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SOMETHING HAS TO be done about the relentless WhatsApp messages that are taking over our already busy lives.
I’m not a journalist. I’m not a writer. I’m a self-confessed heroic dad of three kids who just wants a peaceful and organised life — and these WhatsApp groups are an absolute nightmare.
I get a genuine fear after a long, hard day of work when I open WhatsApp and see:
“Davey is sick and can’t make training” followed by another parent saying“, Oh, I hope little Davey is ok!” and then another parent saying ‘It’s going around, our Maire had it a few days ago’…..
No offence, we all like little Davey. But these groups have about 90 parents in them. And although our hearts are with Davey, if he misses under-8s training on Tuesday at 6.30 pm, I really don’t think the coaches give two sheets…
I’ve been toying with how to tackle this relentless WhatsApp group messaging disease. I figured writing an article and submitting it to a publication like The Journal might get some attention, something people can share or that WhatsApp admins can use to finally summon the courage to be strong.
The saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility”. Our administrators must be strong, and our parents must be mindful!
So I’ve pulled together some rules that admins and parents need to stick to. Just a general set of guidelines to live our lives by on WhatsApp, ones that might just quieten down our busy lives, if we’re lucky.
This is mostly aimed at GAA, swimming, soccer, drama, gymnastics and general sports groups. The rest are a minefield altogether.
1. The joy of polls
Admins: Use polls instead of sending messages like “Who’s coming to the match?” It’s easier. People just click Yes or No. Make sure you set them up right, give them a choice, or they’ll all be saying yes and no.
Parents: Coaches, don’t care about maybes. We don’t need life stories about why you might get there. It’s Yes or No. Don’t be afraid to say No. Nobody needs a reason!
Admins: Send clear updates with times, dates and the exact location. Unclear messages drive questions! Keep it simple and to the point.
Parents: Don’t be lazy. Read the message. Take a breath. Don’t panic and ask, “Where’s training?” when it’s written right there. Focus, don’t respond immediately if you haven’t thought this through…
Admins: Remember, not everyone on the group has the same schedule as you, so if it’s Monday morning, and you’re chilling under a tree enjoying the view, not a care in the world, spare a thought for others who may be stuck in a meeting or bringing in the cattle up the back field. Stick to between 6:30 pm and 9:30 pm for communication, unless absolutely necessary. None of us wants a message while we’re at work, thank you very much, and absolutely nobody wants an 11.30 pm Friday message when you’re on the sauce!
Parents: Your message is going to dozens of people. Don’t waste their time, and reply with a message at all, unless it’s a meaningful question. As above, nobody wants a barrage of messages when they are in a work meeting! The conversation is not about you, it’s about the group. Be mindful.
Admins: You do a great job. We know it. Coaches, the same goes for you.
Parents: No need to thank people in the group every time. Say it in person. Better yet, get your kid to say it — that means more than a digital thumbs-up.
Admins: Remove people who don’t belong, keep it clean! Curate that thing, tidy it up, there are always stragglers in there who aren’t even involved in the team/group anymore. Half the time, it’s because they’re afraid to leave a group, and with it, the ‘Joe Bloggs has left the group’ stresser, with it, and sometimes, let’s be honest, they’re lurking and being nosy. No need for it! Time to go, lads. A good spring clean is good for the soul.
Parents: If you don’t belong, just leave. Nobody is offended, it’s not a break-up! Set yourself free.
No side chats: Everybody, this is a group chat, not a 1-1. Send messages privately if needed; the whole world doesn’t need to hear it!
Admins: We only need to know if someone is sick before a match, for numbers.
Parents: If it’s training, you don’t need to let everyone know. We all get sick. It’s fine. Just vote in the poll or say nothing. Or if little Mike cannot make scouts, it’s OK, the group understands.
I’ll stop here. I have so much more to say, but I need to get this off my chest (I feel like Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm).
I’d love this column to take off — not for my own sake, but so it might land in a few WhatsApp groups (even if that breaks the rules) and prompt a few parents or admins to take notice.
Finally, to the admins: we appreciate you. You’re usually volunteers, you’re highly thought of, but please be strong. Run a tight ship, we need you. Don’t be afraid to enforce the rules or make your own, so it makes your life easier.
