We need your help now
Support from readers like you keeps The Journal open.
You are visiting us because we have something you value. Independent, unbiased news that tells the truth. Advertising revenue goes some way to support our mission, but this year it has not been enough.
If you've seen value in our reporting, please contribute what you can, so we can continue to produce accurate and meaningful journalism. For everyone who needs it.
Sign in. It’s quick, free and it’s up to you.
An account is an optional way to support the work we do. Find out more.
By continuing, you are indicating that you accept our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
SO YOU’RE OUT and about on the dating scene, “putting yourself out there” if you will, with an open mind and ready to meet that special someone. You don’t want to miss a beat, so you not only make sure you accept every invite to the opening of every envelope (keeping your weekends packed with golden opportunities to fall into the path of your perfect match), you also cram in dates scheduled by a matchmaking agency midweek.
You dabble in the latest dating apps (swiping right mostly because it’s a numbers game, after all), all the while keeping an eye on your daily matches as presented by your choice of premium online dating site. You have ALL bases covered. Invariably your eagerness in all things dating results in quite the volume of first dates. Sadly, that’s where your budding romances end abruptly. While first dates seem to come easy, they go just as fast and none seem to progress any further. That difficult second date seems to constantly elude you.
Here are 10 reasons why you may not be getting that elusive second date:
1. The ‘grass is greener’ mentality
More is most definitely less when it comes to dating. The theory that one should “throw as much muck at the wall and SOME will stick” doesn’t work in pursuit of “the one”. The “grass is greener” mentality subconsciously stops you from being actually present when you’re on a date.
You could be sitting in front of the very person that fate wants you to be with and not even notice them because you’re too busy thinking that your next date could be better. How can you focus on Mary while you’re peering around the corner at Siobhan tomorrow night? Instead of arranging dates in super-sized quantities, limit yourself to one per week so that you are investing more in each one and the quality of the person will be far better.
2. Penny pinching
Are you tight-fisted? The number one quality women don’t want in men is meanness of the fiscal kind. In a recent study we conducted, almost 70% of women would expect the man to at least offer, if not insist, on paying for her half of the meal whereas almost 75% of men would expect the woman to at least offer to go Dutch! If you’re the guy that gets out the calculator or refuses to leave a tip, this is most likely why the ladies are running a mile.
3. Bad table manners
Do you eat with your mouth open or slurp your soup? Your first date is like an interview and it’s expected that you put your best foot forward in order to make a good impression. Generally the longer the relationship continues, the more relaxed you will become, so first date behaviour is as good as it gets. In our survey 47% of respondents quoted bad table manners as the worst possible traits a date could have.
4. Hygiene
If you ever wonder “what’s that smell?” and it seems to be around a lot, it’s most likely that odour is coming from you. A whopping 74.5% of people in our survey said bad hygiene is the worst characteristic in a date. Obvious as it may be, if you’re not showering and wearing clean clothes every day, then you have a problem!
5. Being rude to waiting staff
If you have ever clicked your fingers to get a server’s attention then cut those fingers off to ensure you never do that again. Rudeness to waiting staff is a huge no-no to over half of daters so while trying to impress your potential match be polite and courteous, for the love of God.
6. The old flame
Are you not over your ex? If you find yourself even mentioning your ex during a date, you’ve wasted your evening because your date will be simply counting down the clock to escape. Nobody wants to be a shoulder to cry on or counsellor on a first date and if you mention your ex then you’re not over them.
Invariably you’ll be negative about said ex which will make you look bitter and a small bit crazy. Nobody likes a bunny boiler, so get over it first and go dating when you’re fully ready to start fresh.
7. Dial down the volume
When you talk do people at the other end of the bar turn and stare? One of the qualities men tell us they least want in a woman is loudness. Loudness can be described as ‘brashness’ by men whereas women will playfully consider themselves to be ‘gregarious’. Either way you look at it, if your volume is too high, just turn it down and you stand a better chance of him calling you again.
8. Me, me, me.
Are your favourite topics of conversation you, yourself and you? It’s generally considered to be narcissistic to focus on yourself on a date, and it’s not a good sign for the future if you express no interest in your partner. A general rule of thumb is ask your date questions about themselves and actually listen to what they say.
9. Style
You don’t have to be David Gandy or Amal Clooney but if you’re looking like an extra from Glenroe then chances are your look is a bit… stale. Over a quarter of daters quote bad dress sense as a big turn off so if you’re in doubt then go shopping and update that look.
10. Blue language
Do you habitually use bad language? If so, this could be why you’re failing at the dating game. Cursing is generally considered crass so if you have a tongue like a docker, reign in the profanities and you’re bound to break the run of bad dating luck.
While we always recommend that you are yourself on a date, be the very best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Quite often it’s something small that you’re doing wrong so a minor tweak can be the solution that makes all the difference in the often fickle dating game!
Rena Maycock is the Director of Intro Matchmaking.
