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ONLINE DATING AND matchmaking services are on the rise, but what does this mean for the future of dating in Ireland?
Dating, both in Ireland and around the world, has changed. This is clear from the acceptance of dating services as one third of people who got married between 2005 and 2012 met online. Both online dating and matchmaking services are becoming more popular and so it seems that the majority of Irish people are willing to accept whatever sort of dating makes other people happy. However, in this new world of finding love, there are some things that everybody should know.
Make time for dating
Being too busy is making us lonely. According to Vanessa Barford’s article for the BBC, we are working longer hours and living in smaller social communities. Social media allows us to reach out to hundreds of people we would have otherwise have lost contact with, but whether or not this is the result of or the cause of shrinking friendship circles is impossible to say.
What is certain though is that we now need to make more of an effort to meet people. If you are using a dating service, then you need to use it properly.
Set your standards high
You are not looking for someone who is perfect, but you are looking for someone who is perfect for you. Setting your standards high should also apply to your dating service as well as the people that you meet on it. Write yourself a list of want you want from your service and make sure that you are getting a good deal. If not, then be prepared to look elsewhere. The dating market is more competitive than ever, so a consumer owes it to themselves to be picky.
Most daters don’t know what they want
Making a list of priorities is good, but it is also okay to not know what you want. Different dating services can help you to realise what you want, either through online questionnaires or through sit down conversations depending on the level of service. But not knowing can be liberating. Not knowing opens you up to the possibilities of many different kinds of dates but, beyond that, it also opens you up to many different kinds of life choices.
Talk, talk, talk
If you find the love of your life, chances are that you are going to spend a lot of time talking with them. Get yourself started on the right foot and do that from the beginning. Good conversation does not mean talking about yourself (‘My life story is…’), sticking to standard questions (‘What is your job?’), or sticking to standard responses (‘I just want to have fun and connect with someone’). Questions that really probe someone, about their dreams and aspirations, are the start of a proper conversation and a proper relationship. It is both commonsense, and scientifically proven, that a great date is usually because of some great talking.
Listen to advice
Advice can come from all sorts of people. Cason Sharpe is an online journalist offering gay dating advice to straight men. In light of how Ireland is changing, this kind of dialogue is a brilliant thing. However, advice can overcome all sorts of perceived boundaries. Single, divorced, widowed, happily married, not-so-happily married, young, old and even dead authors can offer dating advice. Don’t be afraid to take it, but don’t be afraid to ignore it either. What is important is that you listen and consider.
Drop the clichés
It should come as no surprise that pick-up lines don’t work. Unless this is something that you haven’t already figured out from experience, science has also stepped in to prove their non-effectiveness. Still, whether or not pick-up lines work is beside the point, the fact is that if you find someone you like then you should not have to resort to pick-up lines to get their interest. After all, if they are interested in you too, then they want to hear the kind of things that you would normally say. If you are the sort of person who makes jokes, make them. If you are the sort of person who likes pogo-sticks, tell them. If your first few encounters with your partner begin with clichés, then you setting yourself for a relationship where you cannot be yourself.
Embrace the changes
Rebecca Holman claims that “21st-century singledom is a baffling realm of non-date dates, non-relationship relationships, crossed wires and failed semantics” but that is not the right way to look at it. The legalisation of gay marriage shows that this era of finding love has thrown away the old rules for the better. In giving people the ability to fall in love with whoever they want, however they want, dating services are part of this revolution too. We should allow ourselves to create a relationship in whatever way we choose, and if your relationship seems new or odd to the outside world, then that is irrelevant. The only thing that matters, the only thing that has ever mattered, is that a relationship makes the people in it happy.
William Phelan is an expert on dating services. As the founder of Perfect Partners, a matchmaking service based in Dublin, he helps all people of all ages to find meaningful relationships.
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Another attack on freedom and private car ownership. Motorists are already taxed prohibitively with VAT, VRT, annual motor tax, fuel duties and insurance levies. The motor tax and carbon tax on fuel are based on/aimed at reducing emissions but apparently this isn’t enough and we need an additional tax. “This is a matter of basic health” sounds more like “I know what’s good for you and by God I’m going to make you do it, whether you like it or not”
Dublin traffic used to flow better before all the bike lanes were inserted over the past three years.
Some of these bike lanes are hardly used while traffic sits backed up like never before along side the empty bike lanes
@Gregory Daniel: I’ve been saying this for years, look at the quays along the Liffey, you could fit an arctic truck in the bike lanes but barely any cyclists use them.
The bus lanes are the same, it would make more sense to only have them restricted to buses at rush hour times, between 7-10am and 4-7pm.
There’s no joined up thinking in this country from Dublin Corporation or successive governments. They say they want a greener city but all we have is tailbacks of traffic with their engines idling.
@Gregory Daniel: That’s what wokeness does to a city.
@: ‘wokeness’ haha
Go woke….don’t choke!
@Andy Felthersnatch: I think you need to take off those rise tinted glasses. The quays were always overloaded long before bike lanes. Add in a big growth in population and they’d be worse again. Cars are not a long term solution
@Tom Dillon: There you said it all by yourself I’m sorry I have no rainbow coloured lollies left to give you.
