Emer McLysaght Author and journalist

WELL, IT’S FINALLY happened. I found the thing on the internet that’s too woke.

Let me set the scene.

I, a chronically online person, became aware of a story doing the rounds and stoking debate on the internet. A lesbian bar in western Massachusetts had announced that it was lifting its long-established Covid mask mandate for one night a week; on a Saturday masking will now be optional rather than mandatory.

Reactions online ran from surprise at any business that’s not a medical facility still implementing a mask policy, to a more concentrated number expressing concern and, in some cases, fury that the establishment would choose to place immunocompromised and disabled people at risk.

“Hmm,” I thought, “One night a week seems like an okay compromise to me, especially given the bar is struggling financially, but I’m neither a lesbian nor immunocompromised, so my opinion isn’t really relevant here.”

To be clear, the fury over the lifting of the Saturday night mask mandate at a small-town queer bar in Massachusetts is not the thing that had me screaming “that’s too woke”. (Although Noor Noman, writing for MS Now, provides nuanced commentary about how reactions like this actually undermine the disability movement while also highlighting how few lesbian bars there are remaining in the US).

What actually broke me was the person who commented on an Instagram post about the news and said they hoped the bar gets “firebombed for robbing my fellow immunocompromised of their Saturday plans just to scrape extra revenue from ableists”. It didn’t take long for the internet to identify this take as deranged, and then dig up some other opinions from the commentator including one which claims that:

“Irish people are the only people who should be drinking milk, because of its cultural connotations. All of these other varieties of European ethnicities need to either eat their own cultural foods, appreciate the food sovereignty of the Irish, or stop appropriating altogether.”

“Oooof”, I exhaled, “that’s it, that’s the one, that’s too woke for me”.

Being “woke” is often categorised as a negative, usually by those with more conservative views. I am proudly woke; I have awareness of and am in broad support of social justice issues. If a business requires me to wear a mask, I’ll wear a mask no questions asked. If you ask me if trans men are men and trans women are women, I’ll say yes. However, if you ask me to receive the information that people other than Irish people drinking milk is cultural appropriation and not hoot with laughter then I will betray my woke ideals and say “no, that is too far”. 

Mad for the milk

I am grateful for this batshit take for leading me down a rabbit hole of discovery about Irish people, dairy and colonialism though. I didn’t know, for example, that Irish people have one of the lowest rates of lactose intolerance in the world (okay, the lead Google search result for this is the National Dairy Council, but there is science to back it up).

I also learned that dairy consumption and colonialism go hand in hand, and read some of The Vegan Society of Ireland’s most recent comments on the promotion of dairy as a “nutrient rich package”.

This sent me on the hunt for more information about the national herd and climate change, and I read The Journal’s fact-checking deep dive What is the real story about Ireland’s cows? So, I suppose, I should thank the firebomb/milk wokester for sending me on this journey of discovery and education.

The swiftness with which the internet moved from the lesbian mask story to the Irish milk claims has been remarkable, and the sarcastic responses have been deeply enjoyable. One user on Threads wrote:

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“Guys, I’m confused, can you bring an iced coffee to the Covid conscious lesbian bar or do you need to be ethnically Irish.”

While another quipped:

“Aren’t we appropriating milk from baby calves?”

Wherever you stand on the dairy discourse, I think we can all agree that protecting ourselves and other from Covid and other easily communicable diseases is essential. Flu and Covid vaccines are now available for this winter season, coughing and sneezing into your elbow is still the only acceptable way to behave in public (although nobody appears to have informed any of the people I share public transport with), and if you’re asked to wear a mask then wear a mask.

Signed, the woke mob.

What’s good this week

• Nesrine Malik, writing in The Guardian, asks “who is your Uber driver on the phone to?” in Welcome to the long, long diaspora phone call

• This Thread about tourists encountering sound heads on arrival in Ireland

• The news that Operation Mincemeat is coming to Ireland. You can sign up for the presale here (and try not to get triggered by the fact that they’ve grouped us under “UK tour”

• Play old school Solitaire alone, but simultaneously with people all over the world

• Dublin’s Lighthouse Cinema has confirmed that it will be showing You Can See Everything, the Nathan Fielder/Elizabeth Holmes documentary when it’s released next month.

Coveting

• These IKEA stackable floor cushions. They’re categorised under the children section, but there’s not a child in sight in my house, and I’d have them as a footstool/extra seating.

• This leather, Irish made plant hanger from Buan Crafts currently on sale for €15.

Enemy of the Week

This guy.

Emer will be back next Friday morning with more recommendations.