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ST VALENTINE’S DAY is just around the corner.
In the spirit of the season, we asked our readers to get in touch to share their experiences of online dating.
We heard from daters ranging from their 20s to their 60s, each with their own unique stories to share about navigating the dating world in the 21st century.
For some, online dating has been a nightmare. Prospective matches have dropped off the face of the earth (ghosting), pretended to be someone they weren’t (catfishing), or were just plain incompatible.
Others, though, have struck gold, and a lucky crossing of paths online has led to long-lasting love in the real world.
Among the stories we received were thoughts and moments like:
Some submissions have been edited for length.
I have friends who have met online and stayed together but they are the exception and not the rule! Online dating is a soul destroying experience and I’m sure it’s the same for the guys out there. There are photos used that are 10+ years old or group photos so you don’t know which one he is. A lack of information and fake profiles make it a minefield!
When you actually get talking to someone they may become hostile, rude or ghost you – my personal favourite!
The world of speed dating, singles running clubs and mixers has had a rebirth as people want to meet actual people, see them and chat. It’s far more social and I’ve made some good female friends from such events. I’m still looking, but not online – I just can’t put myself through that again.
My flatmate talked me into downloading Tinder back in early 2014. It was my first time trying a dating app. I was in my late 20s.
I couldn’t quite make out a picture of a guy that was within about a three or four-mile radius and around the same age. I thought to myself, he might be cute, so I took a chance and swiped right. And he was, but in an unassuming way, as in not a huge amount of effort went into the pics he chose on his profile, and I guess I kind of liked that too. So he was my first “Tinder date”.
Eleven years later, we live in the same area, except together in our own house! We had a son, got married and now have a wee girl on the way too. Thank God I swiped right!
I’ve been lucky enough to meet the woman I love and am about to marry in April, through the media of online dating.
I’ve been very, very lucky.
I’ve had some great experiences that were a lot of fun, and a little risque at times. Before I met my current partner, of course.
That’s not to say that I’ve always had good experiences with dating online. I’ve had one or two pretty awful or awkward dates. But them’s the breaks as they say, and in reality, it’s no different than meeting someone at a party or in a bar or wherever.
Online dating is the end of romance. I have been on and off the apps since 2020 and it is one dating disaster after another. People these days can’t just say to you, ‘thank you, that was nice, but don’t see it going any further’. Or worse, they will text you for weeks, as if they are looking for a penpal, then never ask you out. You will be talking to someone and they will just unmatch you for absolutely no reason.
I will be voluntarily staying single because what’s out there on offer is trash.
Situationships and people who don’t want to commit, always looking for something better.
I truly don’t believe they work. It’s like online shopping. You’ll be looking and always find something else you’d prefer. Also, people are delusional, thinking they can do so much better than they can and putting up filters to look completely different than they actually are.
I deleted mine a couple of months ago after having a perfectly nice chat with a man, who then when I woke up had unmatched me. I just don’t have the energy for them anymore and I will not be reinstalling them. Luckily, I’m extremely thick skinned and don’t take it personally, but any one sensitive I feel so sorry for because no wonder people’s anxieties are so bad these days, with social media showing you what you should look like and people treating others like absolute crap on dating apps.
I came across a dating site last year that involved the words “Friends”, “with” and “Benefits”. Several weeks later and several hundred euros of message credits purchased, the penny finally dropped for my middle-aged brain… a complete and utter scam.
Every time you asked a woman if she fancied meeting, it was always the same response: “I want to get to know you better first.”
I still look at the site every day, because the next day there’ll be at least one message from a lady in her 20s or 30s telling me she’s fallen in love with me. Nice for the ego, but my credit card is staying in my wallet.
I met my partner on a dating app nearly three years ago. We hit it off from the start and moved in together over a year ago. We are engaged and due to be married next year!
We are a total success story and I have recommended apps to my single friends. It takes patience and to just to go and have fun.
Don’t expect the best outcome until it happens. There are people out there for everyone but you have to meet in person and give it a chance. You’ll know if it’s a good match very quickly.
I went dating online in 2022, six months after the break up of a long marriage. I expected it would take a couple of years to meet someone sane. I did my research and asked for advice from friends, and chose Bumble. I was very tempted by a dating agency and have someone else choose what was best for me. But I decided to dabble with Bumble first.
The first weekend I logged on, I was very free with who I was willing to match with, assuming that I’d be a disaster in the first few dates and it’d take a bit of practice to get into the swing of things.
I matched with three men. One never responded and another responded but then went quiet.
The third chatted away great. We met that week and over two years later we’re still together.
So I found online dating to be extremely successful and efficient! I know that’s not the norm and that I’ve been very lucky.
A few years ago, I met someone I matched with on Tinder for a date. I was very nervous. I’ll give you the highlights.
