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Etiquette
An iPhone contract we could all learn from
18 rules from a mother to her teenage son.
10.27am, 2 Jan 2013
34.2k
64
Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
THAT IS JUST one of 18 rules an American mother gave to her teenage son as part of his iPhone contract.
A common dilemma for parents today is when to allow their children to own smartphones. In Ireland, cyber-bullying has become a significant problem and constant access to text messaging and internet services has been cited by some as part of the issue.
Blogger Janell Burley Hofmann has come up with a kind-of etiquette list for her 13-year-old son, which has garnered attention on both sides of the Atlantic for its sensible approach to modern technology.
As she gave her son Gregory his Christmas gift – a sparkling new iPhone – she warned him it came with “rules and regulations”. “Please read through the following contract,” she wrote. “I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well round, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it.”
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’. Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7.30pm every school night and every weekend night at 9pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7.30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s landline, wherein their parents may answer first, then do no call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
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5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after-school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person – preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear – including a bad reputation.
13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO – fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
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The more I think about it the more this lady sounds like my wife. You can’t do this, you can’t do that, not now dear, put it away dear, can’t ya not just leave it down. Who are you texting now? Etc etc
Sweeping bigoted statement Michael. Some of us try, and try damn hard at that. In fact, the above article is an example of a great parent trying her best.
He should invest in a good case as it will be expensive to replace if
It smashes to the ground. Griffin Survivor is probably the best , my 6 year old has dropped mine onto a tiled concrete floor dozens of times in the last year and the phone still looks brand new.
Actually the latest iOS update did more damage…! http://amazon.co.uk/dp/B004R97CXI
Your post just proves what a crap “phone” the iPhone is.
I have a Samsung phone with no cover; have dropped it lots of times onto concrete, tiles, wood floors. It has never broken, not even a scratch on the screen.
My cousin is onto his 4th iPhone in 3 years. It even drops call while using the hands free kit in this car. While using my phone once he committed how good the call quality was, better than the call that just dropped out on his iPhone.
I asked him why he uses an iPhone, his reply, his customers expect him to be using the latest technology, as it shows them he is a successful business man.
While this is all very well-intentioned, when you strip away all her ideals, she has spent €300+ on a phone with the following basic rules.
- He can use the phone for half an hour in the morning and two hours in the evening (less if he does any after school activities or hangs out with his friends straight after school) on week nights, because he can’t bring it to school with him.
- He can use the phone for potentially the whole day on weekends, PROVIDED he doesn’t leave the house (don’t text and walk, put it away in public, don’t use it around anyone else) or socialise in the house.
- He can’t use it to google anything he wouldn’t look up on a shared house computer.
- He can’t use it to say anything to anyone that he wouldn’t say in front of their parents.
… probably could’ve bought him an iPod touch and a cheap phone and saved a lot of money…
I like the idea but a bit harsh…especially the ‘You will not take it to school’ and handing it over at ‘ 7.30pm every school night and every weekend night at 9pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7.30am’, so say you get home by 5pm then you get a phone and you can have it between the hours of 5 and 7.30,
Isn’t the main point of having a phone that you can be contacted at almost any time? and a smartphone for when your on the jacks?
She’s spot on, at that age he’d be up all night zombified on the phone, not able to listen in school, disrupting class texting and not listening if he was able to stay awake and then there is the whole having it robbed by another pupil as has happened on the two occasions my friends daughter brought hers to school! Her son is a lucky boy to have a mother who obviously loves him enough to care, way too many kids being pacified with technology to keep them “happy” until it’s too late and they are being bullied or worse and the parents are wondering how it happened! Sad but true :(
I would probably disagree with most of that, my parents used to say ‘go to room and study’ you think that made me study? Taking a phone of a kid and thinking that will help them learn is the wrong way to do, getting an iPhone for your kid and pretty much telling them they will never use it without supervision is wrong, he’s 13 and growing… I would honestly just give it back and ask for a brick with no contract, it is raising awareness for cyber bullying which is good but she is a blogger so I think it was half about internet attention and half about her kid…
I think that is a brilliant idea. Although once he hits 14/15 he should definitely be aloud to keep his phone at night. Also he’s entitled to privacy so be should be able to have a password his mother doesn’t know.
His mother is teaching him great manners and dangers about phones that many parents don’t teach their kids because 1)they don’t know enough about it or 2)
The technology came around too fast.
I know I would have liked to be thought these things when i was handed my first phone 7 years ago! Although I know a lot has changed about phones in 7 years.
He’s only entitled to limited privacy as he’s a minor and his mother is loaning him a phone as per item 1. There’s no need for him to have his phone on at night.
I like the concept and I do give her credit for trying but I also think that some of these rules go a bit too far.
I also would have thought that one of the advantages of having a phone in places like school or when you are away from your parents is that in an emergency you can contact them.
if all these regulations are to be implied, surely the economical thing to do was to buy him a old nokia brick where there would be far less need for rules and far less dangers?
He probably goes to school at 8am and gets home at 4 , so effectively he’s just borrowing an iPhone for 4 hours a day. You can bet this bubblewrap mother has location tracking turned on.
“There is no need to document everything”, seems a bit hypocritical as she’s a blogger. And then she says “leave your phone at home sometimes”, amm what happens if he goes missing/ stays out longer then he should etc. I think this mother is abit too controlling to be honest but I do agree that every kid who gets a phone bought for them should be taught about cyber bulling and abiut responsibility on the Internet but some of these rules are ludicrous
There appears to be a growing problem in many developed countries. Parents often wa t to be friends with their children. As a result, some parents often fail to hold their children accountable for their poor behavior. They often seek someone else to blame for their child’s behavior. When simple firm guidance would’ve made a difference.
The contract is a step in the right direction. It is easier for a parent to be firm with rules and discipline and ease off when the child bas proven themselves. Than a parent to become strict after years of laxed discipline.
More than half of these are just the mother’s own pretensions about how the world should be lived in. If she has to give so many rules what’s the point in having it?
Every child should have an iPhone. You can download your schoolbooks and look up information on safari you wouldn’t have to break your back carrying 200 books like I did…
Have to agree there. Although an iPhone would be a tad small for that job. Any 9 or 10 inch tablet would be fantastic for secondary school kids as a replacement for text books.
Until they drop their school bag in the corridor where it gets stepped on by another kid who’s not paying much attention because he’s using his iPhone! (I know, we can teach the kids to look after their valuable possessions, but hey, kids will be kids)
Any item requiring such an exhaustive set of rules is most likely inappropriate. Give the kid an iPod, a crappy no Internet phone. Give the mother a clip on the ear for setting the trap. She admits she will have to confiscate it at some point – leaving the 13 yr old more desperate than ever and most likely with chronic FOMO.
Sometimes, if I’m out with friends the music can be so loud that texting is the only way to communicate. A lot of bars forget that people go out to talk to each other and don’t particularly want to freeze in a sub-zero beer garden to do it. I know its sad but I’d be lost without my iphone.
Hmmm I can see her logic as she is a mother, but frankly I would rather have a Nokia brick to abide her rules ! iPhones are for adults if that’s the case !! I love mine dearly ha
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