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I’VE SUFFERED FROM anxiety for my whole life now. It can be tough and it’s a complete inconvenience at times, but it’s something that I’ve had to learn to accept and deal with.
But one thing that really bugs me is people that don’t think anxiety is a real illness. People who tell me to “just stop worrying”, to “calm down” and worst of all, to “just get over it”. Obviously, if I could do that then I wouldn’t be in this position. These are possibly the worst things you can say to a person with anxiety or a person who’s in distress during a panic attack, it just makes them feel ten times worse about their lack of control over the situation.
Making myself sick with worry
Anxiety isn’t something that I can just get rid of, and, although I have my good days and bad days, I’ve accepted that it’s probably going to be a part of my life forever.
From the age of seven I remember fretting constantly over little things, obsessing over what could go wrong, making myself sick with worry. These feelings were so normal to me that I didn’t even realise that I had a problem. I thought everyone was like this, that everyone spent all their time and energy stressing about the outcome of everything they said or did. Does it sound like I could “just get over it”?
It was only when I turned 16 that I realised anxiety was an actual illness. It was when I started going out for the night with my friends, and almost every night I’d end up getting myself up in a heap and having a panic attack. The fact that this happened regularly made me even more anxious about going out – I was so afraid of people looking at me and seeing me freak out. Before I’d leave the house I’d go through every single bad thing that could happen to me if I went out – and I would be on the verge of a panic attack before I’d stepped foot outside the front door. I wanted more than anything to be able to enjoy my night anxiety-free and have fun like everybody else. Does it sound like I could “just get over it”?
The same thing happened in school. I’ve always missed a lot of school because of medical issues, and this would leave me in constant fear of falling behind, of missing something important, of failing. So much to the point that I was scared to go back to school after taking a few days off, I was petrified that I wouldn’t understand what was going on, and would start having a panic attack in the classroom. Does it sound like I could “just get over it”?
Exams were hell for me
This fear was made even worse around the time of my Irish and French oral exams. I started having a panic attack during an assembly in the hall, and had to leave the room before it got worse. I didn’t want anyone to see, because I knew they wouldn’t understand what was going on. But of course they did see, and what followed was a group of lads taking the piss out of me and mimicking me having a panic attack. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt so degraded or mortified in my life.
I was constantly accused of “attention seeking” with my panic attacks and to anyone who suspects that, I say you have no idea what you’re talking about. I go out of my way to go somewhere private and calm myself down when I’m having a panic attack, away from everyone except maybe a close friend who understands and can help. Sorry if my panic attacks offend you or take your mind off your own life for a couple of seconds, but I can guarantee you that the last thing I want is for you to notice me. Does it sound like I could “just get over it”?
Exams were hell for me, not just because of my anxiety, but because of people’s petty comments. I got to go first in my oral exams, skipping maybe a handful of people and majority of them didn’t mind at all. But there’s always a few that bang on about “special treatment” and how I was “overreacting”. Well sorry if it seems that way, but guess how many panic attacks I had in two oral exams? Five. Obviously, I wouldn’t just sabotage my exams that I worked so hard for like that for the craic and to get some attention off people who don’t even care about me. Does it sound like I could “just get over it”?
Me being me, I didn’t want to cause any more disruption. I didn’t want people gossiping about me. So I asked for a separate room to do my written exams in for my Leaving Cert. I did it so that if I had a panic attack during an exam, I wouldn’t be interrupting other people in the room, and be accused of jeopardising their exams. But, still, people talked about it and I was accused of having special treatment all over again. I don’t know how having a room by myself was going to be of any extra benefit to my exams, but you’d swear it was. Well, I worked my ass off studying for the whole year, and didn’t end up getting my first preference at the end of the day because of my anxiety. Does it sound like I could “just get over it”?
Try to be a little more accepting of people’s problems
I’m not writing this blog post out of anger for what has happened in the past. I’m writing it because I want people to be aware of what a person with anxiety goes through, before they decide to judge them. Before they decide to talk badly about them, make presumptions, and possibly make the said person’s anxiety even worse.
My anxiety is a hell of a lot better since I got to college, and it’s made my life a lot easier. I’m happier and it shows in day to day things, I can now go to lectures without feeling like I’m falling behind and failing, and I have a lot more fun when I go out.
I’m so open about my anxiety because I want people to understand how hard it can be, or at least to try. Being a little more accepting of somebody with anxiety could just make it a little easier for them to deal with it themselves. I want everyone who reads this blog post to take one thing from it; a person who suffers from anxiety can’t just get over it.
Michaela Deane is a first year student in the University of Limerick studying Journalism and New Media. She’s an 18-year-old from the small town of Belmullet in Co Mayo. Visit her blog Lies and Bowties or follow her on Twitter @micwbu
Michaela, well said & well done in dealing with your problem, I’m sure that in time your anxiety will disappear all together. I hope people reading this will be inspired to take control of what ever issues that may have. Your very brave to talk about it
A bit like telling someone who has low self esteem that they should have confidence. If it only it was that easy.
Or like telling someone who doesn’t have enough money to “just make more money”. Or telling someone in a wheelchair to get off his arse and walk.
Some of you commenting should be ashamed of yourselves. In 2015, it’s disgusting that people still have a backward way of thinking about mental illness. And then to think why suicide is so high in young people? I say fair play to her and it doesn’t bloody matter what her “writing style” was like. Ffs some people need a slap of reality
Well said.
