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In Nobody Needs This, a new series for The Journal, Emer McLysaght focuses her eagle eye on the trends, products and notions we can do without. It’s not all giving out, however. She’ll also be keeping up with what’s catching her attention, keeping people interested and, quite frankly, driving her mad.
IT WAS A lickarse’s dream at a special screening of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey in Dublin earlier this week.
I, a lickarse, was immediately thrilled to see little plastic bags draped over the arm of each seat at the film’s Irish premiere in the IFI cinema. The bags were unmistakably phone sized. There was a notable security presence. I was about to experience the ultimate joy: watching a film without some dope scrolling their WhatsApp chats every seven minutes at full brightness.
The Odyssey is just under three hours long (which feels like an indulgence on Nolan’s part but don’t worry, the film hares along and is sufficiently stressful to keep you glued), which must have been traumatic for those who reflexively check their phones every 10 minutes, even in the cinema.
The addition of the little bags added an extra layer of forbiddance, though. They weren’t lockable pouches, but they implied an added warning of ‘do not use your phone, or we will make a show of you’, which I deeply enjoyed.
Throughout the whole three hours I noticed one brief flash of a screen as someone further down my row did a quick check. I charitably conceded that maybe they’re at the top of a transplant list and just needed to make sure that they hadn’t missed a call about a kidney.
I love my phone as much as the next person.
I scroll away to my heart’s content all day long, take pictures and film when appropriate. But the cinema is a sacred space. There is no scenario once the lights have gone down where a phone needs to be taken out and scrolled through.
I can already hear the ‘babysitter needs to be able to reach me’ huffs.
Okay, so you discretely and briefly check your phone – with the brightness turned all the way down – intermittently to make sure Emily or Jack haven’t fallen down a well necessitating your immediate return home.
A quick glance is all it takes to see if the babysitter has sent out an SOS. If you’re really that afraid of missing a notification you can customise your Do Not Disturb or Emergency Bypass settings to make sure a certain number can break through the silence.
If that’s your plan of action, an aisle seat near the door is the only sane option, although it has become distressingly commonplace to see people take calls in the cinema during a film.
I was once at a screening in Dublin city centre where a woman took out her phone to film a child experiencing Ghostbusters. Flash on. Mid-film.
I worried I was on a hidden camera show, and Mike Murphy or Justin Timberlake were preparing to leap out from behind a curtain.
I had the good fortune to go and see Legally Blonde: The Musical at the Bord Gáis Theatre (which is excellent and has one of the best second acts of any show going) this week a couple of days after the lead actor Amber Davies posted on Instagram reminding people not to film.
“Unfortunately, tonight at the Bord Gáis – we’ve got a beautiful audience – but there’s just one woman in the front row, been filming the entirety of act one, it’s had us all distracted.”
This is despite announcements at the beginning of each show that filming is prohibited but phones are welcomed during the final bow. The audience member was asked to leave during the interval.
Delicious.
Phone etiquette has its nuances. I don’t mind it at gigs, depending on the audience and setting. A big, noisy, pulsing rock or pop gig? Go wild. An intimate or hushed acoustic experience? Nobody needs to see it through your cracked screen while you try to figure out your zoom settings.
I was at a show by DJ Fred Again in the RDS last year where it was requested that phones not be used and stickers were handed out to cover the lens. I felt a sense of relief not to feel like I had to capture my experience. Some people couldn’t help themselves. Nobody died.
The little bags provided at The Odyssey screening were likely more for anti-piracy and anti-spoiler (can you spoil a story written in 700 BC?) measures than to preserve the sanctity of the cinema space, but I would love to see them rolled out for every film, in every cinema in perpetuity.
And do you know what would make the experience complete? A little taser, to deploy on the audience members who can’t resist a chat. Zap zap.
Irish musician Morgana has already sold out of her iconic ‘screaming for any team to beat England’ hats but has promised another drop soon. The lyric is from her latest single Sidekick and her debut album is out in September. Tickets for her forthcoming tour are available now.
The final instalment of the Heartstopper adaptation hits Netflix today in the form of a film, Heartstopper Forever.
Netflix has aired three seasons based on Alice Oseman’s graphic novels and the movie will conclude Charlie and Nick’s love story. It’s a gorgeous series for teens and adults exploring sexuality, gender identity and mental health struggles including eating disorders.
Emer will be back next Friday morning with more recommendations.
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