Sign in. It’s quick, free and it’s up to you.
An account is an optional way to support the work we do. Find out more.
MY NAME IS Sean Donal O Shea and I’m 32 years of age. My mother Debby was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease eight years ago; she was only 50 years of age then. Myself, my father and my brother care for my mother now with the help of carers and our family, without whom we would not be able to do what we do. We will be forever grateful to the Alzheimer’s Society of Ireland, the Carers Association and the Home Help services that have been so amazing to all of us.
Mom is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and this is possibly the part of the disease that I am struggling with the most. I feel selfish when I say this, but I find it the hardest stage now because I am getting very little back from mom. She can no longer walk and her speech has disappeared so we can no longer have the long personal chats that I had grown so used of. However, my mom is a strong and determined woman and she still gives me her beautiful smile at times, a smile that money could never buy.
Daily life with mom consists of aiding her in every aspect of her life, from getting up in the morning, personal care, feeding, medication and bedtime. It can be quite challenging at times, however when I feel that it may be getting the better of me, I think back on the amazing memories that mom and I have shared since her diagnosis. I guess I am like her in that regard, taking the positives out of every situation.
She helped me make priceless memories
While it would have been very easy to feel self-pity and let this awful disease take over, it was through mom’s encouragement and example that I got the courage to obtain a qualification in social care. She was certainly my inspiration and driving force as I did my course and she (along with my girlfriend and family) were the reason that I obtained a first class honours degree in Applied Social Studies in Social Care this year.
I mentioned previously the memories that me and mom have shared. We walked the beach every day, drove in the car singing and laughing and danced around the house until we nearly fell from exhaustion. Of all these memories that we have shared, the one that fills me with the most pride is when I no longer felt too shy, or ‘manly’, to tell her that I love her. It is something that I tell her every day now and up until recently she would also say it back to me. Again, that is one aspect of our life that Alzheimer’s disease has robbed us of. However, once again I take moms’ position on this and turn my back on the negatives and smile at the positives.
It was only recently that I realised what this inspiring, courageous hero that I am proud to call my mother did for me. She helped me make these priceless memories as a way of helping me through the hard times, enabling me to once again turn my back on the negative side to this illness.
I still get upset when I know that mom may not see me get married or be able to see her grandchildren grow up. But I will always have those memories and I now see life through her eyes as being a person that is not dying from Alzheimer’s – rather, she is a hero living with it.
Share a memory and celebrate a life. Share a memory of the person you cherish the most by visiting www.memoryribbon.ie and donating €5 to the Alzheimer Society of Ireland. Every donation goes directly to funding vital services in local communities around Ireland.
Sean Donal O Shea lives in Waterville, Co Kerry with his father, Sean, and his mother, Debby. Sean Donal cares for his mother who has Alzheimer’s and says that many positives have come out of the situation.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
My best friends mother has it and hes her primary carer and does an awesome job. . Awful disease. My own mother suffrs frontal lobe dementia. People just turned into sheĺls of there former selves.You pray for a cure.
Have a listen to Dr Mary Newport …Coconut Oil As an Alzheimer’s Treatment – Dr. Mary Newport
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dfux-5Z4COo
I suspect the insulin resistance of the brain cells that prevents them getting “their food” of glucose may be due to Trans Fats which accumulate in the brain cell walls. Trans fats are man made and have an extra hydrogen atom and are not recognised by insulin to unlock the membrane to let glucose into the cells. Diabetes Type 2 can be completely reversed by avoiding Trans Fats and eating natural fats … walnuts a good source. Takes about 7 months but well worth it.
Coconut oil is probably best used in combination with bio available curcumin. I used to get it from the states for my son when I was working . It’s pretty expensive as the bio availability has been dramatically .improved. There is no real cure alternative or drug.mworking on prevention and slowing the disease is the best we can hope for .
Apologies to the Red Thumbs if I appear insensitive. I do sympatise with Alzheimers suffers and their carers. A most distressing condition. Drug companies or medical lobbies are not interested in researching and identifying the root cause of Alzheimers Disease. Their objective is to slow its progress or mitigate its effects. There is no money in prevention, only illness.
It took 40 yrs for officialdom to tell people that smoking caused lung cancer. Don’t wait another 40 years to “be told” by officialdom that Trans fats are bad for you. Trans fats are banned in Denmark and Switzerland since 2006. Put your future and your health in good hands … your own.
My Mother
Who sat and watched my infant head
When sleeping on my cradle bed,
And tears of sweet affection shed?
My Mother.
When pain and sickness made me cry,
Who gazed upon my heavy eye,
And wept for fear that I should die?
My Mother.
Who taught my infant lips to pray
And love God’s holy book and day,
And walk in wisdom’s pleasant way?
My Mother.
And can I ever cease to be
Affectionate and kind to thee,
Who wast so very kind to me,
My Mother?
