In Nobody Needs This, a new series for The Journal, Emer McLysaght focuses her eagle eye on the trends, products and notions we can do without. It’s not all giving out, however. She’ll also be keeping up with what’s catching her attention, keeping people interested and, quite frankly, driving her mad. 

REMEMBER THE SUMMER of the great paddling pool shortage?

It was 2013 and Ireland was in the claw of a July heatwave. Across the country there wasn’t a paddling pool to be hand for love nor money. Retailers reported empty shelves and anyone with a dusty old green turtle shell in the back garden was firing it up online to make a few bob.

This week, I became gripped by a fever not dissimilar to the Great Paddling Pool Shortage of 2013. I gave in to camping trolley mania.

I’ve been attending Electric Picnic and various other Irish festivals for almost 20 years on and off, and I’ve done each and every one without the aid of a trolley. In the early days we didn’t even know such a convenience existed, and the first mad yoke to think of bringing a wheelbarrow to hoof the tent and the cans from the car to the campsite was hailed as a genius.

Over the past decade or so the camping trolley has become more of a fixture in the fields of Stradbally and beyond as smug planners sail across whatever hellish multi-kilometre trek they’ve paid €300 for with their special wagon, laden with White Claws and contraband gazebos.

I’ve always observed the practice and thought, ‘yes, that does look very handy’, but resorted to being happy with my lot, my lot being a €34 granny shopping cart that has done at least five festivals with me and owes me absolutely nothing. I’ve treated my draggy baggy well, in fairness.

I never overloaded her, always choosing to transport camping gear that I’ve estimated to weigh the same as a decent weekly shop from Tesco. She, in turn, has never popped a wheel on the uphill forest path to the campsite at Beyond the Pale (why is the campsite always, always at the top of a hill?).

I cannot explain, then, the fever that overtook me this week as I became obsessed with procuring a flatbed camping trolley for Electric Picnic. Maybe it was pre-emptive envy, maybe it’s my advancing age, maybe it’s the fact that Electric Picnic is absolutely colossal and there’s really no way of knowing how many grassy, muddy, rocky kilometres I would have to subject Draggy Baggy to.

All I knew was I didn’t need one, but I had to have one.

Obviously, they’re sold out everywhere.

Decathalon was doing a great number in teasing that they have multiple models available, before ripping the hope away and revealing that they’re online only and would never be delivered in time.

Woodies and B&Q had none. The camping shops had long run dry. Dunnes had been selling them earlier in the month, but they were now long gone.

I turned to the online resale sites, where pickings were slim and each post offering a camping cart for sale was besieged by frantic Electric Picnickers, born better than hefting a tent onto their backs and inflicting long term spinal damage.

I got so heated at one point that I – and I’m not proud of this – resorted to jeering at someone who’d swooped in and bought what seemed to be the last camping trolley in Dublin out from under my nose, offering full asking price and snatching a deal from my fingertips, as was their right.

I tried to delete in a fit of instant regret, but alas it’s there forever. And it serves me right.

At the eleventh hour as I talked myself down from driving to Cavan to check out a potential lead, I did one more internet search.

There it was, gleaming like the Holy Grail, one camping trolley in stock in Halfords in Swords. I’ve never fired anything into my virtual basket more quickly. Halfords, dear, trusting Halfords wouldn’t take any online payment for the trolley, insisting that I could just pay on pickup.

This made me nervous. If no money changed hands how could I be sure they’d actually keep it for me?

With trepidation, I drove across the city and presented my order confirmation to Mr Halford, who exhaled a terrifying noise of uncertainty and proceeded to spend the longest 30 seconds of my life poking and prodding through the online orders before pulling out a large cardboard box, my trolley contained within.

Did I spend more than I’d budgeted for the trolley? Yes (€85). Who’s the moneybags now?

Am I realistic about this being on the cheap side if you’re looking for a high-quality item? Also yes.

Did I learn a lot about the importance of pneumatic wheels and strong frames during my search and am I accepting of the knowledge that my new trolley’s wheels are decidedly non-pneumatic? A resounding yes.

Will it last the weekend? Time will tell.

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Going to Electric Picnic?

I’ll be speaking in the Manifesto tent at Mindfield on Saturday at noon where me and my writing partner Sarah Breen will be discussing teenage kicks, our latest book Our Deadly Summer and live reacting to smutty Complete Aisling fanfiction.

I’ll also be on the panel for a live Catch Up with Louise McSharry along with Carl Kinsella on the Ah Hear! Stage at 4pm.

Currently listening to …

Dolly Parton’s America.

This nine part 2019 podcast series is essential listening this week. It delves into Appalachian culture, Parton’s history, impact and legacy and features interviews with Queen Dolly herself and figures close to her. The podcast’s host, Radiolab creator Jad Abumrad spoke to NPR this week after Parton’s death.

Also listening to …

The new Phoebe Bridgers album Lost Weekend. The r/FauxMoi subreddit has all of the chatter about possible references to her ex-fiancé Paul Mescal.

The Slayyyter album Worst Girl in America. She’ll be on the main stage at Electric Picnic next year, mark my words.

Troye Sivan’s Lou Reed-esque new single She’s the Best. Nicole Kidman is in the video!

Something to watch …

Staying with music, CMAT is celebrating the one-year anniversary of her album Europecountry by streaming her St Anne’s Park gig (recorded live in May of this year) this weekend. It premieres on YouTube on Friday at 7pm. Perfect if you won’t be in Stradbally to see her on the main stage.

TikToks of the week

Why is Chemist Warehouse so intense?

When you walk into an empty shop with only one employee

A Cork girl after a one-night stand