EVERY DAY’S A school day, so the saying goes. You live and learn, that’s another one. I am very au fait with the proverb ‘give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime’.

It’s no coincidence that my chosen maxims circle back to education, because this past summer served up a few learnings of my own. Some of the ‘where have you been all my life?’ variety, and others from the ‘why did I not do this before?’ faction.

Cries of ‘you never let me do anything’ or ‘you never let me go anywhere’ still echo in my head even years later. So for parents of pre-teens and fully fledged ones who are craving independence and a little bit of autonomy, here’s your chance.

Summer provides us with the perfect low-stakes environment where our youngsters can have a little taste of what they fancy.

And here’s the thing: Unless you have the lived experience of something, you can’t possibly understand the reality of it.

‘Raised By The Village’, an RTÉ One series where teens swap their urban homes for small rural communities demonstrates how much they can handle when they step out of their comfort zone.

Which brings me to Learning No. 1, so successful it deserves its own italics: Stepping Back Can Work Wonders.

Lest anyone cast aspersions on my mothering obligations, I didn’t take my foot entirely off the pedal. As one of only two fully licensed drivers in the house, taxi duty still fell to me. As did the weekly shop. But the cooking? I left that to them.

Now the summer has ended and they’ve returned to their various places of education.

The air fryer might still be crying and there’s an excellent chance one of them might have early signs of scurvy. But I have lovely nails for the first time in ages because they haven’t been ruined by culinary tasks.

And the best part? They are still doing the cooking.

I am very aware that teaching our kids important life skills leads to self-sufficiency.

Lifelong skills

Allowing them to arrange their own schedules and organise transport (which, in practice, means aligning their plans with mine) helps them develop time management skills. And of course, there’s the confidence boost when they successfully navigate these skills on their own.

I am all for fostering independence but, if I’m being honest, sometimes all I really want is some peace and quiet so I can carry on with my day. Mothers need a break too and this luxury isn’t always given so we have to seize it when we can.

My takeaway from Learning No. 1? A little bit of benign neglect never hurt anybody

I should pre-empt Learning No. 2 with a disclaimer. That being, I thoroughly enjoy when my kids are not in school – be it a bank holiday or those blessed three months of freedom between finishing one school year and starting the next. I’d suspected the truth of this next one for the last few years but it really hit home in the summer of ’25: Going On Holidays With Teenagers Is Brilliant.

Apparently, we only get 18 summers with our kids. Somehow that lands harder when it’s presented in black and white. At least for me. This family are long past the nappies-and-too-much-chocolatey-breakfast-cereal phase (and the accompanying bowel adventures). We have moved fully into the “would you like a beer with your meal?” stage. Similarly, spending three hours applying sufficient layers of sun cream onto wriggly protesting kids is now a thing of the past.

Rising to the occasion

It has become an annual joke to announce on the first day of our holiday: “This will be the year no-one gets sunburned.”

Returning to the earlier theme of giving kids the freedom to do things for themselves, the same applies to holidays. Let me list the ways they come into their own. They can pack their own bags. Although this could easily turn into a guessing game whether one of them will remember underwear, toiletries and suitable clothing. And this year, a truly lovely occurrence was when they stepped up naturally to help out with younger cousins – earning massive brownie points from other family members. A nice reminder of how capable they have become when given the freedom and responsibility to manage things for themselves, and proof that teenagers do rise to the occasion when given the chance.

At the same time, letting them enjoy some downtime – staying in bed and getting up after 7am – benefited everybody. For us, it was exactly what the doctor ordered. We all need an interlude from our busy schedules and the kids deserve a break from the rigors and timetabling of school to recharge their batteries and get their heads back in the game for the school year ahead.

If Learning No. 1 was about giving space, then Learning No. 2 showed, after a little independence and some R&R, suddenly you’ve got teenagers who pitch in when needed and enjoy a slower pace. It’s a win-win for all involved.

Our young people don’t have to be entertained all the time and we don’t need to micromanage everything they do.

Yes, you might still be their taxi driver, but they must figure out how to get ready on time. To understand that getting to their part time job or be punctual when meeting friends still involves factoring in showers, and yes, even checking social media.

None of us are looking for monumental breakthroughs or the answer to everybody’s prayers. Just solutions that work for our own family to help make the day run that little bit smoother. The realisation that little gains can add up to huge wins is a strong one.

And let’s face it, we don’t relish the idea of heckling our kids to be on top of things all of the time. They certainly don’t like to be on the receiving end of our frustration.

In closing, I’m not entirely sure who’s doing the sums when they arrived at the 18 summers with our kids’ sales pitch. However, if the last one is anything to go by, I’ll happily take it. A traumatised air fryer is a small price to pay as is the occasional underwear-related packing snag.

That, for me, is a parenting win. Complete with lovely nails.

Gwen Loughman is the gatekeeper of four boys, one husband and a watcher over two dogs.