I bought her a cup of tea but my hands were shaking so much that I spilled half of it on the tray when carrying it to the table.
I promised to give her a walking tour of Dublin as she was from England and somehow got lost.
She didn’t have money for dinner but insisted on finding an ATM to pay me back so that we could be even. I had to stand there awkwardly for a few minutes as she tried to remember her pin.
At the end of the night I went to hug her to say goodbye but didn’t notice a blind person walking towards us on the street and accidentally got knocked over while leaning in.
Long story short, we got married in 2022 and are about to share our eighth Valentine’s Day together. My wife still teases me about that first date to this day.
When I was 25 years old, my girlfriend at the time and I split up after a year together. After a few months of being single, I decided it was time to get back on the horse and start dating again. So naturally, being a young, single person, I downloaded Tinder and began my search for somebody that I liked better than myself.
After a period, I matched with an older woman. She was in her forties and we hit it off via messaging. We chatted for a week or so and then decided we would meet up for food and enjoy each other’s company in person.
When I arrived at her door, I knocked and waited for her response. As the door opened, I was expecting to see the person I matched with. Instead, I saw that she was at least 70 years old. I had been catfished.
I still greeted her cordially and introduced myself. I told her that she seemed a little older than her profile stated and she informed me that she was attracted to younger men and that she lies about her age as typically young men aren’t interested in women of her age.
I informed her that I wasn’t interested in women of her age. Despite this, she asked me if I wanted to sit with her and have a cup of tea. I noticed her place was quite messy and I suggested that I would help her by cleaning her house for her. She was more than happy to accept my help.
I did hoovering, plates and dishes, and mopped the kitchen. She was extremely grateful and thanked me profusely. The following week she rang and asked that I help her by hanging some picture frames and shelves. Given I was working as a tradesman at the time, I obliged.
The week after that, she rang me again with more requests for odd jobs around the house. I did them for her but told her that I was unable to do work like this on an ongoing basis, given I was studying after work and had also met a new girl that I was seeing and had limited time available.
I felt sad that I couldn’t help her any more but I had priorities to focus on. I haven’t spoken to her since our last contact. I hope she is getting on well, and has met a young man as she desires.
I had a real love-hate relationship with online dating but for my generation, especially during Covid, it became the main option. I had some very bad dates, some good dates, and some very meh dates.
Towards the end of the pandemic, I met a guy on the app Hinge.
We hit it off so well he asked me to be his girlfriend within two weeks of meeting me and we’re now engaged and getting married in 2026.
So it can work if you are happy to take the risk. I’d do it all over again if it meant I’d find my now-fiancé!
Online dating has been very good to me in Dublin. After splitting from a fiancé when I was 34, I spent the next seven years dabbling in online dating and met lots of lovely women. Some I saw for a while but most were usually one or two dates.
Ultimately, I met my current partner of four and a half years on Bumble. It turns out we were in the same primary school at the same time and grew up very close to each other.
When I got a little older, approaching women in bars and public places was not something I felt comfortable with and online dating was a great way to keep meeting new people.
In some ways I miss the excitement of it all but it could take its toll on you if you’ve been out with five different women and each date was disappointing, so I would recommend taking breaks from it now and again and focusing on improving yourself more in the meantime.
Thank you Bumble and Tinder, you made my 30s very interesting indeed.
My marriage of 20 years broke down in 2013. I was 44. After being single for a year I was very lonely and felt like I was ready to meet new people. I joined meetup.com as I wasn’t sure if I was ready for romance yet.
After many events, I realised that it was love I was looking for and responded to an ad for another dating site.
It was awful. Guys were so forward and creepy. I got catfished, I got ghosted, the works. This was a new world to me and I constantly worried in case I was talking to weirdos (I was, most of the time!). I left after two weeks but then my friend talked me in to rejoining.
I had my location set to my hometown and one day I got multiple messages from a guy in my local chipper. This was the final straw as I now felt embarrassed to go for a takeaway. I vowed to set my location to Dublin when I got home from work and give the app two more days.
But when I got back to my desk, I had a message from a guy who lived near me. I didn’t like his profile pic but he had a lovely way with words. He wasn’t pushing to meet quickly but instead loved to talk. He told me about being a stay at home dad and how he loved being with his kids.
I loved this refreshing side to a guy and we messaged for days.
We eventually arranged to meet to go for a walk but not before we discussed how we could be respectful of my grown up kids and his ex-wife by ensuring we didn’t bump into any of them as we knew how awkward that would be for them.
I knew that if I didn’t fancy him, I would definitely love having him as a friend as he had a great sense of humour but was incredibly reserved and respectful.
I did fancy him. We had the best night and ten years later in 2024, we married (on the exact date of that walk) in Sligo where we had set up a new life after both of our divorces.
