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i wrote this

9 novels (and 1 cookbook) written by surprising celebrities

Shakespeare, watch out.

WE’RE MORE USED TO seeing her on the big screen in that one movie about a dancer, but Jessica Alba is more than just an actress.

As of this month, she’s also an author, with the launch of The Honest Life: Living Naturally and True to You, a healthy lifestyle book for people who can read good.

But it turns out that Alba isn’t the only celebrity who has put quill to parchment (or dictated to a ghostwriter).

Gwyneth Paltrow – My Father’s Daughter

Pic: Amazon

Ah, Gwyneth. Like that well-behaved girl in your class who means well but is never quite as popular as she thinks, Gwynnie (she’s totally a Gwynnie) has brought out two cookbooks.

And in true Gwynnie style, her debut tome My Father’s Daughter is all about “celebrating the joy of preparing food for loved ones”.

Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian – Dollhouse

Pic: Amazon

What a kool kover this book has! I kan’t really kome to terms with its klassiness. It’s all about three kompletely fabulous sisters and is in no way inspired by the kind of klife the Kardashians klive, k?

Tyra Banks – Modelland

Pic: Amazon

Write about what you know, they say. Well, if she knows nothing else, Tyra certainly knows models. Smize!

Nicole Richie - The Truth About Diamonds

Pic: Tammie ASrroyo/AFF/EMPICS Entertainment

The Truth About Nicole Richie, in a Book With A Misleading Name

Naomi Campbell – Swan

Pic: Amazon

This 1994 book about a supermodel named Swan (!) who is blackmailed (!!) wasn’t even written by Naomi (!!!). Oh.

Lauren Conrad – LA Candy

Pic: Gregg DeGuire/AFF/EMPICS Entertainment

Former “reality” TV star Lauren Conrad (she of The Hills) has no less than five novels under her skinny belt, alongside two style books, which is making us question what we’re doing with our short lives. Her novels tend to feature women on reality shows, funnily enough.

Snooki – A Shore Thing

Snooki penned her second book at that very launch. Pic Charles Sykes/AP/Press Association Images

Life’s a beach, and then you write a book ‘heavily inspired’ by your time on a reality show, which is described in an Amazon review as “very entertaining to read, and that is coming from somebody who hates to read books”. High praise.

Pamela Anderson – Star

Pic: Tammie Arroyo/AFF/EMPICS Entertainment

This paragraph will be the first one you’ve ever read that won’t contain a mention of Pam AND her boobs. Wait… Dammit! Anyway, everyone’s favourite lifeguard penned this novel in 2005, which centred on a ‘fresh-faced beauty’ working in a tanning salon who discovers what happens when ‘A-list meets D-cup’. Er, ok then.

Sharon Osbourne

Pic: Amazon

If I say Mrs O’s debut novel about two sisters who are pulled apart by success is crap, Sharon could literally sent me a box of dog crap in the post. Revenge, indeed.

Katie Price

Pic: Andrew Milligan/PA Archive/Press Association Images

Is there ANYTHING Katie Price aka Jordan cannot do? I think not. Oh, well, except for actually author her extremely long list of books herself.

Read: You smell! The weird world of celebrity perfumes>

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