i remember that pain all too well. But I also remember the unhelpful platitudes being passed off as advice in the hospital. My son was eight weeks old before we figured out latching without pain or damage. And in the end, I had to resort to the internet to find the solutions I needed to the breastfeeding issues I encountered. That to me is the real problem when it comes to the breastfeeding debate in Ireland. Plenty of enforced guilt, and no real educated medical support when you need help.

I couldn’t care less whether someone chooses to breastfeed or to bottlefeed their child. But what I do care about is that if someone chooses to breastfeed, she gets the help she needs to make that happen. As I learned the hard way, there are lots of potential causes, and plenty of solutions for bleeding nipples. And if our medical professionals who are so keen to hand out breastfeeding “advice” were properly educated about feeding issues, then they could actually help the women who come to them for help, instead of doing as you say you did, and piling on the guilt without any real understanding or practical solutions to go with it.

I don’t think we should judge other mothers on their choices. I had a really hard time for the first week or so with my first and would have definitely given up if I hadn’t been shown how to get the baby to latch on properly. After that I never looked back and am glad I stuck with it. If it doesn’t work out for some mothers, they shouldn’t be made to feel guilty. It’s hard enough without these pressures.

Every pregnancy, birth and indeed breastfeeding experience is different with each baby. There are so many factors involved not least of which being a new Mother exhausted because you have just given birth to a baby. Not all women breastfeed their babies but they are entitled to try without prejudice. Support from mothers who have breastfed and correct information are the key to getting off to a good start.

breastfeeding::: the things that no one tells you

the second night will be hard. it will be exhausting, and the reason is so simple and clear. baby is new to this world, and your breasts are their connection back to mother. to safety. to security. their suckling at your breasts are laying the foundation for your milk. it is beautiful and aching and hard. it is hard to be tucked away in a hospital, away from family. this isn’t how it should be, but it is the reality for many women.. the second night- you are a warrior. and you will make it through.

you will find more wisdom through your body than you ever knew before.. suddenly, the questions you had in pregnancy of ‘how will i know when there is milk there?’ ‘how will i know when they are done?’ ‘how will i know, what does it feel like?’ you will know, because you are wise, your body is wise, and you are listening to your baby. and your baby is communicating to your body.

that sometimes, an eager mouth coming to your aching nipples is the scariest thing in the world… but having a gentle, loving woman guide you to breathe.. to relax your shoulders back down. to show you another position. to help you to see that you are progressing, that you look beautiful when you nurse– that will help build your confidence, is one of the best things that can be done for you in your early days of new motherhood.

that, suddenly.. before you know it, or even fully realise it- you’ll be nursing your baby while eating dinner at the same time… and my my.. how far you have come from the weeping woman in the hospital, with a sore cooch and a brand new life before your eyes.

that you fall in love, over and over, every single time you nurse. whether that’s for the 20th time in the day, or the 7th time in the night. that when you let go of the idea of what you are ‘supposed’ to do, and just do what you feel you should do– you can enjoy it.. it is good.. and it feeds your soul and body.

no one ever tells you about the way your baby will look at you..

the way that, when you lay in bed at night, your babe at your breast, and your partner at your other side– that you will feel like the universe. like the creator, the creatrix, the world. that your entire universe is in your bed, you are the sex goddess, and the nurturing mother, and your own beautiful self. it is overwhelming, and also powerful. YOU are powerful.

no one tells you that you will become an activist for women, advocating for breastfeeding– not because you believe you are superior, but because you discovered the most amazing drug in the world, you are high, and in love, and want all women to experience this goodness– and you believe that they all can.. they just don’t realise their potential yet. they don’t know how good it can be… and you want to share it with them.

no one tells you the good things. because they are scared that you won’t believe it, that you’ll think they are crazy, that they’ll offend you. no one tells you the good things, because no one wants to listen to the good things- they only hear the bad. because there is more scare-mongering in the world, and unfortunately- their voices are louder.. one bad apple that ruins the entire damn pie.

no one tells you the good things, because as a pregnant mama- you’re hormonal, and conflicted- and have lost a lot of belief in yourself and your body through the media and society you have grown up in. you no longer trust your ability to birth your baby, or to make adequate milk. you are bombarded, whether you realise it or not- with negative influence, and have been since you were a wee girl born into this earth.

but. my. how you are powerful, when you believe it and allow it.
and breastfeeding, like birth- can be challenging, sometimes painful- and then it no longer is.. and it’s blissful, as you hold your own sweet flesh.

Three years ago when in hospital after baby two I dragged myself out of bed and crawled to a ‘feeding class’ in Tralee hospital. It was ENTIRELY about bottle feeding – I couldn’t believe it.

I had bleeding nipples and agonizing pain for 4 or 5 days. Then talking to my sister she said you need to use different positions to give your nipples a rest. The very next feed was easier and by next day I was pain free (new Mums – try the rugby position it’s got totally different pressure points from the others).

Yes bf is not for everyone but as others said there’s no support for it here. Lip service but nothing practical. The UK where I had baby one was nearly as bad, they shoved a bottle at him when I was too tired to try feeding just after an emergency c section.

Benefits of breast-feeding:
- you don’t really have to get out of bed and can doze through night feeds
- I found it unbelievably calming when feeling post-natal-depressed-ish
- no matter where you are, you can always feed the baby (eg traffic standstill on motorway)
- invest in a shawl and no-one even notices you’re doing it
- you can sit down to feed the baby and have a nice rest. No-one else can do it, so you can let them do the housework
- it’s nice

As others said, it’s up to each individual. I don’t really comment when friends don’t do it cos I know they’ll think I’m judgemental, but it makes me really sad because I think they’re missing out.