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
See Coppers story..do you really need a second date?
I don’t know why women would be stressed on first dates if the lad is always expected to pay for everything on them…if she wants steak she had better have brought her purse…!
Don’t you hate it on your first date when she tells you to go deeper…. But you’ve ran out of poems….!
We want equality.
You still have to pay for everything though.
Arrange the first date for an afternoon & keep it alcohol free.
If ye can spend a few hours in each other’s company & chat away, you’re on a winner.
Bring back slowsets !!
A good old lurch!
Want a second date ladies?
Don’t put out on the first one.
An Urban Myth..
Qith that victorian judgy attitude YOU will be lucky to get a get a second date
Thanks Sarah.
I’m glad someone told Carmo McChurcy views there, to join us in the 21st century.
But that said. Anyone who wants to judge a girl for doing something they themselves want isn’t worth a second date.
2. Penny Pinching.
If a woman doesn’t at least make some sort of inclination to pay her share, even just for the craic, then that’ll be the last meal that guy pays for her. Most men see women as equals but will offer to pay on at least the first date but you have to play the game. In known amongst men that a woman who expect men to pay for meals etc., will expect it ever more. Unfortunately those backward women usually end up alone, watching rom-coms on a Saturday night where some “stud” admits he’s wrong after chasing a girl to the airport in the final scene.
Absolutely, no man wants a woman who is a penny pincher and scabs of others . Women want equality? then show it.
Women generally do expect men to pay and men expect to pay. That’s the way we evolved.
Men evolved with Nipples but you don’t see them breast feeding do you? Go beyond your programming ;-)
Like cutting glass?
Men don’t breast feed because their nipples don’t product milk. Didn’t you know that?
If you’re implying that just because women evolved to be looked after, fed etc in return for sex and babies (or to be precise spreading the male’s genes) they should now not run with their instincts then the next time you’re on a date do the same and don’t stare at the woman’s breasts.
As a woman I have no issue paying for myself. Have spent years being the main source of income in my house, so to have someone else pay for my dinner is a novelty.
Wiliam you are an idiot.
So true Declan….is all is required is that genuine gesture to buy a drink or pay for something………but of course naturally decline allowing a girl to pay for anything on a first date.. However…..I have come across the ones who would’nt put their hand in their pocket nor even offer to do so in a bloody fit. Those girls are a big no no….red flag….alarm balls….adios.
Mark, explain why you think I’m an idiot. Maybe you’re too think to understand the point I made.
.. thick…
Actually, male lactation is possible. It’s just probably not a great sign for the guys health if it does. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/strange-but-true-males-can-lactate/
I’d always insist on paying on a first date but the girl has to at least attempt to pay her way, even if it just reaching for the cheque.
Poor spelling puts off the intelligent women too. :)
I’ve no interest in intelligent women, call me shallow but stupid ones are usually better looking and easier to take advantage of.
You’re shallow David.
Brilliant David….very funny
Good Man William…..a bit of craic flew straight over your head
Does this help Mark, “You’re shallow David :)”
Bring back the Ballrooms Of Romance!!
Also helps if you have an interesting well paid job and drive a nice car.
Or if you are extremely good looking with and amazing body and play the guitar.
Or acres of road frontage….
As Gandy(praise be to him) indicates all that matters is looks, why do you think the likes of Tinder has taken off like it has if this was not the case.
I fart like a bullock so glad that’s not in there. Phew.
Despite all the romantic and politically correct stuff, its always money that matters most.
It’s really not.
There’s nothing more boring than a man droning on about how important his job is, and how much money he makes. Yawn.
I can pay my own bills, thanks. If I’m going out with you, I’m looking for company, interesting conversation and a warm smile (and hopefully the all important chemistry!)
depends on your age group. In your 20s it doesn’t matter, later on it does. particularly if you’re both divorced or separated.
Wait, getting the first date is the easy part?
Damn, well I guess that’s me not screwed then.
No 6 ‘The old flame’ can work to a man’s advantage sometimes. Not all women run, some want to prove they are better than the old flame.
Pretty crap article. Here’s me thinking I might get some actual good advice that isn’t blatantly obvious. Must try harder Rena.
Use precise geolocation data. Actively scan device characteristics for identification. Store and/or access information on a device. Personalised advertising and content, advertising and content measurement, audience research and services development.
These cookies are necessary for the website to function and cannot be switched off in our systems. They are usually only set in response to actions made by you which amount to a request for services, such as setting your privacy preferences, logging in or filling in forms. You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not then work.
These cookies are set by a range of social media services that we have added to the site to enable you to share our content with your friends and networks. They are capable of tracking your browser across other sites and building up a profile of your interests. This may impact the content and messages you see on other websites you visit. If you do not allow these cookies you may not be able to use or see these sharing tools.
These cookies may be set through our site by our advertising partners. They may be used by those companies to build a profile of your interests and show you relevant adverts on other sites. They do not store directly personal information, but are based on uniquely identifying your browser and internet device. If you do not allow these cookies, you will experience less targeted advertising.
