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Dublin: 9°C Monday 29 November 2021

8 text messages that strike fear in the heart of any Irish person

Including the stone-cold “cool”, from someone who clearly doesn’t want to chat.

Image: Unsplash

“YOU LEFT THE immersion on again!!! X”

Nothing quite compares to the rampant fear that can course through your entire body after reading an accusatory text from your mam, other half, or worst of all – your boss.

Texts like these can inspire the same degree of cold sweat that only waking up to five missed calls or the completely unplanned absence of an alarm can compare to.

Here are a few that will always instill a feeling of intense dread, deep in your stomach.

1. From your mam: “Call me ASAP”

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Why the urgency, Mam? Immediately assuming that someone has probably died, the reality is that this kind of message often results in a very calm voice on the other line asking something as mundane, “What would you like for dinner on Sunday?” Like most mams, she doesn’t quite realise that these things can be discussed easily over text.

2. From your colleague: “Are you not in today?”

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You’ve been happily snoozing in bed when your phone inevitably buzzes and you recognise a name that you only ever usually see during your working hours. Whether you were rostered in or not, these kind of texts always start to make you doubt yourself. Is it worth checking in with your boss to confirm that it is, in fact a Saturday? Surely not.

3. From your other half: “It’s fine, don’t worry about it”

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Their words might say that everything is fine, but you know them well enough to know that these words don’t exactly indicate that you’re in their good books at the moment. Maybe if you look closely enough at the text there might be hints as to why? Maybe they’ll send smoke signals? Either way, things seem distinctly not fine and you are worried.

4. From your classmate: “Have you studied for this?”

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You’ve barely made it in (or worse, you’re still contemplating whether to leave your bed) when your slightly more studious classmate reminds you that there’s a test planned for the poor sinners who have bothered to show up today. On what exactly? Ten percent of your grade for the year, you say Orla? Fantastic stuff.

5. From your best friend: “Where did you go last night?”

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We’ve all been guilty of pulling a well-timed Irish goodbye, but waking up to your best friend wondering why you didn’t say bye is probably an indication that things went south after your left. Hopefully you just wandered off to get yourself a generous dose of curry cheese chips and not to a taxi with that ex they hate (and who you probably should too).

6. From your boss: Em, anything

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Despite the fact that they’re probably asking do you want coffee or wishing you the best for your root canal, you always seem to misread it as “You’re fired.” (To the point, at least). See also: texts outside work hours. Unless they’re sweet nothings about all the great work you did that week, leave it until Monday morning or after my holiday please.

7. From your housemate: “Is this yours?”

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Is WHAT mine? And why is the photo taking so long to load? Oh yes, that is in fact my previously pristine white shirt you threw your red boxers into a wash with and turned pink. That now-empty whiskey bottle you offered to your guests was also pretty expensive, but always good to be generous with other people’s stuff, I suppose.

8. From someone you’re interested in: “Cool”

igor-starkov-537079-unsplash Source: Unsplash

Despite that essay you wrote pretending to be interested in their favourite TV show, they’ve sent back a message that has stopped your conversation absolutely dead in its tracks. With that, any chance of a date between you withers away and the last few weeks of messaging back and forth seem extremely pointless. Nothing ‘cool’ about that.

Here’s a text that will help you destress by keeping you on top of your finances – Ulster Bank customers can get text alerts that let them know if their accounts hits an upper or lower limit which they have set. Customers can also receive weekly balance alerts at a given time each week. It’s just one of their brilliant mobile banking app features, which also include Get Cash and Pay Your Contacts

UB T&CS Text Piece 1

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