many people quickly.
There’s just no comparison to the republic – we are constantly talking about planning – planning for PPE, planning for extra ICU capacity, planning to test in meat factories, planning to quarantine passengers, planning to get in vaccination centres…
@Gary Kearney: you do realise that Ireland are also giving the AZ jab doses 12 weeks apart?
Well done to everyone who, even if only through the minor exertion of polls hosted by news sites such as this, expressed a desire to to protect and support those who may be ‘weaker’ than themselves. It is sad that a Taoiseach needed prodding in the direction of the fairest – and therefore most republican – way forward.
I see Obesity is classified as an underlying condition.
Brilliant. So being obese gets someone ahead in the list over someone who looks after themselves. Awful joke
@Chris Byrne: Yes, as they are more likely to end up in ICU. Which bit of the logic do you find challenging? As you are clearly a selfish person, let me put it like this, if you neede to go to hospital for a non-covid reason, I presume you would like the hospital to have as much capacity to treat you as possible?
Where are those that have heart condition s fit in.
@Dave Barrett: Totally agree just shows they are all over the place with this.
Genuine question: how is the HSE advised on who is assigned to each group? I was in group 7 but *may* be considered for group 4 under the new proposals.
Thanks, and apologies if it’s a dumb question!
@Garren Bellew: I’d imagine that is decided by your GP or your hospital consultant. I am in the same situation.
@Garren Bellew: I’m in same boat as you, to me it seems like ders no difference between cohort 4 and 5.
@Garren Bellew: it’s a good question- but not sure that anyone has the answer…
@Garren Bellew: the flu vaccination campaign. The GPs have the list of people who has underlying conditions. This season the flu vaccine was offered free of charge.
I contacted my GP in January – expression of interest- unfortunately there aren’t taking name down like the flu vaccine and hadn’t received any information from the HSE, I think they were waiting to be vaccinated. Then few weeks later, my GP texted me and forwarded me the link of an app. It’s a mass vaccination so the app facilitate the arrangement, schedule the vaccination slot to those interested on
I also hope it’ll be taken into consideration the rule of -first coming, first served- we will see
@Maria Quinn: First come first serve, are you serious.
Going forward, how did that Money get into my Wife’s account? Look over there! Preaching from behind the Altar, as Leo sez.
Rightly so.
Great news re: people with underlying health conditions. Meanwhile https://radio.rte.ie/radio1highlights/vaccine-priority-on-the-ray-darcy-show/
Wheres my original comment gone? Why are fat obese people moved up?
have your say