I expressed milk for baby one cos he had tongue tie so I know what it’s like getting up at night to warm a bottle and bfn is SO much easier.

Having lived in Ireland for 5 years – I also gave birth to my little boy there – I can attest to the horribly high level of absolutely shitty medical professionals there who seem to have a gaping hole in their breastfeeding knowledge. Thank god for La Leche League, Friends of Breastfeeding and a Cork-based breastfeeding group (with a WONDERFUL lactation consultant giving her all there!!). They are the people in the know. The ones to encourage and advise and support. Without them, it’s possible I’d have stopped about 2 months in. Now my baba is 18 months old and still feeding away happily. :)

I bf’d both of mine and yes it was hard work I’m pregnant with number 3 and hope to bf again but I have always said to any friend who was unsure of trying even if its only one feed, one hour, one day, one week give it a shot it might work, it might not. women are the worlds worst at beating each other up over things like this I feed mine till beyond 16 months it doesn’t make me a better or worse mother than someone who never tired or is still feeding at 4 its personal choice why can’t we respect each others choices and stop making the worlds hardest job harder on ourselves and each other.

My name is Chris Finn and I am National Co-ordinator for an Irish charity called Friends of Breastfeeding. Your article today entitled “Breastfeeding? Nobody tells you about the bleeding nipples” compelled me to write in. It is so sad that there are so many women in this country having experiences like those described in the article! Pain, bleeding nipples, feelings of guilt, of being judged by other mothers for having ‘failed’ at breastfeeding – all of these common experiences. I’m sure there are lots of mothers who will read this article, empathise and tut at how the “Breast is Best Brigade” are judging these mothers for failing at breastfeeding.

Coming from Friends of Breastfeeding, I only have to say the name of our organisation, and I can practically see the preconceived notions jumping into people’s heads. They instantly assume I am one of “those” women, a member of the breastfeeding elite, one of those militant breastfeeders who look down their nose at mothers who choose not to or who “fail” at breastfeeding.

The reality for me – and I think, for almost every nursing mother – is that my baby arrived and I discovered that far from being the “natural” experience I had thought it would be, learning to breastfeed was actually one of the most frustrating things I had ever done. I had no confidence in knowing when my baby was fed enough and I received conflicting advice from every direction.

Looking back, I realise that it was mostly luck, the support of my incredible husband and some wonderful mothers I’d met online that got me though those early weeks and months. Somehow, I managed to navigate my way past all sorts of issues that could easily have stopped me had I not had the support of others who had been there and done that all before. Then one day I woke up and those early days were gone. Breastfeeding my baby was suddenly easy, and nice!

When I look back on my own experience, it’s easy to understand how many mothers don’t muddle through. Mothers who didn’t have the support I did and who faced far greater physical and emotional challenges. These women did not “fail” at breastfeeding. They were failed. Failed by a society that has lost its breastfeeding culture and by a system that does not know how to properly support and nurture the breastfeeding mother and child.

Do I judge them for not breastfeeding? Hell no. I can see how easily that could have been me, my own story could have been very different indeed.

Friends of Breastfeeding works to support mothers to have the breastfeeding experience they choose, whatever that may be. We aim to do all we can as an organisation to help mothers avoid common pitfalls and to find support options in their area. Something we really need to acknowledge is the fact that our main problem in this country is a lack of breastfeeding culture, which causes the majority of problems. 99% of mothers in Norway nurse their babies and I’m pretty sure they’re not all martyrs to the cause, walking around with bleeding nipples. Something is broken in Irish society and it is not Irish women. We as a nation need to step back and take a good hard look at what needs to be done to fix it. Judging each other isn’t going to get us anywhere.

If you re-read the article in question, the only person this woman mentions judging her, really, is herself, and that is such a shame. She seems to be assuming that because she was so judgemental of others before she had her baby, that everyone else is judging her now. The truth of the matter though, is that far from judging her harshly, the vast majority of Irish mothers do not have the breastfeeding experience they want and understand her story all too well.

If I were to say one thing to this mother it would be: Go easy on yourself! I’m sure you did the best you could with the information you had available to you at the time. Welcome to the guilt trip that is parenting.

To all the comments referring to breastfeeding advocates who spoke up on this article, I don’t see much judgement to be honest, but a lot of sadness at yet another mum who was let down by the system.

Making an informed decision not to breastfeed is fine, making a decision TO breastfeed but being let down is not, and will never be.

It really annoys me when women criticise each other when we’re all doing the best job we can.plenty of people commenting here full of righteous indignation!she tried to breastfeed and surely her effort is worth some commendation.if it’s making you miserable and teary then that’s not conducive to being the best mammy you can be.I think baby would benefit more from having a happy mammy than anything else.I breastfed both my babies for as long as I felt able to but it is hard work no matter how many people try to say otherwise

The truth is, with the right info and support, 98% of women can breastfeed. It is as natural as walking and talking BUT you need support and info. The proof is in the numbers: breastfeeding rates in Norway are around 98%. Because they have a culture who supports breastfeeding.

I am truly sorry you did not enjoy the breastfeeding experience your child and yourself deserved. To all expectant mums wishing to breastfeed and reading this: please visit a breastfeeding group before you give birth. Have numbers for support organisations at hand, as well as lactation consultants’, and don’t be shy: ask them any questing you want.

