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AS THE SUMMER break draws almost to a close, how has it been for you and your family?
If like many, you dread the juggle of working and entertaining kids, it can lead to long, exhausting days. When you take a moment to think about it, it is a pretty impossible equation; 24 hours a day you work, cook, be a snack provider, entertain children… there literally aren’t enough hours in the day.
And let’s be clear about work — work for parents is both paid formal employment and unpaid work of keeping a home ticking over.
As mothers in Italy this week pushed for shorter summer breaks, it’s worth looking at ways in which we can at least make the summer a bit more manageable for all.
My experience as a therapist is that summers can be exceptionally long for families with children with additional needs and diagnoses. To have the capacity for your child’s needs and tolerate the parenting that is demanded from you, your self-care is vital. I hope you glean some tips here for the next couple of weeks and hopefully, for future summer breaks.
The summer holidays in Ireland are particularly long compared to those of our fellow parent companions across the water and up north. English holidays are roughly five weeks, while the Scottish are about six weeks; perhaps too short for some and not long enough for others. And whatever you feel about the length of holidays, every parent has their parenting limits, which are often maxed out before the summer even begins.
Whichever camp you fall into (holidays too short, holidays too long) or whether you dance a merry dance between the two, here’s some tips to help ease the mental and logistical load and keep on the right side of those parenting limits.
While the routine of school and afterschool activities can be a whirlwind, when children are out of school, the usual routines are disrupted, and the demands on parents’ time and energy increase significantly. This can be particularly taxing for working parents who must juggle their professional responsibilities with the need to keep their children engaged and entertained.
Burnout can present physically but also emotionally, and it’s important to remember that it’s the quality, not quantity, of your parenting that makes the real difference. A simple way of working out the summer is to ask yourself, “what do I need to do to get through?”.
Remember that you are the most important person in your life and your family. Those around you are at their best because of you. So this means you, realistically (remember there are only so many hours in the day), figuring out what you need, to be well. To do this, think of the things you can do that fill your internal reservoir. This might be a cup of tea alone in the mornings, a walk, catching up with friends, reading, music, the gym, your yoga or pilates class, a morning meditation… even an afternoon nap!
Whatever makes you feel replenished is the thing you’ve to keep going throughout the summer. These moments for you don’t have to cost anything, but if you don’t do them, then they will come at a cost to you and your family. And yes, there are so many reasons why you could use your time to do other things, or why you’re too busy for these things.
But if you don’t mind you, then who will? And we are mirroring how to cope with life and stress to our children too, so there’s another reason to make you a priority. So once you’ve made a little space for you in your life, let’s think about making the logistics work too. And this bit is a bit of a juggle between your needs and the children’s needs, but it’s important to keep at the front of your mind that when you’re OK, children are OK.
Children feel how you feel, so making the logistics work for you is making great headway into making it work for your children too. Are you a person who needs structure and a schedule? Then make one! Even scheduling “free time” for the children might help reduce your stress. Pick certain times/activities/day trips/holidays/games at home that will provide the fun and memorable summer that you’re looking to create.
The pressure to provide a fun and memorable summer can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, further exacerbating burnout, and make sure that you pick things that you like doing with your children. Secure attachment and happy children are all about families who have fun together. When you’re with the kids, be with the kids distraction-free. Turn off the phone/put it on silent/turn off notifications. That’s easier said than done if you’re waiting for your teen to tell you when they need to be collected, but not impossible, either.
Lean on friends and family. I know people say there’s no parenting village, no tribe, but most people have friends and/or family they can ask for a dig out. Share responsibilities.
Children can also do things that are helpful! Yes, it takes time to show them these skills, but whether it’s loading dishwashers or washing machines, pairing socks, stripping beds or putting clothes into (not around or vaguely in the vicinity of) the wash basket, children can help out. And making sure these are done before screen time can be incredibly motivating too.
