I HAVE A 13-year-old daughter, who recently got her first phone. My husband and I have always been strict with regards to screen time.

We come at it from two specific viewpoints. His, a teacher, who sees the increasing effect screen addiction is having on his students. Mine, a HR professional, who sees the effect technology is having on social skills, collaboration, mental health and belonging.

Getting our daughter off the phone has become a familiar daily battle. We have transparent rules – no phone in the bedroom, clear curfews, a daily screen limit and no social media – yet, it’s tough and we regularly feel like the bad guys.

We comfort ourselves somewhat that the science is becoming clearer, and our “strictness” is being defended. The hit Netflix show Adolescence has also helped with regards to waking up fellow parents, as sometimes being strict with screens felt like a lonely place. 

“The more children scroll, the less they smile”, is an anecdote supported by therapists and educators.  Heavy social media use is linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and mood swings—especially in adolescents.

The new cigarettes?

Media is literally rewiring our brains, as Norman Doidge demonstrates in the book “The Brain That Changes Itself”. He points out the detrimental effect gaming and TV have on our very plastic brains. Jonathan Haidt brings this a step further in his book “The Anxious Generation”. He calls it “the Great Rewiring of Childhood”.

My daughter’s attitude to her phone is making me reflect on my own mindset. As parents we are aware how we feel after a day of heavy phone use, yet we seem to be delaying real action with our children. I’ve been wondering is it as simple as any socially acceptable addiction – it’s hard to kick!

I thought I would put on my coaching hat and reflect on this habit. What if we built new norms around tech use — not to shame ourselves, but to set ourselves free? What if we support our children to control an element of their mental wealth, which is very much within their power?

Our brains are plastic; they can be rewired, and sometimes brainwashed. What if we take our power back and learn to rewire them for the benefit of ourselves, our families and society? What if we treat our phones like we would cigarettes? The comparisons are endless.

In the 1930s, cigarettes were seen as cool, glamorous and normal. Doctors even endorsed them! I fully believe that future generations will look back with horror at our attitude to smartphones.

In the 1960s, cigarettes were officially linked to lung cancer and heart disease. Society is only recently becoming aware of not only the detrimental effects of phones on our minds, but also the content that is being “driven” to us and how that is affecting the current political environment. If we were to measure the current attitude to mobile phones to the attitude journey of cigarettes, I would guess that we are at this stage.

In the 1970s and 1980s awareness grew about the dangers of smoking, but it wasn’t until the late 1990s and early noughties that the “stigma” arrived. From the 2010s, social isolation and regulation appeared. I hope that we are not 50 years away from a healthy attitude to our technological addictions!

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Starting at home

If the analogy has resonated with you, let’s take it further to support your family by reducing the addiction to smartphones and increasing mental wealth. Some tips:

• Smoking isn’t acceptable at the dinner table anymore; therefore, phones shouldn’t be either. Smoke breaks happen outside. Do the same with phones and take intentional “scroll breaks” away from others.

• We keep smoking out of the bedroom, so let’s replace bedtime scrolling with something much more relaxing.

• We rarely see people smoking in confined spaces with children anymore. We are so aware of their clean, little lungs. Imagine if we were equally aware of children’s clean, little brains and how we are role modelling scrolling.

• We don’t light up as soon as we wake up. Try 30 minutes of calm brain time before screen time.

• Try phone-free zones in your house in the vein of smoking-free zones.

As a coach, when I am trying to set new habits, I do the following:

• Raise my Awareness: If I think of my phone like a cigarette, what do I notice about my habits?

• Boundaries: Take it little by little. Set small, clear rules (like no phones in bed or at meals)

• Replacement: Breaking habits are made easier when we relace the habit with something else. Choose “clean air”, like playing cards with the family instead of zoning out on phones.

• Community: Involve family or friends—make it a shared reset, a fun challenge, not a punishment. Gamify it by comparing screen times per week and having a “prize” for the lowest and a “challenge” for the highest.

• Compassion: Any behaviour change requires compassion. This isn’t about shame. It’s about freedom, presence and creating an environment where you and your family can thrive.

Thinking of my phone as a cigarette has been working for me. My screen time is down, and I am more mindful about picking it up.

Can you imagine a world where you and your family take your power back from this encroaching mental wealth issue?

Where you look up instead of light up!

Steph Brady creates strategic, high-impact HR initiatives that foster growth and engagement at every level of an organisation. Supporting clients to build workplaces that thrive. She is also a Business and Personal Coach to private clients. More on LinkedIn and Instagram.