I had a similar experience with breast feeding. I looked for all the support. It wasn’t there. I tried to get a lactation consultant privately, there was none in my area. I rang the breast feeding support groups a number of times and only got an answer machine. I couldn’t get to a support group before baby was born as they only met during work hours. Their meetings are infrequent in my area so I would have been waiting 2 weeks for the next one.
So I feel I made all the effort I could and sought the support. I so wanted to be able to do it. But I’m left feeling so guilty that somehow I failed, that maybe I should have tried a little harder. I think that’s the point she is getting at with this article. That there are others who tried and failed. I for one am glad to read this. It won’t turn me off trying again.

Do people not realise that breast feeding used to be a communal thing , wet nurses helped mothers. So she wasn’t doing All by herself . I tried for nearly 8wks with my little girl and I will admit it was a living hell for me. I tried everything and it just never worked out. I was crying over my child and full of guilt and I was sleep deprived. I was honestly on the verge of a meltdown. I have been feeding her on an organic formula and she has thrived. I am sick of people guilting me for “not” trying hard enough. I don’t understand this Black and white attitude. I’ve had my bfing friends assuming I’ll feed my child crap which I obviously have no intention of . I’ve done both and I will continue to do what is best for me and my child. Sorry for the rant.

You also highlighted the sad reality that plagues breastfeeding women in the first world – inaccurate information, lack of support, disbelief and no trust in our bodies or our babies, following schedules and needing our babies to adjust to ours- rather than having the time and grace period to just simply be. In the first world, we birth our babies- by hook or crook, and then we immediately feel the need to watch the clock, to follow the books, to read everything- to do it right… yet, it is innately in us to mother. When we listen to our body and our baby- we are following the greatest instinct to be the mother that our child needs us to be, and to listen to what our baby is asking of us. When we live in a society that freely breastfeeds in public- where young boys and girls see it as the norm, there is generally no problem learning to breastfeed as a first time mother- because it comes naturally as does birthing. There is little fear or doubt of our ability- we just do it, because we are women- and this is what we are designed for. Does that mean that we never run into problems? Of course not, and this is where having our communities of support comes in hand.

A woman should never suffer alone, she should never suffer pain or regret of her birth or breastfeeding experience- and when she has, society has failed her– she has not failed herself, or her baby- society, the system- failed her.

I am so very sorry that this was your experience with breastfeeding, and I am glad that you have been able to resolve and build a positive relationship with your baby. The guilt that you refer to- is a guilt that all mothers carry- regardless of how we feed our babies. Mothers carry guilt, and women seem to love to pit others against each other. The reality is, formula feeding mothers are the MAJORITY, and breastfeeding mothers are the minority in Ireland. The guilt you speak of- is coming from yourself, and no one else.. But trust, we all have it, we are all asking if we are doing enough… if we could do better, what if we tried harder etc. etc. It is the never ending cycle of motherhood… The guilt that you speak of today will continue to transform into other forms of guilt as your baby grows into child, teen, adult.

The notion behind one week of the year, the 40th week of the year- to signify the relationship between mother and child, severed at the umbilical cord, and the beginning of their breastfeeding relationship- is not to make mothers who never chose to breastfeed, or tried to and moved on to feel guilty. The idea behind it is to offer one week of the year to highlight a very valid and important act of mothering. A choice, a chance to empower and educate women- and give support to much of the minority that do breastfeed.

Women are not stupid, and breastfeeding mothers that are advocating for breastfeeding are not doing so because they feel superior- they are doing so, because they wish to share this incredible bond with other women and their children. Just as you may have found something wonderful, or a ‘secret’ to mothering that has made your life wonderful- they too are doing the same. Their voice is still the minority… We all have valid points and valid experiences. I will take your woes and wisdom on– and validate it, by reassuring you that yes- the first two weeks are the hardest two weeks. I will validate it, and tell you that you were failed by the system, by the system that you work within. I will validate it, and tell you that you were failed by a society that has lost it’s tribes of women, it’s culture of breastfeeding, and is incredibly daunting to breastfeed in. I will validate it, and tell you that formula companies in Ireland are particularly viscous with their marketing and advertizing, and are clever in the way that they undermine ALL mothers. This is their job, and they make a lot of money in doing it, it has no reflection of you as a mother– it has been so ingrained.. I will validate your breastfeeding struggles, because it is not always easy in the beginning, and I will do my best to continue to support, educate, and provide a system that gives help to women who are suffering in the early days of their breastfeeding relationship- so that way I can do something to help them have a successful relationship.

Amen !!! So many babies are not breast fed and are still alive, healthy, even college students at this stage. Get off the high horse. Do what works for you. The baby will be fine !!!!!

I’m delighted that this point was made by a health professional – some mothers not only don’t enjoy the experience, they find it horrendously painful, but there IS a huge guilt piled on if you are forced to stop.
Giving birth to a whole other new human being with the attendant responsibility is something that already has lashings of built-in guilt without the new (usually exhausted) Mum being made to feel selfish, neglectful or deemed “wrong” if she opts not to breastfeed. It is wonderful if you can do it, but you shouldn’t be made to feel bad if it doesn’t work for you. Simple as! Well done Siobhan – enjoy your little ‘un :)

My 4 children were bf by their mother even through post natal depression criticism from my family & her family & our friends who were concerned for her health. I also have to admit periods of my own doubting & even though my life was made much easier by her bf I was concerned about her lack of sleep & different issues that are complicated by bf. However I admire her for her commitment to our children & the fact that even though she was questioned by everyone including me, she had a goal to provide for her children & that was far beyond the comprehension of anyone else. Breastfeeding is not for everybody & does not determine that you are a better mother but it is the actions of the bravest women who know like anyone else in the know that breast is best.

