THIS PARENTING STUFF can be tricky, and there’s no real way to know if you’re doing it right. Until you do it wrong, that is.

Each week in our new series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out if they’re on the right track with a parenting decision, or if they’ve gotten something 100% wrong. To get a balanced view of the situation, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.

This week’s dilemma

Am I being a bad parent… to request money instead of gifts for my child’s birthday? My daughter is inviting all the girls from her class to our house for her birthday next month. I’m planning on asking parents to give €5 instead of a gift at her party, to save people spending €15 – €20 on a gift that will probably end up lost or in a charity bag. I think it’s a great idea but I mentioned it to a mum friend and she was horrified. Am I being unreasonable?

Our parents’ anonymous responses

Yes, you are definitely being unreasonable! This is taking for granted that people are going to bring a gift. I know they most likely will be, but this is presuming so. The only way you could ask for the €5 is if you were donating the money to a charity.

No, you’re not being unreasonable. I think it’s a really good idea. I know when I’m on the receiving end of those invitations I’m delighted as it means less hassle regarding getting a present. Sometimes your child who is bringing the present can get a bit stressed worrying if they’ve got the right thing also. Plus you know there’s less waste.

Yes, you’re being a bit unreasonable. You’re making the assumption that all kids are definitely going to bring presents. It’s a good idea in theory but it may come across as ungrateful – plus the child won’t have anything to open on the day!

No, you’re not being unreasonable in the slightest. This is very practical and better than getting unwanted presents. In general if it’s a party with a good few kids (say more than eight), presents don’t get appreciated. But cash in a handmade card has a personal message, and kids know they can get something they want.

You’re not being unreasonable, as long as you approach it correctly. If the request is worded the wrong way on the invite it could cause some stress/anger, so you need to be tactful.

So what’s the final tally? Is our reader being unreasonable?

No – 3

Yes – 2

Tell us your thoughts in the comments!

Do you have a parenting issue you need advice on? Do you find yourself asking if you’re being unreasonable? Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.

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