I think everyone gets anxious to some
Degree or other. I did a lot years ago but over time it gets better. Hasn’t completely gone away but if you surround yourself with people you care for you and remove the negative people it turns out alright
I am quite an anxious person..always worrying about the future and possible outcomes. I hate change but it’s inevitable. I envy people who can just go with the flow. So I under stand some of what Michaela is saying..you can’t just snap out of it. There was a guy on with Neil Delamere on today fm today talking abt mindfulness ..I found some of what he was saying helpful. Getting a grip on my anxiety is a work in progress..
Anxiety is part of being human. The more sensitive the person the more anxious quite often. Not a bad thing either as it is our natural instincts and often inborn intelligence coming to the fore when we know something is not as it should be etc. Read Gabor Matés work dealing with anxiety, depression, addiction and so on. http://drgabormate.com/
What we have grown up to believe as true is far from it re so called “Mental illnesses”". Modern western medicine and psychology is grossly corrupt. Best of luck to you in your search and take very good care. Grá Mór!
Kudos.
It’s a very difficult illness it can happen so fast but it can be cured in time the healing is slow but eventually will happen the way of thinking will change for the good .
Very brave of you to write this. You wrote it from the heart and experience. People who don’t understand won’t get it. But there are many who can relate to every word you wrote. Also slowly people are becoming more accepting but there’s a very long way to go. The comments on here prove that beyond doubt.
You failed to highlight things people can do to help those with anxiety beyond the classic ‘just get over it’ which you so regularly repeated. Although I hope this rant made you feel better, that’s all it was.
Like mist in the journal, it’s a complaints forum not a let’s see what we can do to fix it kinda place.
They just need some one to listen
The best way to communicate is just to listen.
One of the best pieces of advise my mother gave me years ago was ‘Do your best, it’s not the end of the world’. I think if you put all lives woes into that context, you’ll do just fine. This is coming from someone who used to worry and get wound up about stuff.
Seems a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Getting anxious over getting anxious later.
At Michaela Dunne..Fairplay to You for opening up about this….Fact is People don’t and wont Care, they are Vultures… Just look at the amount of stupid comments on here about this…And they will tell You,its there Right to comment…LOL.
So surround Yourself with people that understand ,or try and understand.Take it day by day or hour by hour if needs be…You are living Proof You can do it *Fact*…
Empty your mind of what other will say or do…Its Your life…Not there’s…Thanks.
Not getting into war of words with folk over this…When You engage Stupid, they will drag You down to there level and then beat You with Experience… ;- )
Thanks A FELLOW SUFFER…
I always feel like somebody’s watching me.
They are. Just ask frank. Or glen.
@Exit stage left…. Yr comment made me spill my cup o tea I laughed so much. …!
Which one?
Well said, suffering from anxiety can be very debilitating.
I think there is more to this issue that isn’t discussed enough though.
The main message in the media about mental health is the argument that it should be recognised by society as a real illness. I accept that it is, of course, I have my own bouts with depression as does everyone in my family.
What I don’t accept is that medication is the way out and that people should feel no qualms about finding the ‘one that suits them best’ before exploring other avenues. Make a rule to get 8 hours sleep a night, daily exercise and a healthy diet for 6 weeks and reevaluate your feelings. Read self-help books and look to progress yourself. Progress in made outside of your comfort zone! Small victories over your anxiety will lead to bigger victories. Best of luck to everyone out there
People judge others by themselves and what they feel and believe are the main avenues but as well from gossip, popularity beliefs and trying to fit into groups but this is why so many are ignorant of others that they do not want something from in my view. As people can be very selfish and ignorant of others because they never question anything and are on autoself the whole time?
What is the saying, to walk a mile in someone elses shoes? A great saying.
Due to some technical ‘glitch’ my last comment here seems to have gone astray but for what’s worth, you could try ‘Mindfulness’ and the web site ‘Headspace’ for some practical advice on coping with stress/anxiety? Besides, it’s free and won’t cost you 80€ or more per session with your ‘friendly’ local psychologist. Failing that, how about having a decent fireside chat with a sympathetic friend? Over to you and good luck Michaela.
good, and avoid negative people, those who feed on easy targets, bullies, opportunists. keep a small social circle to start with, take slow steps. the wider your social circle, the more chance you’ll meet obstacles, more BS, to deal with that you need to be resilient, then avoid, cut them off. they need help too, but a different kind, it’s not your job, ignore, don’t react, walk away.
Have spoken with the author on twitter about this already, but I figured I’d share on here too. I feel like those who campaign to remove the stigma behind mental health will only keep going until someone close to them is affected. Then they become too much to deal with and too difficult to understand and the affected person aren’t willing to open up about their problems. Sorry if that doesn’t make as much sense as I hoped it would! But as a Leaving Cert student who suffers from anxiety, I can definitely empathise with everything mentioned in this article and like you said, the exams only worsen the problem. The exam system is very flawed but that’s another article entirely!
What kind of judgemental a-holes are you sharing your anxiety with? A true friend would never tell you “Get over it” maybe be more conscious of the people you share your issues with.
most people get anxiety from time to time, even those on stage. wouldn’t call that ‘mental illness’, neither would they. its a word that can be thrown around too easily. one persons version of anxiety could be a walk in the park for the other ‘really’ suffering with anxiety WITH severe psychotic depressed periods and often is dosed up for years on end. We need to be careful here and respect what it really is.
For natural approaches to anxiety and depression see http://www.biobalance.ie
“Self hood” by Dr Terry Lynch is an amazing book. I would recommend anyone with anxiety to check it out.
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