I breastfed my two kids and I got more sleep with the second because he didnt even go near bottles. It was hard both times for the first two weeks as your nipples become over sensitive. I had a wonderful experience and never bought formula or got up in the middle of the night to make bottles. I breastfed my daughter for a 1 1/2 years and my son for 2 1/2 years. I let them wean when they wanted and they went straight to cups. Both were really healthy, no colics and no colds. Once they were weaned off, they started to get sick.
I enjoyed breastfeeding and I got my figure back in no time. I was working full time and breatfeeding. I used to express milk every day and the childminder would give that milk to my child. I find it sad that Irish women dont really breastfeed, you rarely see them and it’s not actively encouraged. It’s a wonderful experience of bonding.

My god what a depressing piece! And that its written by a colleague annoys me even further. To make so many references to her job in the article stops it from just being her opinion and strays into the territory of advice from a doctor in my opinion.
As a paediatrician I come from similar training but wasn’t afraid to ask for help, now blissfully feeding my third I am able to offer the mums of my patients much better advice.
My first 2 latched on like little dreams and I needed no more support than the (excellent) hse leaflets. I fed my first for 6 months and my second for 12 months. With my third I had painful, cracked, bleeding nipples. Knowing there was a problem I asked for help and after her tongue tie was snipped on day 10 we started the same blissful feeding I experienced with my first 2 kids.
It’s not difficult for everyone, there’s a lot of help out there and online if you look for it and its so so so wonderful that I cannot imagine parenting without it!

I think her point is breast feeding is not for everyone, it wasn’t for her and this column tells us why. Women who don’t want to breast feed often feel attacked by health professionals and god forbid other women. It doesn’t work for everyone yes everyone should try at least give it ago, in my opinion anyway. And for all those women giving out about her giving up after two weeks surely that’s this mothers choice? Oh and I did breast feed my baby until almost 6 months and I had bleeding nipples and my latch was fine thank you very much!

EVERYBODY tells you about the bleeding nipples! You cannot even mention breast feeding without people shoving their horror stories down your throat, not quite the support that an expectant mother needs.

Breast feeding is exhausting, and can be painful at times. No one has ever denied this. The slogan is ‘breast is best’, not ‘breast is easiest’.

The rewards of breast feeding, and there are many, can only be reaped after putting in a lot of groundwork.
This is not for all women. Some women genuinely try their hardest and do not succeed, and I can only imagine how upsetting that must be. However, an article like this which focuses solely on the negatives, absolves the mother from any responsibility of educating or preparing herself, which sets up all women to ‘fail’ is very, very sad to see.

Shame Sioban didn’t get any effective support to establish WHY her nipples were bleeding, another Doctor that’s now carrying their own emotional baggage, great!
http://milkmatters.org.uk/2011/04/15/hidden-cause-of-feeding-problems-however-you-feed-your-baby/

“No matter how good your “attachment technique”, your nipples still crack and bleed.”

But that’s just untrue. If you think it’s normal for a woman’s nipples to crack and bleed, you need to think again. That is absolutely NOT a normal breastfeeding experience. There were either very poor latches going on (despite looking ok on the outside) or, more likely, your child has an undiagnosed tongue tie. Sure, it’s normal to experience some tenderness at first, but it does not last through the feed, nor does that pain cause cracking, let alone bleeding.

Breastfeeding IS all that…you just didn’t get to experience it before giving up and I’m sorry about that both for you and your child AND for your future patients who now have a cynical caretaker. You probably had a lack of GOOD support, despite being surrounded by medical professionals (who quite often know the least about fixing bfing issues, anyways).

Not everyone has an easy start, and those who have a rough time and aren’t given adequare help and support do quit sooner.

Woo hoo, I’m with you on this one, load of rubbish, hated breastfeeding, but tried on the first, not for me so that was the end of that…guess which one had asthma etc, the first one! If it suits you great, if not great.

New mums do not need guilt trips & we need to absolutely stop doing that.

One’s own experience, choices are never a guide to what others SHOULD do, any more than vice versa.

On the other hand, good factual information & lots of support for the whole person – for their desires & intentions, for their health, for their happiness – can never go astray.

Sadly, when it comes to breastfeeding, both of these are very much lacking in the Irish Health service until recently (It’s improving, but is still patchy).

We also need to realise that breastfeeding, like many other human skills is learned, partly by imitation, partly by peer-to-peer instruction. How many opportunities are young children getting these days to watch & see breastfeeding happening & gain insight into how it works? & how many peers these days are actually getting to be experienced “old hands”?

Because I had an abundance of both of the latter – plentiful opportunities to observe breastfeeding as a child, & plenty of “old hands” to consult when I needed to – I was able to bypass and overcome the deficiencies in information & support within the Irish health system & breastfeed my two with little difficulty.

I can sympathise with anyone contending with the lack of all three – visual opportunity, “old hands” and institutional info/support. It would be practically impossible to be successful straight off the bat!

In such a case the doctor is right. Keeping mum happy & healthy is the best way to keep baby happy & healthy!

