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'A carer, what is that?' I am a weight lifter. I am a nurse. I am a specialist. I am exhausted.
I care full-time for my son, who has Hunter Syndrome, as well as being a mother to my other two young boys – yet I am often looked down upon by others.
I DIDN’T REALLY see myself as a ‘carer’. I saw myself as a mother who happens to have three wonderful boys, each with their own unique needs and – let’s face it – demands!
I don’t work outside the home, because I can’t. That’s the truth.
I have been living in a secret world for about 12 years now. A world where I don’t know how to answer that question; “What is it you do for a living?” I normally say “I am an at home mom”, which is met with the usual nods and the smiles. When I feel braver I say “I am a full-time carer for my son”. Why is that answer braver? Because it is. There are always follow up questions, “Oh, what does he have?” or “I’d have never known” or the really obnoxious reply: “Really? Wow. So you’re on the social.”
I don’t get a break
My day is not spent sitting and watching day-time TV, despite what an awful lot of society thinks. I don’t get a break when my two eldest boys are at school. My mornings are spent cleaning, hoovering, changing sheets, washing clothes, trying my best to dry them despite the weather, thinking ‘if I don’t have that duvet cover dry by this evening I’m unsure if he will sleep’.
When I’ve done all I can do with that side of the housework, I’ve to start the dinner, get all the kitchen cleaned and interact with my youngest toddling son, who, like most toddlers, cannot be trusted for two seconds.
While dinner is cooking, I’m wary of the clock. It seems to speed up once 12 o’clock strikes! I double-check my white board to ensure I know when and where I have to be for the rest of this week. Appointments are a must, but boy are they an inconvenience – especially the ones that require me to bring Ethan along so his team can talk to me while he runs wild. They always have to send me an email to remind me about what ‘we’ spoke about during the appointment—trust me, there is no ‘we’ in that conversation, unless I’ve a point to make.
I’ve to get Ethan’s clothes ready so the transition from uniform to casual clothes goes smoothly. I’ve to run up to ensure my middle son’s desk is clutter free and ready for the daily torture that is his homework—J has ADHD.
Hectic and demanding days
The boys come home at 3pm. The toddler is still up and very cranky, but in his wisdom, refuses a nap at every opportunity. Dinner is served. I spoon feed Ethan and my toddler while my side of dinner gets colder. If I remember something like ‘the cooker ring is still on’, we all must get up to check (it’s not safe to leave Ethan and toddler alone, for any length of time).
J begins the daily ‘torture’ and spends most of his time coming in and out of the room informing me of the random thoughts that pop into his mind. I try not to get annoyed. I’m not always successful.
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Ethan and toddler are having some sort of pooping contest. I’m the referee and the cleaning lady. I’ve no choice but to participate. While cleaning the toddler, Ethan will want my attention or be so engrossed in his TV that he will start yelping and screaming, which used to frighten the toddler. However, now the toddler thinks that’s a perfectly acceptable behaviour and joins in. I have a headache normally by 5pm.
The torture of J’s homework ends around 6.30pm after much arguing about what he has and has not to do for his English, Maths and so on. Then daddy comes home. I have my second warm cup of coffee of the day, in peace.
I prepare the tea while I listen to the radio. I get all the medication out and prepare it for both the boys. I make lunches for the next day.
We have our tea. The boys go to bed roughly at 8pm. J objects and refuses to go. Ethan happily goes up and finally falls asleep about 9pm. Toddler just got moved into a ‘big boy’ bed – need I say more?! J finally gives up and is asleep by 11.30pm.
We go to bed.
I am exhausted
I’m up by 6.45am. I’m always trying to be one step ahead of Ethan, as Ethan is a ‘smearer’. I shower him slowly, trying not to upset him as his body is stiff from the night’s rest. He has just turned 13 and is built like a house, the last thing I want is to get a ‘smack’ from him, for not knowing he was sore. I dress him, which hurts my back as I’ve to manoeuvre him in order to get him dressed. I try to strip Ethan’s bed before the toddler announces that he is ‘weady for bekkie’ over his baby gate.
