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Dublin: 7 °C Thursday 23 May, 2013

Column: Olivia O’Leary: Here’s the main reason why the children’s rights referendum matters

It is extraordinary that it is still almost impossible in Irish society for the children of married parents to be adopted, writes Olivia O’Leary

Olivia O'Leary

AS A YOUNG reporter, I once wrote a series on adoption for The Irish Times.

I rang a nun, an admirable woman, who was in charge of an orphanage for girls in Dublin. She told me how sometimes in the middle of the night, a youngster would wake and cry out for her mother. Within minutes, she said, the whole dormitory would be awake, all crying out for their mothers, mothers they had never known, or could have had no memory of.

It is an image which has always haunted me, children crying out in the night for their dream of a mother. It was a mother they would never have -some because they were at an age when adoption was now unlikely to happen, but many more because they were the children of legally married parents and could not be adopted.

It seemed extraordinary to me then that we should create a legal limbo in which children whose parents could not look after them because of drink or drugs or mental illness should be forever denied the love of a mother and father and family. It seems extraordinary to me that that limbo still exists. Why? Because our constitution protects the rights of legally married parents but makes no reference to the individual rights of a child. It is a perverse stunting of lives.

In all my career as a journalist,I never got such a reaction as I did to that adoption series. People wrote to me from all over the country. When I would go down to the stone where the paper was laid out in those old hot metal days – and women rarely ventured down there because it was an all male stronghold – men, tough men, would come across to tell me of their own experiences of adopting children; of how it had changed their lives; of how much joy it had brought them. It seemed such a waste not to be able to join up all that love and generosity on the part of adoptive parents, with the crying need of those children whose legal parents would perhaps never be able to look after them.

“I don’t know of any other country in the EU which allows this. It is wrong”.

Why should the children of legally married parents have less rights to adoption than other children? Why should over 1,600 children in Ireland live in institutions or have only foster parents, no matter how good, because the adoption laws here, taking their lead from the constitution, say so. The laws say that the child of married parents can only be placed for adoption where it is shown to the court that exceptional circumstances exist and their parents have failed in their duties towards them and will continue to fail until the child reaches 18 years.As a result it is almost impossible for them to be adopted. I don’t know of any other country in the European Union where this is the case. It is wrong.

That’s why we need a referendum, why we need a specific reference to children’s rights in the constitution. It would make children visible, It would mean that when decisions are taken affecting them, their rights would have to be taken into account. It does not mean that parents will no longer have rights. It will simply mean that both sets of rights will have to be looked at.

Putting children’s rights specifically into the constitution will also mean that in those rare enough cases where children are being abused or neglected within their families, the state can step in more quickly to protect them. It will mean that where the state neglects its duty towards a child,it too can be brought to book. And surely that is what we want. We want a safety net through which no child can slip, not one which is conveniently full of holes.

We have seen in recent years horrific reports of institutional abuse of children, or abuse of children within families where social workers felt helpless to intervene. We were all shocked and asked ourselves what we could do to stop it happening again.

Well, we can start by giving children their specific place in the constitution. We can start by giving them rights, by giving them a voice, by trying to ensure that somebody will be listening when they cry out in the night.

Olivia O’Leary is a journalist, broadcaster, and author. She is also a board member of Campaign for Children, an organisation committed to an Ireland where children are recognised and respected as full individuals within society. The organisation is currently engaged in a series of public education, advocacy and campaigning activities to ensure the full realisation of this vision. Find out more at www.campaignforchildren.ie. This article originally appeared on the Campaign for Children website.

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Comments (29 Comments)

  • siobeli 13/09/12 #

    I have so much hope for this referendum. There is too much emphasis on the adult and their support.we all see drug addicts around town with young kids, who would be better off with any other parents regardless of their sex or sexual orientation. I have worked with kids of these addicts whoses lives have been ruined by their parent s addictions and selfishness.
    children need stability love routine and to feel secure.

    Reply
    • SO well said!!! It doesn’t matter a damn about the sexual orientation of the parents. These innocent little children deserve the best start in life so they don’t adopt the ‘monkey see monkey do’ as happens so many underprivileged children. If a parent is unfit to raise a child, they shouldn’t be left to become another front page headline!!!we see way too much of this. I know many same sex couples who would be much better parents than some heterosexual married couples.