Yup, the forst two weeks are tough but I’d imagine that the first two weeks are tough for bottle fed babies too and traumatic too. You are recovering from giving birth and bringing a little person into the world, breastfeeding or not that takes time to recover from, a baby will need a bottle when you are exhausted and in the house on your own too.
Yes, it hurts and for me the first 4 weeks were really tough recovering from an emergency section too but now, 6 months on I have to say it is so convenient and ‘easy’. I am sure he’d be grand with formula, not bother to him but it suits us and the HSE in Limerick are very supportive with weekly meetings in the maternity hospital and follow meetings in the outskirts. They provide a lactation consultant who helps both new and established breastfeeding Mums, I have seen women come in at their whits end one week and the following week delighted. No, it does not work for everyone and that is OK and no we should not be listening to any man on the subject but the system should be as supportive as possible to breastfeeding mothers. I was lucky with my little man, I know that and I would have been devastated if it did not work out but the support here in Limerick has been great, hopefully these support systems will survive the cuts enabling women to choose for themselves. it is tough, but sure having a baby is tough and it gets easier, so much easier in fact I LOVE it!
Overall I am disappointed that such a negative picture has been painted.

Having spent over 20 years as a practicing midwife, there is so much truth in this story. I certainly think that being a doctor of obs and gynae probably meant that the health professionals assumed that she knew everything.

There is nothing wrong with breast or bottle feeding . They all work. Good luck with your lovely little one.

‘The bleeding nipples’ what a great name for a rock band! as kenny everet once said ” i’m all in favour of breast feeding, its free ,its healthy and it comes in such cute containers”.

Whilst I’m pro breast feeding and did do for my little boy I welcome the sentiments of this article! I know I’ll be criticised by people that I share views with but while I think it’s the best for baby it’s also a choice. Women need to know the facts and let them make a choice! My baby had two teeth by the time he was 6 weeks and had me shredded!!! I decided to express as i didn’t like him getting “pink” milk but still wanted to do it! Was made feel inadequate by public health nurse but my boy got natures best and when his appetite was satisfied I’d put him on the breast for comfort and he wouldn’t hurt me then….win win but was still made to feel a failure by the powers that be! Funny thing was that I managed it for 12 months based on this and delighted I stuck by my guns (no pun etc).women should be allowed feel comfortable in their choice and then if they decide to go ahead should be supported in the way that works best for them!! If I allowed the pressure to get to me I would have stopped at 6 weeks!

I am a first time mom with a 7 week old, he was born in turkey where breast feeding is the norm and formula is seriously frowned upon. I suffered through 48 hrs of bleeding nipples and an extremely upset baby trying to suck everything including my husband before I cracked and gave my baby formula. He is now a happy healthy baby who is bottle fed half his feeds and breast the other. But I have to suffer the open scorn of every Turkish woman I meet. A Turkish friend of mine has three children under the age of 7 all breast fed until 20 months she works full time and wakes herself up every hour during the night to pump milk for the next day. She proudly boasts she hasnt slept in 7 years, but I can proudly boast that I enjoy my baby. Whatever works for you and for your baby is what is best, you shouldn’t be judged for it whichever way you go

Good morning,
I agree. I am currently breastfeeding my five and a half month old daughter and the first three months were torture for the most part. Nobody prepares you for the complete exhaustion of doing two hourly feeds not to mention the fourteen plus hours a day spent nursing on the couch during the growth spurts. Meanwhile your friend’s formula fed babies are sleeping though the night and your friend’s get to do things like get their hair done or leave baby with a sitter and go out! Don’t get me wrong, I am glad I persevered because it does become enjoyable after a time but a little bit of honesty from the midwives etc would have gone a long way in those early days. It was a very lonely and terrifying place to be- wondering if she’s getting enough food, the sore, cracked nipples, the out of body experiences due to lack of sleep. But you do it and pretty soon it all becomes a little easier. It turns out that the only truly frustrating thing about breastfeeding is the immense pressure from friends and relatives to put her on formula. It is hailed as the cure for everything. How did this happen? As far as I can see, a little bit of honesty and reassurance would go a long way in supporting the choice to breastfeed in this country.

I’m glad she had a chance to practice what she preached! There is nothing more disheartening to mothers when a doctor is telling them to “get on with it” “it’s not that bad” “it’s good for you and your baby” when they haven’t even. Tried it! So it’s great to see she experienced it and can now see it from both sides and take a more understanding approach to breast feeding! A lot of people and doctors are so dead set on the idea they forget to take into consideration that everyone is different. What worked for you might not for other women. Pro breast feeders out there, be mindful of this. Not all women want to give this a go and it’s their choice at the end of the day. There was a stand all about breast feeding in college last week and I have to say I did learn a lot I didn’t know which was great. But there was one pushy lady who just wouldn’t leave me alone or stop trying to force her view on me! I’ll decide when the time comes thank you.

I’m really sorry to hear that you had such a dreadful experience breastfeeding Siobhan. Breastfeeding should not be painful – if it is, something is wrong (eg latch, position, or possibly a tongue tied baby). All of these issues can be rectified with the right information and support. Did you get support from either Cuidiu or La Leche League, or a private lactation consultant? I would hope that if as a medical professional you encountered Mums having difficulty with breastfeeding, you would refer them to their local Cuidiu or LLL support group.
Breast isn’t best – it’s just the normal way to feed a human baby. There are no benefits, but there are implications for the health of both mother and baby when the baby is fed artificial cow’s milk formula (eg infants who are not breastfed are 51% more likely to be obese at the age of nine, Mums who don’t breastfeed are statistically more likely to get breast cancer and ovarian cancer). I’m not stating thses facts to make anyone feel guilty, but just stating them for the people who maintain there is no difference between feeding breastmilk and formula.

