A RECORD 408 babies were born to women aged 45 and older in 2023, it emerged last week.

That’s double the number of babies born to this cohort in 1973 – a significant change in the space of a couple of generations.

The average age at which Irish women give birth is climbing inexorably upwards. 

We wanted to hear the stories behind the statistics.

Housing, job pressure, relationships, finances, fertility – what’s at play in the decision to delay having children? What happens when people start trying to conceive later, and how do they feel about their experience in hindsight? 

We asked our readers to share their stories of delaying having children, and of having children later than they had hoped or expected.

Our sincere thanks to everyone who got in touch to help shed light on a topic that is still – as many of our readers noted in their emails to us – not much discussed.

Here’s what our readers told us. 

Fertility

While not all parents who responded to our callout had issues with fertility as their primary reason for having children later in life, it was nonetheless something encountered by many as they began trying for children.

Denise told The Journal that she had tried unsuccessfully for eight years with her husband to have a child. They had hoped to qualify for the government-funded IVF scheme but did not meet the criteria.

In 2023, they entered a competition that offered a full round of IVF as the prize – and in April of that year, were informed they had won. 

“To make a long story short, thanks to that incredible opportunity, our beautiful baby boy was born in May 2024,” she said. She was 43 and her husband was 53.

Another woman, Anna from Dublin, began trying for a child with her husband at the age of 31. A health issue arose and as she was awaiting surgery, she was advised not to try to conceive until she was 35, after the surgery. 

After a year, they were referred onto the public system for fertility treatment and were advised to begin IVF, which was not publicly available at the time. 

“We saved up and underwent IVF when I was 37,” she said, but it was unsuccessful. “We were completely dejected and tried alternative routes: acupuncture, Chinese medicine, neo fertility.”

They went back to IVF just before Anna turned 40, and it worked on the second go. She now has a “beautiful daughter”, and said she would tell her younger self not to give up on IVF – “especially now it’s available publicly”.

“It’s an emotional rollercoaster but it’s worth trying,” she added.

Among other women who delayed trying for children due to other reasons – housing, finances, relationships – several told us that when they began trying after the age of 35, they encountered difficulty. 

Biologically, as women reach their mid and late 30s, their eggs decline in number and quality. This can make it harder to conceive and bring an increased likelihood of miscarrying.

Jennifer* was 37 having her first child. She and her husband wanted to wait until they had their engagement, “wedding of our dreams in a destination venue, and a house we could call our home.”

She fell pregnant straight away when they began trying and had a baby girl. However, it wasn’t an easy birth and they delayed having a second child. A year and a half later, she was pregnant again but it ended in a very early miscarriage.

At 39, she fell pregnant, but it ended in a missed miscarriage.

“After the physical and emotional recovery from that, and still trying to heal, we started trying again. No joy. We’ve been trying for 4 months now,” she said. “I’m turning 40 soon and I just can’t believe how quickly the clock crept up on me.” 

She said having a child “has been the most amazing thing in my life and I wish we could add to our family.” 

Relationships

Another major theme was people reporting that they had settled down later for a variety reasons. Some had long-term relationships end as they were the age they would have considered beginning to try for children, while others simply met their partners later.

Another reason raised was men not facing the same time pressures to have children and choosing to delay. As Sarah, who had her first child at 36, put it: “A big factor was the fact my husband didn’t want to have children sooner.

“So while I hear frequent references to women delaying having children it frustrates me as I feel women are regularly reminded of their biological clocks whereas men are often excluded from these reminders.”

Another woman from Dublin, now aged 40, said she met her husband when she was 35 in 2021. 

“Prior to that I had panicked about not being able to meet anyone during the ongoing pandemic and chose to freeze my eggs,” she said. “We decided to start trying to have a baby in late 2022 and I fell pregnant almost immediately and had my daughter in 2023.

“I am now pregnant with my second baby.” She said most of her peers were keen to start trying to have children in their early thirties and it is her view that the primary reason causing women to delay having children is finding a man to commit to a relationship and raising a child. 

“I feel incredibly lucky! I got to wait for the right man and didn’t face any major obstacles in the end.

“There was a time when I thought I would have none of it.”

Another woman, now 48, said she always wanted children but her “choice of boyfriends” didn’t align with her desire for children. She met the man who is now her husband and they began trying for a baby, but due to her endometriosis and her slightly older age, they had to go through “gruelling” IVF.

“At the age of 39, we were blessed with a little girl,” she said. The couple tried for another child but were unsuccessful. “It breaks my heart when my now 9-year-old daughter tells me how much she wishes she could have a sister to play with.”

She said IVF remains a “taboo” subject for some and is extremely expensive. “We were blessed, but not everyone is as lucky as us.”

This was a sentiment shared by another woman, Mary*, who was in a long-term relationship that ended when she was 30.

She met her husband shortly afterwards and after several years together, their focus was on getting on the property ladder before trying for children. She became pregnant at the age of 35 but unfortunately went into labour early, and her baby died after being born.

