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IF WE RULED the world, paths would be conveyor belts.
Mattress testing would be a course on the CAO.
Listen, there are a lot of things that would be different if we made the rules around here.
And in this little fantasy of ours, all of our little proposals for public life would be obeyed. If we all got a petition going on these, there’s nothing we couldn’t achieve.
(Oh and PS – if you’ve got any suggestions of your own for this wondrous utopia, you know what to do…)
Proposed rule: If you walk onto a bus and there are plenty of available seats, you are henceforth no longer allowed to plonk yourself down beside someone sitting there alone, minding their own business. Just don’t do it. It’s called personal space, and its value trebles the moment you step onto public transport. Sling yer hook.
Proposed rule: Speaking of the bus – citizens of Ireland must always express gratitude to the bus driver upon alighting from the bus. Always. Without fail. (If for some reason you forget or can’t say thanks, you must feel a bit guilty about it for at least five minutes.)
Proposed rule: No skipping of queues. Ever. And no, not even at 3am in the queue to get chips.
Proposed rule: You know with these newfangled phones we have, we’ll see that you called. You can text us. Just please – don’t leave a voicemail. Not that.
Proposed rule: If the house is to receive a tin of fancy and/or good biscuits, the first layer must be entirely consumed before the second layer is broached. Those who are found snaking down into the second layer to spirit away the nicer biscuits before the top layer is finished will be liable to pay a fine.
Proposed rule: For the love of God, have your money ready when you reach the top of a long queue. What did you think was going to happen once you got there?
Proposed rule: bin your gum when you’re done. It’s as big a no-no as anything mentioned above – in fact definitely more so, as it really is against the law. It is litter and should be considered as such by everyone. Incorrect disposal of chewing gum is a serious issue for many local authorities. Be sound and avoid a €150 litter fine for yourself. Find out more at gumlittertaskforce.ie.
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If the cinema is almost empty do not park your arse directly in front of someone else. Ya sap
RTibe Similar to when you’re stopped at traffic lights when some idiot in a high seated vehicle that has a clear view over you pulls along side right up to the stop line and blocks your view to left or right.
When waiting to get on the Luas, don’t stand directly in front of the doors as soon as they open so no one can get out.
Same for lifts
Same for the DART. I will pull the doors open faster than they should and I am 6’3 and 145KG. #HULKSMASH
park between the f—ing white lines in car parks not on top of them taking up 2 spaces you ignorant b—ard whoever you are.
Especially if you drive an Audi Q7 in Galway – it seems to be the norm there.
I do to save my new car from f…ing f…ks that keephitting their doors of other peoples cars, so though….
This drives me mad. Shops make the spaces smaller and smaller to.cram in more and more. Then we all bounce doors off each other just to avoid climbing out the window. Rail against this nonsense and routinely take two spaces until the car park companies get the message and give us a reasonable size space. Don’t blame your fellow drivers for the profligate behaviour of the evil parking czars.
People who when walking in front of you suddenly stop for no apparent reason. Just move to the side out of everyones way or keep walking
Walking slowly on the outer edge of the footpath, thats for overtaking slow walkers!!!
@Macker, in time evolution will give women reversing lights, so that we’ll know when they are about to change their minds. Until then, they’ll continue to stop in front of you.
If someone holds the door open for you say thank you, if you don’t, don’t be surprised when i shout ‘you’re welcome’ after you. I’m not a bloody concierge!
There’s also that awkward moment when you hold the door for the person behind you, but then realise that they were too far away. They realise this too. Here it is good manners for them to walk quicker or run. Don’t make me suffer for miscalculating the acceptable distance rule out opening doors.
For the love of god, have the correct bus fare ready. You’ve only been standing at the stop the last fifteen minutes, and no the driver doesn’t give change. That was done away with years ago.
A lot of saps dont
People taking ages at ATMS. They are very simple and straightforward to use!
Have your Toll money ready for Christ sake… You know you’re going through the Toll just …. Aagggghh
Similar to No 6, if in a long queue at say the cinema, burger etc you must know what you want to order by the time you get to the counter. If you haven’t decide, the person behind you is allowed to unless a donkey punch!
And the same for airport security.
To everyone who goes to a cinema and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to kick the seats in front of you, please stop, it is incredibly annoying.
That happened to me once. Two adults behind, asleep, and a bored child between them, kicking the seat. I stood up for a while to watch the film. The child had the cheek to complain. A deal was struck that when he stopped kicking my seat I would sit in it.
Brilliant! Just brilliant! I shall employ that in future.
Waiting until you are at the top of an airport security queue to realise you own a laptop and you packed it. Similarly being blissfully ignorant that 4 gallon drums of shampoo and bottles of water aren’t allowed on planes.
Not realising when a plane arrives at the gate that you have a bag in the overhead and now you should stand in the aisles and pack away your sucky sweets etc etc when regular situationally aware people are behind you actually trying to get off the half empty plane. Basically airport staff should be allowed to cut up passports at the first offence of mindless stupidity and incompetence in airports or planes.
People putting down their purchase at the till before you are done with your transaction. Wait until you are finished.
I hate this, just wait your turn.
Don’t piss in people’s front gardens when you’re staggering home fr the pub.
*from
Park your car in a empty car park.come out and see some sap has parked right beside your drivers door forcing you to squese in and nobody else in the cat park
Any other essential rules? Apologise when you are in a restaurant and need to ask the waiter or waitress for anything else ( like a glass of water….)
