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I DIDN’T REALLY see myself as a ‘carer’. I saw myself as a mother who happens to have three wonderful boys, each with their own unique needs and – let’s face it – demands!
I don’t work outside the home, because I can’t. That’s the truth.
I have been living in a secret world for about 12 years now. A world where I don’t know how to answer that question; “What is it you do for a living?” I normally say “I am an at home mom”, which is met with the usual nods and the smiles. When I feel braver I say “I am a full-time carer for my son”. Why is that answer braver? Because it is. There are always follow up questions, “Oh, what does he have?” or “I’d have never known” or the really obnoxious reply: “Really? Wow. So you’re on the social.”
I don’t get a break
My day is not spent sitting and watching day-time TV, despite what an awful lot of society thinks. I don’t get a break when my two eldest boys are at school. My mornings are spent cleaning, hoovering, changing sheets, washing clothes, trying my best to dry them despite the weather, thinking ‘if I don’t have that duvet cover dry by this evening I’m unsure if he will sleep’.
When I’ve done all I can do with that side of the housework, I’ve to start the dinner, get all the kitchen cleaned and interact with my youngest toddling son, who, like most toddlers, cannot be trusted for two seconds.
While dinner is cooking, I’m wary of the clock. It seems to speed up once 12 o’clock strikes! I double-check my white board to ensure I know when and where I have to be for the rest of this week. Appointments are a must, but boy are they an inconvenience – especially the ones that require me to bring Ethan along so his team can talk to me while he runs wild. They always have to send me an email to remind me about what ‘we’ spoke about during the appointment—trust me, there is no ‘we’ in that conversation, unless I’ve a point to make.
I’ve to get Ethan’s clothes ready so the transition from uniform to casual clothes goes smoothly. I’ve to run up to ensure my middle son’s desk is clutter free and ready for the daily torture that is his homework—J has ADHD.
Hectic and demanding days
The boys come home at 3pm. The toddler is still up and very cranky, but in his wisdom, refuses a nap at every opportunity. Dinner is served. I spoon feed Ethan and my toddler while my side of dinner gets colder. If I remember something like ‘the cooker ring is still on’, we all must get up to check (it’s not safe to leave Ethan and toddler alone, for any length of time).
J begins the daily ‘torture’ and spends most of his time coming in and out of the room informing me of the random thoughts that pop into his mind. I try not to get annoyed. I’m not always successful.
Ethan and toddler are having some sort of pooping contest. I’m the referee and the cleaning lady. I’ve no choice but to participate. While cleaning the toddler, Ethan will want my attention or be so engrossed in his TV that he will start yelping and screaming, which used to frighten the toddler. However, now the toddler thinks that’s a perfectly acceptable behaviour and joins in. I have a headache normally by 5pm.
The torture of J’s homework ends around 6.30pm after much arguing about what he has and has not to do for his English, Maths and so on. Then daddy comes home. I have my second warm cup of coffee of the day, in peace.
I prepare the tea while I listen to the radio. I get all the medication out and prepare it for both the boys. I make lunches for the next day.
We have our tea. The boys go to bed roughly at 8pm. J objects and refuses to go. Ethan happily goes up and finally falls asleep about 9pm. Toddler just got moved into a ‘big boy’ bed – need I say more?! J finally gives up and is asleep by 11.30pm.
We go to bed.
I am exhausted
I’m up by 6.45am. I’m always trying to be one step ahead of Ethan, as Ethan is a ‘smearer’. I shower him slowly, trying not to upset him as his body is stiff from the night’s rest. He has just turned 13 and is built like a house, the last thing I want is to get a ‘smack’ from him, for not knowing he was sore. I dress him, which hurts my back as I’ve to manoeuvre him in order to get him dressed. I try to strip Ethan’s bed before the toddler announces that he is ‘weady for bekkie’ over his baby gate.
J leaves at 7.40am with his daddy. Ethan luckily has a bus collect him at 8.20am and I am very lucky to have remembered to have brushed my teeth by 10am!
I am exhausted. I am a weight lifter. I am a nurse. I am a specialist. I am a doctor. I am a teacher. I am an advocate. I am a mediator. I am a secretary. I am an occupational therapist. I am a speech and language therapist. I am a physiotherapist. I am a cook (not a great one). I am a children’s entertainer. I am a cleaner. I am clown, when I need to be. I am an encourager. I am a holder of secrets. I am a bottomless pit of information about children’s rights… Yet, I am insulted regularly by what ‘title’ is given to people like me. I am looked down upon due to being ‘just a carer’.