Breastfeeding is a lot tougher than it looks and took me months to the hang of. I can’t say I loved breastfeeding but I believe that it is the best for the baby and I wanted to keep it up so I got help with it from a lactation consultant.
However I do think that if a woman is not 100% behind breastfeeding like the author and it is stressing her out beyond belief, then don’t feel bad about ultimately switching to formula. Being a mother is hard enough without feeling guilty about not breast feeding on top of it.
There are some women who have tried bfeeding and don’t want to keep it up or get additional support full stop. Im sure they are aware of what support is out there as the author must have been but had already taken the decision to stop. They are just doing what is best for their situation.

I was the only one out of four that wasn’t breastfed because I was premature. I am rarely sick and do well academically. The bottle did me no harm. Yes there are many benefits to breastfeeding and you won’t know until you try it if it’s for you but if it’s really not don’t do it. Your baby will be fine and it doesn’t make you less of a mother.

Just goes to show how bad our health system is when even it’s own employees don’t get the support every mother deserves. I don’t agree with the way this article is written, but it’s more disappointing that another mum has been failed by the system.

‘No matter how good your “attachment technique”, your nipples still crack and bleed’ – is this statement from your control group of one? It’s not ok to tell women this sort of thing, in this way. It’s so sad you had such a hard time – but your stance that breastfeeding is always torturous and damaging and we shouldn’t all have to suffer it is horribly misleading.

Where is the story about the lactation consultant, the advice you sought, the solutions you tried? Two weeks of feeding on bleeding nipples would result in a bloody mess, yes, if you didn’t pursue solutions. It can be extremely hard, I don’t deny, but help is out there – far more useful to point the way to it than perpetuate the idea that breastfeeding is a martyring torture.

Breastfeeding can also be easy, instantaneously, should be painless, is immensely satisfying, though, yes, it can be tiring and challenging – as can formula feeding. This was not my experience. There’s not a lot here about the dangers of choosing formula to counterbalance your subjective experience, just dismissal of a hell of a lot of good science.

Your experience is upsetting, but so is what you’re choosing to do in this article. You’re validating your choices, which were based on lack of education and adequate support as well as an unfortunate and unpleasant experience. This article needs to be rethought. For mothers’ and babies’ sake.

I am so disappointed to read a healthcare professional has such a one sided view. First thing I want to say is that it gets better once you and baby learn the ropes. just like riding a bike! the idea I get from reading is that you are coming from your own place of feeling guilt and not caring how your public doing might affect others. I’ve breastfed my 6 children, for varying lengths of time. I’ve also had mastitis, bleeding nipples and all the rest… although certainly not with all my children! I’ve shopped for preemies to week to feed to put in their gastro tubes and fed cluster feeding monsters thinking I might actually not survive another day…. however, these were the short, difficult times – certainly not a representation of breast feeding as a whole. my 6 th child is almost 11 months old and I’m so dad I will bear get to do something as special again, once she’s weaned. am I super woman? hell no. did I decide to go through the learning curve and deal with the setbacks and difficult weeks to do something that I deemed important for myself and my child – yes. I’m not saying everyone should breastfed ( although it is ultimately the ideal situation ) but your advice as a medical professional is that you couldn’t do it … all you other women out there don’t even bother to try! …and its not that important anyhow. my god what a message to send. and for the record I always am open when I support a woman considering bf’ing. yes about good & the bleeding nipples and all.

Well done Siobhain for speaking up. U will always get criticised by the know alls whose attitude only see 1 side of the issue, personally I wudnt shove my opinions upon people, I think each to their own

She must be pitching for a job in Nestlé.

Its a shame the writer had such a bad breastfeeding experience and it seemed the right choice for her to give up but if this article turns anyone off trying to breastfeed please keep in mind some women find breastfeeding very easy. I was lucky and suffered no bleeding nipples or pain but I went to an excellent breastfeeding class before my baby was born and made contact with local support groups so I had someone to call the minute I felt I needed help. This made all the difference and while the first 6 weeks were exhausting and challenging after that it was pretty easy and made life so much easier, especially on my second when I was juggling a toddler and a newborn. I breastfed my first child to six months and my second to nine months, it was a great experience and im sure the fact my kids are rarely sick is in some part due to being breastfed. Also I lost my baby weight really quickly without any dieting which I wouldnt have had the time or energy to do. Thats my experience and if any mums to be are reading this it could be yours too so dont dismiss breastfeeding.

It’s a pity to give up after two weeks….you’ve the hardest part over at that stage. The nipples really toughen up after that & it becomes much less painful. I did have bleeding cracked nipples with all of mine even though I was experienced at breastfeeding. The first 2-3 weeks were hellish for all of my babies but from then on it was such a rewarding experience. I know it’s not for everyone but giving up after 2 weeks is a shame as it would have gotten easier.

It’s not sore if the latch is right, not all women end up with bleeding nipples and pain unless there is some kind of explanation for it! I hear that you had pain and bleeding nipples, your article seems to imply that it goes with all breastfeeding though, and it doesn’t!