@Andy Felthersnatch: There is generally not many traffic issues between 10 and 4. Its between this time that the traffic moves freely as most people are on work. Alot of bus lanes are open to the motorists between 10 and 4 already if people read the signs they would see this.
Very few people seem to notice this through Drumcondra for example and sit in the car lane not aware they can use the bus lane.
I’ve been saying it for years. They need 10 times or even more buses on the roads between 6am and 10am and 3pm and 7pm.
I was on the road for the first time in a long time at 9.30am on a Wednesday and it was standstill on the motorway!
If buses were a lot more frequent and €1 to use the bus during peak hours it would be a lot more realistic to introduce congestion charges.
Our transport system is just so inadequate. The current system is already under strain with 100s left stranded at bus stops already during peak times.
Imagine if 100s more joined the bus queues!?
We need to tackle the transport inadequacy first.
@Rafa C: Need to go underground enough it enough, the city is choked with buses and white vans. Have a look at D’Olier st, you have four lanes of traffic buses & taxis all fighting to get in one lane at College Green that is shared with the Luas. Also they cant get the staff, the 41 near me regularly regularly doesnt show and the serves our national airport!
@Kevin O’Hara: Buses are stretched – needs to cater more to the city outer limits. The bus depots should be situated on the outskirts of the citys – take each starting point of a motorway as an example. Build park and rides. And have bus terminals sending out buses every 5 minutes between 6am and 10am for €1 travel between these times.
12 buses leaving every hour – for 4 hours
48 buses in 4 hours
And the same from the opposite end of the motorway going opposite direction.
We need 1000s of buses for rush hour traffic.
And servicing the furthest reaches of the motorways with park and ride facilities that are free.
@Rafa C: The NTA would have a heart attack reading this stop talking sense!
@Fiona Wyse: Sorry about that! ROFL
@Kevin O’Hara: Are they the white vans the people drive that work hard to build and maintain the city you live in?
@Rafa C: we are in ireland,joined up thinking is not a thing here,just look at eamonn ryan going off half cocked buying 134 electric buses at a cost of about 55 million that we have no charging infastructure for,they now are sitting in storage somewhere racking up big bills for lying idle
@Rafa C: I really don’t believe they have our best interests at heart at all, they just want your money. If we all got rid of our cars and walked or bussed it they’d just up the bus fares and charge you a walking tax.
@Lydia Mcloughlin: Yeh I know. Shoe tax would increase or something.
Dublin City centre is already struggling to survive let alone prosper. Take out tourists, and the number of people in Dublin drops hugely. There are, already, many empty retail units incl on Grafton St. A congestion charge will kill Dublin. Much of the current congestion is caused by DCC !!
Think COVID restrictions were bad?
Wait till the Climate Fanatics get their fangs into you. You’ll be afraid to breathe.
@Tommy Haze: They were great for traffic
@Tommy Haze: for people with respiratory illness they already are and it’s getting worse.
Whoever support or come up with this kind of fees and charges will not be re-elected.
It won’t be long before Dublin city centre is deserted,No people,No shops,No jobs…
I’m not saying it’s the only problem but are you telling me there is nobody out there that can synchronise the fecking traffic lights. Millions of man hours wasted unnecessarily each year because of incompetence.
And does anybody stop to think why we have so much congestion in Dublin it’s because the green party got rid of all the filter lights for turning left or right so everybody has to sit behind each other causing congestion. Its the fault of the Green party for all this mess, bringing traffic to a standstill. And then thinking the Irish people are stupid then by introducing congestion charges caused by the Green party what a mess of a country
What about the people who work in our hospitals, powerstation, firestations, garda, water treatment facilities etc that are all localised in dublin city who work shift and live outside of Dublin City? It’s not a small group of people and it is totally unfeasible for them to get public transport due to working 24/7 365.
Another way to squeeze money out of you and that’s all it is!!!
Dublin Port is routing heavy goods trucks through Northside residential road system, and planning expansion without clear service routes, due to the inadequacy of the Port Tunnel. This tunnel cannot route hazardous goods trucks,all of the higher containers, car/machinery/ prefab construction transporters.
So all these drive through Dublin alongside commuter traffic, packed bus’s, past homes, schools, churches and retail zones.
These 48tonne loads of explosive goods, deadly chemicals, etc, move through 24/7 without any separation,safety monitoring, or regard for the emissions or noise afflicted on the communities.
Meanwhile,high frequency Bus Connect is increasing city diesel traffic,whilst EV bus’s lie idle!
These defects need to be remediated urgently to improve air quality and safety.
Our costal waters are polluted . Look at the Dublin coast . You cannot swim in poo , our rivers and lakes are also polluted but the so called greens are more interested in gouging money rather than addressing actual environment issues that we can visibly see .
The first picture in the article explains the problem really well. We prioritise cars over buses (or other public transport) in our road design so they get stuck in traffic, disincentivising people from using them. Unless and until we stand up to entitled drivers when designing roads (see most of the rest of the comments), we won’t solve traffic problems in the city, with or without a congestion charge.