And parents like me: Be mindful, don’t respond to any messages for at least a minute. You can do it!
The writer is a dad living in Cork.
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YES to all of this! As a parent of 3 kids playing various sports (and a coach to a few of their teams), I can relate 100% to this fed up dad. Little Davey being sick and the world needing to know the detail…thoughts and prayers!
So needed, let’s see if this takes off.
100% to this! There’s a pole. Yes or No is sufficient. “Hi all, unfortunately Lukey won’t make the match today, he has a tummy bug. Hopefully make training on Monday.” Information the other 116 people in the group didn’t need to know. The blitz doesn’t need Lukey to go ahead. “Call it off, lads, Lukey can’t make it.”
@Larry Whack: ‘Poll’
“any Dunnes vouchers”. The scourge of Whatsapp groups up and down the land.
Really enjoyed this, well put together.
Set the group so “admin only” can send messages. If someone isn’t going to make the match/is sick they can message admin/ coach directly. Cuts out all the unnecessary stuff.
@Stephen West: that tends to turn into a bit of a dictatorship channel. Not a good move in the long run.
Something is off here. Be straight. What really went down between little Davy and yourself?
It’s the same in work emails, an email to all employees is an invitation for everyone to hit ‘reply all’ and I don’t give a rats buttocks about the replies.
My rule – send all to trash with a rule setup in outlook.
Now to whatsapp – all social media apps are ‘anti-social’. I’m not in any groups on WhatsApp.. I left them all, because none of it is important. Didn’t need them before and don’t need them now.
Quit the social media anti-social life a long time ago – and everything is the exact same. FOMO is gone.
Most parents genuinely believe their child is the exception. If little Mary is sick, that’s a national event. If Johnny’s tooth fell out that’s something they think the community needs to process together. It’s a kind of digital parenting theatre.
There will always be a few who will ignore rules because they believe the group should care about their child more.
In essence it’s a good idea. In reality you’re better off being out of these apps altogether. They serve no real purpose.
@Rafa C: For group emails everyone should be in BCC in the first place to avoid any reply to all messages.
@Dave Desmond: if only the world worked that way. Sadly it doesn’t. You can’t stop it. Same way to stop stupid what’s app idiots is just don’t be in the groups. Simpler life. You literally don’t need to be group chats. It’s monstrous.
@Rafa C: I would happily shoot people who use the ‘reply to all’ button!
What really boils my piss: drop a pin on said gaa club please. Literally everybody has google maps. Find the gaa pitch on your own, your big girls and boys now.
@Brian Dunne: you’re*
@Rafa C: actually in this case your is correct.
@Vincent B: sorry my mistake I thought you meant the first your
@Vincent B: Sorry – couldn’t resist :D
As a coach myself of 3 different teams, some of the parents stupid comments astound me. I pity some of the children I honestly do.
Same with crèche whatapp groups, I don’t give two sheets what any other little ferret ‘painted’ with their ears, how much they enjoyed a snot riddled homemade rice crispy bun, I don’t want pictures of other kids enjoying messy play. Just send me a pic of my own kids, I don’t need to get 25 notifications knowing that 1 or 2 of them are relevant to me. So tempted to block the crèche whatapp content creator.
Sounds like the coach is still trying to come to terms with the fact that nobody gave a white dogs shite when he missed a practice or game.
@Oh Mammy: what’s with the dog racism?
@Buster Lawless: how did you conjure that conclusion?
how ever did we manage! lol. We’re not handling information very well right now and are slowly discovering that our ‘solutions’ to problems are actually just more problems :)… we’ll get through it, maybe Ai can become useful at some point.
@Thesaltyurchin: if you think AI is going to sort this you are badly mistaken. The thing to sort this is called ‘Cop on’
Such first world problems ffs lads
I’m proposing a WhatsApp group for drivers of SUVs. We need to know whether diesel is better than petrol or hybrids, where the best places to pull up/park, let off steam about lollipop persons and traffic wardens etc. Only those with 24s or later will be allowed to join!
But I like boasting about my holidays and my new suv that is bigger and better than my last one. It’s an underlying competition. We like to flaunt our superiority.
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