Sasha Piton

Irish-French-American Sasha Piton has travelled widely outside the US but has recently settled in Dublin. In her new series for The Journal, she shares the insights of a new arrival on a country she’s trying to call home.

THERE IS SOMETHING that happens when one moves to a new place. It’s a searching and a yearning that’s not just for “home” or for your new hair salon or your new nail place but it’s also a search for community.

The people that will show up for you when you need it most. The people who bring joy and laughter and can make any situation more human. A family-friendly lifestyle is one of the things that draws people to Ireland especially for Americans, whose ancestors hail from here. It feels like a call back to home to step foot on the soil and to make a life here, but one of the challenges is then breaking into the very family-oriented, close-knit groups.

The other day I got on the train to head into the city centre to catch the premiere of The Odyssey at the Irish Film Institute. It was quite busy and I found a seat across from a woman who was knitting on her lap. I loved watching her hands move with knowledge and to see this piece coming together, so I asked her, “What are you working on?” She responded, “It’s a sweater.” We both smiled and I said, “Oh I see that coming together! It’s nice!”

“Many hours on the Dart,” she said.

And I then clocked it: her American accent.

We talked for the entire duration of our train ride, laughed about life abroad, and we got out at the same stop. Without missing a beat, we were following each other on social media, wishing each other the best with our plans and she asked me to tell her how the movie was because she’s headed to go see it with friends in the coming week.

Sasha's chat with another American made her realise that many of the connections she's made in Ireland so far have been with other immigrants also trying to find community. Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

(The movie, by the way, is absolutely brilliant! And the Irish Film Institute is a lovely theatre that really elevated the experience of diving into Greek mythology and the people of the sea.)

Yearning for connection

That moment on the train, however, was not Greek nor Irish but uniquely American. In general, we make friends so easily and want to stay in touch and have follow up conversations after our first encounter. It’s the being in the club bathroom at 2am and using hairspray from your purse to fix a stranger’s hair, sharing a pack of gum and perfume spritzes, and taking a pic before we all head back to the dance floor in the early 2000s. As I’ve toted all over Dublin in public transport, I’ve started to notice — it’s never the Irish woman on the bus I’m mid-conversation with.

It’s always another immigrant. Someone else still circling, looking for a way in.

I have lived in many states throughout the USA and used to travel for my job and I truly can talk to people anywhere! I love that I meet kind people here who will give me directions, recommend where I can shop for clothes and where find a toaster. It’s so comforting to know that there are women that want me to love my life here! But conversations don’t really go farther than that. I find myself enjoying a night out on the town with a new friend, but then follow up plans never seem to happen. It’s the drinks that get suggested and never scheduled, the warmth that doesn’t calcify into plans.

Building a community

As I’ve continued to make friends with other immigrants to Ireland, it turns out they also experience something similar. Some have even said their first year here they were mostly friends with other immigrants and people who are starved for that community connection and therefore are more likely to solidify plans.

I’ve just hit four months, so perhaps I need to be more patient and keep circling.

I came here not really knowing anyone, but quickly met my American-living-in-Dublin pen pal and we connected right away. I met a few other Americans shortly thereafter and those friendships have blossomed, bringing me only gratitude. They ground me when I find my head in the clouds and overwhelmed at my new life.

But something we all appreciate in our different cities throughout this country is that when we are yearning for that deeper conversation and connection… we can always find it in the older generation when we go into a pub. Ireland’s pub culture—some love it, some are frustrated by the fuel of alcohol, some see it as a dying corner of connection and community, but I see it as a place where people can be themselves. It’s evolving. But the generation of men who sit in the same stool year after year will talk to a stranger and open up beyond just the surface level. That is something I admire.

I’m open to what it looks like to build community here in Dublin. I don’t know yet if the women who have been kind to me will end up being my friends in the long run. Maybe it’s slower and quieter than the city I came from. Like that sweater coming together one stitch at a time, no picture yet of what it would look like finished. Maybe community here is built the same way—not handed to me whole, but knit slowly, out of whoever happens to sit down across from me.

Sasha will be back with more insights into her adopted home next week.