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Portrait photo of Patrick Dempsey. Credit: Karl Hayden Karl Hayden

'We were walking through the flats and it came up in conversation. My Dad asked if I was gay'

I got really really angry with my family when they said they wouldn’t be voting in the marriage referendum, writes Patrick Dempsey.

I GREW UP in a place called School Street, the flats in School Street there. It was me, my Mam, two sisters, my Dad kind of moved away when we were fairly young. We would have struggled an awful lot. And I guess we were one of those inner city families that would have been really hit by drugs.

Like I mean a lot of my family members would have been on heroin or would have died from drugs. My Mam just tried to help us understand everything that was going on around us. But growing up in the flats was great. It was really, really great craic. All the kids used to be around. Everyone in the Liberties knows everyone anyway.

So, I really enjoyed my childhood. I enjoyed growing up, especially when I came out. I enjoyed being a young gay person, being able to go to my first gay nightclub with all of my friends on my eighteenth birthday. I had a weird impression of gay clubs. I thought they would all be suited and booted. So when I got there I was very disappointed, and overly dressed. I was kind of, ‘Oh, this is just kind of like anywhere else really.’

I felt like something was different

Growing up I never really felt in myself that I was just like anybody else around me. I don’t know why. I felt like something different was happening to me that wasn’t happening to other people. From about the age of ten I had begun to start thinking about what it was about, and from about twelve or thirteen I started thinking, ‘Am I gay?’ My first reaction was, ‘Oh, I can’t be gay. This isn’t happening to me.’ I was really upset.

No-one else knew until I was fifteen when I finally came out because of my Dad. We were walking through the flats and it came up in conversation. My Dad asked was I gay? I stopped for a second and thought I could either say ‘no’ and let everything continue, or I could just answer him. So I said ‘yes’. He was fine, and he said my Nanny and Grandad were worried about me and wanted me to know that everything would be alright.

He asked if I wanted him to tell everything. I thought that would be the easiest thing to do. And after that conversation I never really had anything to worry about. I came out in school in my final year. I had been bullied in school. Some people had called me gay without even knowing I was gay. There was really bad abuse. There would be comments in the classroom and the teachers wouldn’t do anything about it. It was very hostile and stressful. But I wasn’t lonely.

I knocked on one door canvassing during the referendum, and when it opened, there was a crucifix straight on the wall. And I was like, ‘Ok, here we go.’ There were a couple of shut doors in the face, but you just went on with it. People were also shouting from their balcony, ‘Have you got a leaflet, have you got a badge, have you got like a registration form to vote?’

It was great that people were so vocally supportive. But you could definitely see the difference in demographic, like in the older population maybe not being as forthright or even not wanting to talk as much about it. I guess the younger people very much got it.

Ireland Gay Marriage AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images

My family never really voted. They had no interest in politics 

My issue was actually getting people out to vote full stop. My Mam never really voted. She knew how much I had done about the referendum, and on the day she was like, ‘I am not going to vote.’ And I was like, ‘Why?’ She was like, ‘I don’t vote. I don’t ever vote.’ And she doesn’t. My sisters don’t vote. My Dad doesn’t vote.

But I got really really angry, really pissed off. I had to walk away from her. But my two sisters were going to vote for the first time ever so then mam was like, ‘I will vote. I was being stupid.’ She just wasn’t into politics. And actually I think the next day she felt really good about doing it. I went to my Mam’s, and she was watching the Vincent Browne results, and she was just like ‘It’s going to be a great day today, isn’t it?’ And it was, because she actually did vote, and other people voted on that great day.

On the 23rd May 2015 the people of Ireland made history by becoming the first country in the world to introduce marriage equality by popular vote. This is an edited extract from A Day in May – Real Lives, True Stories by Charlie Bird, published by Merrion Press. The book compiles a powerful collection of 50 deeply personal interviews with LGBT members, their family and friends, recorded at the time of the Marriage Equality referendum. Taoiseach Enda Kenny is launching the book this evening.

Read: The pink tax is just another cost of being a girl>

Opinion: Women have shown time and time again that they are a more deadly species than the male>

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73 Comments
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    Mute Teresa O'Donnell
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    May 9th 2023, 10:51 AM

    Chat shows are just platforms for celebrities to further their careers. The same faces doing the rounds time and again. A good film on a Friday night would be a better bet

    303
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    Mute Ann Reddin
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    May 9th 2023, 2:20 PM

    It only became rubbish when Turbidy took it over.

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    Mute Jason Walsh
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    May 9th 2023, 3:19 PM

    @Teresa O’Donnell: It tries to do everything, chat show, music show (county music – shudders), current affairs, competitions, etc, it’s a tired format that isn’t needed as other shows have what they try to do very badly done much better. For it to work going forward it just needs to be a chat show and a light hearted one at that, copy what others do in the UK and US. Keep the name but that about it.

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    Mute Paul Shepherd
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    May 9th 2023, 3:39 PM

    @Teresa O’Donnell: and most of the “celebs” who grace the Late Late need to constantly promote their meagre talents to stay in the public eye. Perhaps RTE should be charging them for using the public funded airwaves?