Lay off the poor woman….she’s actually giving an open and honest view on the realities of bf as opposed to the usual bs advice you get from the MALE doctors. I only lasted a few weeks too….I cried thru every feed and seeing the blood on my childs mouth was very upsetting. Not EVERY woman can do it….my sister ended up in hospital very sick with infections in her breasts from bf. I bf one child and bottle fed another and the bf child has been very sickly and the bottle fed one strong as a horse!!!!

bitty ;-)

I am shocked and sad about this column being published. I understand this mum story is quite stressful but is far, far away from what women should read about breastfeeding. Should we start writing about what can go wrong with bottle feeding (real experiences with colic babies. allergies to cow’s milk etc)??? What is worst is that she is a health professional and should distinguish between her experience and what research shows. Certainly it does not work for everyone but what is most worrying is that an obstetrician who ‘looks after women and their babies’ is (after a personal experience) more likely to say to her clients: ‘don’t worry…just give the baby a bottle’, rather than ‘look for proper advice ie. friends of breastfeeding or a lactation consultant…’

that should read ‘ pumped for preemies too weak to feed ‘.

Brave article – good on you! I prefer the new slogan ‘every breastfeed counts’ over ‘breast is best’. Tried on both babies HATED it, cracked, sore, bleeding and mastitis for my trouble. And I wasn’t doing it ‘wrong’, lactation consultants and support agogo but it wasn’t for me. Yep, most people banging the drum have either never breastfed or been very lucky.

Is this a doctor saying everyone get bleeding nipples? For real? It’s just not true. Sorry you had a traumatic experience but get your facts right before using your credentials to ruin it for others. Each to their own but people need support- not scaremongering.

Did you not seek help Siobhan? Would you advise your clients to seek help if they were injured and in pain?

So agree – sore bleeding nipples, blocked ducts, antibiotics for infections and abcesses that needed surgery and still i tried again on baby number two and three out of bad mammy guilt!! National “Its ok not to breast feed” week would also be great!!

I’m sadened to read this, I believe that done right breastfeeding is best for mum and baby. The problem lies with what is ‘right’? At times any activity that involves a baby can be exausting and frustrating – support at all times it very important. Medical support, for me, is not the way- support from nonjudgemental female friends who will not try guilting you if you make different choices to them.

The mind boggles. In Sweden you get looked at funny if you bottlefeed. This article has neglected to look at the supports available to help with breastfeeding. All this author has done is use a public forum to validate her decision

I think this article is a valid perspective on breast feeding but it must be part of a wider conversation. It’s bad biological luck that we try to have to start breast feeding when the Mom is at such a exhausted and vulnerable stage after childbirth. But just to add another perspective, if you can get through those awful first weeks (the author is right, it can be so painful and confusing) it is a really worthwhile. Forget all the holier than thou health stuff, it can be a really lovely experience for the mother as much as the child. We need a more honest supportive approach and we need to share the little tricks that can make it less painful to make it achievable for more mothers.

I think its a sad day when a female doctor in Ireland is so negative about breast feeding. Im Irish living in Australia which has an amazing positive attitude towards breast feeding. I was shocked at how few women choose to breast feed at home. It is an amazing event in a mother and childs life. Its not as easy as bottle feeding but then nothing worthwhile is ever easy !

Before formula was invented, though, what would you do if you “couldn’t” do it? Just not feed your child?

the breastapo are gonna be after you following this well written honest opinion on breast feeding. you are completely right to voice as a frustrated breastfeeding mother no matter what your profession.

Surely as a junior Doctor years you would know that if the latch is correct than bleeding nipples don’t occur. It’s even stated above! Thanks media, yet again for thwarting the attempts to normalise breastfeeding. If our ancestors had given up due to sore nipples would we be here? Typical attitude in this country, “if it ain’t easy, it aint worth doing”.

Perhaps her time wasted writing this would have been better spent in coming up with a support group or program for women who want to breastfeed. I had horrible issues at the start, first two weeks were grand but my little man had tongue tie. I caught lactation thrush, mastitis, nipple infections. Everything going because I was living in Australia I got HUGE support and help. Breastfeeding is not easy you have to learn how to latch your baby properly, how to unlatch the baby if it is hurting you, how to hold the baby in the right position so you can latch the baby properly, the baby is also learning. I was so innocent I just thought pop him on it will be grand. Easy as. Sure it’s nature. Ya right. As soon as I had someone to show me different ways I could hold my baby so I could get comfortable then how to hold my breast where to position my babies mouth we were like a duck to water in a matter of minutes. Women need SUPPORT & EDUCATION on how to breastfeed not here’s your baby away you go. Fathers of newborns and family members should be allowed to attend an education class for breastfeeding so they can give the support and encouragement to new mums. If a new mum wants to breastfeed my advise would be tell people not to visit you in hospital so you can concentrate on learning everything you can while you are there.if it hurts one single but then stop and start again it doesn’t hurt when your doing it correctly. You shouldn’t get blisters or bleeding nipple if your baby is latched on correctly. EDUCATION & SUPPORT before and after the baby is born is what is needed to help women to succeed with breastfeeding. Then if it is not for you or you can’t do it you can formula feed & know your doing the best for you and your baby.

We get the doctors we deserve. I don’t think 2 weeks is much if an effort to be honest. Breast feeding is not easy and can be painful but then that could be said about nearly anything. The child won’t die, we know kids grow up OK who weren’t breast fed but every single study has shown ( as far as I know) it’s better, there is no downside for the baby. It does not suit everyone and not everyone is able but I don’t think the doctor should be airing these types of view. Doctors should give the best advice not the outcome of their own feeble efforts.