@Vincent Frideo:
“Entitled drivers” as you call them pay a lot of money to keep a car on the road and are penalised at every opportunity. It is those that pay nothing to use our roads that are the entitled one’s.
@Regular John: all drivers pay a lot of money to keep a car on the road, not only entitled drivers. The irony is that the money they pay goes nowhere close to paying for the roads they use even though they do by far the most damage to the infrastructure. As long as they prevent faster and more efficient modes of transport from getting priority, then not only do they create a net loss to the exchequer, they also prevent other people who do less damage to roads from getting where they want to go more quickly.
@Vincent Frideo: Yes im an ‘entitled’ driver that needs to drive as no public transport to my job in a hospital which I’ve worked at for 20 years across the city at 630am. But somehow im now ‘entitled’. It’s a joke. Sick of this constant bashing.
@Lilly Lalogue: As you’ll have read above, I differentiated between “driver” and “entitled driver”, so I’m wondering which of the following you’re identifying with when you say you’re an “entitled driver”.
Is it:
- You object to any and all attempts to prioritise public transport so that the majority of commuters can reach the centre of town quickly and predictably, even though it would ultimately take cars of the road that delay your journey to work?
- You scream whenever car parking spaces are reallocated to other uses and park anyway on the pavement because you think you’re entitled to park next to the front door of anywhere you’re visiting?
- You never stop at lights behind the advanced stopping line but regularly encroach on pedestrian crosses and bike boxes because you don’t care about intimidating anyone not in a car?
- You object to speed controls that would make residential streets safe?
- You think that although your car creates more costs to the exchequer than the motor and fuel taxes you pay, you reckon those taxes mean that no one else should ever use roads?
If you don’t engage in any of these behaviours, then I’m not sure what you think you’re an “entitled driver”. Maybe you could explain?
They can shove their congestion charges up their hoop. The absolute BRASS of it all.
@Ross O’:
Yes. As if motorists aren’t gouged enough at every opportunity already.
Warranted and necessary, but it’s unavoidably elitist. The real problem is why we all have to be commuting at exactly the same time, during the pandemic we were able to observe a much more workable system but with willful glee, we have abandoned any learnings. Yes, do the congestion charge but some thinking around the movement of people and goods would be amazing, since the massive success of the Luas nothing has happened in transport. We’re supposed to believe Ai is taking over while sitting at moronic traffic light systems invented in the 1800s ffs.
Another good reason, as if it was needed, not to visit our squallid capital.
Just close the Cities down all together. Put a “Closed for Business” sign at each entry point of our Cities. Eamon and the Cabbage heads will have loads of room for Cycling around. They might have to get off their bikes occasionally to clear the Tumble Weed. On the streets out of their way.
As always, Dubs think they live in a bubble and the rest of the country doesn’t exist.
Congestion zones. In a country with no meaningful public transport?
So just more taxes on non-Dubs who are forced to go to Dublin because our entire country is obsessed with one city.
Our little island could of been truly a Emerald Isle we where 20 odd year’s behind other countries and these current policies are not new , ulez in LDN was put out 10 or so years ago. Where we had no problems yet we followed other countries and copied their blue prints. When we we should of been looking ahead not creating the issues others had in the name of progress.
Next they will be taxing all human beings for polluting the atmosphere exhaling carbon dioxide..When will it ever end?
Havd to comment as this seems to be one of very few articals one can comment. Journal locking us out again such as Tony houlihan artical
@james dooley: agreed James…and not by chance. However when I see this at least I know that what the article is about is probably incorrectly protrayed or just plain propaganda
Ban all internal combustion vehicles in city centres, also all private cars and provide good, high density electric public transport.
Result no pollution, no congestion, car parks available for redevelopment as something useful.
This is not even hard.
@Steve O’Hara Smith.:
What a load of nonsense…
@Steve O’Hara Smith.: The part where you said provide high density electric public transport. Yeah that seems to be hard because they can’t do it. They are good at producing reports and videos and brochures. Oh and public consultations but nothing ever actually gets built.
Congestion charges are a tax plain and simple. If you don’t want cars coming into the city just ban them for people living outside the canals. Build proper Park and Rides with a proper bus service from them into the city. Just Stop Taxing The Motorist!!!!
this is NOT about health…lets be 100% honest here and stop pretending
The article argues the congestion charges should be introduced to improve air quality.
Then it states that emissions from cars is not really a problem most of the time.
The expansion of EV cars and busses is the real solution to reducing traffic emissions and that is already happening.
Did we build a metro? Either metro north as it was or metro west? Did we put in the dart underground? Did we build the numerous LUAS lines that were planned? All of these things were deemed necessary over 20 years ago and the only things that happened were 2 LUAS lines going south and a small extension north to broombridge. Given that the populations has increased dramatically since even those days and almost none of what was planned took place from an infrastructure point of view why are congestion charges even being mentioned? That is the type of thing you do when you have good alternatives for people. We don’t. We didn’t invest.
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