A LEAKED TOUR rider for musician Jack White showed the world that he’s VERY particular about things like guacamole, doesn’t want bananas on tour, and that it can cost $80k to get him to play a gig.

After he was unmercifully mocked for his stipulations in the document, he has taken to his website to respond.

The former White Stripes guitarist has written a scathing open letter about the rider (which, for those who aren’t familiar with the word, is a contract of demands from a musician for a venue).

He was spurred on to write it after NPR highlighted his very specific guacamole recipe, though in fairness they had a chef explain that White knows his guac.

“Nonsensical”

In the letter, which you can read in full on his Third Man Records website, he says “here’s the real deal, and hopefully it’ll explain this nonsensical scenario and we can move on with our lives. (or what have you)”.

He outlines that he has “no specific demands in my dressing room” (he doesn’t have much love for correct capitalisation, either):

i know i could ask for lots of things but i actually don’t ask for ANYTHING. i take with me what i need, and that ain’t much. anything on the rider is for the band and the crew. this “guacamole recipe” is my hilarious tour managers inside joke with the local promoters, it’s his recipe, not mine. it’s just something to break up the boredom, seeing who can make it best. though i wouldn’t know because i’ve never had it. i can’t even make kool aid let alone cook any real food enough to have a “recipe.” sorry, i don’t have that talent.

He said he isn’t annoyed at the students at Oklahoma University who leaked the rider, though he is disappointed at them.

people don’t understand what a rider is or what the terms of a contract are. they’re out of their element, and you can’t blame them for it. and people who write about that know this. people WANT a rider to be a list of demands that a diva insists occur lest he or she refuse to play a note of music.

So there you go.

Read: A college newspaper published Jack White’s ridiculous rider and Jack White isn’t happy>