J leaves at 7.40am with his daddy. Ethan luckily has a bus collect him at 8.20am and I am very lucky to have remembered to have brushed my teeth by 10am!
I am exhausted. I am a weight lifter. I am a nurse. I am a specialist. I am a doctor. I am a teacher. I am an advocate. I am a mediator. I am a secretary. I am an occupational therapist. I am a speech and language therapist. I am a physiotherapist. I am a cook (not a great one). I am a children’s entertainer. I am a cleaner. I am clown, when I need to be. I am an encourager. I am a holder of secrets. I am a bottomless pit of information about children’s rights… Yet, I am insulted regularly by what ‘title’ is given to people like me. I am looked down upon due to being ‘just a carer’.
I am a mother to three wonderful boys; each have their own unique needs and wants. I am also a full-time carer… I am a writer… I am funny… I am sociable (when given the chance)… I am an optimist… I am far more than ‘just a carer’… I am everything to three little boys, while these boys are everything to me.
“So, what do you do for a living?”
‘I’m Ger, wife to David and mother to three wonderful boys, Ethan, J and baby D. We live in the city of the Tribes! Our world was rocked to its core in 2008, when Ethan was diagnosed with Hunter Syndrome, a life limiting condition. We are slowly learning to laugh and live again in our ‘new’ world.’ (Geraldine Renton blogs at www.geraldinerenton.com)
This week (8-14 June) is National Carers Week, with events happening all over the country to recognise the work of family carers. Check out the website (www.carersweek.ie) for details of events in your local area.
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Ah! The old “Strangers in their own land” argument which is as old as time and hasn’t actually happened anywhere since the founding father landed on Plymouth rock.
The refugees from Syria are not economic migrants: they are fleeing a war characterised by aerial bombardment of civilian targets and chemical weapons attacks.
Mmmmnnyes. And what about the ones who aren’t from Syria, but said they were. Nobody knows the difference. Nobody knows who they are or where they’re from, or what their backgrounds are, or in fact anything verifiable about any of them at all. That’s the whole worry, see.
“Sure it is not going to happen again, not to us Phil ??
Sometimes I wonder what is our biggest weakens as Western Society – our political correctness or our arrogance…”
The Aztecs, the Aborigines and the Native Americans were directly targeted.
@fake, Look at the huge number of immigrants in the current bundestag – https://www.bundestag.de/htdocs_e/bundestag/members18/complete – we are being swamped (there is 1 turk, and a handful of german born children of immigrants). Comparing the current immigration crisis (and it is a crisis) to the Aztecs (asides from the fact that in spite of mass genocides, there are 90m more indigineuous compared with pre-Columbus populations), you had a technological advanced race conquering an isolated backwards tribe – the tiny number of current immigrants (<0.1% of the population of europe) are in no position to claim some sort of majority rule.
Of course, just use rhetoric instead of facts if you want to scare the fellow ignorant nationalists, but always use data if you are going to try to have any credibility.
The German native birthrate is only 1.3 That means for every 20 people in this generation, there’s only 13 people in the next generation, and 8 in the generation after that, and so. It’s a death spiral to oblivion. The birthrate of Muslim migrants into Germany by contrast is closer to 4.5, and only slowly declines to about 2.8 after two generations. Combine those two facts, and shove 2 million young Muslim migrants into Germany, to be followed by at least another 8 million “family members”, and it becomes indisputable that Muslims will be in the majority within two or three generations. It will happen first in the cities, they will become majority Muslim within 20 years. Indeed there are some cities in the Netherlands and Belgium that are approaching majority Muslim status right now.
Key point is – did anyone ask the European people if they wanted this demographic and cultural change to happen?
Fred is full of bull. There isn’t a single city in the Netherlands or Belgium that’s even close to being muslim majority. You’re simply telling lies. Sweden and the UK have more populous cities with a greater percentage of them being muslim than anywhere else in Europe. Luton in the UK is almost 25% Muslim. Malmo in Sweden is about the same.