And finally – set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. What we’re aiming for is good enough parenting. There is no escaping the fact that children need to spend time with their parents, but this doesn’t have to come at a cost to you. Parenting is time and emotionally consuming, so parent in the way that feels right for you. When you find your good enough spot, it helps your child feel that they are good enough too. Enjoy the last couple of weeks, savour the time as once school kicks back in, we’re all back on the merry-go-round. Go gently.
If you or someone you know needs to talk to somebody professional about this topic, make sure that you go to a qualified and accredited professional. The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy www.iacp.ie has a register of qualified, accredited and experienced counsellors and psychotherapists nationwide.
Bethan O’Riordan, Psychotherapist and author of the Self-Care Planner, how to live a balanced life. www.bethanoriordan.com
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I was very impressed, Well done to all concerned.
@David Huston: Well that was the objective i’m sure.
@David Huston: I only saw it on TV3 channels.
The private sector did not know if they would get paid or not if they didn’t risk their lives travelling to work on Monday including building sites even in the worst affected areas.
@Jay Lane: Government should have ordered all businesses to close.
@Eamonn Sheen: they don’t have the power to do that
@Hurt Stoogie: They have the power to ban any employers from punishing an employee for not going out in a red warning.
@Hurt Stoogie: Gardaí where I live visited all local businesses and made them close
@Sandra Turner: What businesses they close & what power would they had to make them close?
@Sandra Turner: Bullshit. Gardai have no such powers.
@Cian O Donoghue: even if they don’t have official power I’d be shocked if any reputable business stayed open after a Garda visit advising not to open for safety of staff and customers
@the phantom: how many gardai would it take to get that done????
@Cian O Donoghue: doesn’t public safety have precedence?
@Jay Lane: my sister works for the private sector and got a text message not to come into work. I work for the public sector and I got no such message and went into work.
The national emergency may not have materialised nation wide on this occasion but the procedures put in place worked well and a bualadh bos is deserved for all concerned…let’s hope the expertise is in place for more serious incidents such as another nuclear disaster at windscale or a flu/disease pandemic.
@winston smith: This is the first i’m finding out about this service.. i don’t have tv and don’t listen to radio, so this emergency broadcast is useless in reaching me. in fact, only for my mother going onto facebook to check in with my workplace, i would have been out at the peak of the storm!
warnings like this need to be far more generalised – as others have said, take mobile phone operators into account as well.. THAT would reach me.
at 30, i don’t bother with tv, radio, or social media usage…my old facebook account is basically for stuff that forces a sign-in. if i didn’t need it for things like the journal, i would get rid (and nope, i don’t have twitter, or whatsapp, or instagram, or whatever else is popular currently).
i get my news from newspapers and the journal. (not a technophobe, just not into social media, etc)
@Mirabelle Stonegate: in fairness, I’d say you’re very much in the minority as a person who doesn’t watch TV or listen to radio. Also you use the journal which had plenty of warnings.
@Mirabelle Stonegate: so.the numerous articles the journal.had warning us and telling us of the red alert was lost on you because tou don’t watch tv or listen to the radio…..
@Mirabelle Stonegate: ya, good man, you’re 30 and mammy is checking to see if you have school in the morning.
@Mirabelle Stonegate: do you realize how dumb you sound. When a Hurricane is approaching you should be looking for news and updates yourself. Depending on your Mother at age 30 is pathetic. I hope she is not depending on you.
@Aine O Connor: I didnt ask her to do that, she did it herself and then rang me.
I was keeping an eye on the journal and the like, but im in a very new job, and still on probation. Im used to working for a company that doesnt care two whits about its employees, so i was of the mind that i needed to get to work no matter what, to ensure i kept my job. I was genuinely shocked that, not only did my new employer close for the day, but that they are still paying us.