I think dating apps are very daunting places and not for the faint hearted but I know that I never would have crossed paths with my husband in any other place.
Perhaps I’m in the wrong age bracket for this, being a mature lady in my sixties – but active and healthy. Widowed some years ago, friends suggested that I try online dating. While having a very good circle of friends, I missed that special someone to have a chat with, go out to dinner, theatre or cinema and maybe, just maybe, all going well, a travelling companion.
So, I signed up to an app. Oh, my, God… It would appear in many instances that men of my age cannot take a photograph of themselves. The number of close-ups, from below, of double chins, beards, nasal hair and bathrooms was chronic. Then, on the other hand, many were economical with the truth when it came to their age and pics. How silly is that? Literacy seemed to be an issue too.
Coming across a profile which contained some coherent content and wit was a joyful rarity.
In one such case, contact was made and we had several enjoyable telephone conversations. It felt promising. However, when we eventually progressed to a video call, it was evident that his profile picture was out of date – by about 15 years. At my age, an age gap of 15 years is simply not on.
Then there was another who seemed to be on the same page – a little eccentric – but that didn’t bother me. On one occasion, instead of a bunch of flowers, he brought me a bunch of rhubarb – a little unusual, but I like rhubarb! But the mood swings I soon discovered were concerning, so that was that.
Then there were the fake profiles – the scammers. Easy enough to recognise. Too good to be true. Photos cloned, very little – or too much – information. I suspected AI assisted language in a few cases, with wording accurate but just a tad strange. I also came across a couple who made very inappropriate remarks. I’ll say no more.
So overall? Dating online was a disaster for me. An interesting experience but one which I will not repeat. One month of it was enough to last the rest of my lifetime. But I still like rhubarb!
I met my husband eight years ago on Tinder. Having been through a break up (also met on Tinder) I decided it was time to hit Tinder again. Back then there wasn’t a lot of other apps, Tinder was the only choice.
As a woman, we get A LOT of messages. It becomes stressful trying to weed through the men, the creeps, the ones clearly after something casual… and then the downright weirdos!
I try not to judge and give everyone a chance in general but on Tinder you had to be ruthless. You had to make a judgement based upon their photos firstly and then their opening line. Then you’d have a short list of potential dates and you’d have to remember who was who, it got confusing!
It paid off in the end as after only a couple of months on the app, and a handful of awful dates, I finally met the one.
Tinder has thousands of marriages under its belt now and it is what you make it, I guess.
However, if I was single now, I think I’d try to meet someone in a more natural environment as there’s so many apps to choose from now my head would explode!
I have found online dating to be a very strange and wonderful place to be. When I first started online dating, it was more as a retaliatory thing as my ex had left me for someone else, and I don’t think I was in the right frame of mind for online dating. It was a distraction from what was going on after the separation and it helped to some extent from chatting to women on the different sites.
The ghosting at the start took a while to get used to as you get paranoid about what happened – did you say something that offended?
You reread all your messages trying to figure out what you did wrong.
The love bombing by certain women was weird as well, and then nothing after the intense messages was very weird.
I had a few relationships, one of which was on-off and I hoped we might get back together but we were both having issues with our exes and we drifted apart. I had one relationship for a few months that was going well and we had a lovely weekend together and then the following Tuesday I got a text saying was I free for a chat and on the call she said she didn’t see the relationship going anywhere and ended it.
I think the secret is as soon as you get a good feel for the person then try and meet as soon as possible, as there is nothing worse than messaging for weeks on end and then when you do finally meet it’s not the same.
You have to remember that they had a life before you and have kids and exes to deal with, so it is a complicated area.
I have taken a break from dating at the moment but I’m planning to start dating when I’m not as busy and this time I’m going to be more relaxed and just date and see where it goes and not have expectations of what this might be – just take it one date at a time and also be cognisant that the other person is going through something similar to yourself and that everyone needs to be a bit more understanding on the online dating.
In 2011, I was a single parent of a young child. I wasn’t able to go out and meet people easily so I decided to join Plenty of Fish, not expecting to actually meet anyone. I got a bit of interest immediately but it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. I remember talking to one “gentleman” a day or two after I joined and for the first 10-15 minutes it was pleasant.
He asked if we could meet asap as he was feeling, um… frisky (not the words he used). When I said no, he became verbally abusive. It was a Sunday lunchtime and I had better things to be doing!
I had been on it less than a week when I started talking to a guy that didn’t immediately want to send me explicit pictures (yes, I had seen a few in the few days I had been on). We started chatting and exchanged numbers.
We met up for a coffee a couple of weeks later and the rest, as they say, is history.
We got married in 2019 and are still madly in love (well, I am anyway!).
I got really lucky and had joined without the expectation of falling for someone. I was also aware of the pitfalls of online dating and was able to brush off the abuse when saying no when conversations felt off. It paid off for me.
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