Ian – i didn’t say they were in the majority yet. What is certain though is that the majority of babies born in some Belgian and Dutch cities have Muslim parents. That is the case right now. It is then simply a waiting game for them to grow older and the older native Dutch to die out.
Quite correct Fred, German, and other states, policies in respect of families has led to a European version of the Chinese ‘one child’ policy, one the Chinese are now reversing as they require more births or they will have to import workers.
Unless and until European states introduce policies to encourage indigenous persons to have more children, our pensions need foreign workers, using persons whose religious intolerance sets them in conflict with such states values was the mistake Frau Merkel made, now she is reaping what she has sown.
@Fred. Have you also noticed that key architect and champion of the European ‘migrant crisis’ billionaire George Soros who claims Europe “needs” the hoardes of migrants due to low birth rates also sponsors and lobbys for easier accessible unrestricted abortion (including here in Ireland) – leading to …. further reduction in birthrates? How about encourage and make it easier for Europeans to have more children instead of Genocide by displacement which seems to be the order of the day
Malmo where 2 of the top 5 countries for foreign born residents are other EU member states (Poland and Denmark), 2 are other european countries (Serbia and Bosnia), and the other is Iraq with a shocking 11k people out of just over 300k.
Luton is even worse, of course. It was once awash with Irish Immigrants (but sure we’re fine because we’re white and christian). Now it’s got a majority… er, well is still a majority white (54.6%) and Christian (47.4%) population. Muslims far far fewer at 24.7%.
You will, of course, wail that it is a town with a white British-minority population, which is true, but that doesn’t include the white Irish or white European population which means it’s still a white majority city and anyway the next largest demographic group are British of asian decent: Pakistani, Indian and Bangladeshi – countries with a long history of immigration to the UK and nothing to do with the EU.
I always knew she was an egotistical German apologist. But her way of laughing in Kenny’s face when he requested Ireland be given special treatment re relations with Britain and saying Germany’s interest is just as significant due to a few cars being exported… I officially cannot stand her and I hope she goes out red faced.b*#tch
Any it is most certainly in her country’s interest when Germany is in need of workers and the native population aren’t providing owing to low birth rates. The German unemployment rate is the lowest it’s been in over 20 years.
No sign of Merkel calling upon all the unemployed citizens of Spain, Greece, Italy, Portugal and Ireland to fill her need of workers. European solidarity my hole.
The unemployed citizens of Spain, Greece, Italy, Portugal and Ireland are free to travel to Germany and take up employment there if they want to. There is absolutely nothing stopping them from doing that.
“These “hordes of ne’er do well’s” are in fact the doctors, scientists, engineers and teachers that will help the EU with the economy.”
A common but completely unsubstantiated claim made to mock anything who isn’t entirely opposed to immigration.
Nobody claims they are all highly educated (except in the case of intra-EU migrants who are usually more highly educated) but Germany has a huge industrial and manufacturing sector as well as farming for which they need unskilled and semi-skilled labour.
Merkels answer to integration issues is to ignore them, deny them and silence discussion of them as ‘hate speech’.
Meanwhile this is what Germans face:
More group sexual harassment and assault by groups of young men – taharrush games – at a music festival in Essen. Four of those arrested are ‘refugees’ from north Africa and the Arab world. Victims described all the perpetrators as migrants. They also engaged in other harassment, pickpocketing and violent assaults.
The director says that ‘we have never experienced such a thing before’. The festival has run for 20 years.
She’s a nut job, plain and simple. Expecting to refresh the ageing population with queue jumping scam artists and Stone Age rejects was madness. Then she gets all vindictive with others in Europe and within Germany who oppose her. She has killed her party, crippled Schengen and the EU, and created a major headache for society for years to come. Why couldn’t she have been a good old fashioned German and tackled refugees as a separate issue, and immigration in a strictly organised fashion, that put Germany’s and Europe’s own needs first.
Germany is the industrial and economic powerhouse on the EU with one of the lowest unemployment rates of any member state. Internally she’s not done too badly.
The real problem with Germany is that the aged German population aren’t spending enough money in EU economies, including their own.
