THERE’S SOMETHING A little bit special happening in NUI Galway at the moment and I’m really pleased to have been able to play a part in bringing it about. A few months back, I was approached by Please Talk, a national campaign for third level institutions which aims to raise awareness of mental health and encourage more open conversation on the subject. As I’m both an Ambassador for See Change, the group who initiated the campaign, and a member of staff at NUI Galway, I was well placed to get the project off the ground.
Mental health is something we all have, and something we all have to look after, but very often it falls way down our list of priorities, and we ignore it until suddenly something goes wrong. It’s not a subject we like to talk about, and rarely do we wait to hear the answer to the standard Irish greeting of, ‘How’s it going?’ On the rare occasions that someone does answer honestly, and admit that all may not be well, we tend to panic. We rush to fill the gap, either with platitudes, or with well meaning but not always helpful comparisons with our own situation. Or, we don’t know what to say at all. Talking about mental health can be an absolute minefield for the uninitiated.
It’s hard to admit
I’d like to think I’m fairly well initiated – I’ve been blogging for almost two years now about my own experience of living with mental health difficulties. It’s been something of a rollercoaster. During that time, there have been periods of stability interspersed with periods when I really struggled. When I’m not well, everything suffers – my ability to be a parent to my kids, to be a wife, to be a friend, to be an employee – literally, everything.
Something that also suffers is my ability to communicate. Often it is at the times when I most need support that I find myself least able to talk. Even now, after two years of blogging about it, and countless conversations on the subject, there will be times when the simple act of asking for help is beyond me, and the old senses of shame, guilt and embarrassment will take hold again. Those are the days when I’ll hide behind my PC at work avoiding eye contact, or retreat behind closed doors at home. Those who know me well know by now that when I go radio silent for a while, it’s generally not a good sign.
What I have learned over the years, repeatedly, (and yes, am still learning) is that this behaviour simply does not help. It feels like the right thing to do, and it’s certainly what I want to do. But what I actually need is the exact opposite.
Admitting to someone, to anyone, that I’m not feeling great is really, really hard. I don’t like to say it to my husband, because we’ve been through so much the last few years and I really struggle with the pressure it puts on him when I’m not well. I don’t like to say it to my friends, because they all have their own lives to contend with. I certainly don’t like to say it at work, because I don’t want to be treated any differently. I don’t like being someone who occasionally has to be more proactively managed. I don’t want my colleagues to feel on edge around me.
Not speaking about a problem doesn’t mean you avoid it
But here’s the thing. Much and all as I don’t want any of the above, the alternative – not saying anything – makes it infinitely worse. Perhaps unsurprisingly, all of the things that I try to avoid by saying nothing are likely to happen any way.
My husband can read me like a book and is generally aware of a change in my form before I am. My friends want to help. My colleagues are very aware of my history, but to date, as far as I know, it hasn’t caused significant problems for them. Some days I’m a little quieter than others but apart from that, there is little they will see outwardly that would indicate there’s a problem. I don’t tend to run crying from the room. I don’t throw things. Mostly I just get a little unfocused, a little forgetful, and very withdrawn. My manager will always notice when my work slips and pull me up on it, but he is also aware of my history, and, over the course of the last year or so, we’ve worked out a reasonable means of managing times when I’m not functioning as well as we’d both like.
I’m going somewhere with all of this, I promise! I desperately want people to help when I’m struggling, but how can I expect that to happen if I won’t admit what’s going on? I need my manager to understand at times when my performance may not be up to speed, but if I don’t tell him, how will he know? How can we take steps to make things easier? It’s one thing to want help. It’s another ball game entirely to ask for it. But if I’ve learned nothing else from the last two years, it’s that putting my hand up and admitting I’m not feeling great is usually the first step to making things better. The key to all of this is talking.
Many people are struggling with similar issues
This is why it seemed such a good idea to try and bring Please Talk onto campus, and why the campaign was extended to include staff as well. Quite apart from all of the above, and what I’ve learned about managing my own situation, blogging has also shown me just how many people are struggling with similar issues. People want to talk to me about it, because I’ve talked about it.
There are three groups that See Change recognise as being particularly vulnerable to the stigma that still shrouds mental health – men aged 18 to 24, farmers and people living in rural communities, and people in the workplace. Please Talk provides an opportunity to reach two of these three populations in the form of NUI Galway students and employees. That’s approximately 20,000 people, who are now being encouraged to talk, to check in with each other, to admit to difficulty, and to seek help when it’s needed.
The response that the campaign has had to date has been overwhelmingly positive, and extremely encouraging in terms of the efficacy of the work that has been done the last few years to encourage people to be more open about mental health difficulties. I really get the sense that there is genuine drive and enthusiasm to bring about change when it comes to mental health. As part of the Please Talk project, a website was set up with a page dedicated to sharing staff and student experiences with mental health issues, and some incredibly powerful stories have already been submitted. Maybe I’m being naive, but I think that this has the potential to be the start of something really special.
Every one of us has a role to play in breaking the cycle of stigma
There’s no doubt in my mind that this will be a slow process – what we’re asking is a major cultural mindshift in a large institution. But with time, with encouragement, with training, it’s possible and NUI Galway is in a unique position to become an exemplar of the cultural mindshift needed nationwide. Each and every one of us has a role to play in breaking the cycle of stigma, and I hope that Please Talk, and the combined efforts of the NUI Galway population, will go a long way towards doing just that.
For more information see: Please Talk NUI Galway or Please Talk .
Fiona Kennedy is a 30(ish) year old, happily married, mam of two, living in a small town in Connemara. She has two crazy dogs, wonderful friends and a loving, supportive family. She also has borderline personality disorder and occasional depression and blogs about this at Sunny Spells and Scattered Showers. You can follow her on Facebook or Twitter @SunnyScattered. Fiona is an Ambassador for See Change – the national movement to change minds about mental health, ‘one conversation at a time’.
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