A friend at my old company got stuck in england because of the storm and didnt get home until tuesday. They have issued him with a written warning, even though this is the first time he has ever had to call off work in 5 years. The same company gave me a stern talking to for missing a week and a half of work due to a broken wrist. My doctor recommended i be off for 4-6 weeks, but i was told that they couldnt guarantee i would have a job if i stayed off that long. This sort of employer is why i would have been out in the peak of the storm had my mother not thought to check social media.
Unless i were to move home to my parents, i have absolutely no way of getting tv channels in my house. Ive also never really cared for radio, i hated trying to tune as a kid, and now with internet based streaming, it never works right for me.
And im not just talking about for somethinglike a storm that this should be generalised. I check the news when i wak up, and again when i go to bed. If i think of it, i check during the day.
Or what about people who are out of the country? My parents were away earlier in the year, and knew nothing about a couple of the terror attacks that happened at that time, as they make a point not to watch the news whilst on holiday. I know other people who are the same, andignore the news whilst abroad. A text-based system would reach those people.
@Mirabelle Stonegate: so you don’t watch or listen to anything broadcast but you’re upset if you don’t get a broadcast warning?
@Mirabelle Stonegate:
I have a 30 year old daughter and she was constantly in touch with me as I live alone to check that I was ok. Do you get my drift.
These red alerts should come up every time Michael Martin is on TV
@Shaun Gallagher: crazy comment but I do agree. Nothing politician.
@Shaun Gallagher: who is Micheal Martin?
Hmm didn’t see the warning but rarely watch Irish channels.
This should be done on the mobile networks. Regionally or national. The mechanism is already in place with all operators but not licensed. Whilst the alert on tv screens was better than nothing, its from an era when we were all watching Glenroe on sunday eve.
@Colum Cusack: we’ll all the news apps I have sent push notifications.
@Deborah Behan: *well stupid autocorrect
It should use the mobile messaging network to notify all mobile users. It’s a bit old school to broadcast a message on TV. What percentage of the population will be watching TV if there’s a national emergency at 10am?
There was nothing on Netflix
@⚡ Seánie ⚡: Same here – I guess the national emergency is only for those who decide to pay €180 a year.
@⚡ Seánie ⚡: There never is anything on Netflix
@Malachi: you do need to connect to the internet first but I would admit it will probably not work on your 14.4 modem.
What if the lecky is the first thing to go??
@Tony Murphy: On Sunday night? I suppose they’d continue to broadcast to areas with electricity. You can get radios with batteries in Euro shops now.
Should probably show it on stations people actually watch. Rte could show a flash message of “get free money” and nobody would see it. Close them down. Waste of money!
I have a strong feeling that July 2018 will be a busy month in Ireland’s maternity hospitals.
@Mickelodian Ranks: All with the middle name of Ophelia?
So that’s what we pay the tv license for?! :P
Yeah.. there was no proper warnings for the deaf community! I had to rely on online written news instead of the tv! No subtitles, no ISL… ireland is so backwards when it comes to providing proper services for deaf people
@Ruth McCann: To be fair, journal, FB, Twitter, emergency texts all served both deaf and non deaf people equally.
@Ruth McCann: what’s wrong with the signing
at 6 o’clock news
With almost everyone in the country having a mobile device would it not make sense to also send a message to all mobile devices?
Someone removed the ! From the rte notice just after..
I lived in Florida for 20 years. Seen plenty of hurricanes. I would give the emergency centre a “B” grade. More definitive instructions on what workers should do regarding a Red warning could have been given. This would apply especially for government employees, such as HSE and other critical services. A continuous crawl on all TV channels would have been helpful, too many surfers changing channels to ensure they read a momentary bulletin. Lastly, the EBS must include cable providers. Let’s face it, with hundreds of channels on offer not everyone is tuned into RTE in spite of what RTE might believe.
Was the man crying into his cup of tea part of the message
@Brian Harney: Seems an odd choice of screensaver all right. Is his name Hamlet?
WOW, they actually think people still watch this stuff? Put it on netflix etc. and people might actually have seen it.
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