Yeah libtards actually believe they are all going to pay their pensions in old age. They are more likely to put their old grey heads on a chopping block once they become the majority. Mohammed is now the most popular boys name in the UK.
Its not doing too bad overall and especially in the major centres. Take home pay is lower, but employment and services are much higher. I’ve worked a lot in rural areas and they don’t really seem to be doing that much better than us, especially in the east, where it’s hard to find any young people. Many still migrate west for work, leaving villages full of middle aged and older people behind, just like parts of Ireland. They have always had a savings and low waste culture, so it unsurprising that the market has failed to shake that reserve of money from older people’s pockets, like they’ve successfully done with ours. Here, we have no choice but to support our kids longer and the grey wealth reserve/family reserve fund, which is economically important, has been whittled away in austerity cuts. So even if we eventually get our economy back on track, it has no depth until that builds up again.
“I don’t think it’s the most popular name yet, but its widely used as a second name a lot, so maybe more people carry it than the rankings suggest.”
Ah yes, sure who doean’t know an “Oliver Mohammed” or a “Jack Mohammed or a “Harry Mohammed”…
Now I know reality is a scary place for easily frightened xenophobes and facts run entirely against whatever nonsense the Daily Mail would have you believe but from the link I have above which completely disproves everything you’ve claimed about Mohammed as a name also indicated that last year the number children called Mohammed fell from the year before:
Phil, You are wrong. Variations of the name make it the most popular name. Reading from the information ‘you presented’ – 14th place Muhammad 3,588, 27th place Mohammed 2,536, 56th place Mohammad 1,116 (Total 7,240). Oliver 6,649.
bingo, you are incorrect (again, Phil is factually correct in everything but I don’t think it matters in the Mohammed myth). Variations of the name mohammed stay as the 16th most popular name when all the above names variations are also included (i.e. Oliver, Ollie and Henry, Harry etc). The stats people choose are not frmo the official UK government stats, but a parenting website popular with immigrants.
A final point is that Mohommed is generally used in the same tradition as the honour first names in that it is a respectful name (like Joseph and Mary used to be used in Ireland), while the individuals are known amongst their family by their second name, but by Mo (or whatever) in official documents and work environments.
but all that pales in significance to the core issue that the anti-phils want to say: Immigrants have already taken over etc, etc, and they are going to force Islam and Shariah on your children etc, etc, ban burkhas and destroy the mosques (or something like that, it seems to be where the majority are going in this comments section).
“Phil, You are wrong. Variations of the name make it the most popular name. Reading from the information ‘you presented’ – 14th place Muhammad 3,588, 27th place Mohammed 2,536, 56th place Mohammad 1,116 (Total 7,240). Oliver 6,649.”
Well no, I’m not wrong.
Even being generous the 13 other non-muslim names before the first Muslim sounding one add up to just over 60,000 children named something other than Mohammed/Muhammed/Mohammed and many many more non-muslim names all the way though the list and there were just over 7 thousand muslim-ey ones and we’re all supposed to lose our shˆt?
No Alien. Like Phil – you are incorrect. Harry and Henry are now both names in their own right, as are Jack from John. You could make some argument around Oliver and Ollie but Arabic experts from the Arab British Centre suggest that your comparison is a false one. While Ollie could be considered a shortened version of Oliver, or, a name in it’s own right, the various spellings of Mohammed are spelling differences only – it is the exact same name. For the purpose of accuracy – abbreviations of Mohammad such as Mo and Mohd were excluded from the data. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/muhammed-really-is-most-popular-baby-name-in-the-uk-as-is-mohammed-muhammad-9895605.html
No Alien you are incorrect. The Mohammed name variations are spelling variants resulting from the translation from Arabic. They are the exact same name – not alternative versions. So combining them is not at all the same thing as combining Oliver with its shortened form Ollie or Henry with its very different variant Harry etc.
And the stats in the Independent are from the ONS not a parenting website.
This is all fairly beside the point apart from the value of accuracy in its own right. I notice neither of you have anything to say about the integration problems that Germany is facing.
