TIMES ARE HARD, okay?

This week, a non-bank lender by the name of ICS Mortgages made the claim that there has been an increase in Irish people seeking to take out four-person mortgages. Four people just to buy one house? What are we, the goddamn Ninja Turtles? Although, for the record, if we are, then I bagsy being Leonardo. He was the leader.

AIB Group actually disputed the claim on their end, saying that: “Demand for these types of applications is very low and this continues to be the case.” Nevertheless, these ménage-à-quatre mortgages are available from all three of Ireland’s banks, meaning that if just a few of us put our heads and bank accounts together, we might actually be able to snag a gaff in the barren housing wasteland that we call Ireland.

I’m not much of a cook but I’m relatively clean, and I do make for a good in-house jester. You won’t have to wait until Saturday morning to hear all of my funny, funny observations about all of the bad things that are happening. We could be like the people in the stock image I chose for this article. Look how happy they are. That could be you and me. And also two other people. 

Some might argue that four adults owning a home together is a non-traditional way to live, but if that’s true, then why did God put four hobs on the stove, huh? We wouldn’t have to be in love or married or anything, by the way, that’s not part of the deal. Though it would certainly make things more convenient. I bet we regret not passing that polyamory referendum now. Thanks a lot, Michael McDowell. 

Admittedly, it’s not the best time to be looking for a mortgage in Ireland. This week, the Banking and Payments Federation Ireland (BPFI) issued a report showing that the value of mortgage drawdowns in the first six months of 2025 has hit levels not seen since the months leading up to the financial crash. That’s kind of ominous, because you know what happened a few months after the months leading up to the financial crash? That’s right: the financial crash. An unfortunate coincidence. 

The cost of a mortgage to first-time buyers has shot up. Ideally, if you’re really serious about doing this four-way situation with me, and I assume you are, we should probably try to get at least one rich person in the mix. Maybe someone who’s not a first-time buyer. Three of us versus one of them? Ol’ moneybags won’t stand a chance. Am I convincing you yet?

When it comes to the housing crisis, many of us opt for the defensive mechanism of humour. It is undoubtedly a situation where if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Actually, even if you do occasionally laugh about it, you’re still probably spending much more of your time crying. Anyway, the offer stands. 

It’s been a week for these kinds of innovations. Michael Healy-Rae, ahead of Kerry’s upcoming All-Ireland Senior Men’s Football Championship Final (it feels ridiculous to capitalise that many words in a row), called for road tolls to be suspended for those driving to Croke Park. 

It’s an interesting strategy that Healy-Rae has, isn’t it? This whole gimmick of doing things and demanding things that will make his constituents happy. It’s novel. You don’t see it often. And somehow, it works for him. Have we ever considered implementing something similar on a national level? Sort of a system whereby we identify things that people want or like and then… try to do them? 

Now, granted, MHR’s proposals don’t always make what one might call ‘sense,’ but it’s self-evident that his constituents appreciate the extent to which he prioritises them. It seems especially noteworthy when you consider that Kerry’s opponent this weekend is Donegal, a county that often feels forgotten by the national government. Kerry are over here asking for a toll-free drive while those travelling from Donegal can’t even get a bloody train.

Lastly, and tragically, it would be remiss of any commentary on this week to pass by without registering the utter horror of what continues to unfold in Gaza.

Over the course of the genocide, there have been several weeks like this. Where those in power fleetingly seem to recall that they’re supposed to be opposed to things like the intentional mass starvation of civilians, and all of a sudden, they redouble their “calls” for an end to Israel’s brutality. Israel will continue to ignore the calls, and maybe in a few months, the world leaders will get together and make the same call, using the same language, to the same end, again.

To hear the likes of Emmanuel Macron say that France will recognise the state of Palestine in September, almost makes the bile rise in one’s throat. Sure, we’ve done absolutely nothing to stop this genocide over the last 21 months, but if you give us one more month, we’re going to keep doing nothing.

To hear the likes of Keir Starmer, a man who has sought to criminalise peaceful (if disruptive) solidarity with Palestine through his parliament’s proscription of Palestine Action, talk about “pulling together all the steps necessary to build a lasting peace”. You could tear your hair out. This is a man who said Israel “had that right” when asked if “a siege was appropriate, cutting off power, cutting off water”. It is intolerable. 

More than two dozen countries have issued a statement calling for an immediate end to Israel's war on the Gaza Strip, saying the suffering there has 'reached new depths', yet they continue to trade with it.

🔴 LIVE updates: https://t.co/tyoR8JHNIE pic.twitter.com/LOAY1a47Tv

— Al Jazeera English (@AJEnglish) July 23, 2025

And, indeed, even to read the words of Micheál Martin: “The situation in Gaza is horrific. The suffering of civilians and the death of innocent children is intolerable. I echo the call by Foreign Ministers of 28 countries for all hostages to be released, and for a surge in humanitarian aid. This war must end and it must end now.” Ireland’s government has been more forthright in its criticism of Israel, but our enduring economic relationship with Israel undermines whatever we believe we’re achieving through symbolism and rhetoric alone. 

In a spot of clever visual journalism this week, Al Jazeera posted a side-by-side graphic which highlighted the level of trade done between Israel and the 28 nations that “called” for an end to the war in a joint statement that they must have all been very proud of. Ireland stands out, with an import bill of $3.89bn (€3.32bn) to Israel, nearly twice as much as the next country on the list, which is the United Kingdom — a country whose population is over ten times the size of our own.

It has been 21 months of ruination, a hollowing out of our collective humanity, even now, even as we watch the bones of Palestinian children poke through their skin from this preventable, weaponised hunger. And yet Israel more or less remains a welcome participant in the global economy, its seat at the table pulled out for it by wealthy, western nations that seemingly cannot bring themselves to take a single real step to constrain the devastation that is being wrought upon hundreds of thousands of innocents.