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parenting groups
Fed-up dad Parenting WhatsApp groups are out of control - here are my new rules for you all
One dad has had enough of hearing about Mary and Johnny, who are sick and cannot make training, or witnessing two parents having a private conversation in a WhatsApp group.
SOMETHING HAS TO be done about the relentless WhatsApp messages that are taking over our already busy lives.
I’m not a journalist. I’m not a writer. I’m a self-confessed heroic dad of three kids who just wants a peaceful and organised life — and these WhatsApp groups are an absolute nightmare.
I get a genuine fear after a long, hard day of work when I open WhatsApp and see:
“Davey is sick and can’t make training” followed by another parent saying“, Oh, I hope little Davey is ok!” and then another parent saying ‘It’s going around, our Maire had it a few days ago’…..
No offence, we all like little Davey. But these groups have about 90 parents in them. And although our hearts are with Davey, if he misses under-8s training on Tuesday at 6.30 pm, I really don’t think the coaches give two sheets…
I’ve been toying with how to tackle this relentless WhatsApp group messaging disease. I figured writing an article and submitting it to a publication like The Journal might get some attention, something people can share or that WhatsApp admins can use to finally summon the courage to be strong.
The saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility”. Our administrators must be strong, and our parents must be mindful!
So I’ve pulled together some rules that admins and parents need to stick to. Just a general set of guidelines to live our lives by on WhatsApp, ones that might just quieten down our busy lives, if we’re lucky.
This is mostly aimed at GAA, swimming, soccer, drama, gymnastics and general sports groups. The rest are a minefield altogether.
The new WhatsApp rules for admins and parents
1. The joy of polls
Admins: Use polls instead of sending messages like “Who’s coming to the match?” It’s easier. People just click Yes or No. Make sure you set them up right, give them a choice, or they’ll all be saying yes and no.
Parents: Coaches, don’t care about maybes. We don’t need life stories about why you might get there. It’s Yes or No. Don’t be afraid to say No. Nobody needs a reason!
2. Communicating with clarity
Admins: Send clear updates with times, dates and the exact location. Unclear messages drive questions! Keep it simple and to the point.
Parents: Don’t be lazy. Read the message. Take a breath. Don’t panic and ask, “Where’s training?” when it’s written right there. Focus, don’t respond immediately if you haven’t thought this through…
3. Timing
Admins: Remember, not everyone on the group has the same schedule as you, so if it’s Monday morning, and you’re chilling under a tree enjoying the view, not a care in the world, spare a thought for others who may be stuck in a meeting or bringing in the cattle up the back field. Stick to between 6:30 pm and 9:30 pm for communication, unless absolutely necessary. None of us wants a message while we’re at work, thank you very much, and absolutely nobody wants an 11.30 pm Friday message when you’re on the sauce!
Parents: Your message is going to dozens of people. Don’t waste their time, and reply with a message at all, unless it’s a meaningful question. As above, nobody wants a barrage of messages when they are in a work meeting! The conversation is not about you, it’s about the group. Be mindful.
4. Saying ‘Thank You’
Admins: You do a great job. We know it. Coaches, the same goes for you.
Parents: No need to thank people in the group every time. Say it in person. Better yet, get your kid to say it — that means more than a digital thumbs-up.
5. Group membership
Admins: Remove people who don’t belong, keep it clean! Curate that thing, tidy it up, there are always stragglers in there who aren’t even involved in the team/group anymore. Half the time, it’s because they’re afraid to leave a group, and with it, the ‘Joe Bloggs has left the group’ stresser, with it, and sometimes, let’s be honest, they’re lurking and being nosy. No need for it! Time to go, lads. A good spring clean is good for the soul.
Parents: If you don’t belong, just leave. Nobody is offended, it’s not a break-up! Set yourself free.
No side chats: Everybody, this is a group chat, not a 1-1. Send messages privately if needed; the whole world doesn’t need to hear it!
6. Sickness
Admins: We only need to know if someone is sick before a match, for numbers.
Parents: If it’s training, you don’t need to let everyone know. We all get sick. It’s fine. Just vote in the poll or say nothing. Or if little Mike cannot make scouts, it’s OK, the group understands.
I’ll stop here. I have so much more to say, but I need to get this off my chest (I feel like Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm).
I’d love this column to take off — not for my own sake, but so it might land in a few WhatsApp groups (even if that breaks the rules) and prompt a few parents or admins to take notice.
Finally, to the admins: we appreciate you. You’re usually volunteers, you’re highly thought of, but please be strong. Run a tight ship, we need you. Don’t be afraid to enforce the rules or make your own, so it makes your life easier.
And parents like me: Be mindful, don’t respond to any messages for at least a minute. You can do it!
The writer is a dad living in Cork.
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