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Diary of a First Time Dad Teething time and becoming Don Draper

Working long hours, with a wife and child at home, reverted me to a 1950s style husband until somebody (not me) spoke up.

WE STRETCHED IT seven months but Caitlin is out on her own in the big, bad [child-minded] world. Her bag was packed, this morning, with several nappies, a blue monkey and two tubes of teething gel.

Cat is back in work and found it tough when putting our daughter to bed last night. Now, the schedule becomes a juggle with my mother on the speed-dial if a working day stretches too long or an additional shift crops up.

I have had more than six months of enjoying full days in Cailtlin’s presence to catching a fleeting glimpse before or after work. It will take Cat some getting used to. Add on the full delivery term and those two have been close to inseparable for almost a year and a half.

While Caitlin will see less of her mother in the coming months, I will have to start fending for myself again and re-embracing housework. I have to admit, while my wife was at home, I occasionally — weeks on end — lapsed into Don Draper mode.

Dinners were often made and the house was in great shape. D.I.Y jobs that I D.I.didn’t were checked off the list too as I languished in a 1950s-esque comfort zone. As part of her first week back in work, Cat has decided to go on house-work strike. I am being re-trained but distractions [like this column] are easy to find.

Google Maps is not accurate with a camper van and a baby

Before Cat headed back to the jobbing world, we had the opportunity to get away to the south of England on holidays. The idea was to get away from Ireland but not too far and without flying. We sorted out a camper van, had a rainy night in Rosslare and set off at 7am the next morning. The destination was St Ives in Cornwall.

When planning the trip, we were guilty of thinking as our former selves. Google Maps told us our post-ferry drive would be five hours. It turned out to be closer to eight. We knew there would be a feed or two along the way but Caitlin was often more interested in escaping her baby-seat shackles than having her bottle. Camper vans do not go 100mph too. We were shattered after the trip and felt like parents that had pushed our luck. Fish and chips tastes better than guilt so I volunteered to go scouting as Cat kicked off the peace negotiations.

Once we got settled, we enjoyed a fantastic 10 days away. The good weather helped but the time we spent together was great for Caitlin and she really flourished because of it. I swear she developed more in those days than she had in a month before but perhaps it is because I just took the time out to notice. She’s a little gem and already has the hang of peek-a-boo.

IMG_0506 Waiting to get the Greenway Ferry in Devon. Patrick McCarry Patrick McCarry

After many, many false alarms, here come the teeth

The first set of choppers are on their way and causing the odd restless night. Foreboding words had used primed for red-light emergencies but they proved false alarms. Murmurings under the surface. It is more of a gradual process and there have not been too many night and day-time screaming sessions but we think we are ready for the levee’s break. Caitlin already responds to the sight of teething gel with a glint in her eyes — ‘This’ll help’.

The strengthening of the gums and echoes of teeth have coincided with the ebbing move to solids to go with all that delicious milk. Cat is a sponge for other methods from friends, neighbours and work colleagues when it comes to what may work best. We are dabbling with baby-led weaning. Orange wedges are handy as they have a natural holder but bananas and kiwis are pure carnage. Having Caitlin eat whilst we are certainly encourages her.

IMG_0403 'I don't care if Patrice Evra just scored against Bayern Munich. My teeth are killing me!' Patrick McCarry Patrick McCarry

What actually constitutes a first word?

Caitlin has mastered her ‘A’s’ and has moved on to the letter B. It has led to many BBbbbs, a sprinkling of Bbaaas and we were even treated to Baba a few times. As tempting as it was to get excited about our word-dropping wunderkind, I have to raise the question. Does she need to know what a Baba is for it to count or is the fact that she said it enough to celebrate?

The champagne is on ice.

@patmccarry is sports reporter and rugby correspondent for TheScore.ie. Playwright of shows that have appeared at Vicar Street, Electric Picnic, Bulmers Comedy Festival and New Zealand Comedy Festival. He is a Dubliner, living in Kildare. Happily married for 18 months and counting.

Read: Diary of a First Time Dad: We’ve got company!

Read: Diary of a First Time Dad: Sleeping with one eye open

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46 Comments
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    Mute John Meade
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    May 9th 2014, 8:08 PM

    My daughter is six now, i can still remember driving her home from Holles Street and being nervous behind the wheel for the first time since i learned to drive back in the early 90′s. i was there when she spoke her first words and took her first steps, now i’m barred from her room as “Its not for boys”. Its amazing how they grow and mature and develop their own personality’s in front of your eyes, its hard work but i wouldn’t change it for ANYTHING. Being a Dad is the coolest thing in the world.

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    Mute Rick Grimes
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    May 9th 2014, 8:22 PM

    Coolest thing ever? Your life must have been pretty lame before you had your daughter

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    Mute Paul Sweeney
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    May 9th 2014, 8:56 PM

    Rick, you are a dick.