I cannot get over the sanctimonious, ignoramus’s posting here. Bottle or breast it makes no odds whatsoever to the child. There is absolutely no scientific evidence that proves otherwise. Whatever works for mum, works for baby. I am the proud father of a 7 month old girl who was bottle fed from day 1. We pre planned this as I wanted to be able to feed and bond with her just as much as my wife. “Breast is best” brigade can move on and quit the bleeding heart martyr act.

Two weeks does not a breastfeeding expert make. Breastfeeding isn’t about being a martyr or none of us would ever do it. It does take work for the first few weeks as you and your baby get the hang of it, but the pay offs are fantastic. In the past our mothers, grandmothers, sisters and friends would all have helped us breastfeed. Those skills have been lost, so please please go to a breastfeeding class while pregnant, read some books about breastfeeding (try The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding or Baby-Led Breastfeeding), and head along to some of the many breastfeeding support groups there are around the country. Breastfeeding is one of the most worthwhile things I’ve ever done, I can’t encourage anyone enough to seek out the support you need in those early weeks to make it work.

I really find this article very sad and not at all helpful to first time mothers, even more so coming from a doctor. Yes, breast feeding can be hard, I had a very tough 6 weeks breast feeding my first child, but got through it knowing it is the normal way to feed a baby. Considering this person is in the medical profession, help should have know to her, in the form of lactation consultants and similar groups. They don’t even get a mention, no support groups at all. Most women cannot do it on their own.

I breasted two girls, no bleeding nipples, got into a feeding and sleeping routine very quickly, this is very negative coming from a doctor……hard enough to get women to try it!!

2/3 weeks really is not long enough to try it for, if it hurts your doing it wrong, simple. There a nipple shields that would help until women find what works.

Survived?

Not everyone gets bleeding nipples! And research has shown that in general bf mums get more sleep. I find it very disheartening that a health professional would come out with this, how is it going to improve our bf rates?!

Perhaps if you had gotten helpful advice you might have been able to resolve the issue and enjoy the breastfeeding experience. It is a shame for you personally that you didn’t and also for the women who will read this column and may not attempt to breastfeed or seek help with breastfeeding problems because of the comments you – a doctor – have made here. If Irish medical “professionals” were better educated regarding breastfeeding and how to help women experiencing difficulties you may have had a better experience and not be passing on your ill-educated solution to a problem created in part by a medical system that is to a large extent, in this regpositively ignorant.

No one can make you feel guilty but yourself. This is a very sad article by a very sad woman trying to justify to herself & the world that giving up breastfeeding was ok. Fair enough but that’s like telling an overweight person trying to lose weight that its ok that they failed. Don’t feel guilty, you tried your best, you’re health will be alright, you might suffer a bit of illness related to your poor diet but sure what about it.

The bf parade is turning into the god squad with their lack of respect for others views. Its not about getting numbers up. And there are benefits to both forms of feeding

Not only is it better for your child’s growth, mental and physical it is better for you, to become attached to your child. It is well researched. I feel this is a selfish article that is only thinking of yourself and not the benefits for a child. Further, the bleeding problems etc may be due to the fact that you are not doing it right??? Strt thinking about the child!

It can be very painful if you’re not doing it right. A good lactation consultant can fix the problem and bleeding nipples can heal in a couple of days.

It’s easy to wimp out of breastfeeding. Just get on with it. It’s what the twins are there for.

I’ve 2 beautiful nieces one was breast fed for 2 months my poor sister would be in tears breast feeding ah she was told she wasn’t doing it right by the nurses and everyone bleeding else she woke up when my eldest niece was 2 months old and went out and both baby formula!! My youngest niece bottle fed from start when my sister was put down for not she kindly told the nurse to F off!!!!

Apologies, the end of that sentence should have read “in this regard, to a large extent, positively ignorant”

I decided to breastfeed my baby for 5 months after hearing all of the benefits of breastfeeding from the nurses and in my prenatal classes.
However, none of them told me of how hard it can be.
You are completely drained, you end up doing all of the night feeds because pumping is a pain in the ass, you are constantly hungry and thirsty, you may suffer with low milk supply which stresses the baby, it takes a lot longer than bottle feeding. The list goes on.

In saying that, I would do it again because breast milk is easier for the baby to digest and has many conveniences. I just wish I had got a 360 view of breastfeeding from the medical profession rather than the “breast feeding is great and and formula feeding is not” approach. I am feeding my baby formula now and she is fine. Each to their own.

Great article. There seems to be a school of thought that if you don’t breast feed then you are a bad mother, but you are right it is soooo hard. That said i did it, for eight months on both mine- until they learned to bite, ouch. To this day i don’t know how I did it. It is very hard, it got better, but it hurts a lot at first. Someone told me it takes 3 weeks to get better, my baby was about a week old and I cried, how would I last three weeks? I did’t think I would make it. So i say great if you can do it, but if you can’t don’t listen to the nay sayers, it doesn’t make you a bad mother, and if you are less sleep deprived, less sore and calmer doesn’t that make you more able to cope with the constant demands of a new little person?

I went through all the same things. But I persevered. Because I personally felt it was worth it. We nursed for 16 months because if you actually give it a chance – it gets easier.

the author says she started to enjoy her baby when she stopped breastfeeding, but did her baby enjoy her after breastfeeding ceased??