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US man uses own obituary to confess to stealing a safe, having fake PhD

“I never did even learn what the letters ‘PhD’ even stood for” says Utah man, who died last week from throat cancer.

The Obituary was published in the Salt Lake tribune
The Obituary was published in the Salt Lake tribune
Image: Lindsey Turner via Flickr.com

A 59 YEAR old man who died last week from throat cancer used his own obituary to come clean about a list of indiscretions, including stealing a safe and lying about having a PhD.

Friends and family of Val Patterson learned that the man they thought had a doctorate from the University of Utah had in fact never graduated from college. “I never did even learn what the letters “PhD” even stood for” he wrote, in an obituary published in the Salt Lake Tribune.

For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I’m sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well.

He also confesses to being “the guy” who stole the safe from the Motor Drive Inn in June 1971 and for rolling rocks into a geyser and ruining it.

After professing his love for his wife Mary Jane and stating that he had “Learned all that I wanted to learn. Fixed everything I wanted to fix. Eaten everything I wanted to eat”, Patterson says that he had a simple life motto. “Everything for a laugh.”

However, he had others.

“If you can break it, I can fix it”, “Don’t apply for a job, create one”.

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He then goes on to reveal his three requirement for seeking a great job.

“1 – All glory, 2 – Top pay, 3 – No work.”

“Stay hungry, stay foolish” – Steve Jobs’ address at Stanford >

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