Phil, You’re wrong. You are twisting the argument to something else now. When archer 12 said “Mohammed is now the most popular boys name in the UK” he was correct. “most popular” as most people know is not the same as ‘most populous’ – which you are now using as the ‘new’ thread of your argument. Of course there are more children who are not called Mohammed BUT that does not mean it is not (when spelling variation is considered) the most popular boys name in the UK. I’m not losing my sh*t – I think you are.
And this here is why it doesn’t particularly matter that intolerant, violent or simply unwilling to integrate Muslims are in the minority in western Europe. Nassim Nicholas Taleb, author of Black Swan, on intolerant minorities in complex whole systems:
“As I am writing these lines, people are disputing whether the freedom of the enlightened West can be undermined by the intrusive policies that would be needed to fight Salafi fundamentalists.
…We can answer these points using the minority rule. Yes, an intolerant minority can control and destroy democracy. Actually, as we saw, it will eventually destroy our world.
So, we need to be more than intolerant with some intolerant minorities. It is not permissible to use “American values” or “Western principles” in treating intolerant Salafism (which denies other peoples’ right to have their own religion). The West is currently in the process of committing suicide.”
“Phil, You’re wrong. You are twisting the argument to something else now.”
I’m not,
“When archer 12 said “Mohammed is now the most popular boys name in the UK” he was correct. ”
He wasn’t. Oliver is.
““most popular” as most people know is not the same as ‘most populous’ – which you are now using as the ‘new’ thread of your argument.”
No, but seeing as you’ve moved the goalposts I can too. Sixty thousand non-muslim names to seven thousand variants on one. We’re clearly all doomed!
” Of course there are more children who are not called Mohammed BUT that does not mean it is not (when spelling variation is considered) the most popular boys name in the UK. I’m not losing my sh*t – I think you are.”
Even taking into account the spelling variations the different is tiny compare to that the non-muslim names are more popular by a huge factor. HUGE.
Oh and Muslims are a tiny tiny minority, making up only 4.5% (four point five percent) of the UK population and ~50% of them are UK born. 59.49% are Christian and 32% No-religion.
Phil, “Mohamad, Mohamed, Mohammad, Mohammed, Muhamad, Muhamed, Muhammad, Muhammed, Muhammet and many more” are according to Arabic experts ‘the exact same name’. To suggest they are not the same name is ridiculous. The fact is, there are more boys being named Mohammad in the UK (with various spellings), than there are boys being named Oliver. That’s a fact. Christian names are still more populous (of course) but ‘the’ most popular boys name given in the UK is Mohammad (variants). You are wrong!
Marlow, Yes, I’m giving up now….it’s hard to know whether Phil doesn’t actually understand what I’m saying or is choosing to play the fool. I’m guessing the later.
“Phil, now you’re clearly just being dishonest rather than admit to being wrong. I wouldn’t waste any more time if I were you bingo.”
Nope, most popular name is Oliver.
““Even taking into account the spelling variations the different is tiny compare to that the non-muslim names are more popular by a huge factor. HUGE.”
The question was not: which are more popular – muslim or non-muslim names. But you know that don’t you.”
No, there was no question, there was a statement that the most popular name in the UK was Mohammed. It wasn’t. It was Oliver.
Y’all lost your shˆt when it was pointed out that your “ah muslims are coming to get us” comment was inaccurate and started making excused I expanded it to demonstrate further that Muslims are not breeding like rabbits and in fact there are more atheists than Muslims and that atheism is growing faster than Islam in the UK.
But of course you racist morons hate facts you’re flaying around like fish out of water.
Most of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern’s 25,000 ‘refugees’ have already gone elsewhere. Not good enough for them. Sounds like behaviour befitting people fleeing in terror from violence and slaughter in their home countries all right.
After this and brexit I,m convinced sadly trump will get in ! People are pretending in polls to be voting for Hilary but when The curtain closes the name on the vote will be trump ..
Merkel’s policy didn’t have to worry while imposing austerity … She has now Germany is welcoming refugees. And this is what might cause her end!
