HAVE YOU EVER left the house without your umbrella only to find that it’s lashing rain?

The arrival of Storm Chandra to Irish shores this week was a bit like that, only instead of ‘your umbrella’ it was ‘any kind of working flood defence system’, and instead of getting your hair wet, the result was that multiple homes and businesses got completely destroyed. 

20,000 homes were left without power, while in Enniscorthy, 40 homes were severely damaged after the Wexford town was submerged by the floods. 

In the aftermath of the storm, Minister for Housing James Browne pointed the finger at Met Éireann for failing to issue a weather warning for Dublin ahead of the flooding, which, yes, would have been an idea. It is plausible, if not likely, that had a significant rain warning been issued for Dublin, then homes and businesses would have been able to take some steps to mitigate the damage that would soon come their way.

Met Éireann, for their part, have attributed the flooding partly to conditions before the storm and the amount of rain that had fallen in the days leading up to Chandra’s arrival — arguing that the warning system is to alert as to the immediate conditions, rather than their impact in conjunction with pre-existing conditions. Though, when the pre-existing conditions are just… more weather, it’s not exactly obvious that this rationale is a prudent one.

However, the real preventative measures, such as proper drainage, the installation of flood walls, and of course, working towards meaningful action on climate change, are all under the purview of Minister Browne’s government — as is coordination with Met Éireann to ensure that what needs to be communicated to the public is being communicated to the public. 

That’s not to blame the government for the weather, tempting though that may be. It is simply to acknowledge that the effects of climate change will only get closer to our doorsteps with each passing year, in the least metaphorical way possible, and that we are already up to our necks in terms of how far behind we are in addressing this problem (‘up to our necks’ is metaphorical). 

Indeed, it was confirmed this month that Ireland is staring down the barrel of €28 billion in fines for failing to reach its emissions targets, at which point it becomes a bit rich to be laying the blame at the doorstep of the meteorologists. 

To be fair though, it does put a different complexion on Fine Gael’s theorising as to whether the solution to commuter gridlock could potentially be solved not on land, but by sea, with the introduction of commuter ferries to Dublin Bay. This proposal was put forward this week by Fine Gael councillor John Kennedy and backed by his party colleague and Minister of State Neale Richmond. 

Sure, on the face of it, you might think ‘Wouldn’t it make more sense to invest in land-based public transport infrastructure, since a) we are bipedal land-mammals and b) it’s plainly obvious that we have too many cars and not enough buses, trams and trains? Seriously, what have you people got against trains?’ But when you take into account the increasing involuntary Viking Splashification of towns across Ireland as a result of heavy rain, the gondola-to-work scheme actually seems incredibly forward-thinking. 

Funnily enough, the proposal coincides with the launch of a callout by Dublin Bus, which is seeking public input as to how their services could be improved. One might assume that those who run a bus service wouldn’t need to be told that elements of a good bus service include buses that come when they’re supposed to instead of not, or a real-time information service that doesn’t hate humanity more than HAL from Space Odyssey after he snapped and decided to kill the crew. 

Believe it or not, Dublin Bus is even offering €15,000 for ideas that might improve the service. Money which is now rightfully mine. 

Gets earlier every year

It was confirmed this week that the Cabinet’s Paddy’s Day Foreign Direct Investment Jig and Jamboree would go ahead as normal, with every single Cabinet minister set to jet off to venues around the world to remind our allies what a great little country we are.

And you know what that means: FREE GAFF. It also means it’s time to reheat last year’s discourse on the subject of whether or not Micheál Martin should take part in the traditional shamrock ceremony and accompanying Oval Office meeting that feels more like a ritual in national humiliation with each passing year.

‘We have compromised not one iota of our values in terms of our engagement with the United States,’ the Taoiseach insisted this week during a Dáil exchange with Ruth Coppinger. 

In fairness to him, that much might be true. After all, what are the values of this coalition if not quickly and dutifully stepping in line with the instructions of the older, bigger, stronger boys in the schoolyard? We let the United States Army use one of our airports, for example. We will never pass the Occupied Territories Bill, at least in part because the United States don’t want us to. We drag our feet when it comes to the behaviour of major American corporations on our shores, exemplified by Martin’s own bizarre both-sidesing response to the recent Grok-CSAM scandal.

Martin’s take on his trip to Washington wasn’t the worst of the lot, though. In response to The Journal last week, Cork East TD James O’Connor said that anyone who thinks the Taoiseach should perform the shamrock shake in the Oval Office this year should “have their heads examined”. 

Now, as much as voters love to be told that they might be diagnosably mentally ill simply for raising a conscientious objection to consorting with an aggressively expansionist fascist whose government murders people at home and abroad without even the faintest semblance of shame, O’Connor’s argument seems a little thin.

After all, what did last year’s visit get us? The EU still ended up with a janky-ass tariff deal that sees the US pay 0% on European goods while Europe pays 15% on US goods (and also Trump threatens to rip up the deal whenever he’s not getting his own way). Trump’s attitude towards the EU remains antagonistic, to the point of threatening (and then backing down from) military intervention on European soil. With each passing week, the US only moves further away from any respect for the law, whether domestic or international. 

If what O’Connor means is that it would be insane not to roll over for Donald Trump because if we don’t, then he might adopt a (more?) bellicose stance towards Ireland, then it turns out our yearly White House visit is neither a smart diplomatic engagement nor a frivolous, embarrassing boondoggle, but a hostage situation. Perhaps we should all be learning Morse code in case Micheàl Martin needs to blink his way out of the White House.

At a time when common sense would surely suggest that our time would be better spent strengthening ties with one of many nations on earth not ruled by someone who would crack the country in half and throw away the carcass if he thought he could get even a few barrels of oil out of it, it seems strange that we would so fulsomely double down on our supposed special relationship with a country that is terrorising its own people, committing extrajudicial killings in the Caribbean, kidnapping world leaders, and threatening to invade our close allies for the sake of the same energy strategies that’ll end up flooding your granny’s home the next time you have to learn the name of a storm. 

Micheál Martin and his ministers will go on their little trip. It’s not as though anyone can stop them. However, it might be nice for those who object to this performance to be treated with a little respect. For TDs to acknowledge that, as a matter of fact, many people do find it hard to stomach seeing the Taoiseach shake hands with the leader of a violent wannabe authoritarian. That maybe those concerns are being raised in good faith, and not the result of some unspecified brain trauma, as O’Connor might have us believe.

After all, we’re all in the same boat at the end of the day. Which is a metaphor. For now.