These cookies enable the website to provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. They may be set by us or by third party providers whose services we have added to our pages. If you do not allow these cookies then these services may not function properly.
These cookies allow us to count visits and traffic sources so we can measure and improve the performance of our site. They help us to know which pages are the most and least popular and see how visitors move around the site. All information these cookies collect is aggregated and therefore anonymous. If you do not allow these cookies we will not be able to monitor our performance.
Cookies, device or similar online identifiers (e.g. login-based identifiers, randomly assigned identifiers, network based identifiers) together with other information (e.g. browser type and information, language, screen size, supported technologies etc.) can be stored or read on your device to recognise it each time it connects to an app or to a website, for one or several of the purposes presented here.
Advertising presented to you on this service can be based on limited data, such as the website or app you are using, your non-precise location, your device type or which content you are (or have been) interacting with (for example, to limit the number of times an ad is presented to you).
Information about your activity on this service (such as forms you submit, content you look at) can be stored and combined with other information about you (for example, information from your previous activity on this service and other websites or apps) or similar users. This is then used to build or improve a profile about you (that might include possible interests and personal aspects). Your profile can be used (also later) to present advertising that appears more relevant based on your possible interests by this and other entities.
Advertising presented to you on this service can be based on your advertising profiles, which can reflect your activity on this service or other websites or apps (like the forms you submit, content you look at), possible interests and personal aspects.
Information about your activity on this service (for instance, forms you submit, non-advertising content you look at) can be stored and combined with other information about you (such as your previous activity on this service or other websites or apps) or similar users. This is then used to build or improve a profile about you (which might for example include possible interests and personal aspects). Your profile can be used (also later) to present content that appears more relevant based on your possible interests, such as by adapting the order in which content is shown to you, so that it is even easier for you to find content that matches your interests.
Content presented to you on this service can be based on your content personalisation profiles, which can reflect your activity on this or other services (for instance, the forms you submit, content you look at), possible interests and personal aspects. This can for example be used to adapt the order in which content is shown to you, so that it is even easier for you to find (non-advertising) content that matches your interests.
Information regarding which advertising is presented to you and how you interact with it can be used to determine how well an advert has worked for you or other users and whether the goals of the advertising were reached. For instance, whether you saw an ad, whether you clicked on it, whether it led you to buy a product or visit a website, etc. This is very helpful to understand the relevance of advertising campaigns.
Information regarding which content is presented to you and how you interact with it can be used to determine whether the (non-advertising) content e.g. reached its intended audience and matched your interests. For instance, whether you read an article, watch a video, listen to a podcast or look at a product description, how long you spent on this service and the web pages you visit etc. This is very helpful to understand the relevance of (non-advertising) content that is shown to you.
Reports can be generated based on the combination of data sets (like user profiles, statistics, market research, analytics data) regarding your interactions and those of other users with advertising or (non-advertising) content to identify common characteristics (for instance, to determine which target audiences are more receptive to an ad campaign or to certain contents).
Information about your activity on this service, such as your interaction with ads or content, can be very helpful to improve products and services and to build new products and services based on user interactions, the type of audience, etc. This specific purpose does not include the development or improvement of user profiles and identifiers.
Content presented to you on this service can be based on limited data, such as the website or app you are using, your non-precise location, your device type, or which content you are (or have been) interacting with (for example, to limit the number of times a video or an article is presented to you).
With your acceptance, your precise location (within a radius of less than 500 metres) may be used in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
With your acceptance, certain characteristics specific to your device might be requested and used to distinguish it from other devices (such as the installed fonts or plugins, the resolution of your screen) in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
Your data can be used to monitor for and prevent unusual and possibly fraudulent activity (for example, regarding advertising, ad clicks by bots), and ensure systems and processes work properly and securely. It can also be used to correct any problems you, the publisher or the advertiser may encounter in the delivery of content and ads and in your interaction with them.
Certain information (like an IP address or device capabilities) is used to ensure the technical compatibility of the content or advertising, and to facilitate the transmission of the content or ad to your device.
Information about your activity on this service may be matched and combined with other information relating to you and originating from various sources (for instance your activity on a separate online service, your use of a loyalty card in-store, or your answers to a survey), in support of the purposes explained in this notice.
In support of the purposes explained in this notice, your device might be considered as likely linked to other devices that belong to you or your household (for instance because you are logged in to the same service on both your phone and your computer, or because you may use the same Internet connection on both devices).
Your device might be distinguished from other devices based on information it automatically sends when accessing the Internet (for instance, the IP address of your Internet connection or the type of browser you are using) in support of the purposes exposed in this notice.
The choices you make regarding the purposes and entities listed in this notice are saved and made available to those entities in the form of digital signals (such as a string of characters). This is necessary in order to enable both this service and those entities to respect such choices.
Non-TCF/GVL Vendors
have your say