What a lovely world!
What’s even more remarkable is how repellant facts are to the people who will condemn her here.
They’re blindly convinced, through ignorance and hate, that muslims are out to get them and no facts, nor matter how robust will convince them otherwise. It’s as worrying as it is sad.
There are 44 million Muslims in Europe, around 6% of the population. The vast, vast, vast majority of them are not mass murderers, or murderers, or criminals, or rapists etc.
There are 450+ million non Muslims. The vast, vast, vast majority of them are not mass murderers, or murderers, or criminals, or rapists either.
Sorry if I refused to be terrified by and irrationally horrible to people simply because they pray to a different god than I’d like.
@petr and phil
It is.
The comment of Can’t think… is another example: “this” is happening and he/she sees murders…
A song comes to mind “Crown my fear, your king, at the point of a gun” and so on.
You would admittedly have to read the article quite closely to find out, but AfD didn’t actually win the election. They came second, and not a particularly close second, to one of the long standing mainstream parties.
I’m just back from Stuttgart and in the train station there wer about 50 heavily armed police with dogs I asked wer they there because of a football match I was told no there are Muslim migrants causing trouble every day there and it was full of Muslims I really don’t know how Germany can cope as they are everywhere causing trouble and you won’t hear this on the international news channels
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Reports can be generated based on the combination of data sets (like user profiles, statistics, market research, analytics data) regarding your interactions and those of other users with advertising or (non-advertising) content to identify common characteristics (for instance, to determine which target audiences are more receptive to an ad campaign or to certain contents).
Develop and improve services 116 partners can use this purpose
Information about your activity on this service, such as your interaction with ads or content, can be very helpful to improve products and services and to build new products and services based on user interactions, the type of audience, etc. This specific purpose does not include the development or improvement of user profiles and identifiers.
Use limited data to select content 51 partners can use this purpose
Content presented to you on this service can be based on limited data, such as the website or app you are using, your non-precise location, your device type, or which content you are (or have been) interacting with (for example, to limit the number of times a video or an article is presented to you).
Use precise geolocation data 65 partners can use this special feature
With your acceptance, your precise location (within a radius of less than 500 metres) may be used in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Actively scan device characteristics for identification 36 partners can use this special feature
With your acceptance, certain characteristics specific to your device might be requested and used to distinguish it from other devices (such as the installed fonts or plugins, the resolution of your screen) in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Ensure security, prevent and detect fraud, and fix errors 122 partners can use this special purpose
Always Active
Your data can be used to monitor for and prevent unusual and possibly fraudulent activity (for example, regarding advertising, ad clicks by bots), and ensure systems and processes work properly and securely. It can also be used to correct any problems you, the publisher or the advertiser may encounter in the delivery of content and ads and in your interaction with them.
Deliver and present advertising and content 126 partners can use this special purpose
Always Active
Certain information (like an IP address or device capabilities) is used to ensure the technical compatibility of the content or advertising, and to facilitate the transmission of the content or ad to your device.
Match and combine data from other data sources 94 partners can use this feature
Always Active
Information about your activity on this service may be matched and combined with other information relating to you and originating from various sources (for instance your activity on a separate online service, your use of a loyalty card in-store, or your answers to a survey), in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Link different devices 67 partners can use this feature
Always Active
In support of the purposes explained in this notice, your device might be considered as likely linked to other devices that belong to you or your household (for instance because you are logged in to the same service on both your phone and your computer, or because you may use the same Internet connection on both devices).
Identify devices based on information transmitted automatically 116 partners can use this feature
Always Active
Your device might be distinguished from other devices based on information it automatically sends when accessing the Internet (for instance, the IP address of your Internet connection or the type of browser you are using) in support of the purposes exposed in this notice.
Save and communicate privacy choices 103 partners can use this special purpose
Always Active
The choices you make regarding the purposes and entities listed in this notice are saved and made available to those entities in the form of digital signals (such as a string of characters). This is necessary in order to enable both this service and those entities to respect such choices.
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