      Reply
  • Kim 13/09/12 #

    Ah god how sad is that story to read, those poor little kids crying out for their mammy.
    So heartbreaking its just not right every child deserves someone to love them, give them a cuddle and to tell them they are save. Kids really do just wanna be loved.
    Plus there are so many family’s/couples that would truly love to adopt but the process can take years and be extremely difficult etc
    It’s just wrong.

    Reply
  • The ‘same sex parents’ bogeyman arguement is just that. spin from the Catholic far right who don’t want any state interferance in families, however broken and destructive they may be. This referendum is needed. Nearly any feckless mess can produce a child, not everyone can raise one.

    Reply
  • I’m right behind the pro argument. To be honest, I had no idea that the country had such backward legislation.

    It’s good that we can find time to discuss issues which affect children when the country is in the mire. In between all the bickering about The Troika, Property Taxes and so on, we can find common ground that makes us a good little nation.

    However, there are always Cons to a new piece of legislation. What are they in this case? Do they even exist?

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  • It is also beyond belief that a same- sex couples in a civil partnership are still barred from jointly applying to be considered as adoptive parents. Let the experts decide if they are acceptable but a blanket ban is absurd: the child’s right must come first (the easy solution would be equality in civil marriage but that is for a different column)

    Reply
  • Question for the anonymous red thumbers:
    Scenario A: junkie gives child up for adoption, but as he/she will be going to a single person who had been approved by the adoption board , but as he’s a gay man she marries the child’s father and blocks the adoption. Child is left in legal limbo as described above.
    Scenario B: bisexual widow enters a civil partnership. Her partner cannot adopt her child: result if mother dies child is orphaned 3 times.
    Scenario C: civil partners find a distressed orphan in a country which permits foreign same-sex adoption. Ireland blocks it. Result: child remains in orphanage.
    Q:Where are the Rights of the Child in these scenarios?

    Reply
    • The rights of the child are vindicated by allowing a suitable, happy and balanced heterosexual married couple to adopt him/her. nnChildren have a right to a mother and a father. There is no shortage of these couples who desire to adopt.

      Reply
    • Ah yes, so plenty of straight couples want kids so no gay couples should be allowed. Such utter and absolute rubbish. Family is family, doesn’t matter about sexual orientation. What is it you’re afraid of if gay people are allowed adopt?

      Reply
    • And another point, a child has a right to parents or a parent who love it. Not “A mother and father”. If a kid has 16 parents who love it, who cares? The sex and sexual orientation of those parents is irrelevant. Loving and caring for someone is all that should matter. No surprise a scan of your twitter reveals you’re a pro-lifer too, caring more about the unborn than the born as usual.

      Reply
    • Well, yes, in those circumstances, I can’t see why they shouldn’t adopt (especially B).

      However, a child is up for adoption, which is better:
      A) adopted by a loving mother and father
      B) adopted by a loving father and father (or mother and mother).

      If there is no A, then of course B, but if there is an A?
      Call me a Nazi, but I think a child needs a Father and needs a mother…

      Reply
    • Martin – the child’s best interests come first. Simple as that. nnThose interests are served by having two loving parents, and they are BEST served by having a mother and a father. nnThe alternative is that we have to believe that mothers do not bring anything unique to the raising of their children and that fathers do not bring anything unique to the raising of their children. nnAdoption is about children. It is not primarily about making adults feel good about themselves.

      Reply
    • I think a child needs someone who loves it. I don’t care who or what that person is. Once they treat the child well and look after it while it can’t look after itself.

      Reply
    • Well I totally refute that rubbish. It’s the cause of so much heartache in this world, women must be caring and maternal. Men must be tough and masculine. What a load of rubbish :)

      Reply
    • Martin – Of course a child needs someone to look after it. The question is which person/people are best to do so. nnAll other things being equal, a stable and married heterosexual couple are best and must be preferred precisely because children have a right to a mother and father where possible. nnWe all, naturally, have a mother and father. Adoption should mirror that as closely as possible. nnI’m sorry if that upsets you. But adoption is not about adults. It is about children and what is best for them.

