FINE GAEL MUNSTER MEP Seán Kelly believes that Shannon airport should be renamed, claiming that it doesn’t get as much business as it possibly could because people overseas aren’t sure where ‘Shannon’ is.

His proposal is to rename it as the Ireland Atlantic Coast airport – but here’s our alternative suggestions.

JP McManus Airport
Let’s be fair. Ireland’s richest man – worth an estimated €1.2bn – is probably the single thing keeping the Shannon region afloat in the last couple of years.

But as a major philanthropist – having manufactured a ‘Sporting Limerick’ brand to sponsor Limerick’s GAA teams – he’s also done enough for the region in a legitimate sense.

People who’ll support this: The Limerick GAA county board
People who’ll oppose this: People who resent him for selling Man United to the Glazer family; Opposing racehorse owners.

Limerick Airport
Why not just call a spade a spade? If the problem is that nobody knows where ‘Shannon’ is, why don’t we call it after where it is?

Well, of course, there’s a good reason. Though the airport is considered to be the one that serves Limerick, it’s actually in County Clare. But as anyone who flies Ryanair will know, airports aren’t always necessarily where they’re supposed to be.

People who’ll support this: People from Limerick.
People who’ll oppose this: People from Clare; Cartographers.

Patrick Hillery Airport
If we’re going to acknowledge that the airport’s actually in Clare, then maybe we ought to name it after one of the county’s most famous sons, the two-term President of Ireland?

Hillery was never contested for Ireland’s highest office – being an unopposed candidate on both occasions he ran – and was described as “honourable, decent, intelligent, courteous, warm and engaging” by Brian Cowen at his funeral.

People who’ll support this: Fianna Fáil; people who would rather name it after Hillery than after another former Clare TD, Éamon de Valera.
People who’ll oppose this: The same people who don’t want Dublin Airport named after Seán Lemass.

Keith Wood Airport
One of Ireland’s greatest rugby exports. He himself was from Clare; his dad Gordon – who also played for Ireland, the Lions, Garryowen and Harlequins – was from Limerick. ‘Nuff said.

People who’ll support this: Peladophiles (lovers of baldness); Munster and Harlequins rugby fans
People who’ll oppose this: Peladophobes.

Angela’s Ashes Airport
For what is Limerick most known worldwide? No, it’s not knife crime: among other things, it’s for being the setting of Angela’s Ashes, Frank McCourt’s Pulitzer Prize-winning memoir.

Of course, there are probably better ideas than naming it after a city with a killer river in which every child seems to catch ‘the consumption‘. Can’t you tell we’re scraping the barrel at this stage?

People who’ll support this: People who appreciate the coolness of having an airport with the ‘AAA’ code.
People who’ll oppose this: The operators of Anaa Airport in French Polynesia, which already uses the ‘AAA’ code.

The Star, reporting the story, reckons other worthy subjects would include Terry Wogan, Celia Holman Lee, Paul O’Connell, Irish Coffee, and Richard Harris.