Sign in. It’s quick, free and it’s up to you.
An account is an optional way to support the work we do. Find out more.
ONLINE DATING AND matchmaking services are on the rise, but what does this mean for the future of dating in Ireland?
Dating, both in Ireland and around the world, has changed. This is clear from the acceptance of dating services as one third of people who got married between 2005 and 2012 met online. Both online dating and matchmaking services are becoming more popular and so it seems that the majority of Irish people are willing to accept whatever sort of dating makes other people happy. However, in this new world of finding love, there are some things that everybody should know.
Make time for dating
Being too busy is making us lonely. According to Vanessa Barford’s article for the BBC, we are working longer hours and living in smaller social communities. Social media allows us to reach out to hundreds of people we would have otherwise have lost contact with, but whether or not this is the result of or the cause of shrinking friendship circles is impossible to say.
What is certain though is that we now need to make more of an effort to meet people. If you are using a dating service, then you need to use it properly.
Set your standards high
You are not looking for someone who is perfect, but you are looking for someone who is perfect for you. Setting your standards high should also apply to your dating service as well as the people that you meet on it. Write yourself a list of want you want from your service and make sure that you are getting a good deal. If not, then be prepared to look elsewhere. The dating market is more competitive than ever, so a consumer owes it to themselves to be picky.
Most daters don’t know what they want
Making a list of priorities is good, but it is also okay to not know what you want. Different dating services can help you to realise what you want, either through online questionnaires or through sit down conversations depending on the level of service. But not knowing can be liberating. Not knowing opens you up to the possibilities of many different kinds of dates but, beyond that, it also opens you up to many different kinds of life choices.
Talk, talk, talk
If you find the love of your life, chances are that you are going to spend a lot of time talking with them. Get yourself started on the right foot and do that from the beginning. Good conversation does not mean talking about yourself (‘My life story is…’), sticking to standard questions (‘What is your job?’), or sticking to standard responses (‘I just want to have fun and connect with someone’). Questions that really probe someone, about their dreams and aspirations, are the start of a proper conversation and a proper relationship. It is both commonsense, and scientifically proven, that a great date is usually because of some great talking.
Listen to advice
Advice can come from all sorts of people. Cason Sharpe is an online journalist offering gay dating advice to straight men. In light of how Ireland is changing, this kind of dialogue is a brilliant thing. However, advice can overcome all sorts of perceived boundaries. Single, divorced, widowed, happily married, not-so-happily married, young, old and even dead authors can offer dating advice. Don’t be afraid to take it, but don’t be afraid to ignore it either. What is important is that you listen and consider.
Drop the clichés
It should come as no surprise that pick-up lines don’t work. Unless this is something that you haven’t already figured out from experience, science has also stepped in to prove their non-effectiveness. Still, whether or not pick-up lines work is beside the point, the fact is that if you find someone you like then you should not have to resort to pick-up lines to get their interest. After all, if they are interested in you too, then they want to hear the kind of things that you would normally say. If you are the sort of person who makes jokes, make them. If you are the sort of person who likes pogo-sticks, tell them. If your first few encounters with your partner begin with clichés, then you setting yourself for a relationship where you cannot be yourself.
Embrace the changes
Rebecca Holman claims that “21st-century singledom is a baffling realm of non-date dates, non-relationship relationships, crossed wires and failed semantics” but that is not the right way to look at it. The legalisation of gay marriage shows that this era of finding love has thrown away the old rules for the better. In giving people the ability to fall in love with whoever they want, however they want, dating services are part of this revolution too. We should allow ourselves to create a relationship in whatever way we choose, and if your relationship seems new or odd to the outside world, then that is irrelevant. The only thing that matters, the only thing that has ever mattered, is that a relationship makes the people in it happy.
William Phelan is an expert on dating services. As the founder of Perfect Partners, a matchmaking service based in Dublin, he helps all people of all ages to find meaningful relationships.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
What is with all these woman who want to have sex on the first date. It’s just not on!
Tell me where these women are??
There all in this big house I go to. You have to pay in but that covers the beer and there are all these half naked woman who just want to have sex when all I want is a few beers and a chat. I stopeed going because of it.
I miss you Glenard, please call in again sometime.
Ah thought I knew ya Mick. Jayzus we’re missin you!
You just beat me to it Supergran. Miss you as wwll though hun. I’ll be back next week though when new dole claim comes through!
xxx call me
We just have! Ye don’t mind sharin?
no seriously where is this place?
Glenard,can i be your best friend?
Honestly have seldom read such generic ‘get the love of your life’ absolute crap as this. Straight out of one of Dr phil’s books. How about ‘whether online or on the land’ be yourself from the get go instead of trying to be an interesting fake listener. Better your found out now than in 5 years when you realise you’ve not been yourself.and hence living a costly lie. All the red thumbs, at least with the red, try to tell me I’m wrong.
Heterosexuals could take some lessons from the gays. It’s time for a grindr-like app to go mainstream, where men and women can be honest that they just want a shag instead of wasting time with dinner.
Many do after they get drunk?
Notions
Do you live under a rock? Grindr is a clone for the gay community based on Tinder which is exactly what you are describing.
You have to subtly suggest that you have a huge one. It can be quite hard to get that into her head on the first date. But better hard than soft I suppose.
Abair léi go bhfaigheann tú 10% sa mbreis má dhéanann tú as Gaeilge é ;)
Just because one third of marriages originate online, does not imply that online dating is “accepted”. Never will you find such a cess-pool of the filth, low lives and awkward freaks of society as you will find from an online dating service. There is a concentration effect of the worst of society. It will never be “accepted” as normal.
Sounds like someone failed to get laid online.
lol…i knew someone would come back with a line like that. I think you are confusing me for a desperate man who wants to get laid at any costs. I wouldnt want to go near most of those freaks of nature. Most are socially awkward and no doubt lack self esteem so sleep around at the drop of the hat and carry STD’s. So be careful my friend.
You sound like great craic Cal. Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll find “the one” soon…
Are one third of marriages really a result of online dating? I know only one couple who met online and that was due to online card playing and not a dating agency
Cal I dont know if you are talking about Irish Women or Irish Men.
An rud is tábhachtaí ná go bhfuil meas agus grá ort fhéin. Beidh tú sona ansin is cuma i d’aonair nó ceangailte thú. Bígí go deas libh fhéin. :))
The size of the wallet helps as well as the flowing of the drink, when others pay for it…
Face is the only thing that matters.
But why do women go and see strippers then lol…
Pretty sure the more alcohol you consume the smarter and wittier your conversations become to women.
Oh PFO William Phelan, you look too creepy to be giving dating advice.
have your say