Ah, no! the thought I cannot bear,
And if God please my life to spare
I hope I shall reward they care,
My Mother.
When thou art feeble, old and grey,
My healthy arm shall be thy stay,
And I will soothe thy pains away,
My Mother.
Ann Taylor
Lovely poem. I lost my mam earlier this year and it’s so hard at times. She didn’t have Alzheimer’s disease but was in hospital for most of the year before she died. We lost her then, it was as if someone had turned off a light inside her.
What a wonderful man. I dont know how he does it. He has a big heart and thats the best trait in a person.
Great article Sean I’m sure your mum is proud of you.
You are the best Son a mother could ever have. What you are doing now you will never regret.
It is an awful thing when roles are reversed ie she looked after you when you were a baby and now she is needing all the looking after.
I have always told my family that if ever I get dementia or Alzheimer’s I dont want to be alive. But as the law stands you are actually asking them to murder you. I wish that one could add a codicil to your will to say that if you have no quality of life it is time to join the great majority.
You are a wonderful guy and obviously before her disease she was a wonderful Mother and did a great job!
Hang in there and you will always have your good memories of your Mum. Unfortunately not all children have that!
Brings tears to the eyes.
This is a great story and your mum and family would be very proud of u .my granny got dementia 4 yrs ago had a mild stroke she is in a nursing home the last 3 yrs ,my mam goes in to see her every day as she been getn worse sitting in a nappy not knowing any1 and it upsets my mam very much as they were very close . My mam is 60 and told me in confidence from other family members that if she ever got dementia or was in the stages my granny is in she wants me to end her life if I could .ive taught about it for a while and I know I would if I had help her with her wish .i think people in sound mind making a will should be allowed request euthanasia if they were in a situation like my granny is in
A cruel cruel disease.
My mother passed away very recently having had Alzheimer’s for over 10 years. While her memory faded over the years, the one thing that was constant was what was mentioned at the start of your story. She had this smile that was just amazing and would make your day when you saw it. Treasure every moment you have with her, she has to know how you feel .
You are a hero too Sean Donal O Shea. Your mother must have been comforted to have you care for her. And proud of you too.
A great article Sean, I know so many people struggling with Alzheimer’s, my own mother had a slight onset before passing away. I also have a contemporary who was diagnosed at 34 and is now in the same care unit as his mother, very very sad, the family mind them every weekend and are like you an example to us all.
Beautiful. I’m in the same situation. My mam gas it since she was 57..diagnosed 5 years ago and 61. I was 22 and has just had my baby and my world came crashing down. I miss her terribly. It’s horrible missing someone who is right on front of u. Her laugh. Her voice. Her. She is my hero. And was the best mammy ever. If I’m half as good as a parent to my little girl as she was to me I know I’m doing well. Thank u donal for speaking out so bravely.
I think I have alzheimer’s disease. Very early stage. I’m only 34.
I remember going to a neurologist about it last year or the year before. He did confirm my memory was bad. He had loads of ridiculously easy tests but then I couldn’t do the memory ones.
Short term memory is so bad. I can remember things that happened as a teenager but I can’t remember what I had for dinner or what day it is.
Jack, I was concerned about my memory some time back. My GP referred me into Vincents where I had some testing done. I did great in the tests(first time in my life!). But they asked me a few questions afterwards about life style and stress. They reckon it is a stress related thing. Could that be the case with you maybe?
Yeah you’re right. If I take a sleeping tablet it has me totally confused the next day. That’s when I don’t know what day it is.
I also fractured my skull a few years ago which had some effect.
Jack my father had memory issues from falls which made it difficult to diagnose dementia. I will say that lack if sleep us a killer for the memory on a day to day basis. I can’t remember anything if I don’t sleep. Sleeping tablets are only sedation really they don’t alliw your brain to do all its recharging it needs to do in its sleep cycle. Also stress and depression can affect memory too.
Sean have a look at the documentary alive inside. It’s on Netflix. It’s such a simple thing but it’s giving people back some of their identity. It’s not a cure. It’s just their music. The music they loved in their youth put on an iPod. People who were no longer able to communicate are able to talk when hearing their music. It’s gives them back joy and who they are for a while. In dementia care facilities all over the US they are doing this. Giving people back their music. If I had known when my mother was alive it could have made such a difference. I am already make notes now for my father. Finding out what music he loved while he can still tell me.
My mum is 93, she has dementia but is very happy inside. I love visiting her in her nursing home. She lifts me mentally. She loves to sing! She has lost her shyness and sings for everyone. Music has an amazing uplifting effect and she remembers every word of the songs.
I saw the author of this article on the late late. So impressive. An inspiring man. He would say ‘sure what else could I do?’. But the love, patience, understanding and respect he shows his mother is uncommon.
have your say