“I FORGIVE YOU, however I will never forget how you made me feel.”

Earlier this week, a manager at a multinational who assaulted his teenage au pair was told that he would be given 80 hours of community service after he pleaded guilty. 

The man cannot be named to protect the identity of the victim – but the defence also made a separate application for anonymity, as he had been subject to Workplace Relations Commission finding which would lose its anonymity if he were to be named.

The 41-year-old man pleaded guilty at Dublin Circuit Criminal Court to one count of assaulting the 18-year-old in his Dublin home in August 2020.

The victim, who came to Ireland in 2020 to work for the man’s family as an au pair, was alone with him in the house when he came in and sat beside her in the living room at 11pm on the evening in question.

They were chatting and he asked to see pictures of her and her friends.

He then asked her if there were any naughty pictures on her phone.

When she replied “no” he started tickling her sides and armpits.

He said he was doing it because she was “beautiful and interesting”.

She told him it was wrong and he was married before she ran upstairs where she called her mother and her sister.

She said she was having an anxiety attack and was very scared.

The teen ceased her employment and went to stay with friends.

The court heard there was CCTV in the living room but the camera was turned off on the date in question.

Judge Orla Crowe noted the age disparity as the man was 22 years senior to the au pair. She said the impact on the victim was severe and noted the victim had dealt with it with tremendous graciousness.

She set a headline sentence of five months but reduced it to four months imprisonment and said she could give him 80 hours of community service if deemed appropriate by the Probation Service.

The woman read her victim impact statement to the court in which she said she forgave the man.

Below is her full victim impact statement:

When I became a Christian, I understood I had to forgive people, including you.

I found my comfort in faith and, most importantly, God. Even after what happened and after learning that I had to forgive, I realised how hard it can be in situations where you feel all types of emotions and none are good – but for that reason I forgive you.

I forgive you because I understand that people make mistakes and sometimes it is hard to understand what’s right or wrong. However, I will never forget how you made me feel.

I will never forget how my heart sank on the floor of the living room thinking I was trapped.

I will never forget how none of your words made sense when I asked you ‘why?’. Back then I wasn’t even a Christian, and I asked you ‘Does this not go against your religion?’ and you responded, ‘I was praying for this not to happen’ – but I can see now, as a Christian, that God gave us free will and you are the owner of your actions, whether you are a Christian or not, and that comes with consequences.

I will never forget how I felt when I sat down in my room, right in front of the door, fearing for my life that you would come back to try something else because what you did was not enough or what you wanted from me.

I will never forget how I sat the entire night on that door to make sure you wouldn’t come into my room.

I will never forget how to this date I am unable to be in any type of room alone with an older man because I fear he would try to do the same as you did and I would freeze.

I will never forget all the money I had to spend – and still do – on therapy sessions, talking about this traumatising experience that has completely changed my life, and have to learn how to live with it because I’m never going to be able to forget what happened.

For the past five years, I’ve lived in fear of seeing you again, and I will never forget when I took the Luas one day and saw you sitting there, like a normal human being.

Shocked, I ran to the end [of the Luas] trying to hold my breath and not to panic and make a scene in front of so many people, but you’ve had the gift of living with no worries since that day.

I forgive you, but I will never forget how you spoke to me and blamed me for your own actions, for not being able to control yourself as a grown adult with an 18-year-old who was extremely vulnerable.

I will never forget how sick it made me to the point I tried to end my own life. I will never forget what you did and I pray that your actions have consequences and you never do it again, to anyone.

At the beginning I couldn’t even go back to my country, but afterwards, it was my decision to stay in Ireland and build a life that would bring me joy.

I went through what probably were the toughest years of my life, having to live with a trauma that you caused, but then I made my way up, I grew stronger and built a career by myself, in what has been my dream since I was a kid.

I want you to look at me and see me as the woman that forgave you and built a new life that makes her proud of who she has become, thanks to therapy, self-care but most importantly, me.

I decided I would not describe myself based on the trauma you caused, especially looking back and seeing how far I’ve come and the fact that after more than five years I can now firmly say I am happy and I have built myself a bright future on my own and surrounded by people that love me and support me.

I wanted to end this with a Bible verse that changed my life and I hope it changes and helps you too, to become a better person and ask God for his forgiveness.

1 Corinthians, chapter 16, verse 14: “Let all that you do, be done in love.”

-With additional reporting from Niamh O’Donoghue