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I HAVE A friend, we don’t go out for drinks, we don’t talk football, movies, girls or TV. He loves listening to music, but not what I would listen to – Daniel O’Donnell definitely is not my taste. He loves the bog, really loves the bog, and I could think of no worse place to spend my summer.
You would think we have nothing at all in common, and yet our friendship means so much. When he laughs at something I’ve said or done that is a special moment, after a few hours with him I go home feeling fulfilled, a feeling I’ve done good. But he does more good for me than I do him.
My friend is four years older than I am but is intellectually disabled. He can’t walk that well either, and any time we go out needs a wheelchair. Despite this he is such a happy wonderful person to be around. Intellectually disabled doesn’t mean simple, doesn’t mean he’s stupid. He knows he’s not like everyone else he knows he has to rely on others, and yet he’s such a happy person.
We became friends
We didn’t choose each other as friends. In fact from his point of view I was just landed on him and he was told I was going to be his friend. From my point of view, it took Garda clearance and a few one day courses, and I was then introduced to him.
We became friends, because I wanted to do something that would change someone’s life for the better. I volunteered to become a one-on-one mentor. Yes, volunteered. I have to give my own time, unpaid. But that’s no big deal, we don’t get paid to spend time with friends anyway.
Many people I talk to about it, say they wouldn’t have the patience, but why? You don’t have to go every day, you can do as much or as little as you want. Is it because they wouldn’t have patience to deal with someone not like them? You don’t need patience to have tea with someone, to talk, to listen, to have a laugh.
We don’t go to the pub, we don’t talk football, cars or films. Our musical tastes vary wildly, and yet we have a very pure, amazing friendship. He asks nothing of me but time, I ask nothing of him, just the hope I make his day that little better.
I probably get more out of our friendship than he does
He shares a house with a woman with similar disability, and although I’m his buddy, she likes to have a new face come to the house. She doesn’t have a buddy who can bring her out, though, and it’s a pity because she too is a wonderful, kind, amazing person.
The day I went for my induction there were two other volunteers starting, and this was considered to be a big intake. This was the first “group” in over six months.
It’s probably not for everybody, lots of people think they wouldn’t have the patience – and at first I was unsure too – but volunteering to mentor someone, to be a friend, is so rewarding. Selfishly I probably get more out of our friendship than he does, but it’s hard not to.
Mark Farrell lives in Kildare with his wife Carrie and their dogs.
Well done you, a heart warming story. Volunteerism is great; so many people get so much out if it. The GAA wouldn’t exist without out, or other organisations like SVP or The Samaritans. The culture of volunteerism should be promoted more, particularly in schools. Gaisce are a greet organisation also. As you said often the volunteer gets more out of the act than he/she puts in.
I’ve often thought that volunteering should be encouraged here. My 85 year old grandfather volunteers at his local primary school where he helps young children with their reading. Many who do not have much contact with their own grandparents, get to engage with him and learn a sense of respect for the elderly.
I’d live to see transition year students engaging in volunteering projects, whether visiting the elderly, cleaning their local area or engaging in habitat conservation, in would benefit them and their locality massively.
Peesonally I get opportunities to voku teer through work, but I don’t get involved enough. After reading this great article, I think I will now. Thanks Mark
I also need to learn to proof read! Sorry all
My Dad also volunteers and he gets so much from it. He really looks forward to his weekly visits. He has become firm friends with this elderly man. Well done you.
Coming to the end of the Fleadh here in Sligo & we had over 1100 volunteers for the 8 day festival & many more for the Tidy Towns work over the summer.
I think this will lead to a lot more people volunteering in the future as it has all been a resounding success.
I love volunteering. It is great to give back and if you pick the right role you can learn a massive amount. I was chairman of a festival at age 26. It is similar to the experience of running a business, great for your cv, costs only time and gives you a great buzz!
Thanks for the article Mark. Who does one get in touch with if your interested in volunteering?
Your local Volunteer Centre can help you find out about volunteering options to suit you. The website address is http://www.volunteerCOUNTYNAME.IE ie http://www.volunteermayo.ie http://www.volunteercork.ie etc.
You can also check out http://www.volunteer.ie for more information about volunteering in Ireland.
There is also an app called I-VOL you can download.
Good luck with it Kerry! :-)
Came across this article and as a person who does a lot of volunteering I want to say thank you Mark for making a difference in someone’s life. There is something called the responsibility ripple and that is best describe by each person taking responsibility to make a difference and as people become aware they too take responsibility. From what I’m reading Mark, you are definitely creating the ripple. Stand proud and keep up the great work!
Anyone interested volunteering can search http://www.volunteer.ie for a county by county list of opportunities and how to apply. A lot require Garda vetting and this can take a long time. Because I was born in the UK mine took four months.
I volunteer with the Salvation Army and I love it. But when I did my thesis on stress between the employed , the unemployed and volunteers, I found that of the 3 groups, volunteers suffered the most stress.
You don’t have to join an organisation or charity to volunteer, there are plenty of elderly people out there who need a hand with things like gardening and DIY Or who would just be grateful for company of another person to chat n have tea with for a little while. It must be horrible to be old and lonely and feel so isolate for you community.
I volunteer. So does my Mrs.
We teach music to adults for free.
Volunteering yields benefits 100 times what you invest.
Goddam communists!
Stop promoting volunteering. Every job deserves a wage.
Such a stupid thing to say! Did you read it? He’s his friend.
Nowadays the trend is :underpay the worker . cheap labour.Below minimum wage.Next thing will be work for no pay at all.
There are various methods used to supress wages. Visas, immigration, off-shoreing, I think the last is the most popular now. Volunteering has no measurable impact on wages in the marketplace.
You don’t volunteer to produce goods for profit. You volunteer to help your fellow man.
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