Rule number 1…. Unless he’s hot…
Hello Rosie!
When you’re waiting at pedestrian crossing and some gob$hite comes along and presses the button…as if to suggest I’ve been stood here like a spanner and hadn’t bothered to press the fecking thing myself!
I have seen plenty of people standing at the light who don’t press the button. I used to think the same as you
Have your ticket ready when you go to pay car park. No more rummaging in deep handbags holding up the queue!
#ParkingTag #app
Agree.. And, when you drive to the barrier, don’t stop the car eight feet out from the machine, like as if you’d never seen one before…
Stop saying sorry when someone bumps into you.
Sorry i didn’t see ya there.
Don’t hog centre of road and accelerate when someone tries to overtake
Yeah a local knacker did that once and the cops put the rule to him,
Don’t put your feet up on the facing seat on buses. Mammy would be happy if you did it at home, so why lapse into ignorance on the bus?
Correction “mammy would not be happy”
Don’t join the queue in a supermarket with a trolley full of stuff just to hog a space and send kids or coshagees off around the store for more products, and hold up the whole bloody show until they get back. Get your feicin debit card out in time. The routine of (1) dump enormous shapeless handbag full of shit on the checkout counter (2) root around inside if for enormous shapeless purse full of shit (3) find credit card holder with about 500 assorted cards and start rummaging for the one with a few bob left on it (4) make about six attempts to recall the PIN… Drives me nuts.
Oh that’s a favourite- why it comes as a surprise to women that they have to pay for groceries is beyond me.
Oh my aching handbag. A thousand apologies for the years of endless searching for my debit card at the till. Seriously, I only ever apologised to the cashier and never to the people behind me!!!!
Guys if on train dont sit on top of the person you sit beside their is something called personal space
Don’t stop suddenly when you reach the end of an escalator while you decide where you want to go in the shopping centre. I weight 114kg and if we crash together you will come off worse
Jesus Mick, it’s a wonder the escalator can lift you at all
I think number 6 should cover airport security queues as well. I refuse to believe out of all the people going through each time I travel that I’m the only one who done it before. But it feels like it every time.
If your child is kicking the seat in front of him/her on a flight say “STOP THAT ITS RUDE ” before the unfortunate passenger has to say it for you
Park “between” the white lines in car parks not on top of them and park “STRAIGHT” you ignorant drivers whoever you are.
Finish what your eating before you call somebody on the phone
Don’t look down that little glass thing up the front of the Double Decker. The driver will get you.
Always pick up after your dog.
Know how to use your indicators on a roundabout. Stop bloody indicating right when your going straight ahead!
When buying something that costs 1 euro don’t give a 50 euro note… To the untrained shopkeeper getting the change is hell…
Balls to that. I need change. If you don’t want the money I’ll go and buy things somewhere else.
Give the €50, no bothers just don’t apologise for it. “sorry I have nothing smaller” oh let me get my violin
When selling something and someone offers you a large note, don’t say: “Have you nothing smaller?” If they did, they’d have given it to you. Just give them the change.
Actually that’s not the case, a lot of people buy a pack of gum with a €50 note just to break the note
If they give you a 50, I used to say thank you and close the drawer. There is no requirement to give change. After a while, people learnt.
Don’t check/update your Facebook status whilst in the middle of a real life conversation.
Don’t change lanes just because some maniac in the car behind you is flashing lights at you.
Well you should if the vehicle flashing the lights also is flashing blue lights . Ie an emergency vehicles.
Provided you aren’t holding up the traffic by hogging an overtaking lane on a motorway, otherwise I agree.
Well obviously not emergency lights, I’m not that cold…
And indicate when you do.
I learned how to drive, not read minds! #grrr
Remove… Zips..clasps…buckles. ..buttons….straps….from handbags….. Try rapid response velcro Or at least have them fxcking open BEFORE its time to pay.
Less than 100ml people LESS THAN 100ML….rant over
Or the twits who put their seats in recline just as the plane has taken off cover themselves in blankets and hope the person behind won’t bother them
I deliberately wear a tracksuit when I am getting on a flight.
Solves numerous problems.
Get off your bloody phone when being served in a shop, how would you like it if the person serving you was chatting away on their phone while serving you?
Sit beside me on the bus and say hello I’m Irish of I don’t want to talk to a random stranger I won’t if I do we will chat about all sorts of crap. Be friendly and enjoy life
When commenting on the web, use punctuation, otherwise it all runs together and is hard to understand.
There were a few times when I was using a Library where there were 5 four-seater tables. I would be the first there take a table then a minutes later the second person would arrive but not only would he sit at my table but he wouldnt sit diagnally from me he would sit on the same side just like Delboy and Boycie in the cafe keeping an eye on their gold salesman.
Arse
Never ever leave the immersion on for a second longer than it needs to be. Leaving the house and “forgetting” it’s on is punishable by death or at least your head being taken of your shoulders by parents/bill payer absolutely loosing their shit.
Enter the bus to the left if paying the driver/scanning leap card at drivers side. Enter to the right if you’re scanning your ticket off the machine
I work for a mobile phone company. Please know your mobile number when you call. We don’t know what calls you received and we can’t see what you downloaded
Don’t push through the first security door in the bank as it nearly closes, slowing me down. Just wait your turn!
I would add my own personal codicil to Rule 1…please ignore this rule if you happen to be an attractive female and further ignore my Robbie Keane wierd hypnotic eye stare mentally calling you to the seat next to me :)
Who else on number on laws looking at the man
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