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    Mute Ann Reddin
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    May 9th 2023, 5:20 PM

    @Jason Walsh: But that’s exactly what Turbidy did – turned it into “ight” entertainment with the odd sad story thrown in for good measure, and he ruined it. If that’s the type of show people want to watch then switch channels and watch Graham Norton or Johnathon Ross.

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    Mute William Slevin
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    May 9th 2023, 10:41 AM

    RTE in poor light lol that ship has long since sailed.

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    Mute neuromancer
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    May 9th 2023, 9:53 AM

    Marty Whelan would be good for the position.

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    Mute Shane Lad
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    May 9th 2023, 10:12 AM

    @neuromancer: that man has been stealing a wage from RTÉ his whole life

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    Mute Ann Reddin
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    May 9th 2023, 2:21 PM

    @neuromancer: He’s the only person on the RTE payroll that would do a good job.

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    Mute Jason Walsh
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    May 9th 2023, 3:22 PM

    @Ann Reddin: the man is deplorable, if ya can’t see he hates the general public and does a piss poor job of hiding it you must be blind, he’s a despicable individual and that’s from folk I know who’ve had the displeasure of dealing with him in real life

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    Mute Ann Reddin
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    May 9th 2023, 5:25 PM

    @Jason Walsh: Hearsay – I could say I know the man personally, doesn’t make it true. I have, however, had the pleasure of dealing with him when I was a manager in Jury’s Hotel and found him to be a very pleasant individual. I think you may have him mixed up with Brendan O’Connor

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    Mute Pauline Gallagher
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    May 15th 2023, 11:17 AM

    @Shane Lad: Marty is great and his Lyric FM show runs from 7 in the morning until 10 so he does a job, Mr. Its the only radio show i can stand, my only gripe is the constant AA roadwatch updates.

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    Mute Giboulées des bâtards
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    May 9th 2023, 10:24 AM

    Dustin the turkey would be a fine replacement.

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    Mute Ian Donovan
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    May 9th 2023, 10:11 AM

    It should have been retired after Pat Kennny, inane chatter with guests to match. €160 wasted imo.

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    Mute Mark Walsh
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    May 9th 2023, 10:52 AM

    Kielty the wrong choice

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    Mute Helen McKernan
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    May 9th 2023, 12:11 PM

    Why dont they just scrap it? Its brutal

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    Mute damian
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    May 14th 2023, 6:27 AM

    @Helen McKernan: “The show makes a valuable contribution to RTÉ bottom line, variously estimated at around €20 million per annum.”

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    Mute Claudia O'Riordan
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    May 9th 2023, 10:09 AM

    Nahhh it gonna sink like the titanic

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    Mute Tom Kelly
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    May 9th 2023, 11:01 AM

    I would like to officially rule myself out.

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    Mute Dublin sunrise
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    May 9th 2023, 4:30 PM

    @Tom Kelly: aw no Tom

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    Mute Jim O'Sullivan
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    May 9th 2023, 1:56 PM

    What I am concerned about is where is Tubridy going to crop up. The Late Late has always been very easy to avoid thankfully.

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    Mute Carol Murray
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    May 9th 2023, 10:35 AM

    Baz – your only man!

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    Mute honey badger
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    May 9th 2023, 11:57 AM

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think this is being blown out of all proportion? Saw some lad comment on this over the weekend saying there should be a public enquiry!

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    Mute D. Memery
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    May 9th 2023, 6:23 PM

    @honey badger: if it is the same comment I saw, considering the context of the posts around it, I think the person advocating for a public enquiry was being sarcastic to be honest.

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    Mute Donal Desmond
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    May 9th 2023, 12:13 PM

    Haven’t watched the Late Late show in years..Since Gay Byrne packed it in. Personally couldn’t stand him the way he treated some guests if it didn’t suit his narrative. In saying that credit was due to him for raising topics that brought to light the hypocrisy of Church and State. What I now find interesting is the overpaid so call presenters who now seen to run a mile rather than take the job…A kiss of death.

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    Mute John Hagin Meade
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    May 9th 2023, 12:13 PM

    I would like to see Katie Hannon hosting the Late Late Show.

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    Mute Dublin sunrise
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    May 9th 2023, 4:31 PM

    @John Hagin Meade: too serious , maybe

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    Mute Todd Hebert
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    May 9th 2023, 11:53 PM

    Hiring someone just because his daddy worked there put RTÉ in a bad light when he got the job. It’s no worse a light now.

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    Mute Graham Forrest
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    May 9th 2023, 10:39 PM

    Where was the position advertised?

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    Mute Dublin sunrise
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    May 9th 2023, 4:30 PM

    Adrian Kennedy ! Give the licence payer a vote !!

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    Mute Mark Dempsey (Magister Ludi)
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    May 11th 2023, 4:24 AM

    A dying proponent of govt propaganda looks for a new presenter of pink n fluffy, touchy feely infotainment which nobody watches -except those hanging on to the coattails of analog Eireann- the Titanic seeks a new captain.

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    Mute michael mc evoy
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    May 14th 2023, 11:51 AM

    Rte is pure rubbish , the news doesn’t even report the news , these mediocre presenters get paid far too much , I’ve seen more talent on tictok ! Tax payer forced to pay a corrupt organisation is insane

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    Mute Jb Walshe
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    May 13th 2023, 10:00 PM

    At least that god awful Tubridy is gone,an unbearable individual

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