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    Gary
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    Mute Gary
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    May 9th 2014, 8:58 PM

    Ah Rick, you have set up a new twitter account for the sole purpose of trolling and you claim John Meade’s life must have been pretty lame prior to having children. You poor silly boy.

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    Mute Brendan Boyd
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    May 9th 2014, 9:09 PM

    Very perceptive of you Gary, no fooling you.

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    Gary
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    Mute Gary
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    May 9th 2014, 9:20 PM

    Well done Brendan, that was a pointless comment. But whatever floats your boat I guess.

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    Mute Joan Featherstone
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    May 9th 2014, 7:48 PM

    Deadly…kids are what’s life’s about, when you get older the rest is just shallow…well IMO.

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    Mute Rick Grimes
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    May 9th 2014, 7:53 PM

    You are a woman. Your body is built to breed kids and your brain is hard wired to want kids.

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    Mute Jimbo
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    May 9th 2014, 7:55 PM

    If you’re a slave to evolution maybe.

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    Mute Joan Featherstone
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    May 9th 2014, 7:56 PM

    Nobody in this day needs to be a slave to evolution, it’s called contraception.

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    Mute Jimbo
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    May 9th 2014, 7:58 PM

    It’s also evolution that makes you want to have children.

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    Mute Tommy C
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    May 9th 2014, 8:24 PM

    Rick plenty of women dont want kids.

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    Mute Rick Grimes
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    May 9th 2014, 8:29 PM

    Tommy – that’s not even kind of true. There ain’t no fighting evolution

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    Mute art vandelay
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    May 9th 2014, 9:56 PM

    I agree, but after only after the fact..Before I had kids I thought no way,I’m not ready,I’ve so much stuff I need to do first,my life will be over when I have kids,am I even sure I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life,I’m not cut out for that responsibility etc etc. now I have two I couldn’t imagine life without them. Even though they can be right little w@nkers at times…

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    Mute whitesloe
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    May 10th 2014, 8:39 AM

    I’d say you’ve heard your ma sigh and say that when she reads your posts on the Internet.

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    Mute Jen Murtagh
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    May 11th 2014, 9:19 AM

    Your comment is so witty you felt the need to repeat it??

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    Gary
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    Mute Gary
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    May 9th 2014, 7:54 PM

    Wait until you have two Patrick. I’m enjoying the “dinner on table, wife still on maternity leave” period also but it all ends in a few weeks. Enjoy.

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    Mute fergal ohagan
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    May 9th 2014, 8:00 PM

    Wait til you have 3, just getting to eat in peace is a luxury!!!

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    Mute Niall o' Sullivan
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    May 9th 2014, 8:07 PM

    That’s where grandparents and sister in laws can be a life saver from time to time when you need a break.

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    Mute Anne Marie Malone
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    May 9th 2014, 7:44 PM

    Love this update!!

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    Mute Niall o' Sullivan
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    May 9th 2014, 7:45 PM

    Ya big wuss.

    By the time my daughter was your daughter’s age I was out in Spain with her and flying back with just the two of us.

    The only one that needs to do the weaning is you man. You don’t need women. Trust me, if you want to make the missus jealous and have HER doing all the housework instead of you, all you have to do is become the real primary parent. It’ll drive herself crazy if you are fully independent with the baby. Bonkers. Trust me, I’m further on down that road than you are as a the stay at home to a 2.5 year old.

    When you reach true autonomy, she’ll get so jealous, guilty, and feel so useless, she’ll try to compensate by doing ALL the housework ALL the time.

    Christ man. You’ve a lot to learn :)

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    Mute LittleBlackPetal
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    May 9th 2014, 8:09 PM

    Wow, you’re a real catch!

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    Mute Niall o' Sullivan
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    May 9th 2014, 8:11 PM

    Yep. Have it nailed down pretty nicely if I may say so myself :)

    You can be sure she’s saying the same kinda thing in reverse to all her female friends at work :)

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    Mute Brendan Boyd
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    May 9th 2014, 8:37 PM

    Niall you sound mental. Why are you so driven to make your wife feel jealous and useless?

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    Mute Imogene Blignaut-O'Brien
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    May 9th 2014, 8:46 PM

    Yeah because every woman wants a guy that makes her feel useless. Well done for getting in spectacularly wrong.

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    Mute Niall o' Sullivan
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    May 9th 2014, 11:17 PM

    OK Imogen. Clearly, (to me at least) I was joking. Maybe it was too subtle, or brash, and I should have added loads of smiley faces and reversed the genders in parts in my post. Then you may have viewed it differently. I know my partner would have found it funny, so perhaps it didn’t translate here.

    “Yeah because every woman wants a guy that makes her feel useless.”

    Therein lies the rub. It’s not a question of trying to make someone feel useless. It can happen anyway for a period of time when traditional roles are reversed, or when the mother goes back to work

    At the exact point the author is at above with childrearing, I was there too, as was my partner in the recent past. I wasn’t trying to dismiss him at all, I was trying to encourage him. Granted, it was a poor attempt and very insensitive.