      Reply
    • Just a quick point for both of you. A child is not an “it”. Stop trying to score points against each other.

      Reply
    • Well said Nikolas.
      Hijacking the topic for bandwagoning indicates neither side is mature enough to take on the responsibiliy of raising a child. Unfortunately their are a lot of pre-adults over-anxious to possess kids.
      Having raised a couple myself, in a complicated semi-solo scenario, it sounds more like this ‘wanting’ a child is more about emotional self-indulgence and self-gratification.
      Besides, as the Africans say, it takes a village to raise a child. Love of kids aint about ownership and possession, its mostly work. And one decent friend can be more use to a child than all the legal parents. Kids mostly need space, and a little guidance..if the get the space and time, they can work most of the gig out themselves.
      If our ‘adults’ learned to listen to kids, they might not have created such a disfunctional society. The kids seem to have more sense. Unfortunately the nuclear model suits the increasingly atomised consumptive-society our marketeering econometricians find maximises their returns. Before we sign up to anothetr high-moral amendment maybe we should address the perversity of an island of our wealth not being capable of employing its young…and maybe some of these prospective ‘loving parents’ should practise by adopting a few of the homeless kids growing like weeds in our gutters.

      Reply
    • @ Damien – spot on about children not being possessions. The squabbling over who has a right to have a child is completely backwards. I’ve two kids, both grown now, but their mother and I had our differences, and for a time too much was was lost through exactly this kind of thinking. In the end, thankfully, our kids forgave us both, but they were the ones that suffered most. If there is any issue of possession with regards to kids and parents, it’s that the parents belong to the kids more than the kids belong to the parents. It’s not a perfect analogy, more a slogan, but we’re theirs, they’re not ours. I don’t like patronising statements, but I do think that people who are not parents really don’t have the first-hand knowledge to really understand how being a parent informs and defines your life from the very first moment on. That’s not to say that non-parents should not have the right to an opinion, but they can’t claim that they know better.

      Reply
    • Indeed, there are several parallels in our backgrounds there. My eldest was about three months old when it dawned on me that he was educating me, both about infancy and its raw optimistic open intelligence, and about myself.
      I’d extend that statement about non-parents having a say, but not veto, to another issue.

      I reckon us males have a right to a say about abortion…but we should butt out more often and let women control the debate. Too many ‘celibate’, never mind inpregnable in their sentimental certitudes, men pontificating.

      Reply
  • There’s a really worrying theme in these comments that suggests people with addiction should not be allowed to raise their own children. Remember alcoholism falls into that category. There are parents struggling with addiction who still want the best for their children and are in recovery. Can we avoid classism and ‘junkie’ stereotypes in this debate? There are situations where a parent doesn’t have the coping skills, for whatever reason, to raise a child. It’s desperately sad for all parties and points scoring over people in these very real circumstances shouldn’t be tolerated.

    Reply
  • Very surprised that the journal.ie, which purports to care so deeply about mental health issues, would carry this article.
    You’ve got to love “drink or drugs or mental illness” as three things that just go together, don’t they? Let’s leave the first two out and read that again.”children whose parents could not look after them because of … mental illness should be forever denied the love of a mother and father and family”
    and a few days before there was an article bemoaning the ignorance of the majority who are prejudiced against the mentally ill.
    Olivia O’Leary is a highly intelligent woman whose view I normally respect. Yet to say being mentally ill makes you as incapable of caring for a child as some-one drunk or on drugs is an assumption that need challenging.

    Reply
  • The Constitution does not prevent the adoption of the children of abusive married parents. Adoption is not even mentioned in the Constitution.

    Article 42.5 of the Constitution gives the State the power to intervene in cases where parents fail to provide for their children. Therefore, the Constitution is not to blame for the failure to intervene at an early stage in the Kilkenny and Roscommon incest cases.

    This constitutional amendment could allow the adoption of children against the wishes of their parents on the basis of spurious allegations. That has happened in cases in the UK.