She became pregnant again and had twins. Now aged 41, she said she is conscious that she did not face fertility issues that many other women do, and is glad that she did not have a child in her previous relationship. 

“I would have liked more children but the current issues around housing and childcare, along with my age now, I don’t believe it will happen.”

Rachel*, now aged 65, met her husband at the age of 35 and they married two years later. Their first attempt at having a child ended in a miscarriage when she was 38. “We were so sure we would never have children,” she said.

They had their first child the following year and a second two years later, when Rachel was 41. She said they would have liked to have more, “but felt, at 41, we were just too old”.

Their sons, aged in their mid-20s, still live with them as a result of the housing crisis.

“I can honestly say, having a second baby at 41, [it's] absolutely as old as you should be,” she said.

“[We] would love our boys to be gone from home, so we could enjoy unshared spaces and live the life we thought we’d live at 65.”

Regrets

Women who had their children in their early 40s faced different experiences: some felt they were older than they would’ve liked and said it was not something they would recommend, while others said having a child at that age meant they felt totally sure of their decision and had enough life experience to raise a child.

Lucy*, now 46, married her husband when she was 35, and both were unsure if they wanted children, but they decided to stop using contraception. At 37, they began investigating fertility and Lucy was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure.

“We were lucky to finally have a little boy after six rounds of IVF, including nine embryo transfers and three miscarriages. By then I was 42.

“I hate to admit this and would argue with anyone who dares to say it but I really feel it’s too old to have a baby. I don’t have as much energy for my son as I would like to and that is in spite of always having been very health-conscious and sporty.”

She said she is blessed to have had her son and would “never advise” another woman on when to have children – “but if someone asked me (or I could anonymously contribute to an article!), I would say you should at least consider all the angles and not be blasé about it like I was”.

Jeanette, however, had her second child at 41 and says she feels she’s a “far stronger mother” than she was when she had her first child at the age of 24.

“I don’t regret the timing of any of it,” she said. “I feel very blessed to have it all over again, tired but blessed.”

Mia* is in her 40s and is currently pregnant with her second child. She and her husband met when they were in their early 20s and struggled to save or to travel as they had hoped to during the financial crash.

“In our 30s coming from years of scrimping by, we spent our money on travelling, gigs and nice clothes,” she said. They had their first child after buying a home in their late 30s.

“I feel like I’m at a level of maturity to be a mother. Whereas I definitely wouldn’t have been in my 20s or early 30s.”

Being financially secure means she can take a year out of work, which is important to her as she and her husband don’t have the option of asking family for help, and creches in her area don’t take babies until they’re a year old.

“Benefits for families have improved in the last few years so I’m glad I had children later. I think if I had kids in my 20s or early 30s I would have been more stressed about childcare and leave entitlement,” she added.

Housing

Something that many people strive to achieve before they begin to try for a child is secure housing – whether they own a home or have a secure rental agreement. 

The age at which people have children in Ireland is rising at a time when home ownership is declining. The average age at which people take out their first mortgage is now 35, according to the Banking and Payments Federation of Ireland.

A number of women said they had, along with their partners, decided to prioritise their hunt for a home and subsequent renovations.

Karen* had her son when she was 39. She began trying for a baby when she was 33 years old, but ultimately it took five years and two rounds of IVF.

“I couldn’t even dream of having a child earlier than 33-34, when we started trying, because we wouldn’t have been able to afford a house,” she said.

Support for parents in Ireland is “really poor”, she added.

“If you don’t have help from family, it’s simply impossible,” she said.

Thirty-nine-year-old Brian*, from Dublin, also said he and his wife delayed having children until they had a family home. They had lived in an apartment, but once they received their mortgage approval his wife became pregnant.

They had their first child at the age of 35, followed by a second. He said they would have liked to have children earlier and to have another child, but feel at 39 it is too late.

Michelle, aged 39, is currently pregnant. She said she chose to delay having children as she “wanted to be as financially secure as possible before bringing a child into this world”.

She inherited a house – and says she “definitely would not have had children” otherwise. 

Michelle and her partner spent two years trying to conceive but, as someone who works in education, she says she’s “extremely nervous about the future”.

“Climate change, war, diminishing resources, bullying in school, the increase in sexual violence towards women, AI, increasing childcare costs” are all worries for her, but she said she’s “delighted” to be readying herself to have her baby.

Elizabeth*, aged 34, and her husband lived in a “tiny apartment” before they moved to their current home, and they decided that they wouldn’t try for children until they had somewhere “suitable” to live.

Now actively trying to conceive for over a year, they were referred to the HSE fertility hub but were rejected.

“I guess we didn’t expect it to be such a struggle,” she said.

“If I could go back in time I would have started trying at age 29 when we were in the small rental apartment. Security of housing was a big factor for us but I am sure we would have made it work.”

*Some names have been changed.