    The author’s wife has just gone back to work post maternity. A lot of women feel guilty about that. For me, as a stay at home father, it took me years before having a child to mentally prepare for the reversal of traditional roles and get my head around it.

    Perhaps I found the article almost funny in parts because I’m so hands on at this point. Perhaps I was also reacting to the author’s reality, where he seems to consider himself via the article and IMO , a third party almost to mother and child. That’s why I wanted to include him. He’s her father and not secondary.

    But IMO this article was written by someone that considers himself outside the loop of mother and child, If I wanted to hear about his wife’s experience, I can read about womens experience of going back to work or motherhood everywhere and all over the net.

    I saw the picture of Caitlin before I read the article, and the first thing I thought when I saw the red cheeks was ‘she’s teething’.

    ‘First time dad’, should be about the author’s experience, including his wife’s of course – that’s all part of it. But I wanted to hear about how he was feeling in particular and not how others were. Just my 2 cents.

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    Mute Hippocrateeth
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    May 9th 2014, 11:28 PM

    Jesus Niall, you’ve got some issues man.

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    Mute Niall o' Sullivan
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    May 9th 2014, 11:44 PM

    They’re called grown up issues. Go back to bed.

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    Mute Hippocrateeth
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    May 9th 2014, 11:50 PM

    Talk to me about your grown up issues when you have more than one kid. Yer a greenhorn yet boyo, one kid is a walk in the park. ;)

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    Mute Niall o' Sullivan
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    May 9th 2014, 11:54 PM

    Lol

    Someone entrusted you with MORE than one kid??? ANY kid??

    Of ffs I give up :)

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    Mute Denise Houlihan
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    May 9th 2014, 11:58 PM

    I got it Niall. Lighten up everyone FFS, he was messing! It’s Friday night. Y’all get so precious about stuff. It’s a lighthearted article and he meant no offence.

    I saw the pic and thought, yep, she’s teething! I’d know those hot, red cheeks a mile away and be reaching for the Teetha!

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    Mute Hippocrateeth
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    May 10th 2014, 12:00 AM

    Stop trying to make me feel jealous and worthless, I’m not going to clean your gaff for you man no matter how hard you try to be the primary commenter in this relationship.

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    Mute Jen Murtagh
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    May 10th 2014, 1:01 AM

    What a great read. Having a 4 month old daughter ourselves I can completely relate to this. Every time she is off or the least bit cranky its blamed on the dreaded teeth !! Having kids is such a learning curve that no ammount of book reading, internet researching can prepare you for but having said that its a totally worthwhile experience :)

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    Mute Jimbo
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    May 9th 2014, 7:41 PM

    No thanks.

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    Mute brains for rocks
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    May 9th 2014, 8:51 PM

    Used to think like that, after having our first 7 months ago I’m gutted I waited so long and can’t wait to get started on the second. Total life changer but absolutely brilliant.

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    Mute Jimbo
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    May 9th 2014, 9:55 PM

    Google “Buyer’s Bias” ;-)

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    Mute Noongirl Fiveoclockshadow
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    May 10th 2014, 10:28 PM

    Cognitive Dissonance…

    More people resent their kids than will ever say…

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    Paul
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    Mute Paul
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    May 10th 2014, 1:53 AM

    Really can’t stand people who go on as if there the only people on earth to procreate… I’ve 2 kids myself and I love them dearly.
    But lads seriously, I don’t really care if your kid farts, belched or coughed. That’s what they’re meant to do.
    Get over it.
    I want to hear from you when they’re 16 and coming in wrecking the gap.
    Goodnight.

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    Mute Liz Potts
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    May 9th 2014, 10:07 PM

    Knob….

    12
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    Mute Rick Grimes
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    May 9th 2014, 8:07 PM

    I’d love to knock up a bird on holidays and never see her again, but that is about it

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    Mute Tommy C
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    May 9th 2014, 8:26 PM

    Hopefully Rick there is infertile.

    108
    Dell
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    Mute Dell
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    May 9th 2014, 8:31 PM

    Yup.. I think it best that Rick not breed.

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    Mute Brendan Boyd
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    May 9th 2014, 8:39 PM

    I felt like that before. It felt like some sort of festish but its probably the most natural feeling in the world.

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    Mute Rick Grimes
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    May 9th 2014, 8:46 PM

    It’s completely natural. All thesE fools just think they are better than what they are. They like to show everyone how morally upright they are

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    Mute Ciara McCorley
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    May 10th 2014, 12:22 AM

    No Rick, you’re just a total and utter knob who should be castrated to stop breeding.

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    Mute Jimbo
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    May 10th 2014, 9:18 AM

    Oooooh. Ciara and Rick, sitting in a tree…

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