    Reply
  • Frankly, my gut reaction is to distrust this farcical state of ours, and disagree with the notion that the state should have more power over our children than the parents, especially as judge Hugh O’Flaherty said the referendum was unnecessary…but…

    “…Within minutes, she said, the whole dormitory would be awake, all crying out for their mothers, mothers they had never known, or could have had no memory of.”

    That’s an awfully sad story. If you don’t have kids, it’s sad, but if you do, it’s just awful…

    Reply
  • John Don 16/09/12 #

    Hmmm emotive, selective use of facts, concealment of pertinent facts from Olivia.The Minister for Children has said that out of roughly 5,500 children who are currently in foster care, 2,000 are the children of married parents and it is almost impossible to place them for adoption.

    However, that would seem to mean that the remaining 3,500 children are the children of unmarried parents. By the Minister’s logic, these children can be placed for adoption much more easily, but this is not happening. The question therefore arises, why not?

    In 2008, only 200 domestic adoption orders were granted and only 67 of these were to non-family members.

    According to the latest figures from the Adoption Authority, in the second quarter of this year, a miserable 12 domestic adoption orders were granted.

    In other words, very few adoptions from any kind of family are taking place and while a change to the Constitution in respect of adoption may be necessary, although Hugh O’Flaherty disagrees with this, it will do very little good until the Minister finds out why so few domestic adoptions are taking place and moves to rectify the situation. We also see an excellent article from former Social Worker of 35 years in the Irish Times this week showing that the HSE has extensive powers of intervention and extending adoption will not improve the situation for children:http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2012/0914/1224324008763.html Quote from the article ” There is no evidence that adoption provides greater stability for children who have suffered adversity. Widening the threshold for adoption may simply reduce the cost of providing for children in care while doing nothing to meet their needs.” But hey I guess rational reasoned argument isn’t as sexy as selectively spun emotional debate for Olivia..

    Reply
  • Coincidentally, a piece appeared yesterday on how experiences early in life, like those described in the article, may effect later development.

    http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/09/neuroscience-of-neglect/

    Reply
  • Sounds to me like this children’s amendment is a good thing, especially where children are taken into long term care because of inadequate parenting. With Ireland’s terrible history of abusive institutional care, the OPTION for ADOPTION on the part of the child, seems like a good, fair, and overdue alternative.

    You say, ‘it does not mean that parents will no longer have rights. It will simply mean that both sets of rights will have to be looked at.’ Well said. Let’s hope these constitutional amendments will apply to the unborn child.

    Oops! Did anyone see a cat amongst the pigeons?!

    Reply
  • Meh 15/09/12 #

    Children’s rights? You can’t have rights without responsibility. Children should not be burdened with responsibilities at such a young age, that is abusive and neglectful.
    This certain madness. How does a child even weigh up what constitutes abuse/neglect etc. (Parents won’t buy me an iPhone)?
    There is only 2 things a human being should know. Who they are and where they came from (who their biological parents are). Everything else is just fluff and emotional crap tweaking around with natural order under some banner for rights this and rights that.
    If you are born into a stable situation then that’s just luck and it could change , if not that’s hard luck and maybe some luck will come your way in the future or maybe not. In real-life cases of perfection where Olivia O’Learys of this (middle class guilt-free, there must be something we can do about other peoples poor children) world don’t lose their temper or in a moment of weakness do or say the wrong thing and find their children are claiming they are at risk of abuse etc.
    Even the notion of rights, which are always (and I mean always ) determined by a court of law in every circumstance, not just assumed as many people do to their own detriment, is a joke. It boils down to an adversarial battle of rights in the court room, appealed and appealed until the party with the larger wealth wins out, while the legal profession line their pockets.
    We have and continue to make our society a more disconnected and scary place based on the bad experiences/perceptions of the few (read rare and minority of cases) and the mad need to legislate for everything.
    Childhood is a social construct, being a child is a natural construct. Protecting the child is a parents duty to society, society in return should be protecting the parents, and not having them always second guessing are they breaching a child’s rights because little Johnny has been sent to his room for the 3rd time this week without supper. As with all legislation, those who were the intended consequences will fall through the safety net, and that same safety net is cast over all parents whether capable or not to be used as a ideological straight-jacket.

    Reply

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