I am a mother to three wonderful boys; each have their own unique needs and wants. I am also a full-time carer… I am a writer… I am funny… I am sociable (when given the chance)… I am an optimist… I am far more than ‘just a carer’… I am everything to three little boys, while these boys are everything to me.
“So, what do you do for a living?”
‘I’m Ger, wife to David and mother to three wonderful boys, Ethan, J and baby D. We live in the city of the Tribes! Our world was rocked to its core in 2008, when Ethan was diagnosed with Hunter Syndrome, a life limiting condition. We are slowly learning to laugh and live again in our ‘new’ world.’ (Geraldine Renton blogs at www.geraldinerenton.com)
This week (8-14 June) is National Carers Week, with events happening all over the country to recognise the work of family carers. Check out the website (www.carersweek.ie) for details of events in your local area.
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The people of Cambodia will celebrate tonight.
@David: absolutely. needless bloodshed. The Killing fields is a wonderfully sad movie too
@Sean oSuilleabhain: Great film. I would also recommend the book “Sideshow”.
@Sean oSuilleabhain: He didn’t start the Killing Fields..the communists did that all by themselves. In fact he helped remove Pol Pot. Just stating a fact!
@Deirdre Moffat: It was the Vietnamese that removed Pol Pot.
You know, those communists.
@Deirdre Moffat: It was his illegal, under international law, bombing campaign – 3 million tons of ordnance dropped and up to a million estimated to be killed, coupled with the nefarious actions of the CIA that led to the fall of a completely peaceful and stable regime in Cambodia and the installation of a “US friendly” leader. The ousted Sihanouk called on the country’s rural masses to support his coalition government in exile, and as a result the previously rag tag Khmer Rouge gained popularity with the rural population, and eventually power. Kissinger’s fingerprints are all over the killing fields, it takes serious revision on your part to see it differently. His unexploded cluster bombs still maim farmers and their family’s to this day.
@Deirdre Moffat: He did, albeit not directly intentional as is always the case with US foreign policies(they tend to have unexpected outcome).
His illegal bombings were directly responsible for the mass recruitment of the Khmer Rouge, (Whom were not that much of a threat and would never have had the numbers they had but for US policies), that coupled with the overthrow of the leader of Cambodia for a more US friendly one, led said leader to endorse the Khmer Rouge, thus leading to more recruitment.
In short, H.K. policies and that of the US were directly responsible for the killing fields. See “operation Menu”.
@David: I just said all that :-)
@Deirdre Moffat: The U.S . Certainly caused the genocide that was to become the killing fields.. The invasion of Cambodia by the U.S. and the setting up of a puppet government set the stage…The U.S. abandoned Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos…After years of fighting a war they could not win.. Like Iraq, . Afghanistan, the U.S. arrived, destroyed, left. Kissinger was instrumental in creating this policy.
@Deirdre Moffat: The Vietnamese communists actually liberated Cambodia from the genocidal Khmer Rouge regime, while the West continued to support and recognise them as the government of Cambodia for many years at the UN.
@David: One man not celebrating is the murderous fascist Putin.
Putin, meanwhile, said in a message to Kissinger’s wife that he was “a wise and far-sighted statesman” and his name “is inextricably linked with a pragmatic foreign policy line, which at one time made it possible to achieve detente in international tensions and reach the most important Soviet-American agreements that contributed to the strengthening of global security.”
Translation: He was ok with imperial conquests by the ‘great powers’ regardless of the war crimes committed in their execution.
@Bobby Digital: Why are you telling me this?
@Sean oSuilleabhain: The Killing Fields has nothing to do with Kissinger.
@Sean O’Dhubhghaill: He laid the ground work for the genocide that followed in Cambodia. The U.S. and the West actually supported Pol Pot…It was the Vietnamese Army that liberated Cambodia from the Khmer Rouge…The Millions dead , Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos can be squarely blamed on the U.S.and the policy created by Kissinger. A warmonger.
Dry eyes across the world
@David Cotter: Kissenger showed a vision of the true American Dream.
@Pól Pot: Christopher Hitchens will have a smile tonight.
@Pól Pot: Agreed…The American Dream…So called because you have to be asleep to believe it…
When he visited Cork in 2002 there was such a big protest that he had to be escorted out of a side entrance of the UCC lecture halls because of a fear for his personal safety.
It’s tragic he never got that much closer to facing the consequences of his actions.
@Seamus Enright: As Col Lawrence Wilkinson said “Americans don’t do accountability”
Only the good die young…
He’s looking up at us.
And yet, after the Cold War ended, the world is less safe than it ever was.
@AnthonyK: People are damned if they do or don’t…….and the people who ‘do’ are always whinged upon by the people that don’t.
@uUleRhCu: Especially if they ‘do’ mass murder: people like to whinge about that for some reason.
@AnthonyK: From a nuclear Armageddon standpoint, the world is far safer now than during the cold war.
@ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere: But going backwards.
Cause of death not given? Old age could be a factor.
@An Other: A very distinct possibility. A German Jew that was U.S. secretary of state. A bit of a conflict of interest there.
@David O Brien: How so?
@Deirdre Moffat: He, like the U.S. government even to this day believes in destroying a country in order to save it.
@David O Brien: And they are right. Let’s hope they destroy Iran next.
@David O Brien: still not sure how him being a German Jew makes that a conflict of interest, in anyway.
@The Anti palestine And Islam: How is the weather in Tel Aviv today?
@The Anti palestine And Islam: The last time U.S. interference in Iran didn’t work out to well. The U.S. overthrow of the democratically elected government who was replaced by the U.S. puppet despot called the Shah..look where that led..The U.S. abandoned the Shah very fast when it came to it. Same as they abandoned Iraq Afghanistan when it suited them..The turmoil at Kabul airport was a reminder of the turmoil on the rooftop of the U.S. Embassy in Saigon. Don’t think the (Great Satan) as Iran called it will be destroyed Iran anytime soon.
@Donal Desmond: You’re wasting your time with him/her.
A mass murderer celebrated by Americans. They really are animals
@Martin Curtin: We celebrate plenty of mass murderers in this country….hamas is the flavour of the month at the moment.
@uUleRhCu: or a bit of solidarity with the everyday people of palestine, whatever you are having yourself.
@uUleRhCu: Hamas are fighting for their country, they are allowed under international law to target Soldiers (just not civilians).
@uUleRhCu: I haven’t seen or heard one Irish person celebrating Hamas. Your anti Irish outpourings get more ridiculous by the day
@uUleRhCu: And just why do Hamas even exist, John?
Is it not because the Israeli colonist drove the Palestinian people off their land to create their state of Israel.
Their state of Israel exists on the homeland of the Palestinian people.
Which they are perfectly entitled to fight for.
@uUleRhCu: I don’t think it’s true to say Hamas are “flavour of the month” in Ireland at the moment. You are misrepresenting peoples outrage at the slaughter of civilians as something else entirely, guess it fits your narrative. And to preempt yours or others predictable response, yes I abhor and condemn the slaughter of Israeli civilians by Hamas also.
@Setanta O’Toole: The every day Palestinian support Hamas. They get hate they deserve.
@Michael Burke: Slaughter of civilians? You mean death cause by the Hamas right? Because it’s the Hamas who blocks them from leaving.
It’s the Hamas who uses school/hospital/private homes to launch their rockets.
The civilians death are on Hamas, what do you IDF to do ? Try to not do anything while they need to save their people?
Gaza is the new Dresden, people voted for them in 2006, they have more than 70% approval, they get what they deserve 100%.
@uUleRhCu: Kissinger had a lot to do with the present state of affairs concerning the terrorist state of Israel. Perhaps you would like to check out kissinger and U.S. policy regarding Israel ..especially Kissingers input.
@The Anti palestine And Islam: do you have kids? Are they vehemently fianna fail or sinn fein, or do they not have a breeze and prefer paw patrol and the like? So no, they are not getting what they deserve. Who else would you have them support, the apatheid state that is bombing their hospitals and refugee camps? Tis easy from the cheap seats.
@ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere: odd, but should we ignore ancient history just so your narrative fits? Let’s ignore the 12 Tribes of Israel or even the Iron Age lands of Israel and Judah. Think you may need to study a bit more history.
@The Anti palestine And Islam: You and I will not agree, 5000 dead children support Hamas?
@The Anti palestine And Islam: You Zionists can stay off this chat. Israel is the w a r c r i m i n a l.
@uUleRhCu: exactly people are all banging on about poor palastinians they have sided with Hamas……did they really think Israel would just sit back
@uUleRhCu: Your parents really did a number on you.
@uUleRhCu: “We” – you aren’t Irish.
@The Anti palestine And Islam: The Terrorist state of Israel existed before the emergence of Hamas. Israel has become the Facist state that once sought to exterminate them.
@Paul Fahey: @Paul Fahey: Ancient history?
So what you’re saying is that if people who claimed a heritage from those who left these shores long ago decided to come back, come back and overthrow our government, come back and overthrow our government and establish their own state on our land, and drive us off our land, that would be OK with you?
That is what the Israeli colonial invader did to the Palestinian people.
And did so using terrorist groups, such as Haganah, The Stern Gang and Irgun.
You also conveniently forget that this ancient land of the Jews was called Judah, and was located in the highlands west of the Jordan. It didn’t have a coastline on the Med. Or the Red Sea either for that matter.
Yet the modern state of Israel was established around Tel Aviv, on the Med coast, and has expanded to take all of Palestine, and part of Jordan.
But the descendants of those who left Judah long ago still have no claim to that land, do they?
Just as the descendants of those who left Ireland long ago have no claim to our land.
Is it because most of the descendants of those that remained had the gall to change their religion – some the Christianity, most to Islam – that you believe they lose their rights to their homeland?
@uUleRhCu: I haven’t seen anyone celebrating hamas in this country. Would you care to back up that disgusting assertion with some facts please?
@Jimmy Wallace: Quick reminder that there were Viking/Norman mercenary ships hired by both sides at the Battle of Clontarf. In fairness, the only ones that settled here were better behaved!
@Paul Fahey: here’s a reality check for you…anyone can CONVERT to Judaism and by virtue arrive in Israel and claim a piece of Palestine. This isn’t about religion, it is pure 100% colonialism. If yo don’t understand colonialism, there’s search engines that will help educate you!
And Yes, absolutely, we should ignore ancient history, it has nothing what-so-ever to do with colonial occupation.
Your logic would allow a random Scandinavian to state that he/she has an historical claim to Dublin.
@and the hit’s just keep coming: Why doesn’t the Israeli army go in and actually target Hamas instead of carpet bombing civilians?
The 9 circles of hell put forward a press releade stating that while they appreciate kissingers many achievements, they feel his presence may have a destabilising effect and are decling him entry.
100 years too late. Fascist skum.
Checkmate!
100 years old whao, the changes he must of witnessed
@Peter Murray: MASH to Knight rider
@Peter Murray: of all the changes I have witnessed in my lifetime the transformation of opal fruits to starbursts will always stay with me…
Henry Kissinger 2006
@Noel Doherty: Unfortunately Kissinger caused a lot of these changes…..His political policy was responsible for millions of deaths and the destruction of countries. Kissinger is partly responsible for the turmoil in the Middle East to this day. He certainly will not be mourned in South East Asia, South America, Middle East.
War monger
@John Nolan: aye but so was Obama, one of the purest. theres many baddies from the democratic party but there are many more from the republican side
Obama purposely gaslit the American people and more that Guantanemo was temporary and was happy to see al Assad remain in power in bloodthirsty Syria
Good riddance to bad rubbish
good… evil b**t**d
No loss to humanity.
Has Irony died as well?
I’d have to go for Gerald ford if pressed on it out of any of those from that era. of those who were republican
An early progressive who looked crackin’ togged out for American football ::) p
@Sean oSuilleabhain: they were both in the simpsons as well.
@Sean oSuilleabhain: I wouldn’t call a hardcore racist & imperialist “progressive”, neither would the people of South East Asia I’d wager
@Art Vandelay: :o appears you’re on the money
@Setanta O’Toole: both good as well
Adrenochrome kept him alive this long
Don’t forget the Australian coup of 1975.
Sad part was he got to live so long unlike his victims shame on USA
Another mass people exterminator at the heart of the USA exterminating machine from Israel where else
All American soldiers should listen to Henry Kissinger, who famously said “Soldiers are just dumb, stupid animals to do with what we please” should be on the 1st page of recruitment camp.
Great news. Thankfully the great Jimmy Carter outlived him too.
“They should give him an enema so that he can be buried in a matchbox”. Christopher Hitchens. Well comrade it’s finally here. A day you long to see.
If his ‘Realpolitik’ description is accurate, then there’s some irony in his family fleeing the the power of the nazis given they would have exterminated every Jew they could reach.
straight to hell ). what a disgusting evil excuse for a human being
About time
Kissinger, the most respected diplomat for Chinese and China. RIP!
A true USA diplomat if you cant persuade them with propaganda take it anway you can
have your say